Winter Moon
He whined, eyes wide as he skulked among fossilized Man-Things, his nose to the ground, searching for any sign of his lover. The place where he and Shiloh had lived originally had, seemingly overnight, become occupied by a newly formed pack and he’d had no other option than to flee or risk punishment for trespassing, although they had been there first. Spider absolutely hated being alone, he thought Shiloh knew that but it wouldn’t have bothered him if he didn’t. Shiloh of course had other things to worry about; he didn’t always have time to care for the dove grey wolf which of course meant that sometimes details that he thought were important were ignored. He paused to rub against one of the large coarse hides of the artificial beasts humans once used, hoping that if nothing else Shiloh would try to find him, and he would have left a clear trail for him to follow. He sneezed nervously and batted at his muzzle with his wrist. “Allergies” he thought, and paused to look at one of the small piles of translucent slush that had collected on the plateau. Spring was right around the corner and he could feel his heart catch with joy. Echo would be coming back soon, and no doubt the russet bird would come and find him. If nothing else, it meant that he wouldn’t be alone anymore, but he was more anticipating the bird’s attempts to bring him out of his shell.
Speech |
in your wildest dreams
Alarik had allowed himself to be carried away by his thoughts again, and so he almost didn't notice the presence of the other wolf until he was about ten yards away. As Alarik curiously padded closer, the stranger sneezed, and the young man chuckled a bit. "Bless you," he said quietly, chuckling again as he came a bit closer, taking a moment to notice the interesting markings this man had. "Are you alright?" he asked kindly. There was something about him that seemed worried or nervous or something, and Alarik was nothing if not a gentleman. He would offer help if he could.
He wheeled around to face the fire and ice furred wolf. “Y-y-y-yes I-I’m f-f-fine.” He sputtered, his tail tucking as he crouched low to make himself seem as non-threatening as possible. His heart beat rapidly as he debated crying out for Shiloh, although some part of him knew that the larger male might not answer. “W-w-who a-are y-you?” He asked closing his eyes as he forced out the words and then opening them as he waited for an answer. He knew very well that the stranger could have ripped his throat out an any opportune moment and as a wolf with no fighting experience he knew there would be very little he could do to stop it. A soft whine caught in his throat as he raised a paw to begin backing away, fully intending to run at full tilt.
In his time with Shiloh any attempts Echo and Natiel had made to socially condition him had all but vanished. Shiloh snapped without a moment’s notice and it was hardly uncommon for Spider’s attempts at affection to be met with violent outbursts and pain, yet he couldn’t stay away; before Shiloh he had thought himself incapable of finding love like his late sister and her husband had, and yet Shiloh was more than willing to caress him, and hold him, and make him feel ways he thought he was simply unable to about another person. He loved him.
Spider speaking |
in your wildest dreams
What else could he say to calm the poor soul? Alarik had never seen anything like it. Perhaps he'd seen pups with shy and timid personalities, or little trembling tails and downturned ears. But never had he seen a grown male behave in such a way. Had he been born like this, or had someone tortured and broken him? Either way Alarik knew he wouldn't be able to fix him with one conversation, but he could at least attempt to put him at ease. "Are you sure you're alright? If there's anything I can do to make you feel better, please tell me."
OOC Warning; Offensive language ahead
"Are you sure you're alright? If there's anything I can do to make you feel better, please tell me."
“I’m f-f-f-fine.” He said, shutting his eyes as he sputtered out the last word in the sentence. “He’s not coming faggot! He’s abandoned you! No one would want you!” Toad’s voice growled in his head, causing him to squeeze his already closed eyes tighter. His knees gave out as his heart clenched painfully. His brother was right, no one wanted him, Shiloh had abandoned him just like Natal, Echo, and Church. “J-j-just l-l-leave m-me a-a-alone.” He whined, begging more than demanding. “The only one that loved you was Cricket and you KILLED HER Spider! You killed her when she was pregnant!” He covered his muzzle with his paws as his brother’s voice roared in his skull. “P-p-p-please.” He moaned, his voice cracking as tears began to well up behind his two-toned eyes.
Spider speaking You Speaking |
in your wildest dreams
He begged to be left alone, and Alarik was torn. This man clearly needed help. So should he respect his wishes and leave? Or stay and find a way to help him? "I want to do what you're asking me to do, but... I'm worried that you're in danger. Are you sure there isn't anything I can do to help? Anything."
He started to tremble, his lips pulled back as he gritted his teeth. He wanted to say something to make the other male leave, but he couldn’t; nothing that he could have said came to mind, mostly because deep down he knew he didn’t want to be alone. He choked out a sob, his eyes still closed as his brother’s voice roared in his head; “You killed her! You Killed her! You killed her!” Toad chanted. “I-I’m s-s-sorry.” He whimpered although he wasn’t sure who he was speaking to, either to the stranger for getting emotional or to his brother to somehow appease him and end his tirade. “ I’m s-s-s-s-s-sorry.” He said again, quieter than before. He desperately wanted to be comforted, to be told that everything was going to be alright, but Shiloh was still nowhere to be found, and even if he wasn’t he doubted the male would give him such warm affection. “I’m sorry.” He choked through a sob, for once unable to stutter as he was ravaged by heartbreak and loss.
Speech Toad's voice |
in your wildest dreams
He wanted to know what haunted this poor man, so he could better understand how to help him. It wasn't personal, and he certainly didn't have any ulterior motives. This was Alarik. He prided himself on being a man of honor, always willing to help those in need. And this stranger was in need. "Shhhh..." he whispered again, hoping the sound would ease his anxiety, if only slightly. "I'm here to help you. It's going to be okay."
He could feel his chest heaving as he struggled to breathe normally, trying to calm himself down with the help of the stranger. His voice was calm and soothing and seemed to cut through Toad’s roaring voice. He brushed up against him and felt a wave of heat course through him down to his toes, as he slowly relaxed. He choked and swallowed hard, tears streaming down his cheeks in a seemingly endless flow that in spite of the other male’s efforts he couldn’t seem to stop. Everything from his head to his joints seemed to suddenly ache. He convulsed with sniffled as he bit back sobs and slowly lifted his face from under his paws, letting his arms rest beside his head. He still felt miserable, and the pain he felt in his heart seemed to intensify, but knowing that for a moment he wasn’t alone had made all the difference in the world to him. He opened his mouth to thank him but instead released a harsh sob. He started to breathe through his nose and managed to whimper out a soft “Thank you.”
Spider speaking Echo Speaking |
in your wildest dreams
"It's okay," he whispered again. He needed to know that everything was going to be alright. Whatever he'd gone through in the past, whatever he was afraid of in the future, those things could be forgotten. He just needed to breathe. "No need to thank me." He nudged the stranger again, this time with his nose bumping against the crown of his head. "Just take a few deep breaths, okay? Concentrate on that. Just breathe."
He listened to the male and began to count to ten as he inhaled and exhaled, filling his lungs to their full capacity and emptying them entirely. His head rested against the cool ground, while the other male’s body protected him from the chilled wind. The tears slowly stopped flowing and his body trembled less and less. For a moment he seemed so still that he could have easily been mistaken that he had fallen asleep. “T-t-t-thank you.” He stuttered quietly, his eyes still closed as he spoke. He looked up at the male, exhaustion written all over his features, he was completely worn out from the tidal wave of emotions that just moments ago had left him unable to move. He sniffled one last time and batted at his burning eyes with his wrist.
“W-who a-are y-y-y-y-you?” He asked. He supposed under different circumstances he would have been more eloquent, but as things were it was miraculous he could speak at all. His heart had gone from aching painfully to throbbing dully as he wondered what would happen if he found Shiloh and his “mate” smelled another male on him, would he go after the male or would he punish him like he had done so many times before for slight infractions? Speech Toad's voice |
in your wildest dreams
"Alarik," he said gently. The Xanilov part wasn't important right now. This man had probably never heard of the surname belonging to his family. "I'm sorry if I upset you earlier, I really didn't mean to," the boy said, still staying close to keep the man safe from the cold and biting wind.
“You d-d-d-didn’t” He said softly, his eyes sliding closed once again as his head began to throb painfully. He gave a final ‘wuff’ before standing, his head kept low and his ears pinned back. “T-t-thank y-y-y-y-y-y-y-“ He squeezed his aching eyes closed as he tried to sputter out the final syllable, but inevitably stopped speaking all together, his expression one of fixed focus. “You.” He said softly, looking away, completely ashamed that he couldn’t even perform the simple task of speaking properly. “M-m-my n-n-name’s S-S-Spider.” He said, his line of sight still fixed on the ground. He sat carefully and instantly began to berate himself for even standing in the first place “He must think I’m crazy.” He thought, for once in his own voice.
Spider’s thoughts had always been in the voices of others, mostly his brother’s although at one point more reassuring thoughts came in his sister’s voice, although those had all but vanished after her death. Instead the voices he heard was usually his dear friend Echo’s. Although they had only known each other for the Fall season the Kookaburra had made great strides to bring him out of his shell before ultimately migrating for the winter.
He cautioned a glance at the male and then quickly looked away, he was of course handsome although he may have only thought that because he had tried so hard to comfort him. He scratched his ear with his back leg in an attempt to clear the unrequited thoughts from his head. He knew his fur was mundane and patchy in the places where it wasn’t frazzled or matted, at least with the dim light of the moon the totality of his overall haggard appearance wasn’t completely visible.
Spider speaking
|
in your wildest dreams
He stammered again, really struggling with it this time. But just like before, Alarik waited patiently until at last he said his thanks. "Don't mention it," he said with a smile. "I'm happy to help."
The stranger introduced himself, saying that his name was Spider. "Huh," he chuckled, wagging his tail in a friendly way. "That's a cool name. Nice to meet you, Spider." He was still relieved to know that the man, Spider, was feeling better. He wanted to ask some questions, but was afraid of triggering more negative emotions, so he held himself back. They'd just have to find something else to talk about... hmm...
“T-thank you.” He said softly, although the complement felt hollow as if he were trying to reassure a pup that had separated from its parents. He looked at the male and then looked away quickly, a small quiver rolling up his spine to his shoulders. “W-w-what a-are y-y-you d-d-d-d-doing out h-h-here?” He asked stuttering through the words as best as he could while still avoiding eye contact. “Who are you talking to huh? The worms?” Toad chanted. He squeezed his eyes shut at his brother’s intrusion and lifted his head once he had collected himself a bit more. He realized almost immediately that he had backed himself into a corner and that Alarik would undoubtedly ask him the same question. He felt his stomach turn at that, his mind hurrying to come up with a suitable answer. He supposed there was the truth but he had no way of knowing how the male felt about sodomites. His only experience had been with his family and even Cricket, as kind as she was, found the thought of two males as mates to be one of the most heinous acts a male could commit just short of rape. He felt another chill climb his spine, grasped in fear that his sister might be looking down on him from her place in Yosep’s pack on the moon and damning him from beyond the grave.
Spider speaking Echo Speaking |
in your wildest dreams
He knew that sounded kind of depressing, but he hoped it didn't come across that way. When his family had come here, they'd had a purpose in mind. But, as it turned out, they weren't needed to fulfill that purpose anymore. So what were they to do? Surely Alarik wasn't the only Xanilov sibling suffering from this odd feeling of emptiness and restlessness. But, oh, he was being rude. He didn't want to focus the conversation solely on himself. He offered Spider a smile. "How about you? What brought you here?"
His ears pinned back as Alarik asked the inevitable question. “I-I’m l-l-looking f-f-f-for m-m-my f-f-friend.” He said softly, unable to help but flinch slightly at the word ‘friend’ although it was hard to say how noticeable it was with his stutter. “W-we g-got s-separated.” He added. He wondered again what Shiloh would do when they reunited and he had the scent of another male on him, maybe he would be angry, or maybe he wouldn’t even care at all. The thought that he wouldn’t care however hurt more than he was willing to admit. His tail thumped the ground nervously as he thought of what to say next, something to move the conversation from himself, but nothing came to mind. Several times he opened his mouth to say something but no words came out. He whined softly, his head pounding from the headache. He could barely think. All he wanted to do was rest…With Shiloh. Spider speaking |
in your wildest dreams
As he said this, he smiled and waved his tail gently from side to side. Alarik had no bad intentions when it came to this man. Alarik had no bad intentions, period. Ever since he was a pup he had endeavored to be a gallant knight, helping others and doing only the most noble of deeds. He just wanted to help this man. He was clearly distressed over the absence of his friend.
“NO.” He said adamantly, his eyes wide with terror just from the thought of Shiloh finding him with the other male. “He’ll kill you, rip you apart and leave nothing left” He thought in his own hushed voice. “N-no.” he reaffirmed “It w-w-wouldn’t b-b-be w-w-w-wise.” He muttered, his eyes once again on the ground. He realized in an instant what kind of a question an answer like that would lead to and his head snapped up to look at him, bi-colored eyes once again wide with fright. “H-h-he’s…He-“ Spider opened and closed his mouth vying for purchase on a lie before Alarik started asking questions. “H-he d-d-d-doesn’t l-l-l-like p-p-p-people v-v-v-very m-m-m-much.” He sputtered. A half truth was better than a lie he supposed.
“I s-s-should b-b-be g-g-going.” He said, his line of sight once again drifting toward the ground. He glanced up at the male again, his ears pulled back as far as they could go. “T-thank y-y-you f-f-for h-help-p-ping m-m-me” He said and rose to leave the fossilized man things and the other male behind before he could ask a single question regarding Shiloh.
Exit Spider unless stopped
Spider speaking Echo Speaking Toad's voice |