Sleepless Nights
Castiel settled down next to his mate, careful not to disturb Ronen or Etain. They were both getting bigger… and he’d needed to expand their den to fit all of them comfortably. But he was sure, had Viho been here, it still wouldn’t be enough. Their firstborn was the biggest of them all…
Setting the rabbit down for Kalli the man let out a low sigh, ears flicked back against his head. He tried to close his golden eyes, but he knew sleep wouldn’t come. It rarely came these days… and when it did it was in small spurts…
Kalliope's eyes were closed when Castiel came into the den, but she was far from asleep. She went through cycles of worry and self deprecation throughout the day as she thought about her children and how Viho had disappeared without her even noticing. She had been concerned about so many things when she realized she was pregnant, but somehow not being able to find her children had never been one of them. Her blindness had caused plenty of problems over the years, but this was probably the worst of them all. She tried to comfort herself with the fact that Castiel could see just fine and he still couldn't find their son either. It was still a thought that gnawed at her and kept her up at night either way. She leaned into Castiel's side as he settled down beside her, shifting her head to rest it on one of his forelegs. It didn't matter if she opened her eyes or not. She'd see the same darkness either way. She smelled the rabbit that he had brought her, but eating was the last thing the felt like doing in this moment. "I hope we find him soon," she whispered softly with a sigh. She felt helpless and useless in this hunt. She could try to track his scent, but once it all but disappeared throughout the territory her contribution ended. Kalli's dream of what it would be like to be a mother had never fully come to light and none of this really helped. Although, the only woman in her life she could compare to was Etain and she had been light years above and beyond what any mother could ever be. At least in her opinion. |
“We’ll find him.” Castiel spoke in a sure tone, though he felt so tired… so worried about what had happened. He leaned over to his mate and licked her between the ears, his heart aching some. “None of the others are giving up. We can’t either. We’ll keep looking until we do.” He frowned a little. “Come now love, what would Viho think if he saw us moping like this? Our boy would be worried over the two of us… I know he’s out there.. And he’s strong. He’ll come home, one way or another.” He didn’t tell her his suspicions that the boy had been kidnapped. But even then it’d take a monster sized wolf to keep his son prisoner.. Unless they were playing dirty.
“Have you checked on how Ron and Etain are feeling?” The male asked gently, trying to distract his mate.
She knew her mate was trying to comfort her and in a way it was working, but she was fairly certain that she was beyond comforting at this point. The worry and self-loathing were eating her alive. The internal struggle over how she could be blind and still useful and independent was something she had struggled with her whole life. For a long time she had convinced herself that she could be just as independent as anyone else... especially after surviving on her own for quite a few years. This experience with Viho had shaken her confidence to the core. She pressed herself into Castiel and bit back frustrated tears. She gave a little shake of her head to his question. "I... don't know what to say to them," she replied with a quiet hesitation. "I feel like I should comfort them or tell them it's all going to be okay, but it feels like a lie when I do." She leaned her head into his chest, feeling her eyes burn with tears. "I feel like I'm not cut out for this, Castiel. I've never had anyone depending on me like this. I don't know what to do." It was hard to keep her voice down to a hushed whisper, but she didn't want her children to hear. She wanted to be strong for them and supportive, but how could she be? How could she support them when she could barely support herself? Kalli felt like she was just dragging Castiel down and putting all of this work on him. She couldn't see how this could be a partnership when he was doing the bulk of the work. |
"You're the reason I've had all this courage, this sure feeling about our family... You say you've never had anyone depending on you like this... But do you even know how you hold me up? Together we've got to do the same for Ron and Etain... I can't do this without you, Kalliope." He gave the top of her head a lick. "Everything is so dark... What would I do if my sunshine was taken away? I'm sure you feel bad because you can't search for Viho like the others... But Gods Kalli you have a purpose. You are the light through this darkness, the wind beneath my wings... You are strong! You are needed! So please..." Castiel gave a soft whine. "Don't be sad." He meant those words, every last one.