I'm still breathing
04-15-2018, 03:19 PM
If her sister was around at this moment she probably would have been chasing Elias off and questioning Zuriel's sanity. At least that's what Zuriel would be doing if the roles were reversed. Once she got Kane settled into the den and got Daelos started on his treatments, she quickly bundled up some horsetail, a small bit of meadowsweet, some dandelion root, and a touch of boneset. She didn't get a good look at Elias' wounds, but she just wanted to be sure she had everything she needed. She wrapped them all in a larger leaf and left again. She stopped briefly to tear off a chunk of meat from the deer she had hunted a couple of days prior, picking it up while carefully tucking her herbs between it and the roof of her mouth. She hurried back to the borders where she had left him, hoping that he had followed her instructions and had stayed put. Luckily it seemed like he had and she didn't feel quite so frantic now that he was back within view. He seemed so fleeting... like a dream that she woke up from too soon and couldn't quite remember. She sat the meat at his feet and picked up the herbs from on top of it so that she could start unwrapping them and sorting them back out. "I know it's not much, but go ahead and eat. Hopefully you'll feel a little better till you can hunt something for yourself." They had plenty to talk about, but she was going to get business taken care of first. She was a healer through and through and it was hard for her to focus on anything else when there was a patient to care for. She set the boneset and meadowsweet aside for now and waited for him to finish eating before she did anything with those. In the meantime she started chewing the dandelion root into a paste, placing it back on the leaf she had carried them here in when she was done. "I'm fine. To answer your question from before," she said a bit absentmindedly while she worked. "Daelos is taking care of Kane in case you were wondering. She's going to be a better healer than myself before its all said and done." At least he couldn't say she didn't do her job training their daughter. Daelos certainly wasn't a strong fighter, but neither was she and she didn't really expect her to be. She didn't expect anything out of her children except for them to do what made them happy and to do their best at that. "Lay down. Let me see your leg." Zuriel realized she was being a bit bossy, but after the state that they showed up in and the jumble of emotions that she was currently fighting off it was a relief to be in her element. Healing was the one thing she was confident in. She used her forepaw to carefully part the fur around the bite wounds on his leg, examining them for a moment before she turned to pick up the dandelion paste she and made. "This will help with the inflammation," she said quietly in case he cared what she was doing to him. She to a second to carefully lick around the wounds, clearing away any dirt and old, dried blood that was stuck there. Once that was done she started gently pressing the paste into the wounds, knowing it would probably sting a bit. She picked up the boneset and meadowsweet next and sat them at his forepaws. "Here, eat these. They'll help with pain and fatigue." Just as a last precaution she chewed up a bit of horsetail and smoothed it over top his wounds, sealing the edges of his skin together and keeping any other dirt from getting to the exposed flesh. With her task completed she took a step back and examined her work for a moment with a sigh. "There you go. I don't think you'll need another herb change before they heal. They weren't terribly deep. But if you have any problems just let me know." Zuriel settled down on her haunches a foot or so from Elias and finally let her gaze drift up to his. She wished she had a way to put what she was feeling into words, but she couldn't. There was some concern there as well as happiness and just a touch of frustration. There was something else, but she couldn't figure out what it was. "What are you going to do now?" she asked since she didn't know what else to say. |
04-17-2018, 01:32 AM
As the fiend stood at the edge of Lirim's borders alone, his anxiety slowly began to creep up his throat and down his spine. His hackles prickled slowly in the quiet air as he kept his ears attentive to his surroundings. He did not fear an encounter with Faite, but some part of him wished things had been different. Zuriel seemed to understand him, seemed to still want to help him. He hoped that maybe she even trusted him, or at least... trusted his intentions. An outward sigh left his square muzzle as his red eyes peered to the skies. That was a far-fetched desire, wasn't it? For someone to trust him? He was only just beginning to trust himself.
He decided not to think about it anymore, trying his best to stay in a positive mindset- at least, while dealing with Zuriel. She was taking a long time and he suspected she was doing her best to gather every necessary herb. He rested his weight back on to his haunches and looked down to inspect his wound, only just then realizing perhaps it was worse than he'd thought. The pain was a dull ache, but all of the dried blood around the edges of his broken skin had been barely able to scab with all of his movements during their travel. He'd probably lost quite a bit of blood, so that.. mixed with hunger.. it explained why he was feeling as weak as he was now that he was allowing himself to rest.
Adrenaline was a funny thing, and it seemed that when he was in the presence of Kane his adrenaline had never let up. He was in protective overdrive when he was around his estranged son, even if Kane didn't understand it. If healing patients was Zuriel's element, there was something about being responsible for - or even having control of - others that kept Elias in his. Now that he was alone, his fatigue was catching up to him. His ears drooped as he relaxed his usually tensed muscles, and his hackles slowly smoothed back out just in time for Zuriel to make her appearance.
Something about the way she walked toward him, fully prepared with her herbs and medicines and with a mouthful of bloody deer meat, made him remember just... everything about her. She was so strong, despite her frail bone structure- so diligent in her work and so absolutely driven to go above and beyond with everything she did. At least, that was his idea of her. The way she managed to keep an open mind and still be a big part of her family, still be a wonderful mother and healer, after everything she had been through... it inspired him.
He watched as she laid the deer meat down in front of him and told him to eat, and as she did he couldn't help but wonder... why? Why was she focused on him in this moment? Why didn't she take Kane back into Lirim and leave Elias to take care of himself, as he had suspected? He was ready to disappear and hunt on his own, ready to even bring back food for them, which he still planned on doing, because honestly.. he didn't deserve this, and he definitely didn't suspect it.
'Lay down,' she demanded, and his ears flicked in her direction. Her commanding tone compelled him to listen without him even thinking, his scarred torso lowering while his forelimbs outstretched before him like it was instinct. It wasn't until afterward that he began to inspect her truly, quietly wondering what all she'd endured since she first met him and how she was managing her time without him, as.. it was undoubtedly better than her time with him, right?
His eyes drifted from her face to her necklace, something he often focused on when he felt too undeserving to look into her eyes. It was beautiful, and though not as beautiful as she seemed to be in his memory when he thought of her- it was captivating to him whenever they were around. He watched it until she moved and began inspecting his wound, and while she worked he took the opportunity to do as she asked and begin devouring the meal she had brought him. He was a creature with a high metabolism, one that had aided his lean muscle tone and mighty need for hunting his entire life. As his tongue grazed across the bloody flesh she'd delivered in front of him, he was immediately appreciative and ate the whole thing in one attempt. He tried not to jerk too much, but it was inevitable as he tried to situate the flesh inside of his jaws and line it up with the back of his throat. Finally, he swallowed hard and from then on, he was still... like any good patient would be. He ate the herbs she offered him and then watched her lick away at the wound, and something about it soothed him.. his breathing slowing as his eyes nearly shut. Damn, he was more tired than he thought.
His eyes widened again as she moved and finished up her work. As she stood back to admire it, he remained resting there, admiring her. There was an undeniable sense of guilt that overcame him when he realized what he was doing, when he realized how drawn to her he was finding himself. His first and only love.. well, she'd met her demise because of him.. and Zuriel had already endured a nightmare due to his actions, what else would he allow himself to do to her if he chose to give into this magnetic pull she had on him? He tried to focus on something else, something other than how deeply he longed to be around her. The whole thing was something not even his thoughts could put into words, and it was hard to push back feeling. It wasn't like pushing back doubts, concerns, or thoughts. Emotions flowed through his entire being, much like anger and much like what compelled him to commit the evils of his past in the first place. This emotion was from a different place, but nearly just as impossible to ignore.
He focused on her question, lifting himself up off of the ground while he thought it over. He wanted to test the herbs, to see how much he could continue to move his ankle without feeling their presence. His ankle had been warm when she was tending to it, but now it was growing colder. He didn't mind it, and it certainly felt a lot better than it had previously. He looked back up to her now but wasn't any more prepared to answer her question than he had been when she voiced it. His shoulders rolled back just slightly as he shook his head,
Disclaimer: Elias suffers from schizophrenia and occasionally has violent outbursts.
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04-17-2018, 06:53 PM
In the moments of silence that hung in the air around them she was able to really look at him. There was so much on the surface that some times it was hard for her to see through to who he was under it all. Once she peeled back the layers of old emotions that lingered in her mind about him and saw past the scars and wounds... it was possible for her to believe that he had been a lot better lately when he finally spoke to answer her question. Her eyes lingered on his face even when his eyes didn't quite meet hers. Physically Elias dwarfed her, but some part of her still felt so protective over him. There wasn't much she could do to keep attackers at bay, but maybe there could be a way for her to help him emotionally and mentally. Despite how their history together had begun she was still somehow able to see the good in his eyes. His question made her expression grow thoughtful. She immediately knew what he was referring to. It was something that had been lingering in her mind for so long now as a constant, on going project. "I haven't forgotten my promise," she said after a moment of hesitation. She felt determined, but at the same time she wondered if it was a task that she had the skills to complete. "I'm going to find a way to help you." She paused again, her brows pulling together as she figured out how to say what she wanted to say. "Since the last time I saw you I've been studying and gathering every herb I can get my paws on. I'm pretty confident that I have some options to try and I've heard of a couple that I've yet to be able to find myself that could be options... In her musing her gaze had drifted away from his, but as her words drifted off she pulled her eyes back from the ground to have them meet his again. "The only thing I can do is try. We can start with the ones that I'm more sure of and if they don't work then we'll try others. I just-" She cut off as a realization hit her and for a moment she was too stunned at her own thoughts to continue. When she thought of love she thought of her parents who had been so dedicated to each other that even when they were separated by miles and time they were still able to rekindle whatever it was that drew them together in the first place. She thought of the sweet, lovey, sickeningly adorable dreams of what a couple should be. She was beginning to realize that wasn't what reality was. "I just don't want you to disappear again," she said softly, finally finishing her sentence. She had to believe that fate had brought them together for a reason. Now that she thought back on it she truly had gained so much from when he attacked her. Her children were the most unexpected, but greatest gift she had ever received. She had been able to finally break away from Celestial and make her own life here in Lirim. She felt more confident and skilled than she ever had. She hadn't been able to help him then... but she could now. |
04-19-2018, 06:49 AM
He was nearly restless as he stood before her and listened to her words, and even mention the promise she had made to him. It wasn't one that he had held up to her, but the mention of it made his facial features relax and his chin lift a bit in awe as he continued to listen to her. She went on to explain how she'd been carefully studying herbs throughout their time apart, and he couldn't help but wonder if that was partially due to the will to branch out to cover more symptoms than just those that affected the body. Was it for him? Or.. no, it was probably just her studying more of her practice in general.
She seemed to lack confidence in the ability for them to find something that worked, but Elias knew that if anyone could find a natural gift on this plane that could help him listen to the demons that cursed him less, it was Zuriel. He shifted his weight on his paws, moving it off of the one she'd just applied her medicines to just to ensure he didn't carelessly ruin her work on it.
Then she told him she didn't want him to leave again, and the look in her eyes as she watched him made his skin come alive as he drew in a breath. His fur along his spine prickled as he fought the compelling desire to draw closer to her, though he did dare to take a single step closer. Without realizing it, he had been continuing to hold his breath as he thought and it left him in an inaudible sigh. He couldn't stay, he knew that. No matter how much he wanted to answer her with a promise that he would.
He didn't want to deter her from trying, however... or push her away, even if it was to protect her. He couldn't. The words of his brother rang in his ears, he should be lucky that she wants to help him. And.. yes, he felt the same pull of fate whenever he was near her. His eyes lowered almost in immediate regret of his words, he didn't want to scare her.. not really. She didn't deserve it.. but.. she had to be aware of who he was, didn't she?
Disclaimer: Elias suffers from schizophrenia and occasionally has violent outbursts.
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04-19-2018, 02:24 PM
All of her optimistic hope that her admission that she wanted him to stay would make him agree and make everything work out magically was unrealistic. She knew that. His doubts were completely justified, even if she was still mildly saddened by the fact that he had them. Her eyes remained on his even as a harder look took over his features and he made a quick lunge toward her. Zuriel felt a confident calm settle over her in a way that was completely unfamiliar to her before now. Her gaze didn't waver and she didn't attempt to duck away from him. "I know, she said quietly to his question even if it was mostly rhetorical. He was dangerous and she knew that all too well. Everything logical told her to send him away, go back to her children, protect them with all she had, and hide behind the wall that was this pack. If she did that though she would never forgive herself. For once she was doing what she wanted to do and not what was expected. Her expression softened when his gaze dropped from hers and he continued to speak. Hearing that he hadn't hurt anyone else since the night he apologized to her made her happy. Something she hadn't thought about before was the possibility that she wasn't the first or only woman that he had attacked... but that was a possibility she didn't want to consider in this moment. That was a conversation for another day and time. She could only hope that if there were more incidents that those women were doing well and if there were any more children out there... she wanted to meet them some day and make sure they were healthy and well. It was a strange relief when he said that he wouldn't be able to go far from her, but she knew he was right. It was possible that her family would never forgive him even if she had. Faite might come around given time and a chance to be reintroduced to him, but Zuriel highly doubted Regulus ever could. Of course she had even more family and siblings besides those two, but her litter mates were always the two that she was closest with. It was a good thing that Regulus wasn't here right now. Otherwise they wouldn't be able to have this conversation. For a moment she was quiet, her gaze drifting away from him while she thought about the options and possibilities they may have. There were really only two options she could think of. Either they stay and she tries to make it work, or they leave. "I'll go with you," She said after a moment of thought, bringing her gaze back to him again. "You're right, they probably won't forgive you.. at least not right away. If they could just see what I see..." She sighed softly, her ears flicking back. It seemed like an insurmountable obstacle in a way, but she had to keep thinking positively and hopefully if she was going to make this work for the both of them. "They'll still be my family and they'll still love me no matter if I leave or stay. I learned that after I left my brother's pack. I want to be with you." Was she saying too much? She didn't want to strain him in any way, but she had to say what was on her mind. Feeling incredibly daring, Zuriel took a step toward him, shortening the already small distance between them. She had to tip her head up a tad to keep her eyes on his face, but she did it. She wanted to reach up and touch him so bad it hurt. Now that her feelings for him had come to the surface of her mind she was impatient to act on them. "Can I?" she asked, her voice a whisper. If it was too much she didn't want to push him... but how would she know if all of this in her head was real if she didn't try? |
04-21-2018, 06:43 AM
(This post was last modified: 04-21-2018, 06:49 AM by Elias.)
Her failure to give him any sort of reaction to his invasion of her personal space was perhaps what drove him absolutely mad for her in this moment. He had expected her to stress, to realize the mistake she was making- but she stared at him with an unfaltering look on her face that told him nothing more than determination. Did.. she... trust him? As she was quiet, watching him... there was a fire growing within him and burning toward her through his infrared stare as he waited for her words with growing desperation every second he went without them.
When she looked away, he felt his heart sink within his chest and his muscles tensed as he anticipated her inevitable realization that this was impossible, that they had no other choice but to forfeit any attachments they had for one another. Did he misread her, did she not trust him? Did he have no effect on her? Is that why she didn't move, didn't fear him... why had she asked him not to leave if not for the same feeling that he was experiencing? That demon dwelling behind his eyes was beginning to gnaw on the edges of his psyche, growling in his mind as it seemed to finally share a hunger for the same thing as Elias' true heart. A hunger for her.
'I'll go with you,' and just when he thought he couldn't take it anymore the silence migrated from the air around him and instead infected the room behind his skull- her words immediately hushing the usually insatiable demon that dwelled there. His eyes widened slightly and stilled, locking on to her as if questioning whether or not he'd heard her correctly. She went on to explain her words, explain why she'd come to this decision and he swore he could feel his soul transcend and meld with her own.
'If they could just see what I see...' What did she see? He couldn't help but wonder, but he dared not question it. Whatever she saw in him, it kept her here.. looking at him and promising him her company. She actually wanted to come with him, after everything. She wanted to leave Lirim, he wasn't forcing her.. he wasn't controlling her. He even advised her to reconsider who he was, and yet.. this was her decision. Hers.
She dangled everything that he wanted right there in front of him, offering it to him and all guilt that he had gone through over the past two years wasn't enough for him to resist the desire that moved him to take it. He longed to close the space between them, and just as that craving began to become unbearable- she stepped closer to him and looked up to him. She was so close that her intoxicating fragrance, her beautiful and captivating image, and the feeling of her warm breath against his fur and flesh caused him to lose communication with the rest of reality and fall into an abyss where it was only them.
'Can I?' She questioned him and he sucked in a breath, her words hitting him in warm waves of emotion that knocked the wind out of his lungs. His lips parted as his jaw began to hang partially open, he wanted to speak but the feelings that were overwhelming him weren't ones he was able to adequately express with the use of words. So, he didn't.
He had been holding his head high, keeping himself just out of reach of her. He had been so scared to touch her and risk hurting her again in the past that it was instinctual for him to keep away from her, yet.. that fear was slowly fleeting. His eyes finally relaxed some as the tension in his muscles began to smooth out, his heart loudly beating within his chest that he could hear it in his own ears and feel the pressure in his veins from its insistence on not slowing down until he gave in to what it wanted. His forelimbs moved first, making more space between them as he stretched out the thick of his neck. His massive skull lowered to be level with her own, the right side of his snout brushing his own cheek against hers. The touch was light at first, delicate as he tested her resistance before he continued.
He stopped holding his breath, warm air brushing against her cheek to be followed by his own as he moved his face further down her skull, pressing more firmly against her. His nose saught out the base of her ear, his teeth grazing against it for just a moment before he finally stepped in close to her, bringing his chest up against her own and her neck. He moved slightly so that he could embrace her, so he could rest his heavy neck over her nape and come around to the back of her other ear and administer the same loving teething. His body curled toward her own, haunches lowering to ground himself against the terrain while he lifted his right forelimb, hooking it across her left shoulder and chest to keep her near. He just wanted to hold her, but his doubts still plagued him too much to allow him to completely enjoy this moment without them.
Disclaimer: Elias suffers from schizophrenia and occasionally has violent outbursts.
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04-21-2018, 10:37 PM
It felt like the air had gone still and they were standing in suspended animation while she waited for an answer and saw him struggle to find the words. For a moment she thought that this had been a mistake and she had moved too far too fast, but then she saw him shift and watched as he brought his face down closer to hers. The brush against her cheek was so gentle but that simple touch made everything feel like it was sent back into motion. The breath that she didn't realize she had been holding finally passed her lips in a silent sigh and the slight tension in her shoulders melted away. It wasn't even an anxiety or fear around him touching her. It was only a nervousness that how she thought she felt was all made up in her mind. She felt herself leaning into that touch like she had little control over her own actions. Her body moved for her as a warm wave of feeling and emotion washed over her. His teeth grazed her ear and her eyes closed for a moment while that warmth threatened to knock her paws out from under her. It suddenly occurred to her as she felt his neck curve around her own and felt his forelimb settle across her shoulders that she had never felt any kind of affection like this. Elias had been the only wolf she had been with and with how their first time together had gone... Perhaps that was why even the smallest brush of his muzzle affected her like this. Would she ever get used to it? Or would she always melt into him like ice in the summer sun? As he pulled her against his chest she easily gave into the motion. She pressed her face into the thicker fur around his neck and settled on her haunches so that she was sitting against his chest, wrapped up in his neck and foreleg like a blanket across her shoulders. She felt so small against him and she tucked into him so easily and so perfectly. She left her eyes closed and for a moment she just savored the sound of his heartbeat against her ears and the gentle weight of him around her. She began to wonder how she could feel so safe and secure against someone who thought of himself as so incredibly dangerous for her. His voice made her ear twitch as she instinctively turned it to listen to his whispered words. Her response came easy and without hesitation. "I promise," she replied, a small smile pulling at her lips as she nuzzled deeper into his fur. She didn't take those words lightly and she knew they carried a heavy weight. She didn't know what to expect out of the future, but she was willing to take the risk and work with the uncertainty in order to be with him. It did make her wonder how she could possibly agree to all of this so easily and so quickly given their history and everything that was at stake... but when she thought about the alternative her heart ached and every fiber of her body screamed for her to stay. Her mind liked to work in a logical, methodical way of cause and effect. A certain ailment could always be treated in one or two certain ways. Nothing about this was logical. She didn't quite know how to process it yet, but she was happy. Zuriel finally opened her eyes a touch and she wanted to lean back so she could see the expression on his face, but she also didn't want to leave this embrace he had her in. In the back of her mind she knew there were things she would have to do before she left Lirim, but it was so hard for her to break this little bubble they had created for themselves. "I'll have to talk to our children about all of this, won't I?" she said softly after a few moments. She had been thinking of them as her children for so long in an effort to keep herself from thinking about Elias too much, but now he would be in all of their lives... assuming they wanted to leave as well. They were adults now, she couldn't force them to follow her decisions. She hoped they would understand and agree... The thought of not being with them after not being with her sons for so long saddened her. "Oh and Frost too... since Faite isn't leading the pack any more." |
04-22-2018, 05:20 AM
As she promised him, he was beyond surprised at how easily he trusted her words. He could feel it from her, so he knew that it was true. If after all that he'd done to her, she still somehow managed to want to leave her sister's pack in favor of coming with him.. he didn't doubt her intentions on staying. This had to be something she'd been thinking about for awhile, and somehow that made all of his time spent in solitude trying to work out resisting against his own demons worth it.
As she stirred, he lowered his forelimb and moved back from her- ending their little embrace but he could still feel the warmth of her against his chest in the cool autumn air. He looked down at her and listened to her words, offering her a stern nod in response to the mentioning of their children.
One of his ears flicked as he thought about telling her his plans now, but then she mentioned Frost and informed him of Faite no longer leading the pack. He felt a bit of concern for Zuriel's sister, but the way Zuriel spoke.. he was sure that if something had happened to her, she would have mentioned it or seemed a bit more distressed.
Disclaimer: Elias suffers from schizophrenia and occasionally has violent outbursts.
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04-23-2018, 10:06 PM
She was surprised by how relieved she felt when he offered to stay with her to speak to their children and with Frost. It wasn't that she was afraid that they wouldn't be able to leave or that she wouldn't be able to tell all of this to the kids on her own, but it was comforting to know that he wanted to look out for her and stay with her. She was a little nervous about him going into Lirim for more than a brief moment, but she knew that as long as she was there to vouch for him there wasn't anyone mean spirited enough within the pack to really try to harm him. He could fend for himself obviously, but she couldn't bear the thought of him getting into fights for her sake. "Faite is fine," she replied to his question when he asked about her sister. "She actually gave the pack to her son with Frost as the secondary, but both of them have been a bit absent lately so it seems like Frost has been doing most of the work." It was probably more information than was really necessary, but that was part of being together, right? Sharing things and being open? "I can't imagine that Frost will deny my request to leave, but I'd love for you to stay either way... I'm not quite ready to let you go yet." She smiled a little and motioned with her head toward the pack lands behind her. "Come on then," she said before she turned to lead the way to her den. |