Awaken walked into tortuga territtory after going missing for almost a week. He looked sickly. All the muscle he'd worked so hrd to gain was gone. He'd been workinb so hard to take care of ithurial and had been stressing for so long. No one knew what had happened to him. But what really did happen? He'd been off hunting. He worked so hard to catch something, all in vain. He'd forgoten to take care of himself.

His ribs showed, his usual black sheen was dull and his fur stuck out in many diffrent ways. He had no muscle anymore, he'd worked off any fat he'd gained. He looked like he was on death's door. He growled under his breath. All he could thik about. Was eos. How much he wanted to rip her appart. How much he wanted to take their home back for gargoyle again. But for now he'd just have to deal.

All was settling into place rather nicely. Nicer than one would've expected. Gargoyle had lost his home to a challenger - blow which might've crumpled any alpha. But not him. He didn't have the freedom to pine away, nursing a wounded ego or dramatically deem himself unworthy. He had pups to look out for, and a loyal band of followers to guide. Despite injuries, he'd found them all a new home. It different - of course it was - but he could see the wolves begining to adjust. Some slowly, some rapidly. He was one of the quicker ones himself. He'd traveled around enough to appreciate the pros and cons of each land. One of the pros here, he'd already noticed, was Crusade. He'd expected her to be the most pained at the move, but he'd never seen the old wolf in better condition. The climate here was perfect her for, and just the other day she'd discovered a pool of ground and rain water that was heated by some underground vent - it was perfect for healing any wounded wolf, and she said it did her old joints a world of good. It was the smiles on his family's faces, and the content he read in their gazes, that made Gargoyle assure himself he had not failed them.

But there were still some faces missing. Eren and Seraphiel, he'd been told, had remained behind. And many other wolves had just disappeared to the four winds. And where was Awaken? He had been there to help heal Gargoyle, he'd been to the meeting called by the usurper, and he'd helped Ithruial just about the power change. But where was he now? It was times like these that Gargoyle most needed his braves to remain at their stations. Unfortunately he'd had no time search the male out, he'd been busy exploring the new territory for dangers, mapping out good hunting grounds, and marking the borders.

It was while carrying out these duties that he first caught scent of the missing male. Gargoyle's ears, tattered and whole, both perked forward. He set a tawny paw to the edge of the stone he'd been standing on, and raised his head into the wind to test the scent further. A second later, he was barreling away at break neck pace down the sheer, uneven slopes of the mountain. From the way the Timber cross leapt and landed, zigged and zagged, braced and bolted, one would never have guessed at the condition he'd been in barely two weeks ago. The only traces of the battle were the puckered patches of skin, showing grey-pink against the fur on his neck, throat and left leg. Those too would soon enough, aiding by the shedding of spring. The male might have been on the far side of five, but he was still beyond the prowess of most canines.

He pulled up short, bursting through a line of stunted pines and appearing beside the returning male. "Awaken!" It was a quick, rolling snap, something like a bark. With Gargoyle's lack of tone it could've denoted anger as just as easily as happiness, but it was the latter that he felt. His ears perked forward as he looked the male over with lifeless yellow eyes. He took it all in and said at last. "You look terrible, rookie. What have you done to yourself?" But a second later he let a low, thundering sound from his throat - the male's version of a chuckle- and stepped forward to conch heads with his packmate. It was an odd gesture to be sure, and one that the male might pull back from, but it was old warrior's greeting that Gargoyle had learned long ago. It was also a gesture he hadn't made to another wolf since his days in the dark wars, a sign of respect and comradery that came naturally in this moment of reunion. What spoke more of male friendship than a "gentle" bash to the skull?

Awaken gave a light yip of exitement when his old alpha came into view. He had missed his old friend in his time in the hunting grounds. He looked to have healed fairly well, even though Awaken was unable to catch an elk by himself. He wagged his tail behind him as his alpha drew near. Barreling down the mountain, he was. Looking just as he always had. Big, intimidating and fluffy. But awaken never found him intimidating. No, Garoyle had become more like a friend to him. No, a best friend to him.?

Awaken was never the type for friends. Most wolves either wanted nothing to do with him, or despised him for his strange tendancies. But, Gargoyle never did either. He gave him a home and helped him on his quest to remember the past and prepare for the incoming future.?

The bark of his name made him crack a smile. He'd gotten rather skiled at reading Gargoyle's emotions. He determined that the loud, rolling bark was a happy bark. Or at least, he hoped so. But the gentle bash to the skull sealed the deal. He was happy. He pushed back into the nock to the head, returning the favor. "hey. I missed you man." ?He smiled, pulling back and sitting back on his haunches. "i was out trying to catch an elk for e eryone, but my luck wasn't neccisarily that good. Couldn't find the herd and when i did they all were too strong to go down. No fawns yet and no sick or wounded. ?

Then then confusion hit him. The scent of their family was everywere, yet their pack had been taken over by that Eos bitch. But still, the place smelt like his packmates. What on earth is going on? Then it hit him. Gargoyle must have taken over another pack. He gave a minute chuckle. "so am i forgiven for going out for so long or am i forbidden from the pack. he joked.?

Gargoyle?s greeting was returned with equal vigor. And despite the blow to the head, Awaken was quickly spouting off an explanation. The Timber cross shook his head. ?Idiot? he thought with unconscious fondness. But then, it was exactly like something that one of his giant family members would do. It was Awaken?s fearlessness that endeared him to Gargoyle ? from the first time they?d met and Gargoyle had invited him to go hunt for boar. Whatever mess was in the male?s past, he?d proved himself plenty of times and Gargoyle was happy to have him back. But enough with the sappy thoughts. Gargoyle had only ever formed friendships with a few males, Rogue and Awaken being the only living ones at the time, and when it came to them, he showed a bit of the joking side that was underneath the deadpan Alpha. He could be more relaxed and more blunt. He could spend hours with them and say only what seemed fit. And of course every so often he might crack off a stinging insult just to show he still cared.

In all the pressure and chaos that had happened in the past few weeks, there was now a glimmer of relief that only the ugly mug of a friend could give. In answer to Awaken's last question, Gargoyle flicked his tattered ear dismissively. He snorted "Get your rump in here." He turned away, twitching his stub tail. In a larger wolf it would've been a wag of the brush to gesture for the other wolf to follow. But, eh, Gargoyle didn't really need that, no doubt Awaken would come charging along anyway. The Chief kept his pace at a walk though, treading over the dark, almost black volcanic soil and the mirad of plants that were already flourishing in it here in the lower reaches of the mountain. Gargoyle had much to inform Awaken of - and began at once. "I came here looking for Desdemonda. The Tortugan queen had been a peaceful one, believe it or not, and once, during a run in at the Bay," he shrugged "I think she saved my life. Anyway, it was possible she would've sheltered our pack while we regrouped, but when I came, low and behold, she was gone. Tortuga had disbanded or, perhaps, moved." He didn't know which, and frankly, at the moment he had more pressing concerns than to find out, namely, finding a haven for his homeless followers. "I laid claim before any rogues could and so far everyone who has come south seems to be adjusting." Awaken would see that for himself when they got further in, but for now it was just the two males speaking. Gargoyle had more on his mind that he wished to say, but his words ended and silence began, inviting the green-eyed male to speak his opinions.

Awaken gave a smrik as Gargoyl motioned for him to follow. He forced his thin frame off the ground and trotted along beside Gargoyle. His ears perked forward and alert. But he felt, strangely, at home. He thought he'd feel as if he were in a forgien area. Maybe it was because he was with his friend. It was most likely.?

He took the 'get your rump in here' as an accsepted offer for a spot in the new pack. He was exausted, hadn't slept for over a week, and felt as if he needed a 24 hour nap. "This place is beautiful gargoyle." He spoke in genuine fascenation. He never came down very far from glaciem and he enjoyed thks place. The black soil tickled his toes and the air was fresh. Wait... I remeber this place. Before i joined glaciem i took out an elk here. And some crazy white female attacked me and chased me away. She was really strange. I wasn't in the boarder i was just on the outskirts. He shuddered at the memory. He'd never learned the girls name. Nor did he stick around to learn it.

Then more pressing matters came to mind. His mind clouded with thoughts of a woman of intrest... Mercianne. Just the thought of her made his cheeks heat up. "Hey Garoyle... May I ask how you asked Ocena to become your mate? He lowered his head in embarassment of the question. But every since she walked into the cave smelling the way she had he couldn't keep his mind off her.?

Gargoyle was pleased that Awaken approved of the land. But he was more interested in his little story. Crazy white female? Well that could've been Desdemonda, but then, gods only knew how many whacked out wolves this place had been home to before. The brute was just about to comment when the conversation took a new and unexpected turn. Gargoyle's muzzle shut with a soft little snap. How he asked Ocena to be his mate? He blinked and stopped in his tracks - probably a relief to his tired friend. Awaken was really asking? It wasn't exactly something Gargoyle had ever shared before, and of course the first thing he wondered was -why? But the answer came quickly enough to mind. Girls talked about lovey dovey stuff all the time - just for kicks. Guys talked about it only when they had to. When they needed advice. A rather perceptive yellow glance was passed Awaken's way. Mercianne. Most everyone knew. Or at least, it was obvious to Ocena and Gargoyle had seen hints. Gargoyle knew that Awaken's memory was more or less shot, and even if it wasn't it was doubtful he'd have had any good couples to look to for support or inspiration.

He trusted Gargoyle enough to want to heart from him? Well, he wouldn't let him down. After his moment of thoughtful silence, the Chief gathered his hind legs and flopped his rump down. "Ocena and I..." he began. It was a little odd, telling the story, but it got easier as time went on. The memories were so precious to him. "We met on the old Glaciem border. She was looking for a home and I was finally returning after my many years away. I liked her then, I guess, but I wasn't looking for a mate." He shrugged. "I'd seen too much and done too much to ever think of anything like having a family." He didn't have to explain more than that. He figured that there, at least, Awaken would understand perfectly. "But we saw more and more of eachother around the lands, and when Mt. Animi exploded and we all migrated here - that is- this part of the world - well... we sort of helped eachother along. I don't know if you've been able to tell, but she's blind in one eye. I helped get her out of the chaos and quakes, and I helped guide her along the trail during the exodus." Those had been dangerous times, but he'd shone then. A wolf with his strength and ability, he'd taken the challenge of nature easily. "Somewhere along the way," he sighed,relenting himself to the admission, "I realized I loved her."

But his yellow orbs narrowed slightly as he remembered that night in Sparse Pines, neath the shelter of a great pine tree. He'd drug up a young dear carcass for 'Miss Ocena' as he still called her then. As the rain started pouring, they'd started talking. One thing had lead to another. "I finally told her one night. Admitted that I had feelings for her. But at that time..." He broke off, glancing at Awaken with eyes of the present. Awaken was a wolf that he felt he could trust. But he didn't unload his burdens onto other wolves without good reason. He'd continue to be vague. Perhaps someday he'd tell Awaken more about the four unaccounted for years in Gargoyle's life. But that was a story for a different time. "At that time I was still unsure of myself, and of how much I could be trusted. We've all got our dark side," he muttered, "and I refused to link my life with another's until I was certain I could control mine. I explained this to her. And-" Gargoyle's face altered slightly - showing a hint of emotion; of surprise. "And she understood. And she didn't care. She believed in me, even when I wouldn't. In time we came to find that that trust of hers was strong enough to pull me back, even from the brink itself. I've been a better wolf since then."

He shook his head for a moment, realizing that he was sounding like a sap. Aw, to heck with it all, he didn't care. He was allowed one tender spot in his life, wasn't he? "But this is all the background, you want to know about the actual question. That came a little while after I had begun my reign as Chief. Everything started clicking to together, I just knew it was time. I met up with Ocena in a one of the pine ringed clearings, and... and I asked her." he shrugged again, as though that was the best he could explain. It was something that was hard to put into words, but he was doing his best. A hint of grin had begun growing on his muzzle. Ocena was one of the rare wolves that could draw such an expression from him. Apparently the very thought of her could too. "She already knew I loved her, and I knew she, for some crazy reason I still don't understand, loved me. When she said yes I was the happiest wolf in the world." He paused for a second, making an odd sort of, almost wincing face: "I kind of, picked her up and threw her in the air - Gently! of course. Very gently. And I caught her and we lay in the snow for a while and talked about pups."

He faded off again into his quiet thoughtfulness. When it was put altogether, it was really quite a gem wasn't it? But he shook himself from his own musings and focused on Awaken, again. This was supposed to be in order to help him after all. "Anyway, what comes after that, is something you'll have to discover for yourself. Just, do the world a favor, and don't be too eager. Males are hardwired to procreate, but actually being mates, is something far more involved, and complicated and sometimes confusing. But itself also wonderful." He twitched his ear, as was his habit. He was done. His story was told. Time to see how his audience took it.

Awaken listened intently. He seemed to hang off every word Gargoyle said. His mind filled with thoughts. I want to ask her... I need to ask her. his green eyes sparkled with the idea of her. He'd never been THIS captivated by one wolf, he'd had petty crushes every now and then but none that lasted for months on end were all he could think about was her!?

Awaken's heart sank about the trusting him. He didn't even trust himself. The number one fear in his lifetime was hurting Merci. He feared it every day, had nightmares about it. "Thats the problem. What if i can't trust myself. I've seen the monster I used to be. I gored people for the fun of it, impailed my own brother, and tore my own father's head right off his body! I somehow defeated a tiger and killed thousands. I don't want to be that again and I can slowly feel myself slipping back. By this time he was shaking from the sheer agony of even thinking about it. The visions of what he'd done. Who he'd killed. He remembered murdering a very young girl because she didn't look him in the eyes when he spoke. The horrified look in her eyes as he beheaded her.?

He gave a sigh, calming down alittle bit. His quivering ceased. "Just make me a promise. If I ever become that way again. I want you to kill me... I know it's alot but I never want to be the way I was again. ?

With the thoughts of his mate, the doberman colored wolf was transported to cloud nine, but only for a brief time. As soon as Awaken began talking, Gargoyle's ears began to turn back and shoulders began to stiffen. It scared him how familiar those first words sounded. It sent a tremor down his back, bringing back things to the front of his mind that he had wanted to forget ever happened. His ears pinned all the back as Awaken rattled off a catalog of his sins. Though it was a token of Awaken's trust in the other male that he spoke at all, Gargoyle didn't need to hear this. He didn't want to hear this. When Awaken spoke of the killing, there was such a strange chemical mix of reactions within the male -disgust, anger, thrill, empathy, guilt, sorry- that it was a wonder he didn't explode. The conclusion was the worst, however. To hear Awaken say that what was past, wouldn't necessarily stay there. At that, the chief and father within Gargoyle suddenly grew dangerous. His hackles raised a little, made all the more eerie by the fact that those lifeless yellow eyes never changed. But the friend and comrade in him won through when he saw that Awaken was even more distraught and broken about it than he was. He calmed himself, pushing through the maze of reactions within while outward his features remained the same as ever.

A growling sigh drew itself from his chest. Gargoyle's mind stumbled for something to say. What was there to say? He had only just gotten to the point where he could assure himself that he wouldn't have a relasp.... what was there to say to the male... He'd known that Awaken's past was bad. He'd put the peices together, thanks to the clues that Sixx had given. He'd known that for quite some time. But to hear it all in one blast and to hear it - not as some long forgotten memory, but as a danger to the future... it wasn't easy. It was almost impossible to believe. Awaken? A murderer like that? But thanks to the time of amnesia, there were two different wolves with two different lives and two different moral codes living inside this one head. Gargoyle feared it most because he understood it. He had a morbid bloodlust of his own and at times had only pulled through by the thinnest shreds of luck. He knew how impossible it was to win a war against your inner demons.

But maybe Awaken realized that. Maybe that was why he asked Gargoyle to put him down if he lost it. Gargoyle met the male's gaze, holding it with the strength that only an Alpha can pocess. He didn't like this. He didn't like this one bit. But the words came anyway, hollow and even rougher sounding than usual, as if rasped out of the very back of this throat: "If you ever became a threat to the pack, I would no longer have a choice in the matter." the words were final; there was nothing else to say now. The asking of the favor was one of the most powerful displays of trust and pain and brotherhood that either wolf was likely to see in their lifetime. And though Gargoyle would some day look back and appreciate it, in this moment he detested it.

Gargoyle watched the male carefully. "To tell you the truth," he rumbled, gravely. "I considered ending you after that first encounter with Sixx on the border." Whatever sort of a shock came at these words, Gargoyle would continue through it. "Or at the very least, asking you to leave and not return. We're too alike, and, unforuantely, that's the last thing I look for in someone I want around my kids." He left Awaken to wonder over all that that meant, but after a moment he added. "Yet in the end I gave you a chance," and he didn't have to say that he was glad he did. "And if I can, then I think it's time you give yourself the chance. If Merci makes you feel like the man you want to be - then you after her and if she returns your love, you hold onto that ray of light with all that you've got. Understand?"

Listening to the past through another voice was almost as painful as living it. The day sixx almost had Merci, the day he had to revert back to his violent side. The memory singed into his mind, one he'd never manage to lose. "So im guessing you heard about the little predicament when you left to fight, eh?" He asked, not knowing if he'd heard the whole story.?

"Ithurial was babysitting, she took them out to play and sixx ambushed her. Tearing her apart right infront of the kids. I think your son took things the worst. I tried comforting him, buti fear he may have damage lying deep now. Awaken shook his head. "I feel bad, i lost it for a second and killed him right in front of him. ?

(srry its short. Muse is bleh)