Lounging about in that lackadaisical way between bouts of mischief was something she hadn't done in ages, and wasn't feeling like doing any time soon. Iskra was still marinating in her feelings of worthlessness, feeling like a god-awful waste of space and simultaneously hating that she let herself keep doing this instead of being productive. It wouldn't be that hard to get up and go in search of Dragon. She could try to make amends for disappearing, see if he missed her and things could be okay again. But... Here she was, nestled in a depression in the ground that was covered by ferns so she was safely tucked away from sight. Wouldn't do for someone to see the normally mischievous woman looking like this.

Her ears flicked side to side on occasion when she heard rustling nearby, but for the most part it was just smaller prey animals passing by. Good. She could waste away in peace. Ah, but that wouldn't even work. Every time she thought like that it pissed her off so bad she wanted to smack some sense into herself. The constant turmoil was exhausting. Eyes slid shut and she simply lay there, listening to a few mice nearby scurrying through the grass and trying to convince herself to stop being pathetic. It would be stupid to give up when she'd already made her way into Boreas, right? She needed to see this through already, quit being a wuss and move her life forward no matter what happened.

A spark of irritation at her state ignited again, this time strong enough to get her to finally sit up and shake the dust from her pelt. Okay, fine, time to stop feeling sorry for herself. Iskra Aeris was supposed to be better than this. So she would be. Like, in a minute or two. Hopefully.

He had been lingering in the South after running into his brother Gryphon. He hoped he'd run into Kharnage around here as well, but he didn't really have any leads as to where his other brother might be. On top of that, he was getting closer to Auster...but he debated constantly with himself. Was Iskra even in Auster? He wasn't sure how he'd be able to find her, or even where to begin searching for her. Last he knew, she had visited Abaven...but that was a long time ago. Was he supposed to wander the lands until he came upon her trail at some point? For all he knew, they could have been passing each other and she could have been miles from him going the opposite way and he wouldn't even know. He was frustrated, both with not knowing why she hadn't at least sent word on how she was or what was going on, and the fact that he still worried even though he told himself she had decided that getting involved with him was a mistake. He had those doubts still, but he couldn't just stop thinking about her. If he could just find her and get closure or something, then he could go from there. His companions traveled with him, and he wasn't particularly sure where he was. With each step he took, his companions guided him. While he hated that he needed help like this, he knew it was necessary while he was in unfamiliar territory. They walked in silence for a long while, not a word said between them. It wasn't until he finally stopped that he turned to each of them. "We'll stop and rest here for a little while, we've walked a long way already." Rolling his shoulders, he sat down to rest. "Perhaps a hunt is in order hm?" Dragon nodded, "Sounds good to me, I'll wait here." With that, Kimahri took off in search of prey while Dragon and Shiva rested in the shade. It smelled nice here with all the blooming flowers, and he began to relax. Little did he know that the very someone he'd been searching for as of late was lingering nearby...... "Dragon"||Kimahri||Shiva

It was only when her head had begun to droop back towards the ground and Iskra was ready to roll back into her melancholy state that the sound of someone approaching caught her attention. Sinking lower into the ferns on the off chance that whoever was coming might be the unfriendly sort, Iskra scanned the area until she spotted some familiar faces and her heart sank like a rock in her chest. What were the odds? Seriously, how...

Elation tried to push up past the other feelings, but the crushing guilt that plagued her was stronger. She didn't deserve to be excited, and she probably didn't deserve to see him at this point. For  long moment she watched the sightless wolf from afar as his companion moved off. No doubt it was just a matter of time before one of the cats found her, and while that made her want to leave and save them all the heartache... she couldn't. Studying his face, she wondered what the right choice was. Would he be happier if she disappeared? Or, would it be better to speak to him and see what happened? How many knots would her stomach twist into before it couldn't manage anymore? Iskra felt like she might be sick.

Stepping forward a few paces as quietly as possible before hesitating, Iskra's eyes remained of Dragon. For a moment she wondered how many pained and fearful expressions she cycled through in the next minute she stood there. It was now or never. The wind could shift at any moment and give her away before she made up her mind. His companions could spot her first. Commit one way of the other, dammit, she thought, irritated with herself beyond belief. Of course she ended up approaching, stepping free of the cover without quieting her movements. Blue eyes darted side to side before she'd finally say in an uncharacteristically soft voice, "It's been a while."

Wow, what a great start to this conversation. So much for being smooth or at least not looking awkward and betraying how unprepared she was. Shit.

The earthen male stretched out, a huge yawn forcing his maw open for a long moment before closing again. Taking a deep breath, he breathed in the scents of the flora around him. It felt peaceful here, enough to let him relax anyway. Shiva stretched out beside him and set to grooming herself, and together they waited in silence for Kimahri to return with a meal. Dragon gazed sightlessly ahead of him, mind churning with thoughts about what to do. He was tired of searching if he was honest with himself, but he also wasn't one to give up. But still, he had that thought that the one he sought didn't want to be found. It was a conclusion he had come to, but he needed to know for sure. He didn't know why he just couldn't let go. Perhaps it was because he secretly craved that closeness that he had gotten a taste of, and it was hard to let that go. Or maybe he was desperate for companionship and a certain intimacy that he didn't get from his family. Those bonds had been shattered long ago, and trying to repair them was a hell of a lot harder then he thought. Breathing deeply through his nose, he let out a sigh and rested his head on his forelegs, sightless eyes drifting closed as he prepared to nap. Of course, his eyes were closed for no more than a minute or two before he heard a soft voice nearby. He felt Shiva suddenly rise to her feet, her fur bristling as a low growl rumbled deep in her throat. Amethyst gaze narrowed and staring intently at Iskra as if she were staring at prey. It took him a moment to realize who the voice belonged to, and suddenly his heart hammered hard against his chest. His head rose quickly, and in a matter of seconds, he was on his feet. Feeling the curve of Shiva's stance, he stood at her shoulder before leaning down and whispering in her ear. Shiva's growling slowly ceased, and reluctantly she turned with a huff and disappeared into the foliage, but not before shooting Iskra a death glare. He stood there in silence facing in the direction where he assumed Iskra was standing, clouded green gaze seemingly searching for her. The silence was almost deafening, it seemed. And finally, after what felt like forever, he spoke. "I thought I'd never see you again, Iskra." His own voice came out softer then he thought it would. He thought that after all this time with the worry turning into frustration and that frustration turning into some sort of...anger at the thought of being abandoned without a single word, that his voice would have come out sharper. Harsher. But it was quite the opposite. No matter how much he felt hurt during her time away, he just couldn't bring himself to hate her, let alone even be mad at her. He supposed any other wolf would have been. But he just couldn't bring himself to feel those things. He felt a lot of confusion, yes. And there was still hurt, and various other things he couldn't sort out...but he imagined she felt some sort of way too. Surely she had her reasons? He wasn't sure what else to say at the moment, and he felt like if he tried to say anything else right now, his words would get stuck in his throat.. Walk, "Talk" Think

While the two stood only a dozen paces apart, it somehow felt like a massive canyon lay between them and if she said another word she might just fall in to her death. Her heart was in her throat and her ears fell flat as the dull growling of Shiva buzzed in them. Iskra wanted to snark at the feline, to tell her to get lost or something- but how could she? She had no right after disappearing like that. It felt like she was choking on all the words unsaid that filled this void between them.

"I... thought maybe you would be better off without me at one point." The admission left a bitter taste in her mouth and further pounded the nails of guilt and shame into her heart. He looked so hurt. 'You did that, you monster'

It was true. Every bit of that confused and hurting expression that was written on his face had been drawn by her foolishness. Suddenly feeling weak and broken all over again she sank to the ground, staring down at her ivory paws while she continued. "It took me so long to accomplish anything, and by the time I made it all across Boreas it had been ages. But I couldn't just stop there, because I wanted something to show for it all. I was too stubborn and stupid to turn around and check in with you. Then when I did it, it had been so long, I worried I took too long and that you'd move on or..." It was a shit explanation. Fitting, since she was quite convinced she was a shit person.

With all the things she wanted to add battling for dominance in her mind, she froze. There was too much to do, too much to say, but none of it was enough. None of it was good enough. It was with a shuddering exhale that she at last breathed in a voice so soft it was nearly inaudible, "I'm so sorry..." She didn't deserve to deliver a story that would satisfy. There wasn't one. Maybe she was just being selfish though, knowing that with more detail to enlighten him the worse a picture it painted of her. Iskra, the coward.

He waited for her to speak. To say something. Anything. He could imagine how she looked, wondering how she felt. Was she hurting too? He didn't know. Sometimes he wished he could have just forgotten her, but for some reason, he just couldn't. "I...thought maybe you might be better off without me at one point." Confusion filled his head. What? Brow points knit together as he tried to make sense of why she said that. Did he do something wrong? Did he say something to her that made her think she wasn't welcomed anymore? He had so many questions, but his voice felt stuck in his throat. All he could do was blankly gaze in her direction as he tried to force himself to say something. Anything. But then she spoke again, explaining why she had been so elusive the past few seasons. In a way, he understood. She was the sort that enjoyed her freedom and she had always been a wanderer at heart. Honestly, he felt like he had scared her away by asking her to join his pack. He had blamed himself for her disappearance...and he still kind of did. She apologized, and he took a deep breath. Scarred eyes closed for a few moments as he tried to calm his racing heart, sorting through his mind for words to say. Could he make this better? Did she want it to be better? He had to at least tell her that..."I...I forgive you, Iskra..." Sightless gaze opened again, and he looked at her as if he were able to see her again. "I...honestly I thought I was the reason you left. Because I asked you to join me when I had Talis...I thought maybe...just maybe...it wasn't what you wanted. And after I lost the challenge, that I wasn't what you wanted..." He swallowed, his face twisting into that of doubt and confusion. "I thought...for a while...that I wasn't good enough for you...I lost my pack...the friends I had...half my family scattered...and then I couldn't find you..." To be honest, he felt guilty for some reason too. Or maybe he was just feeling like he hadn't done enough. Like he had failed at what he wanted to succeed at. "I tried to look for you after a season or so, just to make sure you were alright...I didn't mind that you were gone or that you wanted to do your own thing, I just...worried about you. I hoped every day that you were safe and well, but it was hard trying to track you down when I can't even see! I'm so fucking useless! He thought, suddenly feeling like he had failed her. The thought that she had left him without a word all this time because he was blind had crossed his mind so many times. He felt maybe she had been the one that moved on. That she had found someone better. That she had come to the realization that he wasn't what she wanted. He took a few steps forward, hopefully in her direction. He wanted so badly to pull her close and hold her and tell her over and over that he forgave her and that he loved her. But he didn't want to feel like he was overstepping whatever boundaries she might have decided to have. What if she did find someone else? Of course, he had his own shit that needed to be said...like the fact he had kids with someone he didn't even know and without realizing it until recently...but that wasn't even in his thought process at the moment. All that he was focused on right now was the woman before him. It took him a few moments longer as he tried to pinpoint her position, and when he heard the slightest shuffle of movement, he stepped forward until he was standing just a foot or so away. "I'm...sorry, if I did something that drove you away...but just to let you know, I haven't been able to move on. As stupid as it sounds I guess. I may not be perfect, and I've done my fair share of fucking up, but..." Shit, what else should he say? He felt like he had said a lot already, and he did have a lot to say...but now that she was here, now that she was within reach...he didn't care that she had been gone all that time. Quietly, he leaned down and touched the top of her head with his nose. He couldn't and wouldn't be selfish. He was sure she needed comfort, and to know that he wasn't angry with her. Walk, "Talk" Think

A shuddering sigh left her at his first words. Relief, soon swallowed back up by the guilt. Did she even deserve his forgiveness? She'd been a terrible person as far as she was concerned. Having focused too much on doing other tasks until suddenly it had been absolute ages since she'd even checked in with him? Even laid eyes on him or sought him out? That felt pretty unforgivable, at least to her. No wonder it had taken so much of her life before she'd even decided to settle in with him. Hadn't she busied herself wandering before she committed to that, too? Was she even fit to be with anyone without breaking her heart and theirs? Hot tears were sliding down her face before she could try to stop them.

The more he went on the more her heart felt like it was being crushed into dust by her own paws. He blamed himself as much as she'd blamed herself. Iskra couldn't fathom why. Heavens above she'd been such a fool. How could she ever make it up to him? How could she ever forgive herself for all that she'd done wrong? Perhaps she deserved to live knowing that she might never be okay with herself. Changing what she'd done wasn't possible, much as she wished with all her heart and soul that it was, but maybe she could at least... do better now? If... it wasn't too late?

For a moment she tried to formulate a reply, to stop him from continuing to beat himself up or wonder at how he might have been inadequate, but no words came and so did the only thing she could think to. Pushing gently into his touch, she reached up and ran her muzzle down his throat gently before a surge of emotion swept through her and suddenly she was seeking to wrap her front legs around either side of his neck and hold him in a close embrace.

"You never did a single thing wrong, Dragon, erase that from your mind right now. It was all me. I'm a no good wanderer that keeps messing up time and time again. But... If you'll still have me... I'd like to try and do better."