so guys, i decided, because i love you so much, im turning alacritis into my journal and support group for this little journey of mine, but first you need to know the whole story.

this is most of the reason behind the depression ive felt lately, ive just been inadequate as a human and truly failing.


Back when i lived with my mom, those of you that have known me for about wow going on 2 years now? know that my mom was very abusive and more oft than not i was grounded with nothing to do and i was just freaking miserable. Well, this caused a minor form of depression with me and caused me to have a lot of health and weight issues, one of the problems i ended up with was I became bulimic. When my mom was around, she would often say things that upset me, and then i would gorge myself and then force myself to throw it all back up, Well, most of the time, i would fall asleep having just eaten but i had thrown up everything else i had eaten. So, my body logged away that final pre-bedtime meal as fat. and I ended up being at a high of 217 pounds. Most of you don't know that, ive always been ashamed and never would i have told you on a whim. this is me at my heaviest and I never want to go back. well, i moved out from my mom's to be with my dad, because of the abuse. This transpired into me remaining belimic until about three months ago. I still do it sometimes when i get upset, but im doing my best to stop and be healthy. Well, recently, ive been eating healtheir and I've even started working out two hours 4-5 days a week. They aren't some easy workouts, they are hard, rigorous, and tiring things. Usually i come home from these and have to nap. Well, today im about 35 lbs lighter, and i sit at about 185. Yes most of you think i weight a lot less, im tall, and muscular i dont show the fat much, but fact of the matter is, i want so badly to lose about 35-45 more pounds and I really need to have people that will help me stay disciplined. SO here i will post every day that i workout and also every single thing that I ate. if you think i need to add something to my diet, you want to correct me, or you want to just encourage me, please do. I lvoe you guys and trust that this is something i can do happily here. i also think this will help me stay motivated. I'll post pictures sporadically as i slim down and tone up.

LU YOU ARE AMAZING AND KEEP UP THE AMAZING WORK!!! <3 <3 <3

I'm so sorry you had to go through that D:, I hope everything is much better know. I don't have advice for eating healthier, since, I have a bad eating habit myself. Keep up the good work, I'm happy to see that things turned out for the better. C:

-snuggles lu- :3

Thank you all for your support guys! :D

7/8

2 hr workout blah 1.5 mile jogging and sprinting and hour weight room.


Ate:
----bfast----
260 cal. Apple juice
--+60 cal. nutri grain.
______________________
--->320 cal.


----lunch----
3 eggs
+1 potato
____________
478 calories.






daily total
798

lol i didnt finish filling out yesterday but i had chicken w/rice and stuff for dinner so that was probably like 500 calories x.x so i finished out at just over 1200.

BUT


i also did a second workout that night :) I went to martial arts for the first time in awhile and it was an hour long.



________________________________________7/9

2 hr workout
apple juice
240 calories

rice chicken vegetables
300 calories


and for my combo of lunch x dinner ill be having a slightly large portion of rice chicken and vegetables ;-;

so itll probably be 500-700 calories.

lulu, my love. that is heartbreaking ;-; but sooo inspirational! you are by no means inadequate or failing, and the fact that you're doing this is simple proof <3 i am the most unhealthy of unhealthy eaters (nutella/cinnamon french toast sandwich smothered in maple syrup for breakfast, anyone?) so i really cannot be giving you any tips or advice xD but you are truly inspiring and i wish i had your self discipline <3

So, im bad at updating things, but i have been going to workouts and ive lost about 5 more pounds :) Two a days are coming soon which means instead of 2 hr workouts i'll be doing about 4 & 1/2 hr workouts x.x volleyball is intense guys. Wish me luck <3

Ermergherd tiff you made me drool O_O and Maka loveses you Lu! ^^ plus (no sure if you're doing this already or not x-x) but maybe you could do some core? :3 like abs and stuff. Maka does it at track that makes you feel like you better have a six pack at the end *dies. But it still really helps :) hope this helps! :D