Desdemona ached. Everything hurt. Her pack...her ate...her home, she hadn't seen them in near half a season and her heart, her very soul yearned for its return. She was heavy with pups, her abdomen distended almost to the point of making her immobile, their birth delayed more than likely by her sheer force of will, or at least this is what she told herself to prevent her mind from plummeting down a path of self doubt and depression. She was stronger than this. She was better than this. She could survive and she would persevere as she always did. She would simply be wounded for quite some time, hopefully, Nnoitra had not seen her absence as abandonment, hopefully none of them had. She had left for Ludicael, to learn a bit more about the pack, to understand more of their ways and logic, it never hurt to gain information, especially with those within a days walking distance. It was better to at least be at an agreeable peace than a war of blood and guts. She had been close when she had scented them on the wind. It was rare that Desdemona felt fear, but she had felt it then and she had known from the moment the taste of that scent hit her tongue that she was screwed, and quite possibly the life of her pups. She was too far from Tortuga to seek hide, and not close enough to Ludicael to possibly mask her scent among its own. They would find her and find her they had. It had been almost surreal to see those wolves after so long. Her old pack, the blood thirsty mongrels, not all of them of course, but a sizable scouting party. Massive, monstrous wolves that could send her a challenge for her height and her weight, six of them had come for her and just as always they came as a unit, a single, solid, driving force of power and muscle and she had stood no chance. Attack after attack, blow after blow, she had shielded her belly to the best of her ability accepting the snaps, the snarls, the bites and the gouges as if they were nothing. They had taunted, teased, snapped and snarled at her, they tortured her for days and finally, for the second time in her life, they left her broken, bleeding and unable to walk. Her plume had been snapped, the back half dangled lifelessly now, paralyzed beyond repair, a chunk of her left ear vanished, slashes that had scraped along her ribs, bites across her limbs left punctures exposed to the summer sky, her neck and maw slashed open, her pelt was stained a nasty shade of reddish brown. Her hind right limb had been snapped and she had been left unable to do much more than limp. A rogue healer had seen to the more brutal of wounds and had helped her, had even brought her food a few times but had been far too skittish to help, and as she grew more plump, it became more and more difficult for her to heal,, as soon as she was able to walk, she took off towards Tortuga, the shy rogue vanishing as quickly as he had come. The trek had taken her numerous days, her leg throbbed, her injuries protested and pain laced through her bodice, and still she kept walking, she had to get home. She reached the bottom of Tortuga's territory but she doubted she could scale the mountains without aide, collapsing to the floor, desperate eyes sought a flash of ivory fur, the coat of her lover, her soul mate, his was the only face she wished to see. A howl filled with anguished sorrow and barely there hope colored the air, speaking of one name alone. Demonio. Speech,

Moments. Seconds. Minutes. Hours. Days. Weeks. Nearly a month had gone by since he had seen his wife. She had disappeared without a single ounce of a trace. To where she had gone, he had no clue, but the moment she had left, the ivory man had never ceased his searching for her. He'd scoured every single inch of Alacritis, hunting desperately for her, but was never able to find anything that could lead him to where she could've possibly gone. He'd even made a few friends along the way, Alena specifically. He hadn't meant to try and get any help from anyone, but the similarly coated white woman had offered her help to the desperate man and the two had set out, renewed in the searching for his missing pregnant wife. Yet again, nothing came up and of course disaster had to strike down the already grief stricken man. The pair had been attacked by a group of rogues. Lucky for them they had been able to dispatch the bastards but of course they weren't lucky enough to escape without injuries. The white man's injuries hadn't been to bad, but his new companion had been injured pretty severely. He had tried to help her as much as he could, but in the end the two had gone their separate ways. He hadn't seen the woman in a few days. He hoped she was alright. He would feel terrible if something worse happened to her just because he had allowed her to come on his search with him. He couldn't bare having someone hurt because of him.


The days had blurred together so much that Demonio could hardly tell what day it was or how much time had gone by since he had last seen Desdemona. To him, it felt like years. Every morning, waking up to an empty den, unable to see her beautiful face was slowly breaking his heart, piece by agonizing piece. Sleeping along, with her figure pressing into his, molding into his body was absolute torture. There were nights he wouldn't sleep at all, sitting at the entrance of his den, gazing up at the moon, screaming in his head to any gods that existed, asking them why they had to punish him so. He had been through tragedy in his life already, hadn't he? It had been enough to deal with the guilt of having been responsible for the deaths of his family, and now this? He'd been doing good. Desdemona had been helping with his guilt, helping him come to terms with it, but now that he was alone, it was all coming back. And in full force. It was so bad that the man was beginning to think that he would go insane. So much pain in his life; was this something he deserved? Was the universe making him pay by taking away the most precious thing in his life? He couldn't take...He just couldn't...


The night before had been one of those nights where the man had stayed up, gazing up at the moon, thoughts brooding. It had taken him hours to finally become tired and it was only until the wee hours of the morning that he had finally slunk back into his empty den, a den that didn't even have his wife's stale scent. The lack of use from her had nearly wiped her scent out. Barely there traces of it still remained and Demonio clung to the desperately, trying to maintain them for as long as possible. It had been a restless night, or morning technically and the ivory knight had barely gotten any sleep. How could sleep now, worrying about his wife being out alone somewhere, defenseless, heavy with their children. Sleep was a hard thing to come by for the man, but somehow he managed to quiet his thoughts long enough to catch a few hours of desperately needed sleep but his rest didn't last long. As his anxious mind began waking up, a call sounded in the distance. At first he thought it was just something his sleep-deprived mind was making up, part of a dream or something, but as he began to move towards consciousness, he realized that the call wasn't from a dream. It was real. But...it couldn't be...Lids snapped open, audits rotating forward with attention, limbs scrambling beneath his powerful frame as he rushed to the front of the den, in disbelief at the owner of the call. He was imagining things wasn't he? It was just his crazy tired mind playing tricks on him, giving him false hope...But as he listened more closely to the call, he began to go back on his assumption...It couldn't be made up...He'd recognize her voice anywhere...It had to be her. What did he have to loose by going to find out?


Forgetting the fact that he was running on a few hours of sleep, the porcelain knight burst from his den at a full gallop, pale paws eating away at the earth beneath him as he rushed to the sound of the call. It had to be Desdemona...Please dear gods, it had to be her...He couldn't take any more disappointment. He needed his other half, his soul mate, his beautiful wife, he needed her back...Being away from her from so long was too much. He couldn't bare it any longer. Mismatched gems danced frantically across the landscape before him, spotting a white flash of fur up ahead, just beyond a break in the trees. Demonio put on the speed, bursting through the foliage only to come a skidding halt several yards away, his desperate gaze falling across a figure that he had begun to think he would never see again. Desdemona. She was alive. Tears he didn't know had been collecting in his eyes suddenly burst forward with a powerful intensity, trickling down his face in a relentless torrent as he stood in shock, staring down at his beautiful wife, her perfect body mangled and torn apart. Des...Des...De..Desdemona... He finally managed to choke out, his voice a strangled whisper, thick with the tears that were spilling over his dirty cheeks. His wife...His beautiful wife...What had they done to her...


Weak limbs pulled the brute forward, collapsing beneath him as he sunk to the earth before Desdemona, watery eyes taking in her form. Her tail had been broken, a hind limb as well. Blood matted her once pristine coat, gauges decorating her maw and throat. No...not again....She'd gotten hurt again and he hadn't been there to save her...not again.... The...the...children...my angel...our...our children...are they...they... He couldn't even finish the sentence, unable to bear the thought that the children he had been hoping for so much were gone. They couldn't be gone...not his children...no...The past was repeating itself all over again only this time it was taking his wife along for the ride and he couldn't bare it. Torrent after relentless torrent streamed down his face, the tears mixing in with Desdemona's bloodied fur as he tucked her head beneath his chin, holding her to him, needing to confirm that she was actually here, that she wasn't just a figment of his imagination. She was alive...She was alive.




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Everything was gone, everything she held dear, her mate, her pups, very closely her life had come to an abrupt standstill... the dame was a broken, shattered mess and right now the only thing she wanted was Demonio....Demonio. Her lover, her soul mate, her other half, her world, her everything. She had failed so miserably and she knew not if he would even wish to see her. She had lost everything, she didn't deserve his love, his affection, or his attention, she would understand if he never came, if he never answered her call, she didn't deserve him, she never had. Dual colored eyes strained, peering desperately into the black woods. What time was it? Would he even hear her? Pain laced through her body and her mind, tears spilled from her maw and desperate to see him, to try to explain, to beg his forgiveness, anything, she attempted to stand, dragging her battered body up, making it a few scarce paces and collapsing once more. "Demoni....Demonio....Demonio..." Her voice cracked, rough and torn from disuse. Her weight collapsed beneath the fracture in her hind limb, the wounds on her chest, her neck, they were trickling blood from the extra strain, she couldn't move, she would perish or she would be saved by her angel, by the keeper of everything that remained good inside of her. She cried, a desperate whimper, a whine and tears trickled down her maw, dripping into the soil. Why, why couldn't she be a better person? Why could she not be better for her lover? He didn't deserve to have such a fuck up as a wife, he deserved someone beautiful, intelligent, smart, cunning, powerful, someone to wipe away his tears when nightmares struck him, not to pile more on top. She had never deserved him, not even close. fear coiled in the pit of her gut as the minutes ticked by, what if he thought she had abandoned him? What if he assumed she had left for dead? Had taken his children and vanished? What if he thought that she had never loved him? No... no he couldn't think that, impossible, improbable, inconceivable! She had to find him, she had to explain, she had to talk with him! Even if he hated her, she had to make him understand, she had to make him see, no force on this earth would be enough to tear her from him, they could maim and torture her but she would never stop trying to make it home, to make it back to him. Demonio was and forever would be her world. She moved to attempt to stand once again when a flash of white caught her eyes, whipping through the trees at an astronomical rate, her heart caught in her throat, rendering her ability to breathe, desperation clawed at the confines of her chest and for a moment everything stood still and then he was before her. He stuttered her name and broke her heart, she tried to stand, pulling her limbs beneath her and struggling to rise, but her back limb wasn't listening and just as quickly she slumped back to the ground, a keening whine of pain tearing from her larynx, her eyes never leaving her mate. ?Demonio.? Her voice snapped, rough and raspy, she pleaded for him, begging, crying, whispering all in those three simple syllables. He approached her, begging an answer about their children, and she clenched her eyes shut, trying and failing miserably to stop the tears and to hide her pain, cranium shaking from side to side she answered him, the injuries had been too great, she had lost the babes within her womb, the strain on her body had dispelled them too early. Tears streamed from her eyes as he buried his maw beneath the curve of her jaw and she whimpered, squeezing his neck. ?I'm sorry Demonio, I'm so...so sorry. Please don't hate me.? She begged because he was everything, her world, her missing half and the only reason she had left to exist his next words would determine if life was still worth living, she had failed him so miserably.... and he deserved so much more than her, she could only pray that he wouldn't realize that as well. ?? I love you Demonio, and I'm sorry... I'm so sorry.? Apology after apology spilled from her maw as she cried, cradling him too her, there was nothing else she could do. Speech,

By some unexplained miracle his wife was alive. She was back home with him, bloodied, bruised and broken, but still very much alive, which was more than he could ask for. Whatever gods existed had heard his desperate pleas and answered them, though they hadn't been too kind in their answering of his call. But he wasn't about to start complaining. Desdemona was alive, breathing and here with him. That was good enough for him. A tiny voice in the back of his head told him that he should've been furious with his wife. She had gone off again, only this time she had put her life at even more risk and not to mention the lives of their unborn children. What had she been thinking, wandering off alone and heavily pregnant?! He should've been verbally berating her, furious with her really because he had nearly driven himself insane with grief, but he just couldn't find it in himself to do that to her. As much she probably deserved it, the white knight wasn't going to stoop to that level. He was much to grateful that she was still breathing to even bother with being furious with her. He loved her far too much to hate her for that.


She struggled towards him, making an attempt to rise to greet him, but her injured hind limb hindered her progress and she tumbled back to the ground, her keening whine breaking his heart. He was done. She had broken him. His heart(metaphorically speaking of course) shattered into a million pieces. Her strangled whisper of his name brought him to his knees as he moved towards her, her vehement shaking of her head confirming his worst fears. The children....his children...gone....She had lost their pups..No...Not their pups...His wife being able to keep her life had come at a cost. Innocent pups had been lost, Demonio's dreams of ever having a family gone with them. How would the pair recover from this? Desdemona would need an extensive amount of time to recover from all her physical wounds, but would she ever be able to come back from the loss of her unborn children?


Desdemona curled herself against him, her own tears streaming down her face just like the ones that were streaming down his own cheeks. Her strangled voice reached his ears as she apologize, begging for forgiveness, asking him not to hate her for what had happened. None of it had been her fault. Even if she had gone out alone, it hadn't been her intention to get herself nearly killed and to loose their children. She had nothing to apologize for. I don't hate you my angel, how could I...You're alive and well...That's all that matters...I love you so much Desdemona, words can't even begin to describe how much I do. I could never hate you...I love you so much, thank you for coming back to me...thank you... His voice broke off into a pained whisper, pressing himself against Desdemona, wishing he could merge his wife into his own body and keep her there for the rest of eternity, safe and sound from everyone and everything.



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Desdemona watched her lover, her entire body ached, bleeding, bruised and broken, but she paid herself no heed, she looked at her soul mate and suddenly realized what a wretched mistake she had made in ever becoming an Alpha, she never should have left his side for an instant, she never should have let him be, she should have stayed, lingering amongst the pack, sleeping soundly at Demonio's side. That was where she belonged, that was where she was supposed to be. What had become of her pack while she had been away? What had become of her lover? She knew not. She extended her neck to bathe his snout in kisses, she wasn't that broken and she needed him to know that he was whom she loved without question. A soft whine trickled from the back of her throat. This time he knew where her destination had lied, she had simply never gotten there, she told him that she planned to leave for Ludicael, but she had been ambushed, she was loathe to tell him what had become of her litter, she felt all the more a failure, but he deserved to know. It shattered her, her heart and her soul, for the second time she had lost pups that she loved unconditionally, for the second time she was forced to endure the pain and knowledge that nothing she could do would bring them back, it shattered her, but this time there was a single difference, a shimmering beacon, a light that she hadn't had last time. Dual colored eyes gazed at her lover, curving her cranium around his neck in a tight hug. Demonio. She had Demonio, and as long as she had him, they could beat this, they could get better, they would try again and she would bless him with pups because damn it, he deserved them, but now was not the time to dwell on such things, now she merely wished to feel her lover. ?I love you Demonio.? She murmured into the shell of his ear, ignoring the tears now dripping from her eyes. She choked back her tears, her ears pinning flat against her cranium as she struggled to speak past the lump in her throat. Decision made, she pulled back, touching her nose to his and her cranium to his own. She would have his full attention for this so he would know, so he would understand completely. ?If my position hasn't been revoked already as Alpha... I am stepping down. Tortuga never should have come before you Demonio, you are my sun, my moon, my stars, you are everything to me and I was a fool to ever place Tortuga before you. I am sorry my love that I have been so blind, but no more. You are my first and only priority, as you should have been from the beginning. Forgive me Demonio. I love you, more than you will ever know.? Speech,

She was back. She was home. She was here with him. But their children weren't. Their children were gone, never to be recovered. It shattered Demonio's soul to know that he would never get a chance to father his unborn children. They would never meet him, never meet his wife, they would never know the world. It was a disheartening fact, but it was the ivory man's reality now. He should have never let his wife make the trek to Ludicael alone. He had insisted initially that he go with her, but as always Desdemona had managed to talk her way into going alone. Her husband hated letting her go out alone, the memory of her past solo outing as present in his mind, but never able to deny his wife something she wanted, he had caved and allowed her. And look what had happened. This was the last time she was going anywhere alone. Last time. From now on, whether she wanted him there or not, he was going to accompany her. He wasn't about to let her out of his sight ever again. Every time he did she got hurt and he was done with her being hurt. Not on his watch. Not ever again.


Despite having lost his children, he was rather glad that it had been him and not his wife had that departed from this wolf. He shuddered at his own thoughts, knowing that it was a horrible thing to say, but he had never met the pups, never gotten to form the bond of father and child, so he held no real emotional attachment towards them, therefore making it easier on himself to admit that he was relieved his wife had been able to survive their deaths. Wherever his children had gone, he thanked them for helping to keep their mother alive. Mismatched gems fell closed, tightening as he pressed his face into his wife's neck, breathing in her scent. God, how he had missed this woman. He didn't know what he would've done if he'd lost her...Morbid thoughts were pushed away, cast off. He didn't want to think about that because she wasn't gone. She was here with him. Audits pricked, twitching with the soft breath of his woman as she breathed into his ear, telling him that she loved him. Demonio pulled away from her neck, icy and maroon eyes opening to gaze at her, meeting her own charcoal and ruby eyes. I love you Desdemona, so much. His words were a pained whisper, a fresh batch of tears deciding to trickle down his cheeks once again.


And then Desdemona was touching her nose to his, bumping her head against his own, wanting his full attention and she had it as she spoke. If my position hasn't been revoked already as Alpha... I am stepping down. Tortuga never should have come before you Demonio, you are my sun, my moon, my stars, you are everything to me and I was a fool to ever place Tortuga before you. I am sorry my love that I have been so blind, but no more. You are my first and only priority, as you should have been from the beginning. Forgive me Demonio. I love you, more than you will ever know.He nodded in understanding, ready to deliver his own news in return It brings me relief to know that you will no longer have to worry yourself with such a tiresome position as an alpha, but my love Tortuga was disbanded. Many of our members left because they hadn't seen your or your secondary alpha Nnoitra for some time. I would've tried to stop them but I was too busy out looking for you to realize what was going on. I'm sorry... He trailed off, salmon tongue lashing out gently cleanse the wounds across her muzzle, knowing that the news of Tortuga probably wouldn't be his wife's liking, if she still held some kind of attachment to what was once their pack.





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She was an idiot, she was a fool, she had thought she alone would be able to save Tortuga and she had been wrong, she had failed, she had hoped to save the dying pack, to give it no life, to bring them the same joy, happiness, hope, and light that Demonio brought to her every single day that she drew breath and realized he was at her side... but she couldn't, she had failed, and not only had she failed a tribe of wolves who were supposed to look up to her, supposed to see a strong and ample ruler, she had failed the creature most precious to her in all the world. She had failed her lover, her soul mate, her Demonio. She had lost that most precious to both of them, the most precious cargo of all, the pups born between their love, for the second time she had wept for the death of her children. For the first time she had felt her heart disassemble itself, the pieces only beating because of the pillar of strength that now rested beside her. He had been her only drive to get up, to keep fighting, never again, never again would she fail him. She would be his slave, his everything, anything and everything he wanted he would have, nothing was too much for him. She would leave, breathe and eat for the sole purpose of his smile and her life would be more than fulfilled. Her tears would not cease, she didn't even try, she wished she had the strength to tell him this new resolution, wished her tears would cease this endless flow and her throat would unclench so she might tell him, so she might spill all of her emotions and every last fragment of her heart, he would rebuild her, make her something more magnificent, something forever entwined with his own soul, she trusted him completely, he would make her something magnificent, something he truly deserved. She swore she would have more, bear more of his children if that is what he desired, all she wanted was for him to be happy, nothing more and nothing less. ?I love you more Demonio.? She rumbled back to him. She shook her head, halting his news of Tortuga, halting his apologies, she would have none of it, none of them. Dual colored gems would gleam with something akin to determination and she would offer his snout a gentle kiss of loving adoration. ?I don't need to know anymore Demonio. It no longer matters, I have you, and you are worth so much more than all of Alacritis, all of the power, all of the prestige and honor that I could ever hope to obtain. You are so much more than everything else Demonio, you are all I need, you are all I have ever needed.? She breathed his air, swallowed his scent, her pain faded and everything else simply ceased to exist. Speech,

Slowly but surely the flow of tears began to stem, the water continuing to cascade down his face, but no longer a torrent like it had been when he'd first come upon his disheveled wife. Their life was in ruins...They no longer had a pack or a home. It was gone, to be grabbed up by the first opportunist that chanced upon it. Their dreams of a family were dashed, gone with the deaths of their unborn children. But that didn't mean that they were going to give up. Not by a long shot. Demonio wasn't about to roll over and let fate screw him over. Hell no. He was a fighter, a warrior and just because he'd been knocked down didn't mean he couldn't get back up and try again. That was exactly what he was going to do. Get back up, shake himself off and keep moving. He would help Desdemona heal, in whatever way possible and they would build a whole new life. Maybe they would become part of a new pack, or perhaps start a pack of their own or maybe even just live as rogues, but they would continue on together, side by side.


This wasn't the end. Not by far. Just because they couldn't have their family now didn't mean that they couldn't have one later on. Maybe now just wasn't the ideal moment to bring in children, but he knew that they would get the family they wanted. One day. I have to disagree my angel, I do love you more and we will get through this. One way or another, we will build the life that we always wanted. I swear and promise you that with every single fiber of my being.


OOC: shitty ass post, it's just not my day today Dx


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Desdemona would not let them end here, would not let them fall to nothing, she would be his everything, his slave, lover, friend... whatever he wished of her, she would mold herself to become. He was her everything and she would spend the rest of her years proving this fact again and again and again. He would trust her again, he would love her again, she swore it upon everything she was. Tears fell from her own dual colored orbs, but determination swam in their depths. Right now, he needed her strength, as lacking as that was. Her tongue lolled from her mouth to bathe his snout in loving kisses, she pulled away his tears of salt of sadness and replaced them with pure, unadulterated love and affection. A rumble that formed itself into a purr, vibrated up through her vocals. Coiling her neck around his own, she dragged him all the closer to her, unsuccessfully fusing them into one being through the process of osmosis. ?Do not cry anymore my love. You are mine, and I am yours. Forever more you will be my one and only reason to awaken, my one and only reason to breathe and face the coming day, the reason my belly will swell again, and the reason we will die surrounded by love and the children the product of that love will make. I will never fail you again Demonio, on that you have my word.? The ivory goddess pledged to him, stopping her own drips of sorrow through sheer force of will. Tomorrow will be a better day. Speech,

This woman, this angel sent from up above, this porcelain goddess, she was the reason that he woke up every morning after her trek to search for her. She was the reason he was still breathing, the reason that he had been set down upon this earth. She was his entire world, his entire universe, the only reason he had to live. She was amazing and beautiful and caring and understand and just absolutely perfect. She was divine perfection and he had the extreme honor and pleasure of calling her all his. She was his wife, his soulmate, his best friend, his other half, his perfect woman. And it was because she was all of this that he was going to do everything for her in order to give her the most amazing life possible. Whether that be securing them a place within a new pack or going and taking Tortuga back from whoever decided to claim it. One way or another, he was going to give his wife the life that she deserved.


She coiled herself around him, pressing him to her and he obliged willingly, returning the pressure, holding her to him, pulling away from her only to receive a gentle fawning from his beautiful wife. A tiny crack of a smile broke across his pale lips as he returned her loving affection, audits perking to attention as she pledged to never fail him again. My love, my Desdemona, you have never failed me and you could never fail me. My love for you prohibits that. You are too perfect, to divine to ever fail in my eyes my angel. Every single word that fell from his jaws rang powerfully with the truth. She could never fail him. It was impossible.






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