Everything seemed to be falling apart. Just when he was sure things would start to go well for him they had taken a sudden and abrupt turn, and he only had himself to blame. He pawed at the base of a cedar tree, unsure if it was even worth the effort of making a permanent den or if he should simply resign himself to inevitably being thrown out. No one had confronted him about what he’d told Rhyme that night by the rapids although he didn’t doubt that by now everyone in Abaven knew that he was a murderer. “Cut wife!” Toad gleefully supplied although that wasn’t quite right he supposed, he was after all a male. Spider’s speckled eyes journeyed up the stiff branches as though they had some kind of comfort for him, but they didn’t. Cedar was a good tree to make a home under though, he knew that. The scent of the trees bark was a natural pesticide and the wood was amazingly sturdy. Despite his misery Spider put effort into his digging and started to build himself a den in earnest. He had lost a lot this year, Echo Shiloh, Antigone for the brief time he had her, and now it seemed he would lose Abaven and Shaye too. That hurt more than he was willing to admit. He had believed in Shaye and had wanted to help build the safe haven she had wanted Abaven to become. He liked Vali and her soft voice and he liked her idea of growing a garden. They wouldn’t want him anywhere near her. There was to be a wedding with her and another member he had yet to meet. Solar who was to be his mentor. He felt a whine escape him at that. Healers were supposed to jump at the opportunity to aid in a birth, but he had known, deep down, that he would be chased away with snarls and clashing fangs if he even went near her. A tear escaped him and fell onto the dark soil he had been working on. He was a monster, he felt more like a monster now than ever before and it was all because he had chosen to tell his secret to a trusting face. Rhyme had looked so beautiful that night, with the moonlight in his eyes and a soft soothing smile on his lips. He had convinced himself that a face so kind would never hurt him, even though his life had been one disappointment after another. He had failed to learn from his own history, in spite of how Toad had tormented him. What was worst of all was how Shaye must have thought of him, Shaye who he had no desires for other than that of a loyal follower. Shaye hated him. She deserved to hate him. He deserved to be hated. He sniffed and forced himself to continue digging, kicking up thick clods of earth as his claws raked at the soil. He had never meant to hurt anyone, had never meant to kill anyone and had in fact not killed anyone before or since his sister’s death. It wasn’t fair, he wasn’t bad, but he had done one bad thing and his whole life he had suffered for it. Now he would continue to suffer. He dug furiously now, as though it would somehow ease his pain, and ease his torment. In a way it did. As he dug deeper and could fit more of himself into the hole he became warmer. He hadn’t even realized how cold the autumn air had become until he was halfway buried under the cedar’s roots. He paused to look up from his work; at the vast emptiness of the thicket. It was further away then most of the other dens, and close to the border. Maybe Shaye and Rhyme would let him keep it once they asked him to leave, or maybe a rogue would happen by it and end it all for him. He paused mentally. Suicide was a mortal sin, and he had never considered it, and indeed most of his life he had avoided dying, but now with this most recent loss to add to his repertoire he realized he would be perfectly fine if one day he could simply cease to be. Maybe he would even convince himself to take too much of any given herb and pass softly in his sleep. He was already damned for being a sodomite, what was the sin of suicide compared to that? He batted furiously at his eyes and forced himself to continue digging. It would be a cold winter, and he was getting older, soon it wouldn’t even be a matter of if but when, and no one would bat an eye if he died. If he was alone again in another cold winter he supposed it would be out of his hands entirely.He could barely hunt as it was, and if he starved and froze…Well…There was no harm in that was there? Spider speaking  Toad's voice You

"Talk" Walk Ignis had decided today, to try a patrol on his own. He was determined to prove to his new pack that he was capable of doing adult stuff, even though he wasn't quite yet an adult. He almost was, so that counted right? Whether it did or not, he didn't care. Back in his old home, his father had kept telling him to stay away from the borders and not to talk to strangers, blah blah blah. But Ignis wasn't afraid when he came across their first visitor, and he wasn't afraid now. Hell, if someone did come and try to cause trouble, he was pretty sure he could scare them with his size alone. And maybe try out some moves he had learned from his uncle. Granted, he still had a lot to learn when it came to fighting since his uncle beat his ass every time, but...well...he mostly decided to rely on his size to intimidate for now. He was near the far edge of the border, paws occasionally crisscrossing inside and outside the pack boundary. Since he wasn't yet a yearling, he wasn't allowed beyond pack boundaries without an adult. That's what his uncle told him, anyway. He was close to his first year, but his uncle made it a point that if he disobeyed and went outside without a babysitter, he'd get in real big trouble and Ignis didn't wanna make his uncle angry. So the most he did was occasionally toe the line. Remaining within inches of the boundary and testing those limits today. He didn't know if anyone would yell at him if they saw him doing that, so he continued doing it. That is until some strange noises caught his attention. Ears perked and his bouncing pace slowed to a stop, the boy tilting his head as he listened. What was that sound? Was it a badger? A coyote? The thoughts of fighting off a predator excited the boy, so he headed off to follow the sound. He didn't quite think to take a whiff and determine what exactly was making those sounds, oh no. His mind had gone straight to 'whatever it is, I'm gonna take it down all by myself' mode. He did his best to tiptoe, or in his case...walk as quietly as he could without much success. There was a big tree standing right where the sound was coming from, and he hazarded a guess that something was digging on the other side of it. With a smirk, Ignis crept up until he saw clumps of dirt being hurled well past the tree, and then he pounced! In one big leap, he landed a couple of feet beyond the tree and whirled around only to find that a clump of dirt was hurled towards him, landing right on top of his head. Soil slid down his muzzle, neck, and shoulders, and he was a little surprised by that. Looking past the freshly dug dirt that sat in a little pile on the bridge of his nose, he spotted a wolf furiously digging beneath the tree. "Heya! You diggin' yer way to the other side of the world or somethin'?" He chirped lightheartedly, tail wagging as he looked on.

He lifted his head at the sudden voice, hitting it solidly against the roof of the newly dug den. He gave a small pained whine then turned slowly to peer out at the small red pup at the mouth of his den. Spider didn’t necessarily like pups, they annoyed him and always seemed to smell of dung but he had never let such a callous side of himself show publicly. “n-n-no.” He said quietly, shaking off the dirt that had collected on his neck. “I’m d-d-d-digging a d-d-den.” He said then looked from side to side in case the boy had a mother or father that was ready to tear out his throat. It seemed he was alone although Spider was still warry about turning his back to the smaller wolf. Spider speaking  Toad's voice You

"Talk" Walk Oops. Ignis' ears flattened against his head as he winced. He hadn't meant to startle the guy and make him hit his head, and he shot an apologetic look towards him. "Oh," Came his reply. The man spoke in a strange way. Though Ignis had never heard someone speak that way before, either. He was a little disappointed that the man wasn't trying to dig to the other side of the world, and was in fact, digging himself a den. That wasn't very exciting, but he assumed it was something that had to be done. His uncle said winter would be coming soon, and he had already dug out a den in each territory for them. Ignis helped, of course...a little...when he wasn't going around and exploring the pack lands. "Well uh...can I help? I'm a good digger, honest!" If winter really was coming soon, then that meant Ignis would be turning a year old. The thought excited him and wondered what that would also mean for him. Peering at the guy, he guessed that he was much older than he was, definitely not a yearling and certainly not an old geezer.

The sound of voices drew her, and the Alpha would find herself heading in the direction. She always liked to see members of her pack being active, and as she came upon them, she noticed the scent of Ignis had been near the borders. Wondering, or perhaps keeping an eye out? Of course, Rhyme might have set him a task like border patrols for experience. Ignis was the first wolf she saw, but of course he was talking to someone else.

She would know soon in a moment, when a stuttering voice piped up, stating that he was digging a den. She was pleased to see Spider socialising with others, and her tail gave a pleased wag behind her as she approached. “Spider, Ignis, hello to both of you.” she said pleasantly, coming to a stop, and noticed how deeply Spider was in the ground. She stared, perplexed, but of course his earlier words returned to her. He was building a din. She felt a sinking feeling in her stomach, Spider looked anxious and unhappy, and the hole was pretty deeply dug. How long had he been at this?

“Spider? Why are you building a den so close to the border?” how was she supposed to keep him safe if he was so close to roguelands. She would have rather he find a place in the heart of her pack, safe, secure. Of course, his life was his choice, and she already regretted her words. He would probably think she sounded grumpy, and withdraw inside of himself. Damn it. “Do you want a hand building it?” she asked, glancing over at Ignis, who had also made this offer.

He shrank back as Shaye approached his newly formed den, cowering so only his wide eyes and nose showed over the mouth of the freshly dug earth. “O-o-oh y-yo-you k-know…” He said trailing off intentionally in the hopes that she would drop the subject. There were several reasons he could give that were neither lies nor truths, but he would keep the real reason to himself. When Shaye offered to help him dig he shrank back further, backing against the wall of his den and crouching like a trapped animal. “N-no t-thank you.” He said politely, his lips pulled back in a cautious grimace as he curled closer in on himself and attempted to make himself smaller. “She’s going to leave you, just like everyone else, she hates you, everyone hates you, they hate you because you MURDERED her! You murdered your sister!” Toad’s voice assaulted him in an unending stream, cancelling out all sound until all he could hear was the disembodied voice of his brother. He whined painfully, his eyes screwed shut as he endeavored to make himself as small as possible, hoping that the ceiling above him would cave in and end his torment once and for all. Spider   Toad's voice You

"Talk" Walk He watched this strange wolf, but his attention was momentarily drawn away when Shaye came to join them. "Hi Shaye," He greeted with a wag of his tail. As Shaye spoke to the guy in the hole, he learned a few things. One, this guy's name was Spider. Two, he acted really weird. And Three, he looked like he was completely terrified of something. Ignis was confused, and he couldn't quite hide that fact. He watched the interaction between Spider and Shaye, wondering why he was acting like that. Did this guy always act that way? He wondered then if maybe two large wolves frightened him, though he wasn't sure about that, either. Just in case though, Ignis took it upon himself to try and lessen the man's fear by settling onto his belly and laying his head over his forepaws, hoping that was indication enough that he was completely harmless. He wasn't entirely sure what was going on here, but he wanted to try and make the man not be so afraid...and hopefully even be friends. Everyone needed a friend, right? He didn't say anything right now, instead, he would let Shaye handle this if anything needed to be handled. Ignis just didn't like that the man looked so terrified. So he sat and observed for now.

Spider shrank back, away from her, and she paused. It wasn’t the first time he had shrunk away, specifically from her. She felt a little stab in her heart, uncertain why this wolf seemed so afraid of her. She had only ever offered him friendship and support. What was she doing wrong? He had opened up so easily in front of Rhyme, telling the other wolf all things that haunted him, but he barely seemed capable of looking at Shaye.

She didn’t approach any closer, staying back, and lowering herself a little to the ground, so her larger bulk wasn’t so imposing. Other then that, what could she do? She had tried the slow and gentle approach, and here it looked like she was going backwards in progress, rather then forward.

Ignis returned her greeting, and she was able to offer the other wolf a smile. It didn’t pass her attention that Spider had cowered only after Shaye had appeared. She could see where she wasn’t welcome. She might be an Alpha, and in charge of the wolves here, but she was no tyrant. “Spider.. I’m not.. I would never hurt you.” a soft sigh. “Alright.. Well, if thats where you wish to build it. Ignis, do you mind sticking around and watching out for him?” she asked the younger wolf. Maybe she should go fetch Rhyme and get him to talk Spider out of this den position. Clearly Spider didn’t want her around - talking him out of something wouldn’t be an option. She felt better if Ignis, the young warrior apprentice, hung around well she fetched someone else to speak to Spider.

As he watched Shaye leave he felt his heart sink further. She had never hurt him, and had never been anything but kind to him and it pained him every time she looked at him with such confusion and frustration. He covered his eyes with his arm and whined pitifully berating himself for making his situation so much worse than it already was. “You fuck everything up.” Spider snarled, his voice dropping in pitch and becoming distinctly ferocious. It wasn’t often that Toad spoke with Spider’s mouth rather than roaring in his thoughts as he always had, but Spider usually took greater care to make sure he was alone when he did. Toad of course was right, Toad had always been right, even when they were younger their parents had always taken his stronger brother’s side and favored him over the meek grey cub that he was. When Toad left at the turning of their first year and he and Cricket stayed behind their parents made sure they knew how their presence chaffed them. It wasn’t until Autumn came that it finally became too much for them and they had left, unconfident that they could survive on their own but hopeful that they could help each other. “And how did that turn out?” Toad asked, silently this time but bringing fresh waves of guilt crashing over him. Spider speaking  Toad's voice You

"Talk" Walk Gaze shifted between Shaye and Spider, his ears twitching slightly forward as he listened. Okay, he had to admit this guy was a little strange. Scared, even. But what did he have to be scared of? Shaye was nice as far as he could tell, and he simply couldn't understand why the guy looked so fearful. And when Shaye asked him to keep Spider company, he nodded. "Uh-huh!" He puffed out his chest, taking on a more friendly demeanor as he laid his head on his paws. Maybe Spider wouldn't be afraid if Ignis made himself look smaller. Or tried to, anyway. Crimson gaze watched the hole, watching Spider. You fuck everything up. Um...what? Ignis stared at Spider in confusion, wondering if that had been meant for him and Shaye, or just him, or just her, or...what. He wasn't aware that Spider was talking to himself, or that he maybe had something wrong with him. If he could even call it that. He was more curious about Spider the more he watched them. And while he wanted to try and make friends, he wasn't sure what the next course of action was. Should he...talk to him? Leave him alone? Just...sit there and offer his company? Ugh, he kind of wished his uncle was here...he'd know what to do. "So...Spider, right? That's a cool name." Alright, small talk it was.