She was stunned.
It was so easy to come to conclusions with an outside perspective, how easily she had berated Rhyme for not realising that Tana could conceive out of her season. How could this be? Her night with Rhyme was almost starting to feel like a strange dream, the quality of such added by the effects of the liquor. She had just started to convince herself that it was something she could stuff into a box in her mind labelled ‘past’ and leave it there to gather dust.

No, this couldn’t be possible. This was a mistake. Her swollen belly was over eating as she put on weight for winter. The change in her scent was… was stress, she had a lot of responsibilities on her shoulders as an Alpha. This was all a big, terrible mistake. It would go away, she would laugh at people's folly. Her, pregnant? Ha. ha. Nice one.

She was almost afraid to leave her den. She didn’t want the whole pack to know she was pregnant. There would be questions, through surely no one could guess the truth. Why would they? Who would do what she had done. She got to the entrance of her den, the heightened position giving her a view over Abaven, but couldn’t bring herself yet to go any further.

A bit of time had passed since Shaye and he had their first conversation since becoming too intimate with each other. Rhyme still ached with emotions, but he was slowly gaining control of those emotions. He felt better about where they stood, despite it not being what he desired. Tana was doing an incredible job at keeping him from going to the drink, and he had enough on his mind that he didn't have time to worry about things with Shaye.

He hadn't spoken to her or seen her since the other day, he'd been trying to give her space. It was good for both of them, and better on his heart that he didn't see her. She always seemed to be with him though, despite his best efforts. He'd lost track of his thoughts easily, with the gently falling snow. There was no wind, and the quiet was good for his head. Solitude and Imperia remained at the maple tree, he'd wanted to take a short walk in the snow. What he hadn't realized was that his paws were carrying him to Shaye's den.

The snow parted briefly and his sapphire and lavender gaze fell on her proud form standing at the entrance. He felt transfixed for a long moment, caught in her spell. All the progress he had made over the last few days became completely undone. His heart ached for her and he hurried to shove it down.

A small wind whipped up around him for a brief moment as he stood frozen, her scent was blown his way and he became still for completely different reasons as he felt his jaw drop. He iced over once more, but pushed himself forward. He wanted to hear it from her lips. "Shaye," He whispered as he drew close enough. Rhyme suppressed his need to hold her in that moment as he hoped she might deny what he already knew.

There was no doubt that winter was here, snow began to scatter across her coat the moment her head popped out of the den. It was just a gentle snowfall, and her coat was warm and thick for winter, it wasn’t enough to bother her just yet. Of course, it came with other concerns. Her den was not going to be warm enough for pups. The thought sent another wave of frantic beating across her heart. She hadn’t decided how to feel yet, her emotions where still smothered by the feeling of surprise.

Shell shocked, was a good way to describe. With the inability to yet move past her confusion, to decide how to proceed. How it was going to change her life. Was this how her mother had felt, after realising a simple one night stand had led to this? The thought gave a squeezing in her heart. She still didn’t forgive her mother for almost abandoning here, but she was no understanding her, as she never thought she would. If only she had Motif to talk to her, perhaps her mother would have helped to make this okay.

It was with this heartbreaking thought on the forefront of her mind, when a voice sprung out through the snow. She hadn’t heard him approach, lost as she was in her own thoughts. She sniffed, tears she hadn’t realised she had begun to shed, already chilling on her cheek. Not the best time for her Alpha partner to stumble upon her. She buried her feelings as best she could, clearing her eyes with a few blinks. “Rhyme?” she said back, the surprise in seeming him portrayed in her voice.

He was going to give her a hard look when she questioned his appearance, but he caught the icy tears on her cheek and he stopped. His heart stopped. Rhyme felt himself using all of his will power to keep from kissing the tear off her cheek. He took a deep breath, steeling his resolve as he backed away a step. Rhyme was going to have to tread carefully, for himself and for her.

He tilted his head as he cleared his expression, putting on a happy face. "You sound surprised to see me, I am still your alpha partner right?" He asked innocently, framing his question as a gentle tease and not a real inquiry. Rhyme felt oddly calm then, especially considering the cold fear he had struggled with since her return was coming to fruition. His heart should have been beating a mile a minute, Maybe he was wrong.

He tried to hang on to that thought, much too suspicious of the tears staining her dark fur. His ears had slowly sunk to his skull, and he couldn't keep his gaze from her worried eyes.

She had a feeling she hadn’t blinked away her emotions fast enough, because he looked at her, then seemed to back up a step. How did she feel, looking at this man who had helped to create the pups growing inside of her? How did she feel about the pups? She didn’t have answers for anything, her old wild emotions least of all.

She wasn’t quite prepared for an intelligent conversation with anyone, and she blinked up at him as he plastered on a smile and teased her for being surprised. “Of course you are, is this an official appearance rather than a social visit?” she asked, trying to work her way back to being an Alpha, and not just a mother.

She almost hoped something had come up, it would be good to have a nice, steady distraction. He was looking at her so intently, and she begun to realise that the tears hadn’t been the only visible thing. He was seeing it for the first time, this realization that she herself was still struggling with. She opened her mouth, trying to find the words. How could she tell him. “I… I might, that is, you might be taking over most of the pack responsibilities this winter.” she concluded, more than a little lamely.

Rhyme kept his gaze on her face, not trusting himself to peek at her growing belly. As the though crossed his mind he felt his gut tighten and twist. The calm that had seated itself with him vanished. His heart raced as he kept himself still, wearing the teasing mask as she clung to her duty like she'd spiral out of control if she didn't. He felt the same whirlwind of emotions

"Partially you could say," He managed as he tried to think of a reason he could admit to a business call. "I thought you'd be interested to know that Imperia and Solitude have built a nest." He decided to tell her. It wasn't a lie, "Imperia has laid some eggs." He added, which he wasn't so sure of. The dark raven hadn't confirmed it yet. Rhyme felt his heart drop again. Why had he decided to mention that particular fact?

Shaye went on to mention winter duties, her words coming out like she hadn't totally decided how to tell him this. He blinked his eyes slowly, feeling the storm of emotions overwhelm him for only a moment before regaining his calm demeanor. He opened his eyes again, and stole his first glance at her perfectly fit form.

He quickly removed his gaze from her visible bump. Not as exaggerated as Tana's, but he couldn't mistake it now. Rhyme's eyes fell to his paws. "I'll be here to do whatever you need of me." He'd put her in the position, he felt the warm spread of shame at the top of his head. "Anything." He again scolded himself for drinking so much. Rhyme loved her, but he'd never meant to give her such a burden.

Did she tell him the lie, carefully cultivated as her defence, or the truth? No doubt, he wouldn’t believe it easily, or argue that either could be the father, and what about when they are born? The colors of their coat could easily give them away. He deserved the truth, it shouldn’t matter how easily he could or could not upturn the evidence.


It was just so darn hard to say. Here they where, beating around the bushes, neither of them saying exactly what this was. “A nest? Strange habit for birds, entering winter.” she pointed out, knowing she was in the same predicament now as these birds where.


His eyes glanced at her stomach, the awkwardness between them seemed to grow. He would then tell her, strained, that he would do whatever was needed of him. “Would you, truely? No matter how hard?” she asked him, her voice growing as soft as a whisper, hoping it hid some of the pain that way.

While Shaye had a point about the raven's nest they were no normal birds. They lived in partnership with a wolf, of one of the biggest packs in Boreas. They had no fear of the elements, surely they could raise a clutch any time of year. "They're well fed, I don't think the season matters." He muttered back, quickly losing interest in talking about Imperia's babies instead of.. His own.

He tried not to say it, despite the facts literally staring him in the face. Rhyme grit his teeth, but released the expression as he looked back to Shaye. He couldn't make a promise with his eyes on the ground. Her voice was softer than down, and her eyes huge and pleading. Rhyme took her gaze into his own, preparing himself as best he could with his heart already broken.

"Anything. No matter how hard." His voice was similarly soft, masked even further by the slowly falling snow. The world only contained the two of them, the snow shielded their voices and images from the whole rest of the world. He didn't know what she sought from him, but he wouldn't balk at any request she made.

Thing was, it turned out she was a hypocrite. She would clutch these babies so tight, would love them and protect them, and teach them love. She would kill anyone who got on the wrong side of these little unborn lives. Yet, here was, on the verge of asking Rhyme to give up some of this himself. She was a terrible person, but this was costing both of them, there was a price for both of them to pay for what they had done.

“Can you look at these little lives and let them call you Uncle? Can you be a part of their lives, without ever admitting that they are yours?” she asked of him, knowing, knowing that this would be a price to him. Perhaps that was why she added something she never would have otherwise. “Except to them, and only when they are older.” They would not go their whole lives not knowing who Rhyme was, and she would give him the chance and option to break that secret, only once, and only to the wolves in her belly.

Her eyes where soft when she looked at Rhyme, mouth on the verge of saying something more, but she swallowed it down. She didn’t want to consider how he looked in the snow, the heartbreak and determination warring in his eyes. She didn’t want to tell him how he looked like a king, regal despite the pain.

He realized what he feared most was that she would bar him from their children. Their children. He mulled the words over in his mind, half still hoping he might have been wrong. But he wasn't. They'd made a huge mistake, but as Shaye began to speak he could see how fiercely she loved them. He could feel it too, and nearly lost the calm he so carefully wrapped around him.

He couldn't claim them. Rhyme felt his jaw slip open as his first reaction was to protest. "I.." he paused as she explained further, that she would allow the little ones to know who he was to them eventually. Could he promise this to her? Hide in shame his devotion to her and their unborn. Likely this would be the most difficult task he had ever undertaken. "You don't know how much I don't want to," he whispered, his eyes straying to her abdomen again. He didn't want to lie, not to his pups, not to the pack, not to himself. However, if Shaye would ask it of him... "I will. I.. Will never admit they are mine." Rhyme's words were slow and painfully drawn out. The oath would never be easy to keep. No matter how much it pained him to agree. She asked so much of him. He wanted to be their father, despite only knowing of their existence for a few minutes he wanted them desperately.

He wanted to tell her how much she was hurting him, but he kept his words to himself. He had to resolve himself to be strong for her, so he could make up for his mistakes that he had made with her. To make up for how much he loved her when he shouldn't.

He kept looking at her belly, at the lives that were being made beneath the skin. She could hear the reluctance in his voice, and she closed her eyes, hoping to block out the sight of his pain. She took a soft, slow breath. She had made a decision, she had to stick to it, no matter how hard it was.

“Thank you Rhyme. I’m.. sorry. I don’t want them growing with that kind of prejudice. I just want them to know happiness and love. I know you will need to be in their lives, and I will never stop you. I will encourage you to help me raise them, just not under the title you want.” she said softly.

Oh man, but this was hurting to do to him. She could see the pain in his eyes, through it baffled her a little just how much he wanted to be their father. She moved closer, hovering just before him, looking into her eyes. “We can’t be together, and this gives them.. Normalcy. It’s the right thing to do for them, I feel that it is Rhyme.” she pushed her nose against his cheek, not totally sure what she was doing, but hurting, and hurting him both. Her heart beat so quickly in her chest, and she shook, just a little. “I’m sorry.” it was a whisper, so soft he would never had heard it if he wasn’t so close.

He could see how much this decision effected her as well, but he could hear the relief in her voice as she thanked him for his word. Rhyme didn't think her next words made him feel any better, he just felt dishonest. How confused would they be when they were eventually told who he was. What would they think? How would they feel about such a secret being kept from them? He couldn't answer any of his questions. His head nodded in acceptance though.

She went on to explain herself further, Voicing what he didn't wish to fully accept himself. Though he knew he had to. As the mother to their babies she believed what they were doing would be most beneficial to the little lives they created. He wouldn't argue her point, he didn't have any good alternatives. Though he still wanted to run away with her.

She apologized again, showing that she knew how much his vow was going to hurt. He didn't leave her gaze, and he tried to smile though it was a sad excuse. He wanted to celebrate with her, to be excited about becoming parents together. That wasn't their destiny to share, and he became keenly aware of the loss. "I know," He whispered back, wary of how close she was. Rhyme couldn't indulge any more, it hurt too much. "We'll make it work. We always do." He tried to put on a brave face and sound confident but he couldn't help dread the challenges ahead of him. Of them.

She didn’t know anymore if she was doing the right thing, her confusion hurting her, like going through a branbury bush backwards. It left her feeling raw, and hurt. How was this going to work? It didn’t matter, only that it did.

She pulled back from him, slowly, missing their usual cheerful interactions with a hollowness in her heart. How had they managed to bring themselves into this mess? One night, one moment of stupidity, and their whole lives had changed, permanently.

“Oof”
She said, sitting back with a wince. “At least one of them is a kicker. Of course they would be, they’re-” oh, gheezes, was it really that hard? She blushed a little, shame faced. She realised her slip, and what it meant right at that moment. Like rubbing salt onto a wound, only with no healing properties. She shuffled, rearranging herself, rubbing a back paw across her belly, and finding the culprit. She rested her paw there, feeling the little movements, trying not to wince. “I.. I was thinking about names. If there are girls among them, I was thinking.. Poem, and Motif. After all, I kept this pack to remember what I lost, didn’t I? I would call a boy Bass. but.. I’m open to suggestions, too.” her voice was a soft whisper, uncertain if this also was adding to the pain, or if he would appreciate this chance to contribute to their names.

How did one night of alcohol and no inhibitions turn into this? Rhyme's feelings for Shaye had completely changed, and they had made babies together. He was still in a state of shock. Maybe he would have been able to forget everything if it weren't for the swelling of his partner's belly. Their whole world was turned upside down. Rhyme couldn't bring himself to hate it though, he loved her too much, and the accidental pups. Their lives were going to be so much more difficult.

Rhyme looked back up to Shaye as she reclined, her posture obviously uncomfortable. She mentioned a real kicker, and almost broke her own oath. Of course they were... They were his. Rhyme's mind finished her sentence, feeling the hurt this oath would bring already. He tried to hide his own emotions as Shaye looked away ashamedly, knowing full well the weight of her misspoken words.

His own blue and lavender gaze was averted as she said it, he hated that she had to see his pain. He was an Imperialis, he was stronger than this. They were going to make this work. It seemed she was trying to make him feel a little better because she went on to mention the names she had picked out. He and Tana had yet to discuss the matter with their litter, but it felt good to know she wanted his opinion.

Rhyme looked back to her as she explained why she had chosen those names and he found himself reminiscing. He hadn't been related to the boy, but he'd gotten to know a young slave a year or so before. He had been the closest thing Rhyme had to a friend. They were forced into battle together, and while Rhyme had been fortunate enough to step away, Ryden had not. He hadn't thought about the wolf in a long time, his loss had hurt. However, if he could honor him by naming one of his own after him he would.

"Ryden." He started, more eagerly than he should have. "I would name my son, Ryden. After a brave young slave warrior I once knew.." He'd never spoken to anyone about the bright eyed boy who craved freedom but was never awarded that luxury. If Shaye pressed he'd offer more of an explanation, but his memory hurt.

It was going to be a strange, and difficult balance to keep, this promise she had forced upon him. She would keep it as well, she would figure this out. She had never wanted to raise a family with such difficulties placed before them. She wanted them to live a normal, happy life within her pack. She wanted them to grow with love, to see what she had built here, and to be a part of it. She wanted to see them become her legacy, hers and his. It was quite possible that one of these children inside of her would become the heir to this pack.

“Ryden, a beautiful name, and i’m sure the child will wear it well.” she whispered. She could see that the pain in his eyes now where also from this new thing. She didn’t know the story of this Ryden, but she could guess it was no easy one. A soft sigh escaped her lips. She wanted the comfort of Rhyme, how it had been before. If these children were not his, she would be lying here now, laughing with him, at ease and comforted by his presence. What was she to do? She didn’t want to hurt him more by her presence, and would not ask him to stay. “We will have to work out patrolling and hunting over winter, with all these extra mouths to feed.” she commented, trying to steer them towards more logistic based conversation, rather then this emotional one.

He wanted to wrap her up in his embrace and drink the pain away, but he couldn't. They had a different path to follow. He didn't know what it would be like, or how much more difficult this promise would be to keep. Rhyme hated he'd put himself in the situation, even more so what it did to Shaye. He'd try to keep his attention on the words they spoke to each other and not what remained unspoken. Shaye was merciful enough to comment on the way his name sounded instead of the story that went with it.

She sighed softly, and he could see the turmoil within projected through her features as she struggled. He regretted again what this was doing to their relationship. They should have been enjoying each other's company, but it had become so much more complicated. Rhyme tried to relax though, he wanted to soothe himself and be at ease in her presence. He had to force himself to focus. She made it a little easier with her diversion towards pack related thoughts.

"We might be run a little more thin, but you could send Winter with one of the hunters to help. Same with the ones who take up more patrols." He offered, silently hoping he wasn't about to be eaten out of house and home by his own offspring. None of which had been expected. He tried to bring his mood up, and began pushing his pain deeper down. He had to think of more than himself, and moping wasn't going to help anything. "I'll take the tasks on personally if I have to." Rhyme added, Shaye and Tana had the difficult job of growing his children and he would work overtime to feed and protect them.

She could feel another kick in her belly, her questions on weather or not this could be true, where fading away. She knew she was going to be a mama, she just had to figure out how to be one these kids could be proud of. Despite the movement, and well roundness in her belly, the bump was less pronounced then Tana’s. Strange, considering how in Tana they had the chance to be small, for Shaye both parents were giants. Perhaps she was only having a small family. She would be okay with that, with a few little wolves to hold close and love. “Well make it work.” Shaye agreed softly. “We always do” she was referring to more than just winter supplies and patrols. She offered him a soft smile, trying not to think too hard onto her feelings for him. Trying to project them instead into love for these little unborn lives. "speech"

They had huge challenged awaiting them, especially with the truth of their children’s parentage to remain hushed. He still didn’t like any part of it, and if he hadn’t had so much respect for Shaye he might have really fought her on it. He didn’t like the dishonesty and he didn’t like not being able to claim what was his. He sighed heavily as he tried to banish the heavy emotions and focus on their talk of plans. She repeated what he’d mentioned earlier, they would make it work. They had to. He had to. Rhyme looked back out into the heavily falling snow and the quiet that surrounded them. There were so many actions he felt compelled to do in that moment, but all of them would be rejected. Nothing could help them in that moment, he didn’t think there was anything he could do to accelerate the healing of their relationship. He wanted to go take comfort in the bottle, the urge had struck him more than once. Rhyme would refrain though. He looked back to Shaye, "Do you need anything?" Rhyme thought to ask before he retreated out to a patrol to help process what she’d told and asked of him. ""

She had a lot to do, she needed to enlarge her den, insulate it against the cold winter months, puppy proof it - she wouldn’t have the little ones wandering off into the snow and getting lost, that would be a death sentence. She would have a chat with Winter about the bird joining in on patrols as Rhyme had suggested. She would need to eat more, she was finding herself constantly hungry now that she was eating for a family. All she wanted to do was lie down, and take the weight off her belly, she felt like the little ones where pressing down on it, and on her bladder too, for that matter.

She looked at Rhyme instead, trying to banish all these thoughts, and see the sadness in his eyes, the need to get away, at least for a moment, and process everything that had happened. She could see it in him, knew it in the normal independance of his nature. He was one who often pulled away from an embrace, one who needed moments alone. He was a wonderful, sweet person, but his time as a slave had taught him to take it all onto himself. No, I’m good here, thanks” she told him, giving him the space he needed, the time. She had already taken away so much, she couldn’t take anything more.

""

He guessed there were unlimited tasks the new mother was going to have to go through before they welcomed the new little squishes into the world. That had been why he asked, but Shaye knew him better and easily saw through his offer and deeper at the need to be alone. He wanted to take comfort in her, but he’d already been the cause of much pain between the two of them. They would heal eventually, and they’d make their secret family work somehow. His pups would know love, that was one fact giving him much needed comfort.


She denied his ofer, and he managed to hide his relief though he would have done anyone of those tasks she asked of him. He tried to smile at her, the way he had when it had been easy, but he guessed it still had a hint of force. "Just call if you need me." Rhyme offered, more mournful than he’d meant with his smile. He hurt, and it would feel better if he were alone. "I’ll be right here." He started to lean towards her, meaning to give her a nuzzle of encouragement, but stopped himself a few inches away as he looked into her bright blue gaze.

He paused longer than he should have, but managed the smile again before turning and disappearing into the snow.

""