He managed to drag the carcass even with the wound in his leg, thankfully Shaye’s den wasn’t incredibly far. Her wound was not quite as serious as he had first thought, and the pair of them covered in blood had managed to make it back with relative ease. He was feeling the bite wound more prominently, but his focus on Shaye was enough to distract him from it. He left the sheep outside, being in the cold wouldn’t hurt it or the pelt he wanted off of it.

Rhyme let Shaye lead the way into her changing den. He didn’t miss the additions made specifically for the pups on the way. Somehow the sight made them so much more real. He took to Shaye’s cubbys as she bedded down in the furs that already rested here. "I wanted to bring you the sheep mostly for its warm fur. Even when wool is wet it remains incredibly warm." He told her, more at ease in her presence now than he’d been since before their drunken night.

Rhyme managed to find some horsetail and trillium Vail had stored in Shaye’s den for the day she gave birth. He’d use to two to seal the wound, help with her pain and ward from infection. After retrieving his choices he turned back to Shaye, no longer hesitant in drawing near as he saw to her wound.

""

She let Rhyme lead her into her den, concerned herself for the unborn children inside of her. She offered less resistance or complaint she otherwise would have, as she took a seat and let Rhyme grabbed the things he needed. “The sheep is a good idea, it will be the bed for the children.” she told him. It would smell like Rhyme, and they would always associate him with comfort. Her heart lurched, wanting and not wanting this simultaneously

Rhyme returned to her with his chosen ingredients, setting himself beside her where he could attend to her wound. As he did so, she took a small clump of the herbs from where he had placed them on the ground before starting, and began to sort them herself. She gave nothing away until she leaned over, and cleaned out his own impressive wound, the one that looked like it would scar. Glancing up at him with a raised brow like that seemed to say “Go on, say something, I dare you.” there was a slight hint of a smile beneath it - she wouldn’t settle for a no. if he cared to her wound, she would care for his.

If he hadn't been so preoccupied with her injury he wouldn't have let himself get so close to her. Rhyme wouldn't allow her to come to more harm and let himself remain too caught up in focusing on her injury. She agreed with his assessment of usefulness for the sheep's skin, and he tried to set thoughts of their children from his mind. Of course they were also his main goal, keep them safe. He'd been so close to losing them he'd realize as he cleaned Shaye's wound of the drying blood.

He winced, looking down to see her busy at his wound as well Rhyme started to dissuade her but her expression said he wasn't going to get far if he tried. He shook his head as he turned his attention back to the herbs between them. "The horsetail should bind the wound together, and the trillium will help ward off infection." He told her as he focused on preparing the herbs instead of how close she was. Rhyme couldn't let his mind travel down that path. He applied his concoction to the gash in her side carefully. "You shouldn't have been out there today." He chastised her gently instead of offering thanks for likely saving his life or at least a limb. Rhyme wouldn't have seen the danger until it was too late.

She could see the argument in his eyes, but he said nothing as she began to tidy up his own wound. She would remain still as he saw to her own cut, letting him clean it with nothing more than a soft wince. She had had very few people, other then Vail tend to her wounds before, and found it an odd experience.


He explained his herbs as he used them, which seemed to be a common habit of any healer, sharing knowledge and experience as they worked. She nodded appreciatively, finding comfort in his voice. She was still feeling pent up after the attack, and her nerves where humming. The fright the cut had given her - the realization that putting herself in that position endangered more than just herself…


And then Rhyme went and said it outloud, the very thoughts on her own mind. Instead of agreeing with him, she snorted in derision. “And you shouldn’t have been wiggling your fluffy butt at enemies, it happened. I’m surprised they crossed Abaven territory.” she cursed softly. “We need more wolves on patrols, winter is already looking lean.”

Shaye's scent was heavy in the air, he tried not to realize where he'd put himself. Curled up close to her in the warmth of her den, he mentally shook the thoughts from his mind. "Does it hurt too bad?" He asked, wondering what kid of pain management might be best to use with her being pregnant. Rhyme continued to see to her wounds as he avoided taking in her gaze. That particular action still caused a pain in his chest.

Of course he'd finished with his work much too soon, but he continued to play with the fur around her wound absentmindedly. He was careful not to aggravate it and cause her discomfort as she returned his scolding. He should have been paying more attention to his surroundings.

"It's not that fluffy is it?" He asked in mock concern as he looked back playfully at his rear. Had she been looking? He really shouldn't have been entertaining the thoughts. Rhyme was also trying to lighten the mood. They were literally talking about life and death. He could have been seriously injured and she could have lost the babies. "I've got our highest ranking members doing double duty, an even the apprentices have stepped up. We should really put some thought into graduating a couple of them. Ignis fought that tiger with me." He told her proudly, realizing how long it had been since he and Shaye had really caught up on things. Their one drunken night had really thrown a wrench in how close they had been.

He felt frustrated with the distance that had grown, and despite being only inches away he felt like it was miles. He put the blame for it on himself. His lack of self restraint had caused all of this. The rift, the pups... He sighed internally at his mistakes but held the memory close. He had to since he couldn't hold her close to him.

She finished cleaning and then binding his wound, concentrating as she inspected her handiwork, and decided that it was good enough. Rhyme seemed to be taking a bit longer dealing with her wound, and she occasionally felt a gently tug in her coat in the fur around the wound. What was he doing, finger painting with the herbs? He didn’t have to be quite that thorough.


When she looked at him, he was looking at what he was doing, and didn’t look up to meet her gaze at all. The awkwardness started to return as she finished her task and realised she was lying in her den beside the father of her pups. Beside the only made she had ever lain with.


“It’s pretty fluffy, think raccoon-butt” she described for him, as he looked in the direction of his tail. “I would have attacked it too, if you’d waved it at me.” she was barely paying attention to the words running free of her mouth. Trying to build on whatever jokes she could as her main collection of thoughts started to panic a little. She could feel him beside her, like a source of warmth in the cool winter day. The scent of him was familiar, and despite everything it was something she associated with comfort.

Yet, she wasn’t feeling terribly comforted, her heart began to pick up.


Wait, what?

“Tiger?” she asked, voice growing in agitation. ‘When did you fight a tiger? ” and why hadn't’t she been there beside him? A part of her cursed her predicament, her growing belly that got in the way, and cautioned her against brashness. She wanted to be by his side, fighting alongside him. A team. She got that chance today, and both of them got a fright.

He returned his eyes to her fully dressed wound, making himself give up tidying it anymore. He'd done a decent job and she didn't offer an insight into her pain so he resigned to withholding it. He would suffer through his own hurt as she had already finished with his arm. Rhyme was going to have a rough few days while it healed. Thankfully Shaye was just as eager to fall into their old teasing banter and she mentioned how he had a raccoon butt. He managed not to look too hurt at the comment as she mentioned that she would have attacked him too. Rhyme chuckled.

She was suddenly surprised at his words. Rhyme looked back towards her, not meaning to catch her gaze but their eyes locked. Her worry was obvious, and he felt it cause his heart to flutter heavier in his chest.

"I hadn't meant to go after it that day, but after we had tracked it.. It attacked." He told her, looking down at his left shoulder, the same side the coyote had gotten him. The slash marks were still more obvious than he liked and he knew they'd be there the rest of his days. "Is that a bit of jealousy I hear?" He had to tease her. If he got too close or let their conversation travel down the wrong road.. "Just think of all the wild cats our.." He stopped himself just as quickly as his heart did as he misspoke. "Just think of all the wild cats they'll chase." He corrected himself with a somber voice.

She thought she knew everything going on in his life. Each week they sat down and shared on information they had discovered, ideas in their head. They told eachother everything, making them a fantastic Alpha team. When had they last had such a cheek up? Not before her pregnancy, before they had foolishly gotten intimate.

She lowered her eyes, trying to conceal the emotions raining beneath them. She needed him in her life, needed his support, his knowledge, his companionship. She both wanted and did not want his life. The idea was tearing her apart, selfishly she wanted to hold him close and call him hers, but how? How could that ever work. She wished her eyes had never wondered to him and thought ‘how perfect he looked’ she never would have gotten herself into this then.

He told her about the tiger, and she let the story distract her from her hormonal thoughts. This pregnancy was only going to add to the emotional mess. “It might be, I’ve never had the chance to take down a cat” she said with a sigh, before his next words had her head whipping up and properly looking at him before she could stop herself. The pain of his misspoken word was like a thorn in her heart, but she responded instead to the second part, with perhaps a touch more venom then intended. “It’s going to be a long time before these little ones are out there hunting something that can hunt them back.” she growled.

Rhyme was no stranger to the thoughts that ran through Shaye's mind. A hard regret for what they had allowed to happen between them. He'd broken his own heart that night, and it would have torn him apart if he knew Shaye struggled similarly. While he regretted that night it was no longer because of shame but instead from the damage wrought between their relationship. He longed for the closeness they had before, and wished for it again. The easiness of being at her side.

He tried to relax into that state again as he teased her lightly. She replied that his guess was likely correct. He smirked knowingly, wondering absently when the next time they might get the chance to hunt a tiger would be. Likely not until after the pups were old enough to be away from Shaye for long periods. Someone would be able to keep an eye on them, though he'd have been lying if he said he wasn't looking forward to the forbidden cat hunting.

He tried to suppress the hurt in his heart as he spoke wrong, what he would have given to be able to raise them with her. Rhyme wanted to be their father. Shaye growled at him, but he managed to grin wider. He had to push the painful emotions down, and smiling was if not the easiest to manage was the easiest to fake.

"They'll be brining you corpses before they're weaned." He challenged, feeling a surge of pride in his unborn offspring. "I hope you're ready for a challenge." He said not even realizing how true his words were. "Considering who their parents are, they'll be out of the den before their eyes are open." He said with only the hint of a wince at his own words.

She growled again, a protective momma-bear sound as he pushed her pregnancy buttons. She was already feeling pent up after the scratch to her belly, to the unknown future of these littles ones. Her blood was running a little higher after the fight, and her emotions where messed up from the hormones. Did he really have to push her buttons when she was this close to the edge?

She rose to her paws, pressing her face into his, eyes locked into his, turning what could have been an intimate motion into a stare down. His words where a challenge, almost a threat as he told her what a hand-fill these little ones where going to be. “Then you better be there to catch them when they do.” she snarled at him “Because so help me Rhyme if they get into trouble your helping me haul there asses out of it.”

Her heartbeat had picked up at some point, beating a steady rhythm in her chest, so loud she was sure he must hear it. Her emotions where spiking, and as she looked into his eyes, declaring her own challenge, her need for him in this as an equal, she felt the sudden, rushing need to kiss him. Her eyes were wide, her lips slightly parted, and she could taste his breath on the air.

Rhyme didn't know he was on such a sharp edge, couldn't guess how fully Shaye was pumped with adrenaline. He was too preoccupied with trying to hide his own inner thoughts. He jumped softly when Shaye suddenly took to her feet, never expecting her sudden closeness. His eyes widened in surprise as his grin faded, all he could see was the brilliance of her gaze. She was just as fierce as she was when they fought the coyotes earlier when she spoke. He knew fear in that moment as she demanded his cooperation. Shaye was serious.

"I wouldn't have it any other way." He promised, caught up in the fire that blazed in her eyes. Rhyme would never let harm come to the growing promise in Shaye's womb. They grew quiet and he was suddenly aware of the closeness she initiated. He should have turned away, for his own well being, but he couldn't break free. His chest throbbed, his suppressed emotions surfacing painfully as Shaye stood close.

He was finally able to close his eyes and break her gaze, but he couldn't move his face from hers. Rhyme's skin was hot where they touched. Did she mean to torture him? She certainly wasn't making any of this easy for him. "You know you're being cruel." The whisper fell from his lips as he pushed gently against her, suppressing his need for her affection with difficulty.

Her intensity didn’t fade, but his sudden agreement robbed her of a direction, leaving her standing there, passionate and riled up, with no outlet. She wanted to yell at him some more about protecting their pups, about being a father and standing there beside them. Only.. that was wrong, terrible wrong. She had told him he couldn’t be a father to them. The heat inside her suddenly turned cold, and she began to tremble. Like a switch, her determination turned to sadness, and here eyes, still wide and intense, looked on the verge of tears.

But he had already closed his eyes, closing her off from this window into his soul, and leaving her feeling lost and alone. She didn’t move, she wasn't certain that she could, right at that moment. She held herself locked into place with trembling paws and a heart that didn’t know if it wanted to be intensely furious or intensely sad.

He told her she was being cruel, and one of the unshed tears slipped free and she lowered her head, inevitably lowering it over his shoulder, because he had pushed closer to her, pushed into her. She gasped softly from the emotions inside of her, her reservations melting away, and she struggled to find them again. Why where they holding back? She had a reason, it had been important, so important…

She lowered her head fully, burying it into his coat, and before she knew it, found that she was weeping.

She didn't move away, and with every moment his heart was pulled further apart. He spoke to her, his voice soft to hide the emotions there. Shaye didn't say anything. He felt her tremble, and the single tear that dripped onto the short fur of his face. His blue and lavender gaze opened as she slid forward and slumped against him. Rhyme was still for a moment longer, pain gripped him as he struggled with his next actions.

Shaye pushed her features into his coat, her gentle sobs reached him and he gave up holding himself aloof. His poorly made defenses came crumbling down as he pulled her into his grasp. Rhyme knew how much this would hurt him later but he couldn't with hold comfort. She meant to much to him for his own comfort to come first. She really was being cruel.

He nuzzled into her neck, holding her tightly as he positioned his lips close to her ear. He whispered to her softly, offering comfort when his own heart was aching. "Shh, Shaye." He rocked her gently back and forth, and relive their mistake again.

He held her as she came apart at the seems, all her carefully crafting reasons, all the walls she had built on her heart. She thought she had built them strong and secure, but what it really, they were only made out leaves, puffed away by a breath from the man she… loved.

She let him comfort her, felt his breath tickle her ear as he spoke to her, soft and soothing, rocking her gently like she was a child in her mother's arms. Somehow, that only made it seem worse, reminding her of loss. “I’m not who I want to be Rhyme, I don’t know who I want to be anymore.” she sniffed, clinging to his coat, voice murmured by his fur as she spoke into it. “How can this be both so right, and so wrong. I don’t understand. I don’t understand!” why did this have to hurt so much.

Why did she have to be a blubbering mess, and make everything so much worse. She was suppose to be putting distance between her and Rhyme, but it was so much harder then she had ever anticipated it being. She clung to him tightly, her heart weeping, her soul asunder. In that moment of pure weakness and emotion and hormones, her mouth slipped open again, and the words that would damn her soul and mark her for a terrible person, would slip free.
“I love you.”
She whispered.

Shaye clung to him desperately, and he held her back. He didn't know what it all meant, or if it changed anything between them. Rhyme could feel it though, the pain in his chest that told him this couldn't last. But he held her like he would never let go. She cried into his fur and he felt the emotion in her voice. Shaye was confused and lost.

He tried to keep himself restrained to just being her shoulder to cry on. She'd made it clear when she'd run from him that morning if he didn't want to be hurt further he had to have more control than when he'd been a drunken mess. Rhyme managed to keep himself from giving in but then her voice was in his ear again.

"I love you."

Rhyme froze. His heart thudding hard against his chest, with his breath tight and his skin growing warm. He grit his teeth, knowing he should hold steady but wanting so bad to give in to the fragments of his heart. Those three words made him want to both sing with joy and weep in sorrow. Shaye loved him, he'd known deep down in his suppressed thoughts but he'd been unable to acknowledge the fact to keep himself protected. But here they were.

"I know." he whispered back, his voice shaking as he continued. "I love you, too." He admitted with more strength than he'd expected. "But it hurts." Rhyme confessed the pain he felt at having to deny the fact. He'd mostly relaxed now burying his features into the baby soft fur behind her ears. She couldn't keep doing this to him, he'd only just built his walls only to have them leveled in a few moments.

Why did situations keep putting them into this sort of position, like stars aligning. If they hadn’t fought the coyotes in this late, hormonal stage of her pregnancy, if she hadn’t gotten a cut over her belly, if Rhyme hadn’t applied the herbs himself. If he hadn’t been right here beside her, with his deep, soulful blue eyes, looking at her with love and pain and a fierce, crazy sort of determination as he told her what a handful the pups would be, as he promised to look out for them.

Yet, here they where, leading them to this moment, to her crying in his coat, and feeling everything she had been denying herself. She knew what she wanted, knew what it meant, but her reservations had never been about denying what she wanted. They had been about, what, exactly. Image? Upholding a standard? She found it so hard to believe in that moment, that these ideals were worth the pain.

He returned the words, saying what she had seen in him in flashs, in his pain and in his hesitations. He loved her. She clung to him tighter, still weeping, but more softly now. Something that changed inside of her, aligned, like those stars. “I’ll leave, if that's what you want. But it’s not what I want anymore Rhyme. It’s not what I want.” she sniffed, her nose still buried into his coat, her words hiccuped through her tears.

How had he let himself be here again? This time he should have gotten someone else to see to Shaye's wounds. He never should have slipped into her den, never should have allowed her so.. Close. Here they were though, arms wrapped up together in the dark quiet place. Rhyme wanted to let himself fall into her, to enjoy being this close. To really embrace the challenges of parenthood with her.

She softened her sobs, the pain she felt reflective of his own as she too denied how she really felt. Shaye held on to him tighter as she heard his confession, and she replied. He waited to let the relief wash over him the words teasing him as she banished her earlier commitments. Was she saying what he had longed to hear? He stilled, barely breathing as he contemplated what she had said. Rhyme would never have her leave. Had he felt more like joking he would have mentioned he wouldn't dream of kicking her out of her own den.

"Don't leave. I could never want that." He interrupted, but quieted as she continued. She didn't want to be so far away anymore. He didn't want their distance to continue. Rhyme wanted her to be happy. "What do you want, Shaye?" He asked softly, did she want to continue keeping how they truly felt a secret or would they embrace the truth. "I don't want this ache in my heart anymore."

She was still holding him tight, as through she feared that a single inch, a single slacking in her grip would let him be torn from her, would take away this moment of truth. Her heart was beating quickly again, the tears gone, and something almost akin to fear in her breath. She realised what she wanted, and that she would not fight herself over it anymore. She didn’t know what it would mean, for herself, for Abaven, or for Rhyme. She just knew she would no longer be the stumble block, keeping them apart.

“I want.. I want this Rhyme. I want you.” she took a deep breath. Dammit, she was trembling again, she raised her head from her coat so her words could be heard clearly, her head moved gently to brush against his ear. “I want you to be there father. I want you to be my alpha mate.” she wanted all of it, she admitted, admitted like she never had let herself before. She wanted him, she wanted to be able to hold him in her arms any time she wished, to whisper in his ear. To be the reason he laughed. She wanted to see him with their children, teaching them, guiding them. She wanted the whole world to know, because she was no longer afraid of what they might think.

Let them judge her, and come what may. He was hers, and she would fight for him. A possessive growl started in her throat, a low thrum of noise that vibrated through their close touch.

He didn't think it was possible but she held onto him tighter as he spoke and asked his own question and offered what he couldn't do. For only a moment there was silence between them before she spoke again and he let the anxiety rush from him. She didn't want to hide it away anymore, wouldn't force him into building those walls that protected him sparsely from the pain. He felt her trembling, but he couldn't help it as his lips curled into a soft smile.

Her lips were at his ear, whispering all the words he wished for her to say. Rhyme would be their children's father, he'd stand beside her as her partner in all things. The ease of being beside her would return. Neither of them realized how similar they really were.

He wrapped himself up in her as he felt the last of his reservations leave him. He wanted Shaye, he wanted her by his side and he wanted to raise their children as their father. He wanted to be honest and embrace the truth. He knew they'd likely have consequences, and this time he would expect them.

Rhyme felt her growl deeply, a challenge to the world to question her decision. He found himself chuckling softly at her. "I will be all of that for you. For them." He muttered, caressing her swollen uninjured side of her belly with a dark paw. Rhyme felt a real smile play on his features as he nuzzled into her with relief. The ache was already fading. Why had it taken them so long to embrace what they both had wanted and repressed painfully. He hoped he was sure, because he knew he wouldn't be able to go through that torture again. "I didn't know it, but you were the one all along." He told her quietly as he enjoyed holding her close.

He had no reservations, none at all. He was there, willing and wanting to love and hold her, to be something more. She had no idea where this would lead them in life, she just knew, without a doubt, in that moment that this was right.

“Family.” she agreed as he spoke of being there for them and her, and placed a paw on her belly. He would feel a soft movement beneath the skin as one of his feisty kids moved around inside of her, as through reaching out for their father. “They agree.” she joked.

“And you are my one” she promised him, leaning forward to press a kiss against his lips, their first as sober, knowing people. She laughed even as she kissed him, joy in her eyes as the last of the tears were chased away. “I love you, Rhyme Imperialis. Come what may, because dammit I love you”