After a midnight patrol Rhyme did not return to the den and his pups, they should have been fast asleep and he had a bit too much on his mind to go back to sleep yet. Icy white paws carried him unknowingly towards what had been his personal retreat was turned into a graveyard. He felt the gash in his heart reopened as he realized where he’d walked. Tana and Darilnor. Dark ears fell to his skull as he lowered his towering form to the ground between his son and his son’s mother.

He sighed heavily and placed his head on his paws, eyes on the fast moving water in front of him. The seasons were changing, and the cold of winter would be quick on the heels of Autumn’s grasp. His children were approaching yearling status, and he was forced to remember another milestone his lost son would miss. He turned his head slightly to look at the fresh grave that held his mother. He’d come to terms with her loss a long time ago, but he knew her death affected their children so much heavier than himself.

i wish i was just as strong Theory hadn't slept for a full night in some time. She was restlessly turning in Shaye's den when she finally decided it would be better to walk until she was tired. Rhyme and Shaye had been cutting them some slack since Tana's passing, and they had been so busy with the recovery efforts after the fire - it was easier than ever to take midnight jaunts or slip past the borders for a walkabout. Theory had tried her best not to take advantage of their distracted state, but she needed time to herself. Casting a look over her shoulder to make sure Shaye and her siblings were still sleeping soundly, Theory extricated herself from the dark den and headed out into the moonlight. No matter how hard she tried to avoid Tana's grave, her paws seemed to carry herself there of their own volition. Before she came upon the site, she spotted Rhyme with his head on his paws. Theo gulped, hoping she wasn't about to get a tongue lashing. "You couldn't sleep either?" She called softly, stepping out of the shadows. The young wolf gave her a father an uncertain, lopsided smile. So many emotions churned in her stomach she was almost sick. "theory speaks!" as i make myself out to be

He wasn’t alone with his thoughts for long as a sweet voice called out from the forest and brush behind him. Rhyme lifted his head, ears swivelling in her direction as his blue and lavender gaze fell on his growing daughter. Despite the mood his smile turned up gently as he saw her. He sighed softly and got to his feet as he nodded slowly.

Rhyme shifted himself so Theory might sit next to him and avoid disturbing either grave. He curled his dark tail around his paws as his gaze returned to the earth at his feet. Rhyme wasn’t sure what to say to Theory, but he hoped she might sit close. His heart hurt for her, and he yearned to have Rhythm back. Would he even be told when she passed? He knew she was old and she hadn’t lived an easy life.

He shook himself lightly of the thought, he needed to focus on Theory and what she needed. ”Come sit next to me,” he asked gently, gaze returned to her frame.

i wish i was just as strong She let loose a breath that she hadn't known she'd been holding. At least he wasn't angry that she was having a walkabout at this late hour - but she was older now, and perhaps had earned certain privileges that she wasn't fully aware of. Theory slowly approached her father, her steps slow and faltering as she got closer to the graves. She was still uncomfortable near them; the image of Tana's sundered body, bright red blood against her cloak, was vividly burned into Theo's mind. It was the last thing she saw before she fell asleep. And yet... Tana hadn't really had much of a presence in her life at all. Her mother had haunted her before she'd even been dead with the ghost of her presence. Theory settled close to Rhyme, sitting thigh-to-thigh with him before the graves. She leaned into his body, stifling a sob that had crept its way into her throat without her noticing. "It's so... strange," she choked, "I'm not sure why I care, but it hurts, it hurts deep down inside of me. She was gone before she was gone... but now it's just - she's just - over? And never coming back..." Now that the death had had time to settle and really sink in, Theory was left to grapple with her feelings alone. She didn't want to trouble Verse with them, and she had the feeling Noir would gladly piss on Tana's grave if he thought he could get away with it. Theo didn't have the love that Verse had for their mother, but she didn't have the hate that Noir did either. She was miserably strung between the two. "Did you love her?" Theo whispered hoarsely. "theory speaks!" as i make myself out to be

Theory leaned into his side and Rhyme placed an arm around her shoulder, offering his comfort as she struggled with her emotions. She spoke, and every word broke his heart, and even more he wished that he had been able to keep his family together. Tana had gone though, and in the end he hadn't been able to keep her safe. Rhyme had chosen his children over her, and she was now laying beside their stillborn son. The slate alpha squeezed his eyes shut, ”Death is never easy.” He whispered to her as she grew quiet for a long moment before asking a question that shouldn’t have surprised him. Did he love Tana.

”Maybe I thought I did, when we were first together.” He told her honestly. Now he worried that his children might make the same mistakes he did. Rhyme had to talk to them about his own shortcomings soon, in hopes they wouldn’t make some of the same choices he did. ”I.. lost any feeling for her when she left.” He again admitted, but his tone was flat. His blue and lavender gaze peeked open to watch his daughter, curious how she might take his answer. He wanted to be honest with her though, his children were forced to grow up fast.

i wish i was just as strong Theo smiled awkwardly between the tears when Rhyme said that he had once loved Tana, or thought he did. How did you know for sure? If Rhyme, so wise and strong, made such a mistake... perhaps "love" was more like a steep, dangerous ravine. Even experienced travelers slipped up and the consequences were disastrous. Theory didn't want to ask any questions about Shaye. The whispers about the pair confused her, and she saw her sisters more like separate extensions of their parents. "Incest" seemed like such a dirty word for what had resulted in Poem and Motif. His flat affect when he spoke of Tana's choice to leave surprised her, but she didn't let it show. "Why did she choose to leave? Abaven is safe, she would have been protected." I would have grown up knowing my mother, not the shadow she'd left behind. "It just doesn't make sense," she keened. Foolishly, she'd thought the tears were over, but it seemed like there were more to be shed. "How do you know when love is real, then?" She muttered between tears, swiping angrily at her face with a paw. When that didn't work, she turned her face into Rhyme's chest to compose herself. His warm, familiar scent brought a temporary calm that stayed her tears for now. "It seems so... messy. Complicated." "theory speaks!" as i make myself out to be

Rhyme saw a little concern in theory’s features, just behind her somewhat forced smile. He leaned over and placed his chin on her head, only barely able to do so anymore. Theo was getting tall, and already challenged his own height. She spoke again, asking the why of her mother’s abandonment. Even he couldn’t give her a positive answer. ”I asked her, the last time I saw her.” Right after the fire. She’d brought aid to them after she smelled the fire. It was a nice gesture, and the least she could do after hurting her children so deeply. ”She said she left because you would be safer without her.”

Rhyme sighed heavily, removing his head from hers and nuzzling her cheek softly. ”I know it doesn’t make sense.” Shaye had taken the blame with having been the reason Tana reacted so hastily, but it hadn’t been the first time she showed interest in leaving either. Rhyme held his daughter close as she cried softly, her questions continuing to pour out. He hated to think her illusions of him were quickly shattering, but he remained as honest as possible. "How do you know when love is real, then?" The slate alpha found his features turn away for a moment as he took the chance to compose himself. His mind went to Shaye and his heart ached all over again for completely different reasons.

”You will know. Probably after it gets messy and complicated.” He’d experienced both with Tana and Shaye, but he would never forget how deeply he felt for his alpha partner. ”I’ve made many mistakes, but your existence is not one of them.” Rhyme nuzzled her ear lovingly, not trying to cheer her up she could be as sad as she wished. He offered her comfort, support, and advice if she wanted it.

i wish i was just as strong Theory took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. Rhyme's answer was so painfully adult, but she tried not to be irritated at his response. She knew it came from a full life and his own unique experiences. Knowing was something that came from... having known it, she supposed. And she was positively certain that she hadn't felt any kind of... romantic love, only the close bond that connected her to her patchwork family. She didn't acknowledge his answer to her question - it was too difficult to wrap her head around. How would they have been safer without their mother? Hadn't Tana been a healer? Didn't she know that puppies needed their mothers? It would take some time before Theory would be able to reckon with Tana's absence, and while Rhyme's answer only confused her further, she hoped one day it would help her come to terms with Tana's choice. "You're right," she said bitterly, her petulant teenager tone showing. "It doesn't make sense at all." As he nuzzled her ear with all of a father's affection, Theo couldn't help but let a few more hot tears slip down her cheeks. Although she had never doubted Rhyme's love - she would forever remember those first few days after Tana had left, when he had taken her and her siblings to all pile hellishly close in his den - it was always nice to hear it spoken aloud. "Tell me about some of your mistakes, then," she challenged quietly, turning her eyes up to him and pressing her head beneath his chin more closely. Theory thought Rhyme must have been exaggerating - what kind of mistakes could he have possibly made? "theory speaks!" as i make myself out to be

Theory already hurt, there was little need to sugar coat what he did know for her. She was getting older, could form her own opinions and ask his advice if she wished for it. Rhyme was incredibly proud of her, and her siblings, especially after what they’d been put through. Her voice was bitter when she accepted his words on Tana’s last encounter, and he couldn’t blame her for it either. He sighed softly as she allowed a few more tears to escape and settled against her as she leaned against his chin and asked more of her difficult questions. He felt himself smirk as he side eyed her, lovingly of course. Was he ready to have this conversation with her?

”You’ll not get any specifics from me,” he chuckled low. ”I had some problems with alcohol,” he started listing his shortcomings. Even to this day he wished he could drown his emotions in the inebriating liquid. He gave her another look, debating about how much he should divulge. ”I jumped too quickly into relationships.” Rhyme added, vaguely. ”I wasn’t able to keep my promises.” That one he was forced to look away from his daughter, his sorrow evident in his voice. If he had been able to keep his promises to Tana, maybe she would have still been alive and in Abaven with their children.

i wish i was just as strong Rhyme's teasing was a bit of a thorn in her side. She was trying to have a real, adult conversation! But she was too young to understand that sometimes it was important to let your children believe that their parents are the masters of their own destiny. If Theory explored Rhyme's faults and cracks too deeply, she might not like what she found. It was too soon for her to give up on another parent, and so she listened attentively to what information he felt comfortable divulging. Alcohol? She never would have guessed that Rhyme had problems with substance abuse, but she supposed her typically level-headed father wasn't usually the type to transgress sacred boundaries like the sanctity of family. His union with Shaye had always been a mystery to her, but perhaps this was one piece of the puzzle. Theory blushed hotly beneath her black coat, thankful for the cloak of her fur and the dark of night. She didn't like thinking about Rhyme as a separate adult, without the moniker of "Father" - the fact that he was just a typical male with his own biological urges made her want to vomit. The other shortcomings he gave seemed to tally. His short relationship with Tana, his strange partnership with Shaye... was there anyone she didn't know about? Theo wasn't sure she wanted to ask, but their almost-adult conversation made her bolder than usual. "Is there anyone else? Besides Shaye and Tana," she asked, half-afraid of the answer. Were there more siblings running amok somewhere? Was Rhyme seeing someone else right now, a complete stranger? The thought gave her the creeps. "theory speaks!" as i make myself out to be

Theo remained quiet through his confession of tid bits. She couldn’t notice the heat or embarrassment she felt from the direction their topic went. He tried to remember if he’d ever had similar discussions with Valentine. Rhyme had many half siblings, and as he thought more about it now he felt ashamed to have continued the trend. Deep in his heart he hoped his children would fine a one and only, and not take up his heedless sowing of wheat. He hadn’t expected his daughter’s next question either. Should he even mention the woman he’d met before he’d been with Shaye or Tana? She was his big secret, the consequences he still didn’t know about. Likely there were more of his offspring out there, but he hadn’t even gotten her name before he succumbed to his primal desires.

”Before either, I met someone. I..” He sighed and looked down at his daughter, still uncertain about divulging the sensitive information. ”I haven’t heard from her since.” Was Theory aware enough to understand his vague words? ”You were all so perfect I have no need to have anymore pups.” He tried to assure her, despite his thoughts running to Samara. He pushed the emotions down and repeated again his reasoning to keep his distance.

i wish i was just as strong An uncomfortable pit formed in her stomach as Rhyme mentioned that there was, in fact, another someone. Theory's imagination was far worse than anything close to what she hoped was reality. What had Shaye said about some crazed pack in Auster that believed they were gods? No, impossible. They were so far away from Abaven, and besides, if Rhyme knew the woman was crazed, how could he bed her? The idea of skipping the introductions altogether and getting down to business never occurred to her. Sex, to Theory, was still all about romance. How could you form a union with someone whose name you didn't even know? Her skin prickled uncomfortably and she looked away, ignoring Rhyme's next comment. They were empty words meant to comfort a child, and she was feeling less and less like one every day. "Do you want a mate?" she asked bluntly, flicking one of her ears dismissively. As Shaye's partner alpha, Rhyme was certainly an eligible bachelor. Why didn't he just choose one female and stop messing around? It would certainly straighten out her family tree a little. "theory speaks!" as i make myself out to be

Theory continued to hit with the hard questions, and Rhyme felt himself surprised again at how brilliant his daughter was. He prayed that everything he told her helped guide her down a better path. Did he want a mate? Yes, he wished for someone to curl up next to when he slept, to love and look forward to being with when your duties were done. Someone to unwind to.

”Yes, I would. Especially with the den emptying fast.” He missed the days when it was just him and the three pups. They had been difficult emotionally, but they had been together and that was what mattered. ”But, I don’t want to rush again. I want to make sure you, and your siblings, are on the right track before I focus on any relationships. You are my priority.” He spoke the truth, though he felt a great weakness for Samara, and he would love Shaye until the day he died, the five almost yearlings harbored all of his efforts.

i wish i was just as strong Theory seemed satisfied by Rhyme's answer, even if it surprised her a touch. He was allowed to still want for things outside of the confines of their familial bond, but there was a part of her that selfishly wished he would forgo such things for a while longer. Theo wasn't sure what "on the right track" meant - how would anyone know if they were on the right track? It seemed like quite the grey area. "Well..." Admittedly, since Tana's passing, Theory had been spending quite a few nights in Shaye's den. Certainly more nights than she spent in the old den beneath the large tree. "Maybe I can spend more nights with you." Even though she offered, she knew it would be a tight squeeze. Aside from Verse, her and Noir took up quite a bit of space. It seemed like she was growing more and more every day. "Why don't we both try and get some sleep? I'll come back to the den tonight." She felt older than her years. Maybe a good few hours' rest would lift the worry and anxiety from her shoulders. If only. "theory speaks!" as i make myself out to be

He leaned against her softly as she agreed that the two of them might spend more nights together. ”Do you want to know a secret?” He asked her as he lifted himself to all four paws. ”I don’t really like sleeping in a den. When.. your mother told me she was pregnant with you we dug the den beneath the maple. Before, I always slept under the tree in the open.” He explained, deciding that he would soon take up that practice again. His children were slowly removing themselves from the den, and so would he. Rhyme wondered how they might feel if he finally decided to fill the hole in completely. He waited for Theo to lead the way back, a soft smile of his features. Glad they’d been able to talk.