Dylas was gone now too…

...and there was still no word from No Face about locating Evangelos or Nausicaa.

Philomena was giving up hope of finding her children alive. It wounded her, heart crying out for the family she was supposed to have. She… wasn’t sure what to do with herself. She had come to Olympia but… thus far she hadn’t really interacted with anyone. She hadn’t even brought herself to interact with Pegasus either… as much as she needed him, a shoulder to lean on while her heart was so heavy, she wasn’t able to ask for that help.

Was she afraid to?

Philomena shook the thought from her mind. Whether she didn’t want to appear weak, or seem vulnerable, it didn’t matter. She was. She was at one of her lowest points right now with only herself to blame… and rather than trying to fix it, overcome it, here she was wallowing in self misery and loathing.

The woman was at the spring, gaze focused on the water, as her mind churned with thought.

She couldn’t keep going like this.

Philly’s brow furrowed and she let out a heavy sigh.

Maybe she just needed to bite the bullet and start forcing herself to interact. Even if she had to fake it, wear a false smile… maybe eventually she’d find happiness again.

He approached her down wind, his heart heavy as he padded closer, his head lowered. Around his neck he wore a brightly colored rainbow lei but it did little to cheer him as he moved toward her. He had promised Philomena her son, but he was gone, and Pegasus couldn’t say where he had gone to, instead he sat beside her, the serpent at his paws flicking her tongue quizzically as he breathed a sigh. “Forgive me.” He told her. “I don’t know where your son has gone or what I did wrong, but I blame myself for his disappearance.” He explained. He’d had too much fun at the festival, had spent too much time with Célestin and not enough with his siblings and now he could feel the strain he had placed on all of them. speaking Thinking   You

Philomena lifted her gaze as another joined her.

Pegasus…

She watched him quietly, blue eyes taking note of the lei around his neck. She didn’t speak at first, taking note, too, of his demeanor. As he finished speaking the woman shook her head, voice firm, stronger than it should have been as she spoke.

“The fault is not yours, Pegasus.” She shifted her gaze away back to the pool. “You haven’t done anything wrong. If anything… the only one to blame for the loss of my children, all of them, is myself.” The woman heaved a sigh.

“...and I can’t blame them.”

She closed her eyes.

“I should have been a mother to them first. Worrying about a damn pack… worrying about so many things instead of the children I brought into the world. It was wrong. They weren’t ready to be separated from me… yet I was distant when they needed me most.” Besides her hurt… Philly was angry with herself.

“I watched one of my daughter’s die because of my fucking pride… Too stubborn to bow down and get help. Now I get to live with the fact that my own child suffered for my stupidity...” She opened her eyes again.

“My parents would be ashamed.” The woman shook her head.

“If any of them are still out there… I hope they are happier… safe…” Philomena looked at Pegasus again.

“...I’m lost, Pegasus. I don’t even know who I am anymore…” The woman had quieted, brow furrowed with frustration. “I’ve lost what should have mattered most…”

He listened to her, his heart breaking with every word and moved slowly to hold her, hoping that if nothing else it would bring her some comfort. “I’m sorry you feel this way.” He muttered into her fur. “If there’s anything I can do to help…” He trailed off, his words sounded weak, they sounded insubstantial as if he might have been making the promise to anyone. “What if we…What if we make…” Make what? Make more children? With both of them watching them they would surely do better, surely they would be stronger and easier to watch with the majority of the pack behind them. He thought of what his mother would say, she would be overjoyed wouldn’t she? speaking Thinking   You

Philomena let herself press into Pegasus, drawing comfort from his form. She pressed her head into his body, breathing in his scent, allowing him to help shoulder the burdens that plagued her. She needed him… Gods she needed him. She was so lost… he was all she had left right now. The only thing she felt was holding her together. She had lost it all… but… all was not lost. “What if we… What if we make…” Philomena’s heart clenched at his suggestion. She whimpered into his fur, drawing back to look at him. Her jaws parted, the words sticking in her throat. “Y-You’ll be there, right?” She questioned softly. “My last children didn’t know their father…” Her voice wavered. “...No… You’d be there for them… for us…” She corrected herself quickly and pressed her nose to his cheek. She was jumping ahead… not thinking. She didn’t want to think anymore… she wanted to be happy… she wanted this hole in her heart mended… and only Peg had the power to do that. “Peg… please… I’m tired of feeling like this…” She whimpered. “Give me a family again…” "Speech"

His heart broke as she clung to him, begging him to give her purpose again when she begged him however he almost instantly began regretting making the suggestion to her in the first place. Slowly, his forelegs came around her and held her close, his heart racing for a long moment he just held her and closed his eyes tightly, his mind reeling. He felt his breathing hitch as slowly he pulled away from her and circled to her flank. He could feel his heart pounding in his ears and felt a nervous twist of his stomach as he hesitantly rose onto his trembling back legs. -Fade- speaking Thinking   You

Philomena didn’t know what the future was going to hold anymore… but she felt her faith in Pegasus would not be misplaced. She needed him… He drew her close, not uttering a word, but… words weren’t needed in that moment. His actions spoke enough. He cared for her… he didn’t want to see her like this either. He would, after some time, pull away and begin to move behind her. Philomena felt her own heart pounding… whether this was right or wrong… for better or worse… she wanted it… wanted him… wanted a family again…

--Fade to Black--

The act was done… the woman didn’t know if she would conceive considering it wasn’t her season, and yet, all the same, she appreciated the attempt more than words could ever hope to express. Now that they had finished Philomena lay with her body pressed against Pegasus’ own. Her heart was still racing… it would be alright…

“I am so glad I’m here with you, Peg…” Grateful words finally passed her lips. Her eyes were closed, posture at last relaxed. “I can’t think of anywhere else I’d rather be…” The femme’s voice was soft, far calmer than it had been. “I know there are probably things you needed to see to… but… please just let me steal you a little longer.” He was warm, so warm… She didn’t want him to leave, even with the things he needed to tend to… she wanted to be selfish, at least for a little while and share in his company.

""

He didn’t say a word as she cuddled up to him but didn’t move away from where he was. He felt disgusted with himself, he knew he would need an heir one day, but not so soon. He looked at the girl as she rested beside him and felt his stomach clench. Was this what love was supposed to feel like? The cold hesitation? The nervous wringing in his gut? The shame as if he had just done something wrong? In a way he had, he’d taken Philomena out of wedlock, although he wasn’t sure the savage wolves of Boreas understood matrimony. “I’ll stay.” He muttered into the darkness, knowing those words at least were for Philomena. He closed his eyes tightly, trying to think of something to say, something he could do to settle his own rattled nerves. What would his siblings think if she got pregnant? Or worse, what if she didn’t get pregnant and they needed to relive this awkward moment. He willed himself not to think about that, no longer sure he could give her what she wanted. speaking Thinking   You