Lucretia was ragged. She had never looked worse in her life. Fur was sticking up at all ends, she was covered with soot and ash, and her ribs were peeking out from between unkempt tufts of her pelt. The healer hadn't slept since the volcano was erupted. Every step was a titanic effort, but was another pace put between her and the brink of disaster. Bourbon had stayed - annoyingly - glued to her side throughout the event. Luce was naturally a private creature and it distressed her to be seen at her weakest and most... immoral? She certainly felt depraved.

The Redwater Rocks were out of the main disaster zone, but the sky remained as bleak as her mood. She was grateful that her den was half a day's journey away at a jog. If needed, they could access the deep recesses of her herb storage. As it stood, she had managed to bring along the most pertinent unctions with the help of her companion and Bourbon. He did make himself useful. Luce just couldn't stand any kind of pity - and she was sure he would pity her if she allowed him to get too close.

If she laid down, she would surely crash into sleep. She kept her paws busy by pacing and scrabbling to higher ground in order to survey the distant mountain as it belched smoke. Luce slitted her eyes against the ash and surveyed the stricken land that surrounded them. It reminded her eerily of the empire in its last days. She hated it.

He wasn’t sure what to make of all the news and events plaguing Ashen this winter, all he knew was that he needed to stay close to Lady Lucretia. She needed him more than ever, and she had yet to send him away so he wasn’t about to quit her. Even if she had run herself to pieces. Once the dust had settled the dog had every intention of forcing her to rest. He wasn’t sure exactly how he would commit such an act, but he wasn’t about to let her kill herself from over work.

There was no hesitation in him when she asked that he held transport their more important items, his loyalty unquestioned they prepared for the worst. Bourbon was a silent companion as Luce surveyed their temporary home. The wind licked at his floppy ears as he stood behind his mistress to look out over the destruction. The land had been thrown into chaos. Bright blue eyes looked out over the horizon ass he continued his debate about how to subdue the Lady. He didn’t wish to overstep his bounds once again, but he couldn’t stand by while she wasted away.

”My Lady,” he started softly, trying to garner her attention. ”What is the itinerary for today?”

Her ear twitched and she stared sullenly at the horizon line for a few more moment before turning to address her companion. "Our itinerary..." Had they run out of things to do? She wracked her brain. It was too dangerous right now to head back to her den, but her more manic side begged that they make the return trip and bring along more herbs. "We should head back," Luce said sharply, a hint of madness glinting in her eyes. "There are still more herbs to retrieve. Reconnaissance is vital." They were the slavering words of a madwoman, but she would hear no arguments.

Lucretia carefully scaled down the rocks and hit the dirt. She misplaced a paw and stumbled, hitting the ground hard. Thoroughly winded and sore, she stared up at the sky as fine ash rained down. Would this suffering ever cease? If she closed her eyes, she was sure she'd hear screaming - the screaming of the dead from the failed Empire, screams in the distance of Ashen wolves suffering... they were cursed. This land was cursed. Blood permeated the soil. Luce choked on her breath, writhing on the ground in mental anguish. Not again... please... not again.

She looked lost. He hoped that maybe she had a full list going over in her head, but her slowness to react and.. terrible idea to return now made him think she was worse than he thought. Bourbon found the courage to protest, they wouldn’t do any good if they killed themselves. They needed to rest just as much as the rest of the pack. Then she was suddenly stumbling to the ground. Bourbon knew she needed his help, but he wasn’t sure how he might get through to her.

He was already rushing to her side when the sound of her body hitting the hard ground reached him. She looked up to the sky, dazed but more cognitive than right after the start of the stampede. ”My lady,” He whispered softly as he lay himself next to her, his side pressed against her own as she lost her breath and squirmed beside him. ”Take in a deep breath,” he said soothingly as he aimed to nuzzle her cheek and ear comfortingly. ”Hold it,” he continued, ”And release.” He ended after a beat. He’d repeat this phrase over, not knowing if she could even do as he asked, but surely his soothing voice might help something.

Luce breathed in deeply as he instructed, finally beat down enough to just listen. In and out. She carefully listened to the beat of her heart, trying to lose herself in the once familiar metronome. When had she become so out of touch with her own health? The very beat of her heart sounded foreign. Her eyes dilated as she stared upwards at the ash-covered sky. Could they overcome this?

For now, she closed her eyes tightly. Instead of focusing on her own breathing and heartbeat, Luce zeroed in on Bourbon's. He sounded healthy, if a bit nervous. Focusing on the warmth of him at her side, the usually so belligerent shamyn followed his instructions to the letter.

She was more than dazed, and her foggy gaze did not rest on his features as she stilled. Bourbon softly continued with his mantra, which seemed to be working slowly. She did as he told her, and he was quick to notice her breathing began to even as he told her when to inhale and exhale. The worst patients really were healers, but his mistress was run ragged enough that she submitted to his instructions.

He wasn’t sure if he should do anything else for her, and her certainly couldn’t speak. His chant was far too important. One step at a time, he was calming her riled nerves now. The next would be to get her somewhere safe and start rebuilding her strength. He didn’t miss the tiny portions she ate, if anything at all. He knew the frantic look in her gaze as her control spiraled out of reach. She needed stability in something, and the best he could give her was himself.

Bourbon dared to gently place one of his feathered paws upon her shoulder. He’d held her tightly before to keep away the traumas. He knew that he’d overstepped then, but couldn't help but to use what he had seen to be effective. The dog pushed away his desire to hold more tightly to mistress, the thought was inappropriate, and if he wished to linger in her service they would need to be dissipated completely.

As her breathing evened out, Luce slowly returned to her body instead of circling it somewhere above. Her body felt heavy and horrible. Once she was back in her own head, she felt like she immediately wanted out again. She groaned loudly and closed her eyes - dehydration and malnutrition had her head pounding. What would she have said to an Ashen wolf if they had come to her in similar conditions? They wouldn't have left her sight until she couldn't see their ribs any more. Why couldn't she bring herself to treat her own body the same way?

The shamyn continued to squeeze her eyes shut. The small goat horns that now were beginning to appear at the crown of her head only increased her alienation from her own body. "What am I doing to myself?" she croaked, a bitter laugh slipping out accidentally. Her throat was dry and sore from breathing in all of the ash. "Please help me," she murmured, finally giving herself up to his care. "Fix me." Her boundaries had been fully demolished.

Lucretia groaned heavily as she seemed to slip back into her body and the realization of how much her health had declined thus far. He nosed her cheek affectionately as a comfort as words came from her marked lips. She didn’t see the damage she’d done, only the tasks that still needed doing ahead of her. If she didn’t take care of herself though, there wouldn’t be any tasks to do.

”Of course, my Lady.” He assured her softly, choosing not to reply to the bit about what she’d done. That much was obvious and he didn’t want to linger there. ”Let me help you to your feet, I’ll get you in bed with a drink.” He had a lot more care planned, but for now he’d tempt her there with the promise of water. Reluctantly he pulled away from her frame so they might get somewhere safe. He was fully ready to act as a crutch if she needed.

Water sounded delightful. It felt like she hadn't had a drink in months, although logically that couldn't be true. Lucretia submitted completely to Bourbon, allowing him to guide her. There wasn't much else she could do. If she dropped dead she wouldn't be of use to anyone at all. Luce closed her eyes and conjured images of Deathbelle, the litters, Sirius, Zee... everyone in the pack who depended on her. They needed her to get better. She had to be better.

As she struggled to stand up all of the blood rushed to her head. Closing her eyes tightly and swaying on her paws, Luce leaned hard on Bourbon to remain standing. "I'm fine, I'm fine," she muttered, though she was anything but. Maybe if she repeated it enough times it would magically be true. Together they made their way back to her temporary den. It smelled faintly of the dried herbs they had managed to transport. She hoped the rest of her stock was safe within her den. Once they reached relative safety, Luce carefully laid herself down and tried to be a model patient. "Please give me a thorough examination." If they could pinpoint the problem and establish a treatment plan, that would be half the problem solved. Right?

With little more prodding Luce found her feet unsteadily. Bourbon’s preparedness paid off as she swayed and leaned heavily against his smaller form. The dog kept her upright though, even as she tried to assure him that she was fine. He sighed softly, but didn’t disagree with her however much he wished to. He helped her along slowly, however much she might stumble. He caught her when she tripped and the pair of them made their way back to their temporary home.

Bourbon helped her to the ground, offering a subtle but affectionate nuzzle as she lay back to allow him access to her ailing form. She commanded a thorough exam, ,but he didn’t have to go through all of that trouble to know what was wrong with her. She looked so vulnerable there, he could almost imagine her larger form as so much smaller than his. Bourbon wanted to protect her, to guard her and make sure he could keep her safe and healthy. He hadn’t done such a good job so far.

The dog went through the motions though, he went over her whole body with precision so she could doubt his eventual diagnosis. When he was even more sure of himself Bourbon returned to lay at her front paws. He’d look up at her with light blue eyes as he settled. ”You’re underweight, stressed, and overworked. My Lady.” He told her gently, ”You’ll need to take a few days to be nursed back to acceptable health.” Bourbon’s voice was firm but not without the compassion of her plight.

Lucretia closed her eyes as he examined her. It was so humiliating, but she had put herself in this position. How could she take care of the pack if she couldn't even take care of herself? Time to put her care in someone else's stewardship. Clearly she was incapable. His eventual diagnosis seemed accurate - she could feel the exhaustion down to her bones. A few days were a reasonable sacrifice to be made. It was something she could live with. She would try to be a good patient. She would try very, very hard. "Very well then," the Shamyn replied wearily. Against all of her wishes, Luce would submit herself to his care.