Yurei Tatsumaki "This life is filled with hurt When happiness doesn't work" Th last days has been hard for the apprentice, hard in the way of how She has been fighting the depression that has been with her since ever. The winter has become a synonym of death, of emptiness, she has been feeling defeated, about to give up. The was nothing she could do to stop it, even I felt she tried what Fracture told her some time ago, she wasn't able to overtake the sadness that was devouring her heart, devouring her hope and dreams. She wasn't sure what to do, how to take all of these feelings away, and at times, she felt she was alone, she felt this was her battle only, being she the only one who did care. She had thought about asking for help, but who? She didn't want to disturb Fracture or Ignis with her bullshit, she was mindful with respecting other's duties, other's tasks, and wasting their precious time with this , appeared stupid for her. These flooding of thoughts, forced her to take more and more nocturnal walks like the one she was doing right now. And the Channel has been her favorite place to do so. And tonight, she marched , marched through the frozen field, with her olivaceous eyes locked upon the ground under her paws. Her ears were flattened and her tail down. As she walked, out of a sudden, the image of somkene laughing at her came to her mind. She stopped walking, and she could see an expression of disgust, fear and hate, she could hear them saying her name, saying how pitiful her life's was, how shameful her existence was. She could heard them say how the world would be without her. She could see her father's anger, she felt as he was right here, watching he. It wasn't real, but her broken soul made it look like if it was. She could hear those words, words calling her monster, a freak who shall be killed off. She could hear her mother, her mother asking her to die, to depart from existence and make of this wolf a better place without her. There where she stood, she felt her legs shaking, her eyes widely open. Where tears started to come down her face, she felt scared, in panic, being prey of her mind's jokes, of her mind's memories. Memories that brought those nightmares back to life, back to haunt her. She couldn't move, she was frozen by her fear, by the fake illusion she was on. "speak"

Code By CloudyNight

He had been sick for a few weeks now. All the while thinking about his pack members and how they were doing. Yurei in particular was one of those members. He knew how uncomfortable she felt upon first joining and he felt like he had been failing her. Especially after he and Heloise had moved into the same den...but how was the white she-wolf? He decided to seek her out in the morning, but tonight he went out to stretch his legs and loosen up his muscles after being confined to one den for so long during his illness.

He walked alongside the ship, the cold air making each breath visible in the night. Everyone was asleep. Or so he thought, anyway. He almost didn't see her pale form until he was nearly upon her and he suddenly smelled fear rolling around in the air. Confused, he hurried forward until the white land gave way to a form that almost blended in with the background save for her pale green eyes. "Yurei? Are you alright? Are you in trouble?" He asked softly but with alarm as he looked around them. He didn't see any immediate signs of danger...what was she afraid of?

Yurei Tatsumaki "This life is filled with hurt When happiness doesn't work" She couldn't move from where she was standing, fear had virtually disabled her ability to control her body, fear and stress was good with that, with making one lose common sense. She was in shock, consumed by the illusion she was suffering. An illusion tha brought to life one if not the biggest of her fears, one she had been trying to escape from all of her life. She was able to notice all wasnt real, that this was just a bad joke of her brain, making her think this was for real, and such she ignored what was really going on the real world. Her heart pounded like a bomb, fast and noisily, and what could she do? Nothing at all. As minutes passed, she tried to run, she tried to escape and at first, she couldn't move her legs, but then a noise woke her up. Making her realize a yelp of fear. "No..NO!" She yelled as she looked around trying to see where she could run to. Running away was all she wanted to do in this moment, but a familiar voice stopped her. It was from Acer, the alpha. "I..." He asked if she was alright if there was any problem. She wasnt sure if she should tell him, what would he think of her? What if he thinks she was consumed by madness? Would he kick her from the pack should he know? Should he know the eternal battle she was fighting in? The battle against her past and the depression that followed to it? Sadly she didn't have anyone to tell this, she didn't have that type of wolf she would trust in enought to share this. She felt unworthy of someone's time, and even less the time of the alpha itself. "I...saw them...I saw those I tried to forget, those who hated me...who laughed of me.." She started to say. "They came back...my parents, my siblings the pack that wanted my death, the pack that didn't love me...they are back to end me..." Her voice was broken, her eyes consumed by tears looked away. She felt stupid, by behaving like this, by showing this pathetic side of her. "I am tired...of being seen trash, someone who should have never existed. I am done of watchng those who claimed to be my friends abandoning me without question...They all do the same, they all leave me behind at the end..." She was broken, inside out. "I don't know what being loved feels like...what a lovely mother felt like...what having someone to play with was...I never had the right for that..." She admitted feeling her energy to drop, making her sit down in a hard way. "I am sorry...I dont want to bother...its never my intention..." "speak"

Code By CloudyNight

He stood there with concern for a moment before realization washed over him. He listened to her broken words, the emotion behind them. The fear, the sadness, the uncertainty. He listened quietly and let her speak, crimson gaze gentle as he watched her. It seemed he hadn't realized just how bad she was on the inside. How broken she had been, and here he felt like he had failed her since the beginning. She had trusted Heloise to be with her when she joined, and soon after his mate had moved into the den with them and the both of them ended up becoming so busy with pack work and their kids that he had neglected to check in with his pack mates. Yurei especially. When ended with an apology and telling him she didn't want to be a bother, he slowly shook his head.

"You are not a bother, Yurei. You never have been to us. You've not failed here, either. In fact, I feel that it is I who has failed you." He said softly. He glanced up to look her in her eyes, lit up with fear. In a way, he understood some of her plight. He had been cast out of his birth pack for not doing the evil acts ordered of him. And for that, he had been punished. Almost killed, even. He could imagine to some degree what she had gone through, but why? She was so sweet and innocent...had she perhaps been born into a pack that looked down on a wolf like her because they sought power? Bloodlust? Perhaps the type of pack that held the ideal that only the strong were worthy? If that were the case, they lost out on a valuable member. In his eyes, she was strong. She had endured every hardship thrown her way and she still stood.

"I understand how you feel. You've fought long and hard to be where you are now, and I must say, I'm glad you are with us." It was likely that his words fell on deaf ears, but no matter what, he'd try his best to get her to see he meant it. "You are not alone anymore, Yurei. You have me and Heloise, and Ignis and the rest of the pack. And...you're more than welcome to stay with Heloise and I in our den. I'm sure the kids would love to make a new friend," He chuckled. He meant it. The cabin he shared with his family was more than big enough, and when they slept in the pines, he had made that den with plenty of room for more than just his mate and kids. It was a genuine offer, and he felt perhaps it would help ease her worries.

"Speech"

She closed her eyes , trying to drop some of the stress that was consuming her soul. She felt dumb by showing this side of her to no one but the alpha himself. What would he be thinking? What if he could be thinking of her like a weak? That he allowed an annoying female in his pack? What if he kicked her out? She was once, for the same reason. But there, she knew she had to stop being prejudiced with everything and everyone, she knew she couldn't be crying all the time, she had to stand up and be strong. But it certainly was one of the hardest things she could do. "I know Mr.Fracture told me not to think like that, I know he said i should lift my head and feel proud of being here...but its hard for me to feel happy with myself...with who I am." She admitted, feeling a weight on her chest. "You are not a bother, Yurei. You never have been to us. You've not failed here, either. In fact, I feel that it is I who has failed you." "No, you havent...you gave me what others never did before I came to Boreas...you gave me a home..." She said not wanting to make him feel guilty of her stupidity. "I know you and Heloise are busy, I know you two have more important things to do, more than staying with someone like me..." She looked at his eyes. "I want to change ...I want to be normal, and that's why I chose to heal as the path of my life, to have something with what I can forget... That's why I am taking these weeks and months to work hard for finally  being useful to someone...for the first time in my life..." She added, she hasnt talk to someone like this in forever one could say. "I understand how you feel. You've fought long and hard to be where you are now, and I must say, I'm glad you are with us." "Well not necessary fought against them...I escaped..." She said, knowing how coward she could be sometimes. She wasnt the type who would fight her problems with tooth and claws, she escaped from them, she fleets if she cans. "I was seen as a demon back where I come from, a ghost...my name translates that in their language..." She for the first time shared something soo personal like this. Maybe she didn't have anyone else to speak too. "They wanted my dead, they thought i was a sign of bad luck because of being white..." Weird but it was the truth.  "You are not alone anymore, Yurei. You have me and Heloise, and Ignis and the rest of the pack. And...you're more than welcome to stay with Heloise and me in our den. I'm sure the kids would love to make a new friend," "Are you sure?... I don't want to be a nuisance..." "Hello" | 'Thoughts'