Pyrrhic lay in the center of the odd stone circle with his head between his paws and his ears slicked back. To round out his sour state his expression was pensive. He'd had a lot of time to think since the meeting and during that time his opinion of himself had varied so often from one extreme to the other that it was hard to say where he stood on the matter. Some days he was convinced of his suitability to lead. Others he was so ashamed of his behavior and the weakness in his heart he couldn't bring himself to look at his pack mates.

The thought nagged at him from sunup to sundown. And if he were being honest, why shouldn't it? He cared enough about his people to know they deserved an answer as much (maybe even more than) he needed one. So was he suited to the position or not? Was it grief at the heart of his problem and that was what he was stricken with or was it more than that, a weakness, perhaps, that his father hadn't detected before choosing him as heir?

Surely that wasn't it. His father – and by extension, Abraxas himself – had chosen him because he was capable. If there had been any question of his suitability his father would have cut him from succession by now. But he hadn't. Pyrrhic had lived and breathed for the Abraxas most of his young life. He'd done everything he could to prepare for the moment he ascended.

Those facts begged the question: had it all been a lie? Had he simply been good at pretending? The flaw there was that he hadn't felt like a pretender. Pyrrhic had felt like the real deal. His dismissed that thought. Not a lie. It was possible that if he wasn't fit for leadership the his flaws had simply been well hidden. Perhaps his father hadn't challenged him enough to expose it.

Disheartened by this thought, Pyrrhic's ears slumped to half mast. It couldn't be true. His father had been a good leader and taken care of the pack during their time of growing. He'd readied it for him so that he could go out into the world and conquer it with an army at his back.

Iroh hated to see his cousin like this, he seemed like a shell of the confident heir that had taught him so well. He was easily Iroh’s best friend, even above Sarabi. However great a teacher the mardill was to him, she was not a wolf. She did know about loss though, and informed Iroh as much as she could, not that he was any stranger to it.

Zagan and their mother seemed to have been gone forever now, and he honestly couldn’t remember the last time they’d been in the den. He sighed heavily as he looked towards the smoke to the north. Were they even still alive after the eruption? Would they know where to find them when they returned? Iroh contemplated his own immediate family’s disappearance as he walked over the mosses of the runestones. He barely noticed Pyrrhic as he went.

Iroh’s sadness was long occuring, but Pyrrhic’s loss was sudden and unexpected. However much Iroh was sure Pyrr missed his dad he couldn’t help but think that wasn’t the real reason he was so withdrawn. He obviously doubted himself, Iroh had been able to pick up on that in the meeting. Pyrrhic didn’t seem to see the god deep inside of him. He just had to be reminded.

”Pyrrhic.” Iroh greeted the older boy with a much deeper set of vocals. He had reached his full height, and was closing in on his full weight. He was a puppy no longer. Sarabi was missing from her usual place on his back as he slowly appeared before his sworn leader. ”Sarabi says it might help if you smile.” He didn’t want to take away from his cousin’s strife to mention his own attempts at combating the feeling of loss. At least there was a chance for his mother and brother to return. Malleus would never be seen again.

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He lay there in a funk for some time before Iroh's approach. Caught in a nightmarish loop of his own making, Pyrrhic's thoughts flit from one disaster to another. Adding to his heap of trouble, his sister Felicity had disappeared some time between him and his father's trip to Boreas and the pack's trek to the Runestones. He'd searched high and low for her, but in the end been forced to abandon the hunt in favor of getting the pack out from under the ash clouds. "The needs of the many" and all that. Though it pained him he'd had to prioritize.

Iroh's voice caused him to stir. Pyrrhic looked up - and up - at his cousin but didn't rise. "It might," he agreed but made no move to smile. Instead his gaze went to his paws and rested there for several long moments. Pyrrhic found his cousin's presence shaming. He didn't want the boy to see him like this. They were supposed to be strong; he'd preached strength and courage to Iroh, and yet here he was, laying in the dirt the very epitome of the opposite.

He wanted this to be a private hell; to wallow in disgust and anxiety by himself where no one could see him. The young emperor didn't want to need help. He wanted to fix his own problems - to prove to himself he was worthy -  and he wanted to do it where there were no witnesses.

Finally Pyrrhic looked back up at Iroh. He was at a loss for words. Couldn't bring himself to smile, couldn't think of anything to say that wouldn't pain him. He didn't know where to go from here. "I can't."

WC: 285

Iroh was huge now, his height soared above many of his Abraxas kin, and had he seen Zagan more recently he would have been astounded at how much taller he’d gotten than his brother. Iroh had heavy bones and didn’t seem to be losing any of his bulk. He was no longer a barrel body on legs, he’d filled out into his adult body. Though he still would gain more girth throughout his second year his full height had been attained.

Pyrrhic managed to look up at Iroh, but the fire that used to live inside him was greatly diminished. Dark ears fell to Iroh’s skull as he watched his cousin’s gaze fall to his paws instead of remaining on the younger boy’s blue and lavender gaze. For a moment Iroh debated about moving away from his cousin, the new Emperor had much on his mind. He’d been through too much the last season. Iroh was confident in him though, he’d pull through and be the impressive leader Iroh knew he was.

As he lifted a paw to turn and go Pyrr looked back up at him, his loss and confusion obvious on his features as he admitted his inability to smile properly. Iroh knew then he would have to help Pyrrhic. Like the older boy helped him as he was growing up. ”You can.” He stated simply, however there was more than just being able to smile. Pyrrhic would get through this, as he must, and Iroh would help see him through if he had to. Iroh felt a growl bubble up from his chest. This wasn’t the time for kindness and empathy now, Pyrr needed pushed in the right direction.

”Get up, Pyrrhic.” Iroh’s voice took a tone it never had before. There was a command in it, a deepness that had never truly reached his vocals before now. ”Moping isn’t helping anything. Especially yourself.” He growled again, he wanted his cousin to embrace any emotion beyond the one that consumed him now. If he had to be the object of rage he would take up that task gladly. He’d always followed Pyrrhic without reservation, making his cousin follow him would be the challenge.

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Irritation flickered to life in the depths of Pyrrhic's chest. By this point he was unaccustomed to being commanded around by anyone other than his father so even in the depths of Pyrrhic's despair Iroh's tone evoked mild indignation. The feeling was akin to having his fur brushed the wrong way. His desire to be left alone with his thoughts and the shame he felt still dominated his desires, but now the indignation that came with Iroh's demand played with his attention.

As the leader he didn't know if he should let that stand. As a friend he knew Iroh was right and had his best interest at heart. And as a promising-god-turned-abysmal-failure, well, it only served to underscored his unworthiness.

"I appreciate what you're trying to do, Iroh, I do, really...but..." Pyrrhic shook his head. "I don't know if I can take it right now." He shot Iroh a look that said he was sizing the younger Abraxas up and then he sat up. "So I'll make you a deal," he said as he rose. "We settle this with a fight. I win, you let me be. You win..." he shrugged and rolled his eyes, clearly not taking what he was about to say too seriously. "I'll give you that smile or something."

WC: 214

Iroh was bigger and older than when he first met his cousin. He held the new emperor in high regard, and looked up to him from that young age. He was sure any fight he got into with Pyrrhic would end in his loss. Still, he wasn’t going to back down to his cousin either. Even if he had to endure a bit of abuse Iroh was willing if it meant seeing that flicker in Pyrrhic’s eye. At least he was causing him irritation, that was better than his self loathing.

He tried to brush him off again, but this time Iroh was at least given a deal. Fight, duke it out and then whoever the winner is go the spoils. Smile or Solitude. Not that Pyrrhic had any more faith that Iroh was going to win than he did. The way he shrugged off his words made Iroh smirk subtly. At least he was getting his cousin to his paws. ”Deal. Better loosen your lips.” Iroh jumped back and settled his defenses, his blue and lavender gaze unwilling to leave Pyrrhic’s form.

Coiling his limbs Iroh aimed to launch his heavy form in Pyrrhic’s direction. The older boy was more experienced but Iroh had been training for a long time. He had a slim chance of pulling out a victory. Iroh feigned right but aimed to strike to his left. With jaws open Iroh aimed to grab hold of Pyrrhic’s right cheek. Iroh also wanted to push himself against Pyrr so he might not gain enough momentum to push him back.

Iroh Abraxas vs Pyrrhic for a smile
Round 1/ 2?
Age: 1+
Size: Extra large
Build: Heavy
Fight Skill Level: Intermediate

wc:264

Much to Pyrrhic's relief Iroh found his challenge acceptable. Pyrrhic was older and more experienced, and thought he could win this little contest with ease and then sink into the solitude he was so desperate for. Sure he could have ordered Iroh away, but that wasn't the kind of relationship he wanted to have with his packmates; his cousin especially. Yes it was important to have clearly defined roles, but Iroh was just trying to help. He cared and Pyrrhic couldn't punish him for that.

Iroh ran at him and Pyrrhic, so convinced of his superiority, fell for the younger Abraxas feint. His only saving grace that enabled him to avoid a face full of teeth was that he had risen up on his hind legs in anticipation of Iroh plowing into his chest. His forelegs were lifted in the hopes of enveloping Iroh in a bear hug that wound enable him to wrestle him to the ground.

Because of his stance, Iroh's teeth landed much lower than he had intended and sank into the right side of Pyrrhic's neck just below his jaw line.

Pyrrhic versus Iroh for the right to sulk in solitude (dominance)
Round: One of Two
Age: 1+
Size: Extra Large
Build: Heavy
Fight Skill Level: Advanced

Iroh’s feint seemed to work. He tried not to feel overly proud of the fact as the attack didn’t go quite how he wanted it to. The younger Abraxas wouldn’t be able to evade the older’s sudden bear hug, but Iroh was roughly the same weight and Pyrrhic wouldn’t have anymore luck in wrestling him to the ground. Iroh was forced back two steps, but the good news was that his jaws landed on flesh.

The younger boy aimed to shake his head with as much force as possible, hoping to cause Pyrrhic enough pain that he might forget the emotional wound. At least for a moment he’d have to focus on the physical pain instead. Maybe that would be enough to pull his cousin out of the funk surrounding him. Iroh just wanted his old cousin back, he knew he was there underneath the sorrow from losing his father.

Iroh Abraxas vs Pyrrhic for a smile (Dominance)
Round 2/2
Age: 1+
Size: Extra large
Build: Heavy
Fight Skill Level: Intermediate

Iroh’s thrashing around and the bite high up on Pyrrhic’s neck was enough to whip Pyrrhic’s head back and forth in addition to the damage it was doing to his flesh. He growled, the sound low and laced with annoyance, and then twisted his head downwards with parted jaws in the hopes of grabbing Iroh by the nape and putting a swift end to his thrashing. If successful he intended to pair his bite with a twist of his upper body to his left. Together the two moves would hopefully pull Iroh over and onto the ground.

Pyrrhic versus Iroh for the right to sulk in solitude (dominance)
Round: Two of Two
Age: 1+
Size: Extra Large
Build: Heavy
Fight Skill Level: Advanced

And the winner is...

PYRRHIC

Iroh must give up by submitting, fleeing or passing out. Pyrrhic retains his right to sulk in silence! Totals: Iroh: 267.85 Pyrrhic: 338.56

Pyrrhic was quick to wrestle Iroh to the ground. He knew he’d been beat as his muscles relaxed and he tried to catch his breath. He felt ashamed at having lost, he just wanted to help his cousin to feel better. To help Pyrr see how Iroh saw him. He shut his eyes tightly and grit his teeth as he accepted the defeat.

Blue and lavender eyes opened back up as he shrugged Pyrrhic’s form off his own and made it make to his paws. ”Alright Pyrrhic, you win.” He gave his cousin one more glance, hoping he might see a change, but made motion to leave his presence as the Emperor desired. ”You know where I’ll be if you need me.”

-exit Iroh?-

Though he'd had every intention of winning and he'd fought with that singular goal in mind, upon winning Pyrrhic found the victory to be hollow. He didn't feel good about it and a feeling of regret settled in the pit of his stomach like a rock. The newly minted emperor wanted to be alone, but that solitude was going to cost him, wasn't it? What would sending Iroh away accomplish - what could it accomplish besides starting a rift between them? Even if Iroh walked away knowing he'd done what he could, a seed of distance potentially had been planted in his mind today.

Pyrrhic hung his head. He was fucking up left and right, wasn't he? Could he go a single day without bungling something up? He shook his head slowly, his eyes pinching shut. He was being foolish. "Wait, Iroh. I'm sorry... I..." He sighed and opened his eyes. "I'm just not myself and I don't know how..." To get back to where he'd been? To move forward? He shrugged helplessly. "I just don't know, honestly."

The last thing the young Abraxas expected was the voice of his cousin called him back to him. Iroh gave pause, his massive form halting so he could look back over his shoulder. Blue and lavender gaze fell on the fallen emperor as his sapphire gaze reopened. He tried to offer his cousin a sympathetic smile as he turned back to sit in front of Pyrrhic. ”You don’t have to know.” He said with compassion. His father had just died, the lands were a mess, the pack seemed in pieces. Iroh knew he wanted to be Pyrrhic’s General one day, but he’d never imagined trying to give him advice like this. ”No one has all the answers.” Though it seemed like his cousin andBenkos certainly had when he was a pup. ”You’ve got us to rely on while you get used to the new normal.” Or at least Sarabi had said something similar to that. ”But you know what I do know?” He prompted Pyrrhic as he offered an encouraging expression. ”If you smile, you’ll start feeling better.”

Pyrrhic snorted at his cousin's persistence and the corners of his mouth twitched upwards briefly as though Iroh were about to get his wish, but a sudden welling of bitterness quickly crushed the budding humor. He shook his head forcefully before bitterly spitting the words, "But I should! Don't you get it?" Pyrrhic clenched his jaw to hold back an angry sob. Once that was swallowed and would no longer color his tone, he said, "My father chose me to lead - Abraxas chose me! He should be speaking to me. I should have the answers." He sighed in frustration and shook his head. "But where is He, huh? When I need Him - when His people need Him - where is He?" And there was perhaps the heart of his insecurity. Why could he hear the Fallen God? What was wrong with him?

Iroh’s brows furrowed as Pyrrhic shifted from an almost humor to a bitter lashing. The boy heard a few stories about their god, but he’d never really held as much interest in the deity. Iroh wouldn’t have mentioned it to anyone that he didn’t even know if he believed. Especially not after the volcano. ”Well, he’s never spoken to me.” as the boy grew he realized more now the difference between mortal and immortal. They all bled, just like the animals they hunted and ate. Just like any other wolf. ”Not that I’m anything special.” He added, trying to recall if his mother had ever heard the lord abraxas’s voice. ”It’s not.. it’s not god that makes you great. not his voice at least. You’ve always been a leader Pyrrhic. You need to trust in yourself more and less..” ”on god,” He looked back up to Pyrrhic sheepishly. He’d never denied god like this before.

Though Iroh's final words were meant to be comforting they brought Pyrrhic nothing but pain. His eyes pinched shut as the younger Abraxas spoke and he had to fight the urge to shake his head. It didn't occur to him right away that what Iroh was saying was blasphemous. When it did his eyes opened slowly. Pyrrhic stared blankly at Iroh as he tried to sort through his feelings. He knew he should be outraged but what he didn't know was whether or not he could allow himself to be relieved. Ultimately that's how he wanted to feel but admitting it felt impossible. He wasn't supposed to be relieved to learn someone else shared his tepid feelings; he was supposed to be filled with righteous indignation. But he was relieved.

His gaze dropped to the ground as a bolt of guilt shot through his heart. It wasn't right. Pyrrhic shook his head."The Emperor is supposed to be our connection to God; a direct link. It was one thing when I didn't hear him as heir...but now..." Now he was Emperor.

He almost couldn't bring himself to say it. This was his biggest fear and until now he'd never said it out loud. Softly he asked, "What if it's not supposed to be me? What if I'm wrong?"

Pyrrhic was obviously conflicted about Iroh’s words, the younger Abraxas rethought his words but he still felt strongly about them. The god Abraxas had never done anything for the young wolf, he’d never heard his voice, never garnered any favor. Iroh remained silent as he listened to his cousin’s words. He was ready to write off the gad, he felt no guilt and no lingering devotion, but he remained silent in those opinions. Pyrrhic was much more concerned and devoted and Iroh wasn’t sure what to say.

Honestly Iroh wasn’t sure if it really mattered if his cousin heard Abraxas’s voice or not. He was their leader and the loyalty he bred in his people was more than enough to prove his ability in Iroh’s mind. He wasn’t sure that his cousin wanted to hear what he believed. ”Then we’re all wrong.” Iroh started, reliving the meeting right after they lost Malleus. ”Your people have chosen you, Pyrrhic.”

To say Iroh's words stunned Pyrrhic was an understatement. Why the fact that his people had chosen him at the meeting had never occurred to Pyrrhic was a mystery, but Iroh pointing it out was the first time he'd even considered it. Until now he'd been solely concerned with his thoughts and his feelings, and with little else. How could he have ignored such an important element? How could he have forgotten it? He'd been there same as Iroh, obviously. In his grief and panic he had simply glossed over that fact, it seemed. This was a game changer.

Pyrrhic made a noise that was a cross between a relieved sigh and a snort of laughter. He shook his head in incredulity before admitting, "I could kiss you, Iroh." He rubbed a paw across his eyes and then pressed it into his brow. It was like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. It seemed Iroh was going to get his wish after all as a nearly-giddy, genuine smile graced Pyrrhic's lips. "I had forgotten the meeting," he said huskily. "I forgot the answer you all had given me."

He shook his head again - still incredulous -  and sought Iroh's gaze. "Maybe you are all wrong. Who knows? But..." he hesitated, then went on to say, "But you're right, you all did choose me and I owe it to the pack to try. Thank you." Wryly, he added, "How is it you managed to do in 15  minutes what I couldn't do in a season? I was right, you know. You're going to make a great general."

Even without the words Iroh knew he’d stunned his cousin. The older boy wasn’t easy to surprise and the younger Abraxas was surprised Pyrrhic hadn’t considered his words before. His cousin shifted his head space, his demeanor completely different from the wolf he’d first come across earlier. He suddenly had hope again. ”Ha, you don’t want to do that.” Iroh chuckled in return as Pyrrhic let him know just how much he needed to hear what Iroh said.

His heart soared with pride as Pyrrhic mentioned how right he had been about the younger Abraxas being an excellent General. ”It’s because I had a great teacher.” He offered back assuredly. ”You’re a great leader because you worry about us, you want to be sure you’re good enough. If that was the only reason I had to follow you, I would do so again and again.” Iroh’s loyalty to Pyrrhic was absolute, even if he doubted himself.