Sleep was something that hardly came easily for her. Her mind was always so busy with worries and memories, hopes and fears... She didn’t know how she was supposed to possibly process it all. Even all these years later, things still weighed on her and there were so many questions still left unanswered. Being here near her children helped quite a bit and having her grandchildren as a distraction brought her more joy than she could possibly describe... but she still tossed and turned with her own thoughts.

It took several hours of laying in the darkness before she finally began to drift off, the world fading away as she slipped into sleep. That peaceful nothingness didn’t last for long though as a distant voice rang in her ears, slowly getting louder until it sounded like the wolf speaking to her was right beside her. It was a voice that she never thought she would hear again besides in her memories it made her afraid to open her eyes. Every time she had ever looked for him when she heard his voice she was always faced with heartache and disappointment.

The voice was insistent though and when she finally let her blue gaze open she realized she was no longer in the den she had fallen asleep in. She wasn’t sure where she was, but it was enough to make her head pop up with sock. Roza looked around, suddenly wondering if maybe, just maybe...

”Ganta?”

His existence in Somnium was not without regret.

Ganta was dead, had “moved on” so to speak… but he was not at peace.

So often his wanderings in this eternity were plagued with thoughts of the costly mistake he had made. He should have just walked away from Dragoste… he had bought them time, yes… but pride had risen. He challenged Amon to the death and then, right when it mattered most, he froze up. He lost his life as a result and it wasn’t just his own life that was affected either. He had crippled the lives of his beloved Roza, his children… Hell in the end even a member of his pack had still been taken.

What had his death been for?

Nothing.

The reality of it all hit Ganta hard.

The male had tried to reach out to Philomena more than once when she came to visit his grave… but the last time had shaken him badly. The volcanic eruption, the fire within the woods his daughter had to flee from while pregnant… it was enough to churn his stomach. Not to mention the fact Philly blamed the Abraxas for his death.

While it was true that Amon took his life, and that the man did not need to do so to prove a point…

Ganta had more or less asked for it.

Stupid, stupid pride.

Ganta cursed that family trait with all he had. If it wasn’t for that then he’d still be with his family now rather than only able to catch glimpses of them. With them so far from the woods too it was harder to reach out. He’d been trying, Gods he had been trying! He just couldn’t reach any of them….

...but the connection seemed to feel stronger when Roza, Ulric, and his granddaughter had reunited with Philomena.

His heart ached for his beloved… and so, when they laid to rest, Ganta waited. He watched Roza stir restlessly and his heart ached for her. Minutes passed… hours… it felt like an eternity to him. Ganta whined softly, pacing at the edge of the realm where he could call to her.

“Roza… please just sleep…” The man whimpered.

At last she slipped off, and Ganta beckoned to her.

“Roza? Roza…”

He waited a bit and then called again.

“Roza…”

He didn’t care how long it took. He’d call until his voice failed him.

“Roza…!”

Then she was there. It took a moment for her form to materialize, a sort of incorporeal form that ghosts held… but she was there. Only she wouldn’t stay…

Ganta felt tears prick his eyes. He practically leapt towards her form. He wrapped his neck around her own and let out a broken sob.

“I’m so sorry…”

He was there. He wasn’t, but he was. She laid there in absolute shock for a moment when her eyes fell on him and even when she felt his neck wrap around her. It took his voice filling her ears again, apologizing to her, to finally break her. She collapsed into his embrace, leaning into his form even though it didn’t feel quite as real or substantial as it once did. Her throat squeezed with emotion and tears immediately filled her eyes.

She didn’t know what to feel or say. All this time she had imagined and wished to see him just one more time and now that she had it she didn’t know what to do. She pressed her face into Ganta’s scruff as a sob she couldn’t control shook her shoulders and those tears began to spill down over her cheeks. For a few moments that’s all she could manage to do. It occurred to her that this all could be an elaborate dream, but this felt different than all her other dreams that had included him. This wasn’t a memory and it certainly felt more real than anything she had imagined thus far.

”Why?” she finally demanded as she sat back to look him in the eye, seeing his pale gaze nearly breaking her all over again. There was so many things she needed to ask and she had no idea how much time they would have so she had to make every second count. ”Why did you do it? We could have run, but you...” Her own mixed emotions cut her off, but her eyes pleaded for an answer.

There had been a large portion of time after he had been killed that she had been angry. Ulric still felt this way despite her pleas to just forgive and forget, but it was still an answer she needed to have.

Why.

It was the question he knew was coming from her eventually and yet, despite trying to prepare, Ganta flinched visibly as he met Roza’s gaze. His ears fell and a sigh passed his lips. As much as he wanted to look away from her, to tell her anything that wasn’t the truth, for the sake of sparing her heart, he knew that he could not. He could never lie to Roza.

That didn’t mean that telling her the truth was easy.

He swallowed hard, the heaviness in his chest weighing on him harsher than ever before. It felt as though his mouth was full of sand and the words didn’t want to form. He looked painfully pitiful for a former alpha. But here, tonight, he was no alpha. He was a lost lover… a man who dearly missed his wife, his children, and walked with the weight of decision every day that passed in his eternity.

“Pride.” At last something left him and Ganta’s pale eyes closed.

“I know I was an idiot… I pay the price even here.” His voice was quiet, pained.

“To have to look down from Somnium… to see you, Philly, and Ulric..” He opened his eyes, filled with sorrow, to meet her again. “To see what my choice has done to the three of you is more tortuous than anything I’ve ever had to endure.” He averted his gaze then to look at the ghostly images around them. The world looked like the Weeping Woods… but it was not their old home. It was hollow… empty.

“I wasn’t even able to truly spare everyone. Yale was taken. I died for… what?” He let out a weak chuckle. “Not a damned thing… A fool’s death, that’s what.” He let his gaze return to her.

“Roza… I love you with everything that I’ve ever had. That won’t change… not now, not ever… but…” He attempted to draw close again and lay his paw on hers if she’d let him.

“Please… if you find someone who can make you happy again… be with them. Let your heart love again.” Those words were like a dagger in his heart. “Goodness knows I don’t want to lose you… but if I do… then that too is my fault…” Tears had formed in eyes and he was trying very hard to keep his voice level with the lump in his throat.

“I love you so much… find your happiness again… for both of us...” He pleaded.

She wasn’t sure what she had been wanting or expecting in an answer from him, but the one she got felt a bit incomplete and hollow. She understood it was the truth and there didn’t have to be a bigger, grander plan to everything, but maybe if there had been it would have felt like it had been worth it in the end. Pride taking her mate away from her and the father away from her children didn’t calm the ache in her soul.

When he began to look at the shadowed world around them, she continued to keep her tear-filled gaze on him. She was so afraid that if she looked away for a single second then he would be gone when she looked back. She didn’t understand how they were together right now, but she tried not to question it at the same time. No matter how mixed her emotions were, every moment with her mate felt precious and she was happy to take every second she could.

Hearing him talk about her loving someone else and moving on from him made her ears fold back and her chest feel tight with emotion. She was still trying to get over his death... the idea of trying to love someone else still felt impossible. ”Ganta, I... I don’t know if I can...” she replied softly, her voice wavering through her tears. She could tell how much it meant to him and how hard it was for him to say it, but it felt just as hard to wrap mind around loving a man besides her Ganta.

”I’ll try...” she finally agreed, if a bit reluctantly. ”For you, I’ll try...”

Her reaction made that ache in his heart feel deeper, heavier than before. If his heart was beating still he was positive it would be broken all over again. Losing her, leaving her, the first time had killed him a second time… and now? He was certain this would destroy whatever he had left. But for her sake, for the sake of their children, he so desperately wanted Roza to find her happiness and life again.

“I know you will.” His voice was quiet as he drew closer and drew around her form in an embrace. “I wish so badly that I could properly hold you, Roza… to undo the hurts I’ve caused.” He confessed softly. “I miss you and our children so, so much…” His words were barely a whisper.

“You deserve so much more than what I was able to give you.” He let out a heavy, unnecessary breath. What was breathing to the dead?

“I’m not asking you to just… seek someone else...” He drew back, looking at her now.

“Just don’t leave your heart closed to the option. Try to be happy… Nothing on that plane is brighter than your smile.” Ganta tried to smile, to reassure her, but it was clearly sad. “I love you with everything I am… everything I was or ever could have been.” He drew closer to her again, not wanting to let go as he held her tight.

“Please be strong. Things will work out… if anyone can rise above all of this… it's you and our children.”

Roza was overwhelmed. She wasn’t sure how to respond to any of it and whatever responses she did manage to put together in her head just seemed not quite right. She missed Ganta with every fiber of her being and she wondered if getting this small taste of being with him would make that better or worse. It was like the most cruel joke knowing that after these few precious moments she would open her eyes and he would be gone again. At the same time, she couldn’t help but feel the tiniest bit hopeful after his insistence that she let her heart be open to the idea of loving someone else. They had still been so young when he was killed and at times she felt like she had missed out on so much of her love and life in the years after his death. She still loved Ganta so deeply, but perhaps he was right... maybe she should try to love someone else as well to try and get back some of that time she missed out on. Ganta would always be her first and truest love, but maybe there was room in her life now for more. She returned his sad smile with one of her own, holding on to his not quite solid form as tightly as she could for what little time they might have left. "I love you too... I know you’re right, it’s just so hard. I worry about Philly and Ulric so much... I feel so guilty for not being with Philly so far too long and for making Ulric feel like he needed to put his life on hold for me... I tried to be a good mother, but I just... I don’t think I have been...” A heavy sigh passed her lips as an even heavier wave of regret and sorrow settled over her. She loved being a mother so much, but she hadn’t been prepared to be one on her own. She tried to be strong for them for so long, but in the end she couldn’t tell if she did more harm than good. "Speech”Think