With his children all chosing their own dens now Torin hadn't been able to return to his former den. It felt too big, too empty. So he'd taken a new den the valley. The man pulled himself from the ground, blinking and cotton mouthed. He knew he was in mourning, had been through it enough now to recognize the sort of vauge numbness that had settled over him. Torin sighed, rolling his shoulders and cracking his neck from his cramped sleeping position. Torin settled onto his haunches and tipped his head back, calling for his father. He normally wouldn't call him for anything that wasn't official business but more than anything else right now he needed someone he could commiserate to and he certainly wasn't about to remind his children about their mother going missing. "Silent Treatment" & Deep thoughts

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He was old. Too old now to really do much of anything and he could feel it in his bones. And ever since the volcano erupted, he felt like all his energy had been sapped from his body. Spent from protecting Kestrel before Kairi found them. He spent most of his days sleeping, and he hardly had the energy to play with his grandkids which was unfortunate. He tried to spend whatever time he could with them, but in the end, he hardly had the energy to do anything but sleep. But when Torin called for him, he pulled himself to his paws and sought out his son. The old man had been doing his hardest to hide his failing state from the pack, but Kestrel being a senior and a healer herself, knew what was going on with him. He just had to hold out a little longer for the sake of his family.

It took some time for him to find his son, what with half a good eye left. Age hadn't been kind to him, but he figured perhaps it was karma finally getting him back for his years of being a dick and not showing the things he should have in the past. He had been hurt too much and it left him a bitter mane for the longest time. But it seemed just as he was turning away from that, the world went to shit and fate decided to finally make him pay his dues.

When Torin came into view, Zell hobbled towards him until he was close enough to see him clearly, which...was pretty close. "Son," He breathed. His voice raspy since the eruption. "Are you alright?" He knew his son well enough by now to figure out when something was wrong, even with half a good eye and his own failing health, he would always be there for his children until his last breath.

Torin was aware his father was getting older but fully in denial of just how far gone he truly was. Maybe it was that he still felt like tha awkward, stumbling yearling. He didn't feel like he'd gotten any more mature, any more prepared. He still felt like he was just barely keeping his head above water, just as it had been the first time he'd challenged for alpha all those years ago. But as his father hobbled into view Torin was struck for the first time just how old Zell really was. He suddenly seemed on death's door and Torin's worries suddenly seemed so much more trivial. "I-" He faltered for a moment, tempted to keep his worries from his father but he'd come to learn that sharing what he felt with him was safe. "I've been struggling, I worry I did something to scare Derecho away." He looked at his father, extending a forepaw to draw the frail-looking man into his embrace, wanting to hold him and support him while he still could. "I guess I'm just lonley." "Silent Treatment" & Deep thoughts

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One ear cocked towards his son when he heard him falter. But he didn't say anything, not yet. Knowing Torin would tell him when he felt ready. And soon enough, it came. "I've been struggling, I worry I did something to scare Derecho away." Zell's gaze found his son for the moment before he was drawn in, and he let himself lean against his eldest son without hesitation. It was getting harder and harder these days to stand on his own without difficulties, so he was appreciative for the support. But when Torin said he was probably lonely, Zell shook his head. "I know it's hard, son. But I don't think you did anything to scare her away." He turned his head to gently nose Torin's muzzle, "You're too much of a nice guy, I doubt there's anything you could have done to scare her off. Maybe she just...needed time to herself. We all eventually end up doing that at one point or another." Hell, even he had done that a time or two. But he always came back. And Faite? Perhaps she had done that and decided she wanted a different life. He wasn't implying that that's what Derecho had done or was deciding to do...no...she would come back. That was his own hope at least. For all the heartache and hardships his kids had been through, even what he'd put them through with his attitude and pessimistic nature. He had tried to make amends too late, he felt. But at least he had tried. And even with death practically knocking at his door, he wanted to continue to try and offer his support where he could. "Talk"

Torin drew as much comfort from his father as he could. For all their fights, for their anger and disagreements, right this moment they were just men sharing in the pain of their losses. He wanted to believe his father was right, that one day Derecho would return to him, that he'd get to see his son again. But then, he'd once felt that about his mother and missing siblings... but that hadn't exactly turned out had it. He couldn't help but express that worry, after all the fighting they'd done it felt wrong to keep anything else from his father, not talking to each other had been how they'd spent so long resenting each other. "But why would she take my son? Why would she leave her other children behind?" "Silent Treatment" & Deep thoughts

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He didn't blame Torin for worrying, or for asking what he did. His questions were valid, but all they could really do was speculate and make their own assumptions to the why's. It was hard to determine the answers without the actual truth from those that had left, but it was easy to come up with their own ideas. That's how it always worked, right? Without Faite around to tell him the truth...he always just assumed she had moved on to greener pastures. To something better. But he eventually stopped telling himself that and settled on the fact that he'd never get an answer. "The thing about that is...we can only speculate and assume the truth. There are  many what-ifs and scenarios we can conjure up ourselves, but we'll never know the real truth until it's said."

He sighed as turned to look at the sky. "It's possible she left on her own, and your son followed her. And while I don't mean to worry you any more than you already are, it's possible she unwillingly left, too." He turned a tired gaze towards him, "Too long I thought many different things about what could have happened with your mother. Why she left. Where she went. Why she never came back. Was she able to? Did she want to? Was she alive? Was she dead?" He shrugged as he looked away again, "I eventually moved on...for the most part. Though I still think about her from time to time...I'm not saying you should move on, but at some point...there's nothing we can do but wait. "

He himself had waited...though he waited way too long...he had held himself back from potentially finding happiness elsewhere, because he had been so caught up in his bitterness and resentment and...loyalty to Faite...because he hoped Faite would return someday.  And now? It was too late. He both regretted it, and didn't. It still hurt, but he knew sooner rather than later, he wouldn't have to feel any of it anymore.