Ooc:: Set directly after Bellamy exits the raid.

“Bells wait… we should have Drifa look at your injuries.” The Devil moved in front of Bellamy and looked up at her.

“I’m not bleeding.” Bellamy wasn’t looking at him as she stopped. Her heart was pounding in her chest, head spinning… her face hurt particularly, and her head, but she refused to go over where the rest of them were.

“Something isn’t right!” Ears frowned deeply. “What the fuck happened back there? You seemed so… out of it. What’s going on?”

“Fuck off. Leave me alone.” Bellamy tried to back away, to turn to go around him, but Ears moved in front of her.

“No! Do you think it’s going to get better if you keep running from whatever it is!? Something is WRONG Bellamy, and you need help. Are you so scared of others that you refuse to admit it!?”

Whiskers had moved up alongside Ears with concern on her face.

“He’s right. You went from nervous to fighting as though your life depended on it. They were allies and you seemed about ready to rip that boy’s face off…”

Bellamy squeezed her eyes closed.

“I know! I know…” Her voice cracked.

“Acere is going to kill me.”

“Bells…”

The she-wolf opened her eyes but they were focused on the ground.

“It was like… it was like the Empire all over again. Going to battle. It didn’t matter to them if the others were innocent. Do your job. Fight. You fall, you get hurt, you’re left for dead. Kill or be killed.” She kept her ears pinned against her skull.

“You weren’t ready.” Whiskers pointed out as she came closer to Bellamy. “It was too soon… you’re hardly interacting with your own kind yet. We never should have let you do this… I’m sorry.”

Bellamy crumpled to the earth and curled around Whiskers as she shook.

“I don’t want to remember anymore…” Her voice broke with a sob as she clung to the badger.

“Shhh Bells… shh... we’re here.” The badger nuzzled her with a motherly tenderness. “It’s going to be okay. We’re not going to let you face anything alone. Even Acere, okay? I… I’m sure he’ll understand.” Her voice faltered. She wasn’t so sure of that all. Those had been allies of his pack and he had already been lenient with Bellamy once.

“I don’t belong here…” Bells whimpered as Ears drew close as well. “I’m a monster… All I do is hurt.” She kept her eyes squeezed closed. “Acere should have cast me out…” She whimpered again.

“He’s going to kill me.”

He had briefly witnessed what happened during her fight before he had been able to reach her. And by the time he finished his second fight, she was gone. Extracting himself from the raid, he followed her trail to the thicket, his foxes following alongside him. Ace wasn't sure what to do. He had given specific instructions not to maim them, and he had witnessed Bellamy trying to do just that. She seemed to have been fighting like they were trying to kill her. While he knew some of her past history, he thought she was ready. He thought maybe that's why she had volunteered to come. He didn't think she would have lost it and tried to nearly rip that boys face off. Was he angry? Of course. But he was more disappointed than angry. While yes, Abaven were their allies, he wasn't sure how to feel about it. He didn't know if they were still allies after this, so he wasn't entirely sure what to do about this situation. He supposed he'd have to meet with Theory later to figure that out so he'd know for sure, but until then...he needed to deal with this. Spotting Bellamy and her companions, he approached looking none too pleased. "Bellamy! What the hell happened out there!? I explicitly said nothing beyond dominance unless your opponent started it first!" His voice was rough, edged with anger. He didn't know what to do or tell her, but he was mad that she had ignored his orders. "You looked like you were seriously trying to hurt that boy. Why?" "Speech"

Bellamy’s eyes shot open, wide, and the female was up immediately as Acere approached and spoke. But she didn’t rise fully, no, rather keeping her body lowered, posture submissive, as she avoided looking at him directly. Her ears were pinned back, gaze wild, looking far more like a scared youth than the young adult she was supposed to be. His anger stirred more memories, and she backed away, fearful, as reality and past blurred into one.

“I didn’t mean to!” Her words were a broken whimper. Ears moved in front of Bells instinctively, favoring his injured leg, as she looked up at Acere with defiance. He didn’t speak yet, the Devil doing his best to hold his tongue and let Bells speak for herself, but that feeling that something was terribly off again settled in his gut.

Whiskers looked at Bells again, took note of how she seemed absolutely terrified of Acere now too. Worry crossed her features and she glanced at Acere. “Something isn’t right, Acere. Please… take that into consideration when you pass judgement.” Her words were quiet, but the badger’s words showed she understood that Bells needed to be punished for what had happened. Her actions could very well dissolve an alliance…

“I wanted to help…” Bells voice was shaking. “I wanted to do the right thing! I didn’t… I didn’t mean…” She was shaking and still wasn’t looking at him. Tears had started to form in her eyes and Bellamy squeezed them shut.

“Y-you.. You always said… if we fell.. We were dead…”

Whiskers eyes widened at this.

“What? Acere…” She frowned, glancing at the alabaster king.

Bellamy couldn’t be talking about him, right?

“Kill… or be killed… you are injured… left behind… I did what I thought you wanted… I’m sorry…” Her posture remained submissive as she backed a bit further away. “I didn’t mean to make you angry… General… Please...”

Her response to his approach both surprised and confused him. She looked like a scared pup. What did she think he was going to do? Sure he was angry, but not even he was sure what to do at this moment in time. He needed to understand why she did it, and hopefully, she'd provide a good answer to his questions. While he wanted to help her with all these...changes...there were other things he couldn't risk. After all, he couldn't fix everyone. He knew that. “I didn’t mean to!” He kept a hard gaze and a frown on his face, unwilling to falter in his stance. He had been growing to see her as a friend, but there was times he knew he'd have to act as an alpha. And this was one such time. He couldn't treat everyone as a friend all the time...perhaps he'd been too friendly to the pack. Perhaps that's why a lot of them weren't doing their duties. This situation with Bellamy was beginning to make him realize that. While it was likely he could be both at times, he couldn't be both all of the time... "Something isn’t right, Acere. Please… take that into consideration when you pass judgment.” He glanced briefly at Bellamy's companion, flicking one ear a bit to acknowledge that he heard her, but he didn't reply to it. While he was aware her companions helped her a great deal, he didn't want them speaking for her. No...he wanted Bellamy to speak for herself for once. To see what she would come up. To hear her thoughts on the matter. “I wanted to help…” He could hear her voice shaking as he stood over her. "I wanted to do the right thing! I didn’t… I didn’t mean…” He didn't look away, even when he noticed the tears starting to form and even when she still refused to look at him. So far, he felt like she meant that...that she didn't really mean to truly harm the boy. But then... “Y-you.. You always said… if we fell.. We were dead…” Surprise flashed on his face. He felt...shocked, at what he was hearing. “What? Acere…” Crimson gaze turned to look at the badger, the surprise slowly turning into confusion. He couldn't find any words to say. Not yet. But the same thought seemed to cross both their minds. Was she talking about him? He was so confused, but then...“Kill… or be killed… you are injured… left behind… I did what I thought you wanted… I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to make you angry… General… Please...” Then it dawned on him...She suffered from the same illness he had. While he had worked for years to get his under control, there was the rare time that it flared up. It hadn't for a long time now, but it was still there. When he was alone. He sighed, letting some of the anger go, but not all of it. "Bellamy...I'm not your general. I never told you these things. Although now I understand why it happened." He looked at Ears and Whiskers for a long moment as the mutual understanding between the three of them was apparent now. He took a couple of steps back to give her some space. "We're not at war, Bellamy. However, given the situation...you weren't ready." He took a deep breath to calm himself. To calm his mind. She needed more time. He could see that. Before he said anything else, she needed to calm herself down. "Whiskers, Ears. Try to calm her down, will you? I need her fully present for what we are about to discuss." He motioned to his own companions to fetch some water, and perhaps a bit of a snack if they could find it. In the meantime, he sat down and waited for her to get back into her headspace. "Speech"

Bellamy was unable to understand, at least in her current stressed state, that it really wasn’t the man she thought she was speaking to. Past and present continued to bleed together as her posture remained submissive, frightened, awaiting punishment… that always came when she disobeyed.

Ears was at a loss himself, drawing closer to the female to offer her some comfort. “...right.” He murmured. “Look, do what you got to do for what happened, yeah? But if you can help figure out what’s going on…” He furrowed his brow and glanced up at the she-wolf. “Please do…” Seeing her frightened when she needed healing was one thing. He wasn’t sure what to make of Bellamy like this…

Whiskers sighed and turned towards her companion. “It’s the past… I should have seen the signs before.” She told him. “Bells isn’t well… but… she still needs to be responsible for what happened regardless.”

She watched Ears bristle.

“I don’t like it either but… Acere has been far more lenient than any other alpha would have been.” She glanced at the alabaster male and gave a small nod.

“I don’t think he will do anything to purposely hurt her. Not permanently. He has to be an alpha, Ears, and that means making hard decisions. We just have to help her understand. She won’t get better if we just ignore it or baby her.”

Ears huffed.

“Alright…”

---A bit later---

She was finally calm. Her head hurt and body ached but it finally felt like the paranoia that had gripped her had subsided. She rose from her companion’s sides and sighed.

“I’m sorry…” She told them both.

She was sorry they had to deal with this.

With her.

She lifted her head, gaze falling on Acere, and flicked her ears down to the sides as she padded over to where he was waiting. The female sat beside him and exhaled a breath as her tail curled around her toes.

“Whiskers tried filling me in a little bit.” She said quietly to break the silence.

“I don’t know what happened Acere.” She wasn’t looking at him but her expression and tone made it clear she understood just how heavy the cost of her actions could be.

“I truly did want to help Winterfell. I’m grateful for the aid you gave me before and now…” She shook her head. “I just gave you even more trouble.” She finally turned her green gaze towards him.

“You guys are sure I didn’t hurt him bad, right?” She knew a punishment was needed but… she had to know she hadn’t hurt that boy beyond repair. The rest she might be able to forgive herself for someday… but if she hurt someone that young?

Never.

He waited patiently as Bellamy and her companions talked among themselves. His own mind was occupied enough that he didn't feel the need -or urge- to eavesdrop. Instead, he waited for his companions to return, and soon enough they did. Finn arrived with a small satchel of water that he had filled, and Lumi came with a couple of snow hares. He nodded his thanks as they placed the food and water nearby, and no sooner had they done that that Bellamy started to come over. When she approached him, he kept his gaze on the sky and remained where he was. The anger had disappeared from his face by this point, and he had thought about what to do. While he still wasn't completely sure about his decision, he would hold off on the punishment for a few more minutes. He wished Tyranis was here. Perhaps even someone to fill the role of Judge. But until then...he was the one that would have to do these things. “Whiskers tried filling me in a little bit.” He didn't look at her, just like she didn't look at him quite yet. “I don’t know what happened Acere. I truly did want to help Winterfell. I’m grateful for the aid you gave me before and now…I just gave you even more trouble." He closed his eyes for a moment, even as she turned he didn't yet. He wanted to wait until she was done speaking, though he also made sure his body language didn't show any anger or hostility. He was calm. Collected. Letting her know he wasn't just about to spring an attack on her. “You guys are sure I didn’t hurt him bad, right?” His eyes remained closed for a moment longer as he nodded. When he opened them, he was focused on the passing clouds. "Greed saw him at the healers camp. Beyond a few cuts and bruises which is expected from a fight, the boy is fine." He turned to look at her then, his gaze betraying nothing as he assessed her. "Bellamy, I know you wanted to help. But...I don't think you were ready. It sounds to me like what you struggle with...your past...your history...it's highly likely, and from what I've witnessed, that you suffer from post-traumatic stress." Whether she truly did or didn't, he believed it when he saw it. He recognized the signs when he himself suffered it a long time ago. "I know your past wasn't easy. And in a way, I can relate. I've had my fair share of struggling with the psychological effects of my past, too. And in some instances, I still do." This time, he let understanding show in his crimson eyes. "Though it has taken me a long time to accept and live with it, and even longer still to keep it under control, I also struggle with it." "Speech"

The news the boy was alright brought a sigh of relief from the woman’s lips. She didn’t want to hurt others like that… not ones so young. Not that the boy was a child, per se, but he was still an age that Bells saw as too tender to have been in a real fight. She got quiet again, listening to what Acere had to say next.

Post-traumatic stress. Her brow furrowed, knitting together in confusion. It was a term she had never heard before… but she didn’t doubt that Acere was right. He knew more than she did about things… especially here in Boreas. The world was confusing and things she should have known, ways she should have been able to act, were things she was only just now learning. It was frustrating…

“I’m sorry…” She said softly. “That you understand… It’s a blessing and a curse.” She let out a heavier sigh now.

“All I’ve known for so long is fighting… I’m still learning what it is to be around others… without the need to make them bleed.” She had lowered her gaze. “...and I hate it more… because I enjoy fighting… the rush… but this time… I don’t know…” She shook her head.

“It felt wrong. I felt… afraid…” It was bizarre.

She lifted her gaze to Acere.

“The General over me would maim others for disobedience…” She frowned more deeply. “I… I don’t think you are that type of King though…” She shifted uneasily on her paws. “You… aren’t going to make me a slave because of this, are you?” Her voice was quiet, mannerisms more reserved and even child-like than what she bore naturally. Her confidence had diminished like a flame doused with water…

...she wanted to make this right…

...but that knot of fear, of doubt, that Acere might turn on her even now had her worried for her future.

Trust was so hard to build…

Yet, even with that fear, she kept where she was as she thought of Sparhawk’s words.

She had to push through this… even if it was scary.

“I’m sorry…“That you understand… It’s a blessing and a curse.” He looked at her as she spoke, waiting until she was done before he spoke himself. “All I’ve known for so long is fighting… I’m still learning what it is to be around others… without the need to make them bleed....and I hate it more… because I enjoy fighting… the rush… but this time… I don’t know…” He nodded in understanding, even as she looked away. He could understand that. There was a time he enjoyed fighting, and a time he had been forced to do things, even if he didn't want to do them. At one point though, he drew the line. Not many knew about his past, and the one who knew it all was dead. “The General over me would maim others for disobedience…” He breathed deeply and slowly let it out, keeping his gaze on her as he listened. He would remain calm despite his earlier anger and annoyance. He could feel those feelings slipping away, being replaced by understanding. He didn't want to pity her...by doing that, he'd have to pity himself, too. “I… I don’t think you are that type of King though…You… aren’t going to make me a slave because of this, are you?” He wasn't surprised to hear those words at this point, so he merely shook his head.

"I'm not going to make you a slave, no. To be honest, Bellamy, you and I have a lot more in common than you think. I see that now." He cleared his throat and shifted his seat, his gaze turning skyward as he gathered his thoughts. "I was born into a pack that sounded much like yours. We had to be the strongest and do what we were told or face punishment. Make no mistake, even the rules of our alpha and Apollyon didn't quell my natural sense of adventure and disobedience. I was a hot-headed little shit that got into a lot of trouble." He paused as he smirked and a grunt of laughter left him. "But even with my upbringing and the questionable morals...there was one thing I refused to do." His eyes suddenly grew darker and his head lowered, his teeth gritting as his expression turned serious. "I had a sister who was the competitive sort. The new Apollyon alpha didn't like it and changed the rules after the previous alpha died. Males were to fight and females were to learn to heal, that was it. They were seen as vessels to breed and not much more." At least, from what he remembered. It was so long ago he couldn't remember if they were expected to serve other purposes or not..."One day, my sister and I decided to interrupt the usual training after a few weeks of this new madness. We sparred each other, me and her. Dae, the alpha, watched quietly. And when my sister won, he was angry that she disobeyed the order of the pack and defied what she was meant for. He was a twisted, sick man...he demanded she show respect to the demons we believed in by offering her womb to them. And for my punishment for agreeing to spar with her? I was supposed to offer my own seed."

Some of his past was hazy, but the more he talked about it, the more it became clear again. "I refused to do it. Refused to rape my own sister. And I suffered the punishment. Dae attacked me, broke my leg, nearly killed me. But I didn't fight back. He then demanded my brother Elias do it or he'd kill me...our sister ran, and he gave chase. I never did see Alis again, but I know Elias followed through with the order." He cleared his throat, not really wanting to talk about it anymore. Not now, anyway. "I wasn't even a year old yet when this happened..."

"I can't say I'm perfect. I'm not a hero or the good guy many might think I am, though I have tried to change to try and reflect those qualities..." Like many, he was sure. "I have demons that I face each day. Decisions that I need to make. And others may question my decisions and make all the assumptions they wish about me. I have no doubts that Theory has already made her assumptions about me, but that's none of my concern. At this point, I'm not going to punish you for what you did. I strongly believe Theory has already decided to sever our alliance and likely already planned to regardless of the terms I offered."

He had said a lot, he was sure. But he wanted her to know she wasn't alone. That he understood and wasn't just saying he did. That he wasn't going to punish her or enslave her or anything she was possibly thinking. And somewhere along the lines of sitting here and talking to her and all the past times he'd been sitting around in thought, he didn't quite care what anyone thought of him anymore. Whether he was doing right or wrong. Those two things were always on a blurred line anyway...

Bellamy didn’t want to expect the worst of Acere, that he might turn on her like one of those wolves from her nightmares, and honestly she was relieved when he didn’t. She was quiet, listening with an ear cocked in his direction as the man spoke of his past. It flicked a switch in her, reminding her of things in Lyenne, and made her stomach churn. It seemed that evil lurked everywhere. Hearing just what was demanded of him, at under a year old no less, made her feel sick.

“I’m glad you refused -- that alone speaks volumes of your morals versus the twisted man that you once called alpha.” The female breathed out, nostrils flaring with frustration. Just because a female wanted to fight… he would punish her for being good at it? “That is not something someone so young should be forced to do… to their own sibling.” If her siblings had survived, if she had been asked to force anything on them, Bells knew she would have never been able to do it either.

“You know…” She took a breath.

“I met a man a little while ago… Sparhawk was his name.” She still remembered that night, clinging to him as a mess, and truthfully still was one, but he had taught her something.

“Just because we do bad things does not mean we are bad wolves. That is the past, and now, I guess to claim our futures we’ve got to battle our minds…” The female couldn’t remember much from that night but she did remember that. She looked at Acere, her fiery gaze softening just a bit.

“So I think you are a good king, a damned good one. Pasts don’t define who we are, nor what we want to be. Fuck what others think; we make the rules.”

The female stood and turned towards Acere now, taking a breath.

“I won’t lie… I still get scared, no, terrified when I think of what fates might befall me. But…” Her gaze softened.

“I want to get better… strong… so I can face the things that scare me.” She flicked her ears back.

“Acere…” She looked him in the eyes.

“I know it’s odd but… I want to request that we figure out… some form of punishment or something.” Bellamy frowned. “I want to push myself... and if that means I have to be forced to do so for the sake of the pack that showed me kindness then I’m fine with that. I want to grow now that I’m free… not be restricted by shackles of fear of what may happen…”