Scared of myself
Naiche
09-11-2020, 11:21 PM
Her dark paws stood at the edge of the Armada's border, her orange-hued eyes looking over the willow trees that stretched out in front of her with a little bit of curiosity. The pack lands had quickly become a safe place for her. She felt like as long as she was within their borders then whatever was out there couldn't reach her. However, at the same time, she had no idea what the rest of Boreas held. She had only just recently learned the name of the land itself from Tamsyn and besides the little bits she had seen while she was following Osmond she really had no frame of reference for what this land had in store. The idea of crossing beyond the scent markers to take a closer look at the willow trees made her heart pound nervously and an exasperated sigh passed her lips. She was so frustrated with herself. In a logical sense, she understood that this place wasn't like her old home and, as she had begun to learn from talking to Tamsyn, even the wolves that lived near their old band hadn't held the same beliefs that they did. It had been an isolated case that they had both managed to escape from, but... She still couldn't help the deeply ingrained fear that still lingered in the back of her mind. Even with the lessons that she had been taught so far about fighting she still didn't feel confident to go explore on her own. Her gaze fell to the ground with disappointment and frustration in herself, her ears falling back against her head. How long was she going to let this hold her back? |
09-11-2020, 11:47 PM
Naiche was tired of waiting for the pangolin to keep up, so now it was riding on his back as he trotted along the permiter stopping on occasion to sniff at something before moving on. This really was home now, he knew the land as well as if he had always been here. The familiar and welcome scents, and the varying scents of the different wolves in the pack. Naiche took another sniff at the air at that very thought. Apparently he still had a few wolves to meet.
“Hold on Pan, but not too tight.” Last thing Naiche wanted was the pangolin’s claws cutting into his skin, but it rested its hands gently on his head, using its tail to wrap around a good portion of Naiche’s neck instead. The pangolin had been with him for well over a week now and it still looked freakishly weird to Naiche. The creature held on good though as Naiche picked up speed to follow the scent until he spotted the wolf. It had the armada scent on it, but was certainly not someone he’d met.
As Naiche got closer and he could get a better focused scent of the underlying tones he smelled a hint of fear in there as well. Disgusting. Fear was for the weak and weak did not belong in his pack. Naiche pulled his ears back in irritation, and only once he could pull them up straighter and hide the irritation did he move forward. “Are you new?” The question had a formal sort of politeness to it. He could have missed meeting some of the other armada wolves, but would any experienced wolves look as she did? The expressions on her face didn’t lift his spirits of a strong wolf. “What’s wrong?” It wasn’t a question of compassion, just a blunt limited tolerance request for information.
The wheat-colored wolf glanced towards the willows for a few seconds before back at her. He could feel Pan shifting on top of his head and neck for a better view of the willows. It wanted to go climb tree’s and hunt ants over there no doubt. Naiche’s tail was still working at regrowing fur near the base and had a bit of a dent shape in it, it was kept down low as much as it could.
09-12-2020, 12:07 AM
A firm, formal voice met her ears and she jumped at the sound, her gaze darting to land on the sandy, tan colored man that seemed to be eyeing her with a thin patience. Her ears automatically fell back against her head and her posture drooped submissively before she could remember that she didn't need to act like that here. It was so ingrained into her behavior that it was hard to do anything else, especially when confronted by a male she didn't know. Keeping her head and tail low almost felt more comfortable and familiar than standing up right did at this point and she could only hope that at some point it began to feel the other way around. "Um... yes, I am," she replied uncertainly to the question of if she was new, slowly trying to lift her head again as she spoke. "Tamsyn brought me here about a week ago and Sirius told me I could stay," she added, feeling as if she needed to explain her presence in some way. It really only told a fraction of the story behind why she had found herself in the Armada, but it was enough for a stranger she hoped. After meeting Aslatiel she was beginning to wonder if all of the wolves here were quite this blunt and harsh or if it had just been her luck with the two she had met thus far. She really needed to start meeting more wolves here... but she could only tackle one insecurity at a time. As for what was wrong... "I, um..." She sighed, her ears flicking as she glanced toward the willows with frustration. "I had only just gotten to Boreas before I ended up here so I haven't actually been out of the pack lands on my own yet and I'm just..." She was what? Nervous? Scared? How ridiculous did it make her look to say she was afraid to take one step away from the Armada's lands on her own? It just made her feel weak to even admit. Of course she had to remind herself that there was much more to it that he wouldn't know, but she also didn't know if he would be any more sympathetic if he did know what had gotten her to this point. |
09-12-2020, 12:28 AM
“Get your head up,” she was trying, but that was different than confidentally keeping it up there, “You’re a wolf, don’t go around acting like a scared rabbit. More than that you are a member of the armada, be proud of that.” yup he was already irritated. Tamsyn had brought her in? Why would Tamsyn bring this sort of wolf in? Oh, Tamsyn was nice. Nice was good but it should have limits! Was there hidden promise in her somewhere?
“I’m Naiche, whats your name?,” the formality was back in his tone, it seemed the best way to work at hiding irritation at her. He hated cowards, and he hated cowards being in his pack. This needed to be fixed fast. “Tamsyn’s a great wolf. If she wanted you here then there must be some reason why.” Did that count for saying something nice? It was the best he could offer.
On Naiche’s head Pan was looking curiously at Rhona and lifted its head raising a hand of rather impressive claws in a waving gesture. At least one of them could act nice.
“Time to fix that. It’s not enough to know our land, you need to know the land around us,” his tone rather like giving a student a lecture. “Pan wanted to go visit the willow tree’s anyway, so you can come with us. Tell me about yourself, what your good at, what experiences you’ve had. You smell of fear.” Yup, blunt as ever.
If he had to deal with her in the pack he needed to figure out how to fix her, fast. Fighting Sirius and then that bear had been a great way for Naiche to start off growing. She seemed a bit cowardly for that. Naiche wasn’t fighting a bear without someone he could trust to help. Something smaller then? Then again he could just surprise attack her himself? Geeze, what if she just tried to roll over instead of fighting? Naiche tried to decide if he’d ask Tamsyn later why she’d bring in weaklings. There had to be a reason?
09-12-2020, 11:16 PM
She finished a little at his sudden demand that she get her head up, but she still followed his instruction and tried to match his stance the best she could. The irritation in his tone was pretty easy to pick up on and she understood it a bit more when he spoke of being a wolf of the Armada and being proud of it, but that tone and the more serious, cold one he took when he continued to speak still tugged at her internal fears. It wasn't entirely unlike the tone the men of her old band would get with her and the other women whenever they wouldn't do what they wanted right away so it still made her a bit concerned. She just reminded herself of what Sirius had told her when she joined about him breaking their nose if they hurt her. She had no reason to believe he wouldn't hold up to his word in that regard so she tried not to think too much about Naiche's frustration with her. In the end if he did anything she had someone to back her up so she really didn't have much of a reason to be worried. "I'm Rhona," she replied, when he asked for her name. She agreed that Tamsyn probably had a reason for her to be here, but it probably not for a reason he would like or agree with if she was reading his demeanor correctly. She didn't remark on his statement, but the sting was still there from the fact that he had to rely on Tamsyn's word to assume that there was a reason she was there. She understood that she hadn't proven her worth yet, but she also hadn't had much opportunity to yet. Her eyes lifted slightly to the creature perched on Nauche's head and expression softened a bit when she looked at it curiously, a little smile even pulling at her lips when it waved. She had no idea what it was, but she thought it was adorable and certainly more friendly than this man was being. When he began to lecture her about not going into the willows her amber eyes slipped back down to his. She was a bit relieved to hear that they were planning on going anyway so that she wouldn't have to go alone. It did make her ears flick with embarrassment and a bit of irritation when he mentioned how she smelled like fear. She was trying and she didn't know how to get that across. Everything felt so difficult. Even just being alone was a brand new experience for her and was something she had to adjust to. Having to figure out how to do things without someone else telling her to do them first was a huge hurtle on its own as well. She understood that he wanted her to be strong and live up to the "Armada" lifestyle, but... she just wasn't there yet. She honestly didn't know how to answer his question of what she was good at or what experiences she's had. At this point she was so frustrated with him that she just wanted to snap something harsh at him in retort, but she'd never dared to do that before. The few times she'd spoken against her father or Osmond it had ended badly for her. But at the same time, it felt like the only way to get him to understand why she was timid and scared to leave the pack lands on her own. Fine, he wanted to know her experiences? She'd tell him. "Well, so far I've been the replacement mate for my older sister who starved herself to death to escape our life, was abused and raped by him pretty much every day since he claimed me, was brought to Boreas by him so that my father couldn't stop him from doing those things, and then watched Resin literally rip him to shreds when he attacked Tamsyn because she was his sister." By the time she finished she was seething with anger for the first time in her life. All of the pent up fear and frustration and anger came bubbling to the surface and Naiche was unfortunately the catalyst for it. "Now I'm here because I don't have anywhere else to go and I quite literally was never allowed to learn how to fight or hunt for myself so that I would continue to be dependent on the men I grew up with... So I'm sorry if I smell a bit like fear." She spat out the last word at him and turned to storm off toward the willow trees, her ears pinned and tears welling up in her eyes as she tried to put a little bit of distance between herself and the wheat colored male for a moment so that she would calm her pounding heart and try to rein in her emotions. |
09-13-2020, 12:47 AM
Naiche tried to lift his eyes up as if he could see the pangolin on his forehead. So there was one thing wrong with it, Pan was overly friendly. Oh well, most companions appeared to be a lot more annoying. His eyes didn’t stay away from Rhona long though, he approved the she managed to raise her head even a bit.
When she started venting with all her reasons Naiche was startled. She went from fearful to ticked off. Good, anger was far more useful than fear. She had faced battles of another sort which Naiche thankfully had never been put through. Honestly he was surprised the part about Resin tearing up the other wolf. Naiche could only imagine he’d feel a great deal of satisfaction in such a situation. Either way, she had been hurt bad and that venting had to be good for her, even if she didn’t realize it. Sometimes venting was required to grow stronger and move away from the past.
Once she walked off he let a grin spread over his face. It wasn’t because of how he had upset her, it was because she was spirited enough to have talked back despite the fear. Naiche let her have a minute before he strode up to walk with her. Time to do something he didn’t care for but seemed necessary right then. “I’m sorry,” he wasn’t really, but he tried to make it sound convincing. At least he wasn’t lecturing her right then? “Tell me though, didn’t it feel a little good telling me off? I bet you held onto that for a while.”
Glancing away from her and ahead he changed topics, “If you’d like I can help you a bit. We could work on hunting or fighting. Fighting might be the best place for you to start.” How much could he push her? Knowing there was a fire deeper in her and the fact Tamsyn let her in meant it had to be worth his time to help her. Regardless what he thought of this wolf she was part of the pack so it was his duty to assist. It didn’t mean he’d coddle her, but in one way or another he would try to make Rhona strong.
He might piss her off more at some point, but wouldn’t she feel it was worth it when she saw how it made her stronger?