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ooc: Set right after he gets back from finding Nolan and reporting his death to Báine cause I meant to make this thread and never did whoops!

Dragging himself to the entrance that led up into the ship felt like the most physically taxing thing he had ever attempted. The steps that had brought him to this point from Valhalla's borders had gotten more and more laborious as he put distance between himself and his aunt. The trip to that portion of Boreas was already long as it was, but it felt even longer given the grief that weighed him down and the exhaustion that was begging him to stop. He hadn't slept in over two days and he hadn't stop to rest for more than an hour at a time since he found Nolan, going directly from where he had died at the falls to Valhalla and immediately back to Winterfell. The stirring, loud, screaming voices in his skull pushed him onwards, refusing to let him rest and refusing to forgive him for a transgression he didn't commit.

His paws touched the metal that made up the stairs that led up into the ship and his legs gave out from under him. He collapsed into the snow and even though he tried to stand again his trembling legs made it impossible. It was late in the evening now and the sun had mostly set, leaving just a faint glow of sun set lingering in the sky that would soon be swept away by the pure darkness of night and the pin points of light from the stars. He laid there at the beginning of the stairs that would lead him up to where he and Yurei shared their room together and felt emotionally numb. He was tired and angry and so very full of sorrow. He didn't have it in him to call for anyone - especially not for Yurei - and he didn't have the strength to get up again. He rested his head on the first stair and stared off into the distance of the frozen tundra while he let the cold continue to soak into his bones, waiting to see if anyone would happen to walk by.

Yurei herself wasn't in the best of mood either, something that despite being very common with someone like her she still didn't want to feel like that. Casso was gone for some time and she felt lonely without him, she felt empty without his presence, without his scent in the air. And while he was out there she tried to keep her mind occupied with the duties, into the tasks she now had to do after the promotion. She felt happy to now know she gained something despite how poorly she thought of herself. And she hoped she would not disappoint anyone, especially Acere and Casso, she wanted to prove to them she could change, that she was useful. The whole day has been spent doing her stuff, foraging herbs here and there, and that at the end of the day made her quite tired and as she entered their home she just collapsed as soon as she placed a paw inside. She just lied down but as she saw her mate ahead on their bed, she noticed something on him from the way he looked. That feeling was well known by her. Sadness. Worried and with her ears pinned she aimed to approach and lie down by his side. “Are you okay?... What happened? My love?...” "Speak"

It took him some time, but he did finally manage to drag himself up onto his paws and he carried himself inside. He couldn't really even say that he walked inside as much as he forced his exhausted frame up the stairs and down the corridor that led to the room that they called their home. When he finally passed through the doorway, he looked to the bed and saw the worried eyes of his mate. His ears flicked back against his skull and he glanced away from her before collapsing onto the bed of furs with a soft groan. Every part of him ached, but it wasn't the physical pain that hurt him most.

He knew that eventually he would have to answer her questions even though it was difficult to put anything into words. Between how little he had processed this new loss and how tired he was it was going to be a miracle if he could put together coherent sentences without breaking down entirely. He wouldn't lift his head to meet her gaze, but he would speak after a few moments of silence. "My cousin Nolan... He died. I found him by the falls... It looked like he fell - he was so..." He couldn't and wouldn't describe the state that he had found his cousin's body in. It was a long drop from the top of the cliff and if he had made it all the way to the top when he fell... there was no surprise that he was broken and mangled by the time he hit the ground. Thinking about him now made Casso's stomach churn uneasily.

"I went to Valhalla to tell his mother... My aunt... He was her only child..." The look on Báine's face when she connected Nolan's absence with what Casso was telling her would haunt him for the rest of his days. The fact that he didn't stay with her, didn't insist on keeping her company, when no one else in the pack had come to answer his call... it still didn't sit right with him.

"Letting down your family again. Always letting them down."

The clear, ringing voice in his mind made him flinch involuntarily and he closed his mismatched eyes with grit teeth while he tried to silence it once again. It had been a while since the demons had spoken to him so clearly and he had almost gotten used to the quiet rumble they had settled into as he went about his daily life with Yurei here in Winterfell. But this... All of this had brought them back with vigor.

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Her eyes wouldn't leave Casso's shape as her worry grew with the starting silence between them. Did she asked something she shouldn't? Was he mad at her? Well at this point she didn't saw that as a possibility but she couldn't be sure about it. All she was concerned about was that he was alright and to do whatever she could to help him. This was what a relationship was mean to be of at least one Yurei's poor experience with relationships. She just listened to his words and what she heard broke her heart. Simone from his family was found dead and she could imagine how painful that should be for him. She couldn't think on what she would have done if she ever found someone she loved dead. Certainly she wouldn't want to love any longer. In situations like this she never knew what to say or do. From everyone on this earth. She was the worst to cheer up someone. Of she couldn't cheer herself how would she help others? She stood up and sat before him and like that saying no word, no sound , nothing she would wrap her legs around him aiming to tuck his head on her chest. While she attempted to lick his forehead repeatedly. Sometimes it was better to say nothing and just act. Actions could speak louder than words. She closed her eyes. "You are not alone in this...you have and always will have my support andy ears and heart will always be open to hear you and what you feel...." "Speak"

Casso didn't look up when Yurei began to move, only his ears following her and tracking her movement as she came to sit in front of him. He kept his two toned eyes fixed on the floor in front of him, gritting his teeth against the panic that was threatening to grip him. He had become familiar with that feeling over the last couple of years and it felt as if his toes were right on the edge of that mental cliff where at any moment he might topple over the edge into the dark abyss or he might still be able to step back from the edge. If his life had gone differently, if he hadn't ended up with Yurei, he had no doubt that he would have given into that panic. However, he had been lucky enough to have his mate here with him and as soon as her forelegs came up to wrap around him and pull his head to her chest he knew he had made the right decision to come back home instead of stopping to sleep anywhere despite how body breakingly tired he was.

Her comfort and affection finally broke him, sending him stumbling back from that mental ledge and making him crumble into her embrace. He leaned heavily into her and wrapped one of his forelegs around her as well, holding onto her as if his life might depend on it - and at this point it very well might. All of that built up, pent up sorrow, anger, and guilt came rushing forward all at once and hit him like a bolder. He kept his face pressed into her chest to hide his tears from her despite the fact that his sobs shook his shoulders and she would no doubt feel those tears dampening her fur. There was no hiding those tears completely, but his pride kept him from looking at her directly while he let all of those emotions run rampant.

It took a bit of time, but eventually he was able to pull himself together. Those tears faded away and slowly he was able to breathe calmly again. There was still so much pain and loss to sort through, but the worst of it was calmed for now. Casso lifted his head to let his eyes find Yurei's again, trying to ignore how dry and sore his eyes felt from crying. He brought a paw to her cheek and gently caressed her face before leaving a soft kiss on her muzzle. There was something else lingering on his mind and if he hadn't been sure of his decision before he most certainly was now. "The reason I left for a couple of days was to do some thinking on what we had talked about before... about having our own family one day," he admitted, speaking in a soft, hoarse rumble. "I was so unsure about what I might pass on to our children and so afraid of seeing them suffer the way I have. I still wasn't sure when I was on my way home, but... Then I found Nolan's body... It just reminded me how easily and quickly things can change. How unexpectedly things can end..." He gave her another gentle kiss, his eyes searching hers. "I'm sure now. I don't want to miss any chances or opportunities with you. Whenever you're ready, I'm ready to start a family with you, my mate."

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As she placed him between her arms, within her embrace she closed her eyes. Feeling how he slowly laid on her with his own arm around her. And the crying began, feeling how her chest became wet but she didn't mind as she licked his forehead in the process, feeling her own eyes get wet in tears. But she wasn't crying for her but for him, crying with him. He wasn't alone, she was here to either laugh, cry or feel with him. Once he was done she looked down to meet hers with his own eyes. He placed his paw on her cheek. Her heart pounded fast, hard, but this time it wasn't due to fear as it used to be. She felt love, care and she couldn't help but feel butterflies on her belly. "The reason I left for a couple of days was to do some thinking on what we had talked about before... about having our own family one day," She nodded saying nothing, she wanted to wait for him to speak first. "I was so unsure about what I might pass on to our children and so afraid of seeing them suffer the way I have. I still wasn't sure when I was on my way home, but... Then I found Nolan's body... It just reminded me how easily and quickly things can change. How unexpectedly things can end..." Ears pinned upon the last portion of his speech. It was true, one could die in any second and perhaps no one could stop it. Sometimes one could even end it all with their own paws. "I'm sure now. I don't want to miss any chances or opportunities with you. Whenever you're ready, I'm ready to start a family with you, my mate." "I am too, I know I have my issues...but I also know all will be alright. We have each other...and working together we could overtake our flaws...I do wanna have a family with you...my Casso...whenever you say we can..." "Speak"

He couldn't keep the smile off of his lips when she agreed to them being ready to start a family. They had both been though so much already in their lives and he hoped that perhaps all of that experience would lend well to them being parents. If nothing else he knew what kind of life he wanted for his pups and what sort of things he wanted to avoid. He knew the signs to look out for in case any of them were plagued by his family's demons and thanks to his mother supporting him he would know how to support them as well. They were ready. He was still worried about the future, but he was at least excited to go into the future with Yurei at his side. Out of all of this darkness and despair there could at least come something that could bring them both joy and hope.

There was still a long way to go before his mind would be completely calm, but his body could no longer keep up with him. He was fighting to keep his eyes open and to even remain sitting up. All of the wear and tear his extensive traveling over the last couple of days had put on his body was quickly catching up to him. Casso finally gave into that exhaustion as he settled down onto the bed and motioned for Yurei to join him. By the time he was cuddled into her with her tucked against his chest his two-toned eyes were already closed and he was well on his way to being fast asleep. Having a dreamless night of sleep was a rare occurrence for him, but that was exactly what he needed and thankfully what he got. He slipped into peaceful blackness and slept deeply till morning.

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