Tamsyn had spent the whole day trying to tie up a few loose ends for some projects she had started around the castle. Everything form cleaning up some of the remaining rooms in the castle that they hadn't yet occupied to making the finishing touches on the visitor's wing and even helping Ulric make some changes around the training area he was finishing out in the courtyard. It was nice to be able to check so many little things off of her list and even though none of it was critical or necessary, it still helped her to feel productive when none of them were really venturing far from The Hallow's lands due to the strange and concerning weather. She was grateful that they moved when they did since they were able to stock up on some meats and supplies right after the move before the weather took an even worse turn, but she worried that if the weather didn't begin to lighten up come summer that they would truly be in a tough spot.

With all of her tasks done she made her way back to the impressive room that she shared with Resin. It was getting later in the evening, though not so late that she would assume her mate to be there already. Sure enough, she walked through the doorway and found that it was empty. Since she knew she'd have at least a little bit of time to kill before Resin appeared, Tamsyn collected one of the furs from their bed and made her way to the balcony that looked out toward the ocean. She nudged open one of the two doors that closed off the exterior area and stepped out into the cold night air. She draped the fur across her shoulders and settled onto her haunches to look out toward the steady, peaceful ocean waves. A small smile lingered on her lips just from feeling content in that moment. She knew there were things going on around the pack that should draw out more concern from her - the saber cat attack and whatever drama had stirred around Azariah's disappearance just a couple she could name easily - but for at least a short time she just wanted to enjoy the view and the fact that they had the chance to live somewhere so stunning.

"Tamsyn" | "Blue" | think

Evening had come and darkness was slowly taking over the world. The sun's stay on earth was getting a little longer every day, but it didn't really matter when the days were so very frigid. Daily, she had been hunting. Herds that had usually stayed within the northern regions had drifted to Auster in search of less snow and more food. Their stores were full of elk and horse and many other hoofed beasts. They didn't have to worry about their food going back either. Everything taken below froze solid. Resin was confident that they would make it through whatever this mess was with the food that she and Rudyard brought in, but they were in desperate need of some more hunters. Just another thing to add to the list of leaderly worries. It was slowly becoming windy with a gust here and a gust there. A promise of more snow hung in the air. With the wind came a bitterness that made everything that it touched miserable. The Aegis had instructed everyone inside. Patrols for the night could be cancelled. They would watch from inside the castle just in case they were ambushed. After making sure that there was wood in all of the communal fires within the castle, Resin made her way upwards towards the wing that she shared with her family. Despite the castle having stood for ages and being built of stone, the corridors in particular seemed rather drafty. The periodic, screaming wind beat at the walls and Resin could feel her fur ruffle. She hurried the rest of the way, eager to settle down beside a fire and rest. Arriving at the chamber that she shared with Tamsyn, Resin pushed inside, closing the old door behind her and placing a block of wood against it to hold it closed. She wasn't surprised to see Tamsyn there already. The smaller fae was usually there to greet her lover at the end of the night. The ashen fae's eye scanned the space before she realized that Tam was sitting outside on the balcony. Was the woman crazy? She had a fur draped around her, but Resin wanted nothing more than to drape herself around her mate in front of the fire. Moving to the open doorway, the maned woman rumbled, "You're going to catch your death out there, Tamsyn Carpathius." Resin gently, and somewhat jokingly, chided her woman. "Speech"

The cold nipped at her face and nose and seeped in from where she was sitting on the cold stone, but she couldn't help but stare out at the huge sky full of stars. The view was absolutely dazzling as the deepest of the dark night began to set in and revealed all of the glittering lights that dotted the sky, the moon casting everything in a cool light. Despite the fur she held tightly around herself the frigid weather was starting to sink into her bones, but she didn't think of moving until she heard the door to their room open and then close again, giving away Resin entering the space. Tamsyn smiled before she even looked back over her shoulder at her mate, her mint eyes finding the scarred woman easily.

Her teasing would have made her grin anyway, but hearing Resin use her full name - Tamsyn Carpathius - made her beam happily like little else could. It was a something that she was still getting used to and it made her heart soar each time she heard it. "But just look at this view," she replied, looking back up at the sky for a moment. She sighed happily and smiled, ignoring the cold for just a moment longer so she could soak in the stunning constellations before she finally gave in and got up to come inside. It was admittedly drastically warmer within the bedroom and as soon as she closed the door to the balcony she was happy that she had given up the view in favor of coming back in to be with Resin, but it did make her look forward to warmer weather even more.

She leaned up give Resin a kiss, grinning up at her with love shining in her gaze. She wasn't entirely sure what had put her in such a good mood, but she certainly wasn't going to let it go to waste. Now that all of their children had their own rooms and privacy was a thing they could enjoy once again she found herself craving that affection and attention more and more. "There, I've escaped the deadly clutches of the cold yet again," she teased in return with another grin, chuckling softly as she turned to head toward the fire that burned on one side of the room. She slid the fur off of her back in front of it and laid down across it, stretching out on her side. Tamsyn looked back over her shoulder at her mate, giving Resin a little grin as she waited for the Aegis to join her.

"Tamsyn" | "Blue" | think

The night was indeed beautiful and Resin took a step out into the balcony to look as Tamsyn wished her to. She would rather have her woman's beautiful bones inside and warm than look at the night sky which she'd seen countless times. Eventually, the dark lady stepped back into the room and closed the doors. The ashen fae's eye followed her lover as she moved across the room, slid from the fur and settled upon it beside the fire. Resin would never tire of the sight of her. A long day of work left the scarred woman tired and sore. Her bones ached more with each passing day and she was definitely feeling her age. Each battle brought more pain to her joints and muscles. She had no choice but to admit that her days of rule were coming to an end. Soon someone would best her or she would simply be unable to perform. That was why she had discussed handing the pack over to Ulric. Her time was limited and her children weren't yet ready to rule. She hadn't chosen Tamsyn as her successor which some might find odd, but it was for purely selfish reasons. One, she didn't wish for the white marked fae to be challenged and injured. Two, she wanted to grow old with her partner. Leadership was time consuming as Tamsyn well knew. Slaking her thirst from a dish of fresh water, the Aegis licked the clinging droplets from her lips before crossing the room. She grabbed a second fur between her teeth and brought to the fire just in case they became cold in the night. With a sigh of relief, Resin sprawled out beside Tamsyn, toes splaying as she stretched. Gently, she nuzzled into Tam's neck before wrapping one foreleg around her lover to pull the woman into her embrace as though she weighed nothing. Once Tam was nestled in her arms, the maned fae lowered her head, resting her cheek upon the fire warmed fur. She was tired, but not quite ready to sleep. "Speech"

Tamsyn smiled softly as she waited for Resin to join her, watching the beautifully imperfect woman as she crossed the room with an extra fur for them to share should the cold creep in on them during the night. Perhaps not everyone would would see the Aegis with her missing eye, numerous scars, and battle worn body and think of her as beautiful, but nothing was more perfect to her. Even though she loved this pack they had built and she enjoyed having a hand in its destiny, she was secretly looking forward to the days when she could have Resin all to herself. She knew that her mate's aches and pains only continued to get worse and as much as she wanted to alleviate those things she couldn't be the one to tell Resin it was time to retire. The warrior had to make that decision herself.

Once Resin settled in beside her, Tamsyn relaxed into her larger form and grinned as her foreleg wrapped around her and pulled her close. She rolled to face her lover within her grasp, resting her head on the warm fur with their noses nearly touching. She chuckled softly and her front paws came to rest on Resin's chest while her mint eyes found Resin's single amber eye. For a moment she was just quiet while she enjoyed Resin's embrace and played with the fur that wove its way between her claws and paw pads. She began to think about how far they had come, all the changes they had made, how her past had led to this moment, and how much her mate had played a role in that journey. Yet despite all of that time and all of the events they had shared, there was still so much about Resin's past she didn't know. Unlike Tamsyn, Resin had lived a full, eventful life before they had met. She knew bits and pieces, but there were gaps and stings that she didn't know that would tie those pieces together.

"What was your family like?" she asked after a while, her gaze curious. "You said they ruled a mountain range and what positions your parents held, but not much else."

"Tamsyn" | "Blue" | think

A rumble of content left the ashen woman as her mate pulled claws through her fur. They lay by the fire for a time, happy to simply be with one another. Resin had closed her eye, allowing the warmth of the fire and the proximity of her woman to lull her to the precipice of sleep. Tamsyn's soft voice pulled her eye open once more and she stared at the the white marked fae. Tam had asked about her family. It was something that she hadn't expected. Her past was something that she didn't speak of often simply because it was the past. It held no relevance. It seemed that her mate was curious, however. Resin inhaled deeply then exhaled slowly. Her voice was low and soft, but it was clear. "Summing up my family isn't easy. My pack was...unconventional by this worlds standards and my parents ran the show." How deep did she want to get? It was obvious that Tamsyn was ready for a story, but it was an upsetting story in places. Resin didn't like to think of her upbringing, so she rarely did. "My people were more of a tribal sort. Old beliefs and practices. We spoke to the land. Communed with the trees. Revered and honored the dead. We practiced traditions that most would find unbelievable. Even revolting." Honoring the dead was incredibly important. It was one of the reasons that she'd left her home. Another deep breath pulled from the Aegis before she continued. "It was expected that a female learn to run a den, give birth to children and make her mate happy. My father saw my potential for battle, however, and allowed me to train to be a warrior instead. Some of the pack didn't support his decision and held it against me. I was a natural and my father was proud." Resin would never forget the face of her father. Especially not after what he did. "Jyrrik was strong. He was a good leader. He lead the pack into prosperity and was well respected. Steera, was a renowned priestess. She was a loving mother and, even though she was sad that she wouldn't be able to teach me the mystic arts, she was proud of me as well." Her mother's face, she could barely remember. The woman was grey and brown, but that was about all that Resin could recall about her mother's appearance. "They were good parents until they weren't." If Tamsyn wished, she would get into that next. Resin's golden orb burned into the minty depths of her mate's gaze. She would tell Tamsyn this story once, then would never speak of it again. "Speech"

As Resin began describing her family and history, Tamsyn settled in against her and watched her face with a curious, intrigued gaze. She felt a bit like a pup listening to a bed time story, though she knew that this story wasn't a fairytale and was less likely to have a happy ending. Since her past wasn't something that Resin spoke about much at all, Tamsyn had half expected Resin to decline the question or at least not go into much detail, but she was pleasantly surprised as her mate began to describe the pack she was raised in, her parents that had led it, some of their practices, and the path her parents had allowed her to take. She even saw a few similarities between their family's beliefs, though her own parents hadn't allowed her to train with the warriors the way Resin's had.

She smiled softly as Resin described her parents, taking in their names and their qualities as her mate painted them in a positive light. Strong, a good leader, respected. Renowned, loving, proud. She was surprised when Resin brought up the fact that their status as good parents didn't last and it made her smile falter, her head tipping slightly with curiosity. She only knew small scraps of the darkness in Resin's past, but this felt like it could be the turning point where more of that came into play. "What happened?" she questioned softly while she absently fiddled with the fur on Resin's chest, her mint gaze attentive as she watched her lover's face.

"Tamsyn" | "Blue" | think

Tamsyn listened to the story being granted to her as though it was some fairytale. It definitely wasn't that. The darker fae's claws began to pull rhythmically through her lover's fur and Resin released a soft rumble of pleasure from deep within her chest. Tamsyn had asked what happened next though, so the pleasure of their closeness was soon forgotten. "While out exploring the forest, I came across a man. He was not of our pack and at first I had the mind to attack him, but there was something about him that erased my bloodlust." She pictured him, pale and pure with eyes the color of the midnight sky spattered with stars. He had been a gorgeous man. "We began to speak and he was unlike anyone I'd ever met. Older than I was." The ashen fae shook her head as she spoke. "I was barely over a year and yet I was utterly and completely attracted to him. Every day I would seek him out and we would talk. For months, we spent time together in secret. Eventually, the feelings that had blossomed between us were too much and we mated." Resin's gaze went slack as she dissolved into the land of memory. She could see his face. Feel his touch. Even now, she could recall the intense feelings for him. "I hadn't reached my first heat so I did not have his pups, but mating with him was enough of a transgression for him to be punished." "My father had known that something was amiss. He brought a group of warriors and they followed me. They watched us together. Because he was an outsider and because of the position that I held within the pack, Kyridion was culled." It was the first time that she'd said his name aloud in ages. It felt somehow foreign on her tongue. "They ripped him to shreds before my eyes and there was nothing that I could do to save him. I couldn't stop older, seasoned warriors. I could not stop my father." For a time, she forgot that Tamsyn was even there beside her, so immersed in memory was she. Memories flashed through her mind and she walked through them as solidly as she walked through the present. "The wouldn't allow me to give him burial rites. That was part of my punishment. They kept me there, forcing me to watch his body rot and be consumed by scavengers. Day after day. They took shifts to make me stay and watch his soul die." Resin finally blinked, doing so a few times simply because she'd forgotten to do so while lost in thought. "If the rites of death aren't performed, a wolfs soul drifts away and their spirit and strength aren't given to the pack. They can't live on within others if the rites aren't performed." She couldn't tell Tamsyn that those rites involved eating a piece of the corpse. Cannibalism, even situational cannibalism, were severely frowned upon in these parts. "The second part of my punishment was rape. Many times. I had been soiled by an outsider, so it was done to ensure that, if I did become pregnant, it was by a member of the pack." Her gaze hardened slightly, but there was no indication that the conversation was bothering her. It was as though she was reading from a script. There was no emotion. No feeling. Just words. "It wasn't just the warriors, though they all took their turn. Warriors, healers, crafters, my father, my uncles, my brother. All of them." After a time, she'd forgotten how to feel. It must have felt like they were mating a corpse and she surely wished to be one on more than one occasion. "Kyridion was gone. After weeks, his body was rotten and his soul was gone. He was truly dead in body and spirit. There was nothing that I could do for him. I became lifeless and limp. In time, the guard upon me grew slack as they believed I would waste away to death. I took this opportunity to break away and run. I ran and ran and never saw them again." How long had she been talking? What was this wetness on her cheek? Blinking a few times, Resin realized that tears had formed and fallen. Hmm, fancy that. "Speech"

Listening to Resin tell the story of her life, of the man she had met and developed feelings for, of the repercussions that had come from that union... It felt a bit like watching a train wreck that she couldn't look away from. The further into the tale they went, the more dark and morbid it became, but Tamsyn never stopped her. She watched Resin's face with a tender, caring fascination as she learned more and more about what had shaped the warrior that held her. Her paws continued to play and work through her mate's fur, though she wasn't conscious of the fact that she was doing it. She didn't really know how to feel about it all. She was furious at the men of her past that treated her this way, she was sorrowful for Kyridion and his death even though she had never - and never would meet - the man, she was sympathetic for Resin and the pain she had gone through.

If her heart hadn't already been broken by the story she was told, it certainly was when she saw the tears falling from Resin's eye. The Aegis was never usually the type to cry - though she also wasn't usually one to share her past like this. When the story ended, at least this portion of it, Tamsyn lifted her paw from Resin's chest and brought it up to her cheek, gently wiping away the tears that had collected there. She managed a soft smile as she lifted her muzzle to give Resin a sweet kiss. "I don't mean to bring up all these memories... But I appreciate that you've shared them with me," she said softly. She had fully expected Resin's past to be filled with darkness and even though she was sure this wasn't the end of it, she was still a bit shocked by just how deep that darkness ran.

Her mint gaze grew thoughtful as she lightly combed her claws through the fur on Resin's cheek and neck. Tamsyn didn't like to think too far into the future. She knew that Resin was a bit older than her and that her body had been through far harsher things than her own had over the years. She logically knew that it was likely that she would lose Resin before Resin would lose her. It wasn't something she wanted to consider and wasn't something she was ready for, but since it was something that had come up in her story... "Is there... Would you like for me to do anything for you when..." She struggled to get the words past her lips since even just thinking about living without her mate hurt her more than she was willing to admit. "When you pass?" she finally finished after a moment, her ears flicking back against her skull. She didn't want to miss out on anything that Resin felt was important, no matter what it was.

"Tamsyn" | "Blue" | think

Tears had fallen, but as Resin reflected, she felt nothing. It had been so long ago that it felt as though the events had happened to another wolf entirely. Bits and pieces could still rouse a pang of pain, but for the most part, there was nothing there. Telling it made her feel even less. She couldn't explain why. Perhaps it was like releasing pent up steam. Now that it was gone, it was gone. Tamsyn was attentive and loving. Resin leaned into the paw that wiped the tears from her cheek, enjoying her mate's affections. A recurring thought surfaced; one that she'd had many times. Tamsyn deserved someone better. Someone who felt more. Someone not so old and hard. The scarred dame wasn't befitting or deserving of such love. She wasn't capable of returning that love as much as Tamsyn deserved. Resin was emotionally stunted. Tam deserved better than that. The dark fae questioned her, asking hesitantly what she wanted done when she inevitably passed away. Resin thought about it for a long moment. She couldn't ask Tamsyn or any of them to carry out any of the tribal rites that her birth pack adhered to. It wouldn't be fair. So, when Resin died, she would simply die. Her spirit would cease to be. It seemed fitting that she would end the same way that Kyridion had. "Just bury me somewhere nice," she eventually spoke aloud. "No need for a big to do. Just shove me in the ground and get back to life." That would satisfy her the most. Just keep bolstering the Hallows. Build. Train. Acquire new members. Live. "Speech"