She hadn't wasted any time to get to Ulric once Allegro left. She hadn't necessarily been avoiding him, she had stayed with Allegro or her children most of the time they had visited. But if there had been even a chance that they crossed each other while she was alone, she made it pretty clear she didn't want to be seen with him. And it hurt her in doing so, because of what had just previously happened with them. They were on some kind of wild roller coaster all the time it seemed. Nothing could be simple. It was late enough that Ulric's children would have been put to bed, but she wouldn't wait until late in the night. She wanted to be with him, she couldn't wait another minute as she finished her duties for the day. She did feel like Ulric needed an explanation, or whatever he would have asked for. But she also needed to tell him she was leaving. At this point, she didn't have a choice. She gently pushed his door open, standing in the door way as she did, "Ulric?" She looked sad and guilty, her voice cracked while quiet, she didn't want to get too emotional but she also didn't know how he would feel about everything that had happened in the past couple weeks. He was probably tired of the whiplash, and she felt she was to blame as was normal. She was, she wanted to live here and be with him but she also wanted to be the mother her children needed. Walk "Talk" Think

Seeing Aranea's children and their father around the pack had been a shock to his system. It was easy to let himself indulge in his own pleasures and forget about the reality of things when he was allowed to do so - which was exactly what he had been doing ever since he and Aranea had found themselves in each other's arms again. He had fallen into a comfortable routine spending his nights with the delicate healer. It wasn't until he heard the howl from the border and saw the look Aranea gave him before she ran off to meet their guests that he was reminded of the situation they were in. He hadn't tried to approach her or her family during their stay, knowing he would most likely do more harm than good, but he couldn't keep himself from just checking in from a distance. Even in the moments that she wasn't with the gold-swirled man or the pups, if he happened to catch her eye, she would quickly go in a different direction from him so he stopped trying to approach her.

He sat near one of the windows in his room as evening fell, lingering uncertainly between wanting to leave and wander the castle and giving up on the day and going to bed instead. He had noticed that Aranea's family was gearing up to leave during the day and he had already begun to wrestle with his own emotions. He had no way of knowing what had happened between Aranea and the other man. If they had been found out he couldn't imagine the father of her children would be pleased by the development, but then where would that put them? Did he even want to continue putting himself between them? He didn't feel upset or put off by her distance during their visit. The conflicted guilt that kept reoccurring as events like this happened was the only thing that plagued him and that was what he was wrestling with when he heard the soft creak of his door opening behind him.

Ulric stood as he turned to face the door, his silver gaze landing on Aranea standing in the entryway. The expression on her face and the crack in her voice made his ears flick back and made that twisting, pulling emotion in his gut worsen. "Aranea..." He immediately took a step toward her, only to stop himself and hesitate, wrestling with his own guilt. Ultimately he wasn't strong enough to resist himself and he continued crossing the room to where she was standing, dipping his head so he could lean his head into her neck. He sighed as he nuzzled into her fur, hating the conflict he caused himself with how much he wanted to be with her and how guilty seeing her children made him feel.

After a moment he pulled back and stepped out of the way so she could come into the room, gently closing the door behind her. "Aranea, I..." he began as he faced her again, but his words failed him before they even really began. He didn't know where to even begin or if he even should. His apologetic guilt was written across his face as his ears folded back against his head. Giving up on speaking, he left the floor open for her, giving her a questioning look. He was dying to know what happened and what would happen, even if he couldn't verbalize that desire.

Walk | "Talk" | think

She gave in to Ulric's affection, there was no hesitation on her end. But she thought he would be upset or angry. She couldn't sense the guilt in him, but she sensed the strange emotion like a cologne. To her she didn't want him to feel that way. Like he had done a wrong or destroyed some kind of relationship between her family. He did nothing but care for her and help her, she wanted him to blame her for everything else. "Allegro." She explained, but not in a very detailed manner, "I- I'm sorry." She followed him into the room to get comfortable beside him, but wanted to be embraced by his touch. She wanted Ulric more, more than anything. She was emotional but not in tears, her own conflicted and hurt feelings were very clear to see. She did have the same form of guilt within her too, though she put it towards both the men instead of only Allegro or only Ulric. "I don't want to say that what we were doing was okay or not. But Allegro and I hadn't really talked about our future together." She had told him that she would consider moving to Abaven in due time, and maybe that was her intention. She wouldn't say that she was just going to leave Allegro behind like he was nothing because that wasn't true. But meeting Ulric, finding herself in him, it changed a lot of things. "He gave me an ultimatum. He told me if I wanted to be in my pup's lives, I would have to move to Abaven with him." Allegro wanted a full family, a happy one. She couldn't blame him for that. But she also couldn't imagine never seeing her children again, like Rain and Nuada. Had her being her in The Hallows been the same as what she did to Nuada? Was she hurting her children that way? It pained her to think her children were turning down that path even with the love of their father. And she saw it too while they were here. They acted almost like they didn't know her, or didn't want to. She had done it to herself, she wished she could go back in time to make things right but she couldn't. It was too late to fix the broken relationships she made with her own children. They would probably never see her in a right light. Walk "Talk" Think

He hadn't really known what to expect as Aranea began to speak. He didn't comment on what she said about what they had been doing being correct or not. Whether she and Allegro had talked about their futures or not, it didn't really matter. What's done was done and ultimately he really only cared about how it would effect her children. As a father he had to hope that would be Allegro's top priority as well, and as soon as she explained the ultimatum she had gotten from the father of her pups he knew that was true. He had already tried to consider what it would be like if the roles were reversed and he knew that if he had the option for Azariah to be in the lives of their children - even if for some reason they were not together romantically - he would still want her to be around. He didn't know if Aranea and Allegro still had affection for each other or not, but he didn't want to know. It didn't matter. Either way, if she had a chance of being with her children that's what really mattered.

"I understand," he said softly, his gaze lingering on her with heart broken disappointment. He logically understood the reason for the deal and even if she tried to say that she wasn't going to go, he would insist she did. His soft spot for children knew no bounds and seeing them here only solidified his guilt for giving her any additional reason to want to stay. That didn't mean it hurt any less to know that he would be loosing something that was finally starting to feel right. Yet again he had found something that made him happy only to have it pulled away. It wasn't even a surprise at this point - it was more a matter of when than if once things started to look up. He gave her a slightly confused glance and asked, "But... They left today, didn't they? Why didn't you go with them?"

Walk | "Talk" | think

He did actually nothing to stop her, and that’s not what she wanted. She imagined he would beg her to stay, or ask her to reconsider. Maybe her own little fantasy, Ulric was better than that. He didn’t even expect her to say goodbye to him, just go off to live her life in Abaven with her family, never see him again. "Ulric I... wanted to chose you. I want to chose you." She confessed, looking up at him with hurt and emotional eyes. She wanted him to know how she was feeling. She usually hid her face from him, not wanting to embarrass herself or seem weak. But she was. "Ulric... I love you..."  It had been more clear to her in the event Allegro had been here. The way she thought and felt, she couldn’t deny where her heart led her in the end. Even while she avoided Ulric for the sake of Allegro, or even herself so Allegro wouldn’t point him out from the crowd. "I love you more than Allegro." She paused, moving forward wanting to be in his embrace, "I love you more than my own children..." Walk "Talk" Think

Even if he had expected her to resist going to live in Abaven with her children, especially considering she hadn't done that from the very beginning, she still caught him off guard with her declaration of love. Her wanting to chose him over them made no sense in his mind and he could only look at her with disbelief and confusion when she said that was the case. He didn't feel like he was worthy of anyone wanting to pick him over anything else in their lives, but certainly not over her own children.

But when she told him that she loved him and not just that, but loved him more than Allegro or their children... He didn't move away from her when she began to close the distance between them, but he didn't move to embrace her either. He had to be the strong one. He always had to be the strong one. His moment of weakness had started the spiral into this situation and now he was going to have to be the one to stop it, no matter how much it hurt.

"Aranea, no... I can't... I can't let you do that," he told her, speaking softly as he continued to wrestle with his own pain. "Nothing should come above your children... Especially not me. If you truly don't want to go to Abaven, that's fine, but... I will not allow myself to continue being the reason that you aren't in their lives." He continued to struggle with his own emotions, the pain showing in his expression even as he looked away from her toward the floor. He wanted to be loved as much as anyone else, but he had to put aside his own feelings and emotions long enough to think about something other than himself - something other than her.

"It's not that I don't care about you," he admitted, letting himself pull his gaze back to hers. He knew he loved her in return, he just couldn't allow himself to say it out of fear of hurting her more than he already had. "I... I just have to draw a line." Ulric dipped his head, gently nosing at her cheek as his ears folded back with guilt. "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to hurt you..."

Walk | "Talk" | think

He wouldn’t push her away, but she could feel the shift in his dynamic. He only moved to hide his expressions, and to look back to her as if to get her attention. She felt as though she was hurting Ulric just as she did Allegro. But Ulric wanted to push her in the right direction, Allegro wanted to pull her. She lifted her paw to place it on his chest, using his body as support while sat back on her haunches. "Ulric, please, I-" She choked on her words as she swallowed hard, wishing she could take back her words and alter them, "I can’t amend what I did to Nuada... or to Allegro..." Allegro was willing to work out what had happened, but she felt she would never be right, and Allegro would never fully be able to trust her  again. "I wasn’t meant to be a mother. I thought if I could replace Nuada and Rain... I thought I would be better." She wanted so badly to fill the hole inside her, but she didn’t know until she was with Ulric that she was filling the wrong void. Tyranis had broke her more than losing her children. Maybe because she was so young when she had them. Maybe she thought she had her entire life to look forward to. Her life with Tyranis and their children. She was wrong. "I remain selfish time and time again. My children barely know me, I’ve strained what me and Allegro may have had. I haven’t done that with you have I?" She looked up at him as her eyes started to weld, it was a cry of a question, she wanted to believe that her and Ulric were perfect for each other, that she could stay here and mother his children if that’s what he wanted. She didn’t want to think that Ulric didn’t love her, or that he wanted her to do the right thing and be with her family. Walk "Talk" Think

Ulric felt her paw on his chest and had to gather up every scrap of self control that he had to keep himself from wrapping his forelegs around her and pulling her to him. He had to steel himself against her and her emotions as he listed to her strained words. He only ever wanted to help. That's what he felt like he had been born to do - protect and help those around him. The fact that there was nothing he could do to ease this heartbreak for either of them without compromising his own morals hurt him more than he could describe.

He listened as she described the mistakes she had made, the relationships she had strained. He wanted to fix it all, but he knew he couldn't The only thing he could do was help her run from her problems and hide her away from them. Nothing would be resolved that way and he would never forgive himself if he became the reason that any relationship her children could have had with her never came to be. She questioned if she had strained what they had the way she had with Allegro and her children and he honestly didn't know how to answer. He ultimately knew that no matter what he said there was no fixing this now and he was just going to have to live with this pain.

"Aranea... It's not you. It's not me. It's them. Your children... What kind of father would I be if I took a mother away from her children? My pups... They've hurt so much because their mother left and I can't return her to them... But I can return you to yours. I have to do what's right... I never want any of your pups to think that they weren't good enough for your devotion." He brought his paw up to the one she had resting on his chest, gently lifting it and holding the delicate appendage in his own, looking down at the contrast between his oversized paw pads and the small delicate features of hers. He dipped his head to leave a gentle kiss on her paw before he let it go. "I never should have given you a reason to want to stay here. I'm sorry for ever doing that to you. I... We needed each other, but... now it has to end."

Walk | "Talk" | think

She wouldn’t interrupt him, she would let him speak all he wanted to tell her. As much as she didn’t want to hear what he was saying, and wished he would give in to be with her. Her welded eyes became tears, and her tears turned into a subtle anger as he told her it was over. He wouldn’t play a part of her losing her children. In a sense she was abandoning her own like Azariah had done to his. If that’s even what happened with Azariah. He placed her dainty paw in his, giving it a kiss. But she knew the affection was meant almost like a goodbye. He cared about her, but he wasn’t willing to destroy the life of her children as he wished only joy for his own. He probably couldn’t even understand how she would want to abandon her children for him, even if his feelings for her were strong. She ripped her paw away as he told her it was the end. She hadn’t looked up at his face for quite some time at this point. Sad, hurt, frustrated, she was full of too many emotions to even label. She went to leave his room, swinging the door open and stopping in the doorway, her back to him, "I’m leaving once the winter is over. I need to set up my departure with Resin and the other healers." She lingered in his doorway, her cheek just turned slightly to him but she didn’t want to look at him anymore. Still she craved for him to jump forward, grab her, hold her, fill the emptiness she felt at night and all the time. She moved on after a few more seconds, only taking herself down to her room to trap herself in her pains and sorrows. The next few weeks she knew would be incredibly hard to get through without him. -Exit Aranea- Walk "Talk" Think