This was the first day that Lillith could confidently rejoin the outside world after her long bout of sickness. She was still a little weak, but was assured that her strength would return with practice, and she would be better off getting out and walking around. At least to start. Movement would assist her healing, the fresh air and mock sunlight would as well. As soon as the almost yearling started to get cold would be when it was time to go back. With those thoughts in mind Lillith made her way to the threshold of the family rooms.

Her slender form was held by thin legs, but her soft spotted ears perked forward as she peered about. Ruby eyes glanced up and down the hallway before pale paws finally pulled her out onto the red carpet. Lil took in a deep breath and determinedly made her way towards the courtyard. The girl followed the draft of cold air out into the open space beyond. It was twilight, the sun was settling and the gray of the prolonged winter helped to bring everything to darkness swiftly. Lilith found herself in the middle of the courtyard with her sweet features tilted to the sky above as she watched the clouds roll ad toil above her. The child willed herself to keep a blank mind, like the clouds she watched, but her missing kin were often the subject of her thoughts. That's why she was here now. She had to prove she could recover from the sickness. Prove that she was worth sticking around for.

In all the time since Azariah's disappearance, Lillith's illness was the first time that he felt inadequate to take care of his children. He was grateful that they lived in a pack where there were several very skilled healers, but he still got the sense that it wasn't quite the same as having their mother there to care for them. He had done what he could - checking on her, spending time with her when he could, making sure the fireplace in her room was always stocked with wood, always bringing her meals to make sure she was at least eating properly... but that still didn't feel like it was enough. He tried his best not to worry since all of the healers that had come to treat her kept assuring them that it would pass, but how could he not be worried over his little girl?

He walked toward Lillith's room to bring her some dinner, but when he got to her door he noticed it was open and when he poked his head inside he found that it was empty. He knew she had been on an upswing recently, but it was still a surprise to find her gone from her room. Dropping the portion of meat inside for her to have later, he turned back the way he came and started following the trail that he now noticed since he knew to look for it. He followed her scent all the way outside and when he lifted his silver gaze from the ground he spotted Lil's monochromatic form out in the courtyard.

Just seeing her out and about brought him so much relief and he smiled a little easier seeing her standing there. Walking up to her, he could feel the cold wind buffeting his fur and he knew she shouldn't be out here in the cold for too long since she was still recovering, but he wouldn't steal this little freedom from her so quickly. He leaned down to give her cheek an affectionate kiss, his tail wagging gently as a smile pulled across his scarred face. "I didn't expect to find you out here, sweetheart. How are you feeling?"

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Brilliant red eyes stared up at the sky in innocent retrospect as her father followed her out onto the patio. The once manicured lawns were made manageable again by the thick snow, and Lillith knew she wouldn’t be able to linger out here for very long. Even before Ulric appeared from the same door she’d followed. She was nearly a yearling now, and she should have been much more strong and resilient than she was. Even still being alive proved she was a fighter, and Lillith wasn’t done proving fate wrong yet. Nor did she realize she was trying to prove her mother wrong as well. Wrong to leave, and wrong to leave with Everlyse.

Vibrant ruby eyes shifted to the massive form of her father as he paced across the courtyard to reach her side. Lillith was afraid for a moment he was make her come back inside right away, but instead he only had concern for her. Though she felt more like a puppy newly out of the den than an almost yearling. Did he want her to be a helpless puppy? She was eager to be a woman, to shoulder her own weight and rid her body of the sickness. But Lil was also content in just being Ulric’s little girl.

She leaned into his sweet kiss as he greeted her softly and sought after her well being. Lilith tried to smile up at her father. ”I’m doing better.” She didn’t want to admit how tired she felt from such a short walk, but she could hide it for now. ”It’s cold but i like the fresh air.”

It was still so hard for him to see any of his children as bigger than they were as tiny pups. He liked to think that it was mostly just because of his abnormally large size made most wolves feel small in comparison, but in reality it was just the denial of a father that just wanted his children to stay small and adorable forever. It felt like a shock every time he looked at Ezra these days and noticed how close the boy was getting to matching his height.

It didn’t seem possible that they were getting so close to being a year old. How could so much time have passed already? He felt like this was particularly true for Lillith since so much of her first year had been spent fighting this illness. He was glad that she was finally getting to the other side of it, but he was also sad that she had to miss out on so much of her youngest year. Nothing could keep him from being grateful that he still had her here though. All of his children were precious to him and he couldn’t bear the thought of losing another.

He nodded in understanding when she mentioned how she enjoyed the fresh air, knowing how stuffy the castle could be at times - especially with how much she had been trapped inside. ”Well, you can stay out as long as you’d like,” he told her with another smile. He settled onto his haunches beside her and lifted his foreleg to wrap it around her shoulders, gently pulling her into his side. If she was going to be out in the cold then he was going to at least try and keep her as warm as he could manage. He thought about going back inside to get one of the furs to wrap around her as well, but that felt like something that crossed into overly protective father territory. He lifted his eyes toward the sky, watching the clouds that promised to bring them even more snow and was content to just remain here with her as long as she wished.

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Lilith ad indeed been sick the majority of her young life, that sickness still remained obvious in the way her thin frame didn’t quite fill out like the rest of her siblings. Perhaps she would have grown to taller heights had she not been subjected to such a tragedy, but there was no changing these facts now. Lil would never be a tall wolf, but she would recover from her illness one day. Eventually no one would be able to guess, but for now she was weak and was very much dependant on her father, siblings, and pack. Much to the young girl’s chagrin. She had to get better, she had to get better and prove she was worthy of their love, like she hadn’t to her mother.

The pup didn’t often like be snuggled or coddled, but with the cold weather she was forced to accept. She was keenly aware of her body’s limitations and if she wanted to stay outside the den for longer she needed Ulric. Her love for her family went without question, but being hugged or touched wasn’t pleasant. When given her own room was when she realized the relief of being on her own and she started to become more independent. As far as she could at least, which wasn’t very with her illness.

Ulric pulled her closer and Lillith didn’t resist, even after her aversion she felt the relief of his warmth. The pup leaned against him and sighed softly, ruby eyes looking upward alongside him, uncertain yet determined at the same time. ”Do you think I’ll be better soon?” She asked him timidly. Already she beat the illness, now it was time for her body to recover. Lilith was ready to be strong again, she couldn’t prove herself if she was too weak to even sit in the courtyard on her own.

He tried his best to not be overbearing with his affection, but it was difficult for him to contain. He felt like that had only gotten worse after Azariah and Everlyse disappeared. Because of how busy he had been with building up the pack around the time they were born, he didn't have that many memories to fall back on of telling Everlyse how much he loved her and showing her that with his affection. Perhaps he felt like he had to over compensate now with his remaining children. The fact that it wasn't something that Lillith enjoyed hadn't escaped him, but he appreciated that she at least put up with him occasionally.

Her soft voice pulled his gaze back down toward hers when she questioned if he thought she would be better soon. He gave her an encouraging smile and nodded right away without a moment of hesitation. "Absolutely, darling. You've already gotten so much better. The worst of it is behind you... It'll be hard work to build up your strength, but we'll work on it together." He didn't want to give her unrealistic expectations, but he didn't want her to feel like hope was lost either. He knew that if she could pull through a sickness like that the way she had, he had no doubt that she could do anything she set her mind on.

"Maybe we can do some patrols together, hm? Just some short ones around the castle until you feel up to more," he suggested - partially as an excuse to spend more time with her and as a good way to get her up and moving for longer periods of time. She would have to start somewhere and jumping straight into practice and training seemed like it would be too much too fast.

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Despite not being eager for physical affection Lillith wouldn’t dream of asking any of her family not to touch her. She wanted them close to her more than anything and she would do whatever in her power to keep them from leaving like her mother and sister. She would withstand and return a million hugs and kisses if it meant she wouldn’t be left. Ulric’s silvery eyes looked down at her, and the girl knew she would never stand to look her father in the eye. Ezra probably would, but Lil had been sick and even now hadn’t fully recovered. Maybe she would have grown that tall if she had been healthy throughout her childhood, but here she was nearly a yearling and she was hardly at her father’s elbow.

The man was encouraging in his words, he was sure that she would recover fully, the hardest part was behind them. Lilith didn't quite realize the gravity of her illness and how many nights Ulric spent at her side, unsure if his daughter would make it through to the morning. Her illness was mostly beaten, but now it would be building her strength back. Little steps at a time, like coming out into the courtyard today.

Lilith perked visibly as he went on, providing not only hope that she would get there but he was just as determined as she was. Lil tried not to think about what might happen if she didn’t start recovering. If she couldn’t patrol with Ulric would he leave her too? Would he finally decide she was just too much effort? ”I can do it on my own,” she tried to assure him. A little of her panic showed through in her voice. Lilith wanted to be close to Ulric and she certainly wanted him alongside her as she made her attempts, but she had to make sure he knew she could do it on her own. She was strong and she would get stronger, all so she wouldn’t be left again.

"I know you can," he replied immediately and without hesitation when she insisted that she would be able to do the patrols on her own. He wanted to empower her to take things into her own paws and feel free to do whatever she was comfortable with doing, but... At the same time, he had spent countless hours waiting and hoping and praying beside her as she recovered that it almost hurt to know that she would soon no longer need him. Some of her siblings had already gotten to that point, but he still had his little Lillith for at least a little while longer.

He smiled again and added, "But I'd like to join you... if that's okay with you." Sometimes it was so hard to judge what his children needed and what was hurting them. He could tell Lillith felt the absence of her mother more strongly that some of the others and he tried to be as comforting and supportive as he could, but he knew that hurt was still there. There was no way for him to heal that wound, only treat it and soothe it. "You don't mind your old man hanging around with you, do you?" he asked, a little lopsided grin pulling at his lips as he chuckled softly. He didn't expect her to go running marathons right away or even do the full lap around all of The Hallow's large territory on their first outing, but he would love to be there just to see her walk around the castle and take these first steps around the outside world in what felt like ages.

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Ulric swiftly assured her that he was very much aware she could do this on her own. He knew she could take patrols and walk out here all on her own. They both knew that she was much too weak to truly take on the tasks given, but Lillith was afraid. Afraid that she would lose her beloved father because of her disability. She knew how much she needed him, she relied fully on her father for survival. How long would he even want to keep taking care of her when her very own mother had so easily walked away?

He smiled at her and Lil relaxed under his gaze, knowing that he wouldn’t tear himself away from her now. He opened up the floor for the girl to have all of the power. Despite her illness he was there to support her and help show her the power that she really had. Lil didn’t much enjoy physical contact but she leaned in against him further.

”I always want you beside me, daddy.” She whispered into his coat as the exhaustion of her efforts truly took her. The tiny girl started to shiver more visibly from the cold and she was all of a sudden very tired. She didn’t want him to have to care for her anmore, but she wanted him beside her. Lilith needed him. ”Will you carry me back?” She asked him very quietly.

He felt his little girl lean into him and his ears perked to catch her whispered words. I always want you beside me. His gaze softened as tears started to burn at his silver eyes, a genuine smile pulling at his lips. He squeezed Lillith gently in his embrace and was tempted to lean down to nuzzle the top of her head, but he restrained himself. All he ever really wanted was to know that his children wanted him in their lives. It felt as though if he accomplished that then he was doing well as their father. He wanted them to feel empowered to be independent and live their own lives when they were ready, but if he could always be a part of them then he was happy. After spending so many years resenting his father and hating him for what he had done, Ulric was just happy to have surpassed Ganta in that regard.

He blinked away the tears that had formed and held her for a few moments longer until he felt her beginning to shiver more as the cold started to seep in. "Of course, darling," he rumbled to her quiet request to be carried back and lifted his foreleg away from her shoulders so that he could crouch down and allow her to climb onto his back. Hoisting the small girl up, or at least small in comparison to himself, he carried her back into the castle, immediately feeling a wave of warmth as they escaped the slight wind that had picked up and began to pass by the fireplaces that dotted the interior of the castle. He glanced back over his shoulder at her as they steadily made their way back to her room, smiling that silly smile that he wondered if only parents ever smiled when they looked at their children.

Nudging the door to her room open, he walked over to her bed and crouched down again so she could slip off of his back. Once she was settled, he walked over to where he had left her dinner waiting beside the door and picked it up so he could bring it over and place it beside her. "I came to bring you some dinner earlier, which is how I found out you were gone," he explained with a soft chuckle. "You don't have to eat it if you're not hungry, but I brought it just in case." He leaned in to gently press his nose to her cheek, always reminding himself to not do to much. She allowed him to indulge in his want to give her affection and he didn't want to push too far. "Do you need anything else, Lil?"

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Ulric held her closer in a gentle squeeze as she made her confession and the child felt warmed by his affection. He wasn’t too overbearing with his affections and she appreciated the light closeness they could share. She felt all too dependant on him, and still worried that he wouldn’t even want to care for her after her being sick for so long. He held her tight, proving he wasn’t going to let her go anytime soon. Lilith felt like she could relax now as he held her, he took away all of her worries and anxieties and took them for himself. He quietly agreed to her question, and lowered himself so that she could better position herself on his back.

Lilith wrapped her arms around his neck as Ulric took them back towards the castle. She nuzzled into the thick fur of his scruff and warmed herself there. Ulric’s stride was so much longer than her own they were back into the castle and in her room before she could have said otherwise. He lowered himself again and Lil was able to easily slip off his back. The girl curled her legs underneath her as she made herself comfortable in the familiar spot on the thick furs. This was still her sick bed, but it was warm and she couldn’t complain.

Ruby eyes lifted as Ulric drew more near, the scent of meat had her little nose twitching as he offered his gift of dinner. She hadn’t realized it but her belly was empty and as he told her she didn’t have to eat it her stomach growled. She smiled shyly as he pressed his nose to her cheek. She tucked in quickly, and he asked if she needed anything else. Se chewed the bite and looked back up at him with bright garnet eyes and swallowed before asking, ”Will you tell me a story?”

There were many nights passed with him telling her about the world while she was unable to go out and see it all on her own. Even if she wasn’t so small anymore she was still limited in how much she could explore. She wanted to experience the world through her father’s eyes.

He smiled when he saw her begin to eat. It was a little thing, but he just enjoyed every aspect of being able to provide for his family and make sure they had everything they needed. He hadn't been able to do that for Lillith in a long time because of her illness and being incapable of healing her, but now he was able to relax a bit more and just enjoy knowing that they had made it. She looked up at him with those eyes that stole his heart every time she glanced his way and his smile widened at her request. "Of course I will," he replied easily as he settled down onto his haunches beside her bed. It would be a rare day when he would ever deny her anything, but taking time to tell her a story was certainly not one of them.

He hummed softly as he thought back through the stories he had told and the places he had described to her so far, trying to think of one they hadn't imagined together yet. He had told so many of these stories that he was certain he had repeated a few over the course of her young life, but she had never called him out on it so he supposed she didn't mind. The only places he tended to avoid telling stories about were places where he had vivid memories of their mother, but as he looked at Lillith and how much she had grown, he wondered if maybe it was time to finally let himself move on and let himself feel those emotions he had been repressing and hiding from. He had pushed them away to make it possible for himself to focus on his children and care for them, but now that they were getting older he wondered if there might be time and room in his life for someone else. Not in the way he had filled a void with Aranea - a real, stable love that could be a good influence for them. If she could be strong enough to make it through this illness then surely he could face his loss and disappointment.

"Well... Way up in the north eastern part of Boreas, there's a lake. It's very pretty during the day - nice a clear, surrounded by thick grasses and cat tail plants. Actually, I visited it several times not knowing why it was special, but then your grandmother told me that it was called Firefly Lake and insisted I just had to see it during in the evening. So I did - I went up there and waited around until it started to get dark. And then... out of nowhere all of these fireflies appeared! They were everywhere all over the top of the lake and in the grasses... It was like sitting in the middle of the stars. It became one of my favorite little hidden gems of Boreas and whenever I had an excuse to go to the east I would always make a point of going up there to see the fireflies again." He smiled and lifted his paw to gently smooth down a spot of fur on the top of her head that had gotten ruffled as he hesitantly and softly added, "It was one of your mother's favorite places. I asked her to marry me there."

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Lilith settled in with her dinner, already feeling sleepiness tugging at her even as the first few bites began to fill her belly. Ulric was right there beside her, the biggest asset to her comfort. He put her at ease and made her feel safe and stable. Like there wasn’t anything the world could throw at her that he couldn’t protect her from. Even her heart after her mother left them. She was a tiny sickly child for too long, but now that she had been through the trials and triumphed she was becoming more of a lady everyday. The puppy-like gangliness she held to for so long was melting away and revealing a young woman beneath.

She filled her belly by the time her father began to speak, her ruby eyes fluttered with exhaustion but her dappled ears perked towards him. She wanted her story and she wouldn’t fall asleep until she heard it. The young girl could easily imagine the place he began to describe, though she had trouble remembering or even picturing the plants he talked about. She hardly remembered what the sun even looked like now. Along with her memory of the seasons so went her memory of mother and sister. She felt their missing presence keenly, but even now she was forgetting their faces.

Lil tried to focus, living with her father as he invoked his fond memory of a magical place. One Lillith now wondered if she might ever see. She blinked back open her eyes and looked up to him as he returned her misplaced fur and went on almost hesitantly. Lilith immediately pulled her gaze from him and planted it firmly on her paws. She moved as though struck, but tried to regain her composure as swiftly as she lost it. She’d already cried enough. Lillith’s breathing hitched, and she blinked back tears instead of sleep.

Guilt twisted in his gut when he saw how clearly upset the extra bit of information had made his sweet daughter. His ears flicked back and he immediately regretted letting the words go farther than his own mind. "I'm sorry, Lil, I shouldn't have said anything," he told her quietly, trying to reassure her as he leaned forward to press his nose to her cheek. He didn't want their memory of their mother to be tainted with darkness and loss or betrayal, but he supposed that it was inevitable in one way or another. They couldn't even come together to mourn as they would if they knew she had passed away. She was just gone and whether she had left or been taken or been hurt or gotten lost... It didn't really matter. The suddenness of it all and the unknown still made it hurt differently all the same.

"I wish I could make it all better for you," he told her truthfully, knowing that there wasn't much he could do in the grand scheme of things. He hated that these things were out of his control. It made him feel helpless and at a complete loss of what he could do to make her world right. It wasn't like he could go scour the world for their mother and bring her home. He had searched as much as he could, but he couldn't continue to leave them alone and now that he had the pack to worry about any further searches were completely impossible. He couldn't even heal her illness and was only able to sit by and comfort her as she fought her way through it. There was no enemy he could fight or miracle he could will into existence.

He rested his head next to hers, resisting the temptation to get onto the bed with her and wrap her up as he once had when they were all tiny new borns. He still remembered that day vividly, watching as Azariah brought them into the world and then curling around her and their new family, blocking them away from the outside world. "Would you like for me to stay here with you tonight? Maybe another story? Would you rather be alone for a bit?" He'd do whatever it took to help his girl feel better. That's all he ever wanted in life these days - to help his children feel better. He couldn't make it right, but hopefully he could take away some of the sting.

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Ulric very swiftly apologized for his words but Lillith quickly returned her ruby gaze to her father’s. She shook her head almost fitfully as she tried to take back her spur of the moment reaction. She missed having her mother here, and the reminder of her struck her through the heart every time. She wanted to hear about her though, she couldn’t be close to her anymore but she did have her father’s stories. ”No, Daddy. I want to know about her.” She told him hesitantly. She hurt deeply at being left by her mother, but she’d hardly even known the woman. She could only just imagine her face and barely remembered her soothing voice. Ulric was her parent, there wasn’t anyone else she needed but him. He knew her better than anyone and kept her safe and warm when she needed him. She would have died if he left her.

He spoke quietly again, telling her how much he wished he could make everything better. Lilith had struggled with illness very nearly her whole life, if there was anyone who knew how slow the natural progression of things could be it was her. They couldn’t just snap their claws and make her better nor could they will Azariah back to them. She knew if he had the ability he would take away all of her sorrows and sickness, but that wasn’t how the world worked.

Ulric rested himself close beside her, ever conscious of Lillith’s peculiarities. She enjoyed his presence and comfort but being physically close was usually more uncomfortable. To compromise the girl lifted one ivory paw over his sandy one and gave him a sad smile. Though the emotions would never leave, she could still brighten and see through it to the joy she had right here in her father. ”Yes, I want you to stay.” She didn't much enjoy cuddling, but she slept better when she knew that he was in the room with her. Not that she liked to admit it, she always felt like a burden. No matter the reassurance there was still a chance she wouldn’t be worth the effort. That was why she worked so hard to get better. ”Will you… Will you sing me to sleep?”

Ulric smiled softly when Lilith insisted that she did in fact want to know about her mother. He hated that it caused her so much hurt to hear these things, but if that's what she wanted then he would be happy to comply. He was more than happy to move at her pace, letting her tell him what she wanted and needed. He was a patient man as a general rule, but for his children he'd stop the world if that's what they needed. "Okay, my darling. If there's anything you ever want to know, you only need to ask. And if I think of any little things to tell you I will." He wondered if he'd ever forgive Azariah for what she had done to their children by leaving them, though he supposed holding any resentment toward her was useless. At this point it seemed fairly obvious that she was never returning to them and he was just left to pick up the pieces.

His smile grew when she placed her smaller paw on top of his oversized one, looking so lovely and dainty in comparison to his bear-like limbs. He settled in more as soon as she agreed that she wanted him to stay, leaning into the edge of her bed and relaxing there along the edge of it as he prepared to stay with her like this for the rest of the night. He wouldn't move his paw though, enjoying her holding it too much to risk disrupting this small bit of affection. Her request for him to sing to her surprised her, but squeezed his chest with emotion and love all the same. He wasn't exactly the best when it came to songs and his voice wasn't as lovely and melodic as he had remembered Azariah's being, but he certainly tried his best.

He had long forgotten the words, but he gently hummed a tune that his mother had often sang to him and his sister when they were pups, his deep tones rumbling and slightly off key. The fact that they had never really gotten to know their grandmother was another great sadness that he hadn't really allowed himself to think about. With Azariah's disappearance he hadn't had much time to think about much else besides that and then all of the unfortunate events that had befallen the pack up to this point. He missed his mother dearly. Lilith reminded him of her so much with her strength and softness and it felt as if he somehow still had a little piece of her here with him and that only made him love his daughter more. He kept up that soft, humming lullaby until he saw Lilith drift to sleep and then he laid there watching her for a long while, a smile on his lips and love in his silver eyes. Eventually he drifted off himself, sleeping beside his daughter's bed.

Ulric Adravendi