Artorias watched Corbin take flight from his balcony into the cloudy sky, the black bird fading into a speck amongst the gray canvas the further he got with each flap of his powerful wings. He had done as Sirius had asked and sent the summons for Briar and the missive for Naiche on behalf of the injured Warlord. A silent prayer escaped his heart for his companion's safe travels; the weather was still notoriously unpredictable, even though some days seemed to be getting better than others. Perhaps it was finally heralding the end to the awful extended winter they had been forced to endure? The boy could only hope.

Once Corbin was out of sight, Artorias dropped his paws from the balcony's balustrade and turned back into the warmth of the castle, shutting the doors to keep the cold out. He was still pretty shaken by his loss of total control against Sirius the day before, and although he and the Fatalis patriarch had a heart-to-heart and made amends, he still felt a nervousness when he considered how easy it had been to lose himself like that and get that violent... Seer had promised meditation lessons for the lad once he healed, so for now all he could do was wait and let their wounded guest recover.

Wandering aimlessly around the castle's second floor, Art eventually meandered into the grand foyer, trotting gracefully across one of the upper walkways that connected the west and east wings of the castle when he heard the sound of someone breathing fast and shallow, as if they were running for their lives or about to burst into sobs. Artorias stopped, peering over the railing in time to spot the smaller black-furred form of his mother rushing up the stairs, appearing distraught and on the edge of a breakdown. His brow furrowed, concern painting his visage while amber eyes followed Tamsyn's path up to the tower stairs until she had disappeared from sight. Had something happened that he wasn't aware of? What had his mother in such a state?

He had to know. Changing directions on a dime, Artorias moved with a brisk canter back across the walkways to the tower stairs, peering up them for a moment before giving pursuit to his mother. Up and up and up the fast becoming familiar steps he went, higher and higher until he reached the trapdoor at the top. Except this time, it was still open. Tamsyn had forgotten to shut it in her rush to reach the zenith of the Carpathius fortress. It allowed Art to pull himself up to the tower roof almost silently, spotting his mother a short distance away.

"Mom...?" he called out to her while he pushed the trapdoor shut, giving them some much needed privacy. "Is something wrong? Are you okay?"


"Artorias" | Thoughts | "Corbin"

One big happy family

Artorias has two ravens named Corbin and Eira and a fox named Argent. Assume they are within calling distance at all times.
As his mate, Briar may enter Artorias' threads unless marked Private.
____________________

As she raced up the stairs two or three at a time, hoisting herself up as fast as her healing body could bear. She just had to get as far away as possible, from Resin, from her children, from anyone else in the pack. Space was good. Space gave her relief. Space gave her a time alone to break down without someone questioning and worrying. She wouldn't have to hold back if she was alone, she wouldn't have to be strong. By the time she got up to the tower and threw the trap door open she had already began to cry, heaving gasps of air into her lungs from the mad dash to get up here. Space, she just needed space. She staggered over to the other side of the tower platform, sinking to her haunches with her back to the trap door, leaning her shoulder against the railing as she hung her head and finally gave herself over to absolutely everything that was making the guilt, fear, and panic grip at her lungs. Her panting turned into hiccups of breath while the sound of Resin's maddened laugh continued to ring in her ears.

She hadn't heard Artorias climb out of the trap door and didn't know he was there until she heard him call out to her. It made her gasp as if she had been shocked, but she didn't turn to face him right away. Without me, you have to be the pillar of strength. You have to set the example. Resin's voice, her Resin, filled her mind and she quickly rubbed away the tears on her cheeks, swallowing it all back, fighting to clear her thoughts and sniffling softly before she finally glanced over her shoulder at him. She forced a smile onto her lips at first, telling him, "Of course, darling! I'm okay!" But that was before she saw his face. The worry he wore told her that she had been found out, she hadn't moved fast enough, hadn't escaped his watchful gaze. Her smile faltered as she turned away from him again, not wanting him to see her face as her expression fell again, her head leaning into the brick beside her.

She hadn't been able to help Resin before it was too late. She had paid the price for that with the scars on her face. She hadn't had the strength to hold true to Resin when presented with the smallest temptation. She had paid the price for that with the haunting guilt that Resin had dealt. They couldn't even wait until we were dead. Now she had failed to be the strong pillar that Resin had made her promise to be, and now she was going to pay the price for that. She was going to have to look her son in the face and admit that she had failed, that she couldn't do it no matter how hard she had tried.

Tamsyn squeezed her eyes shut, another sob trembling her shoulders as she tried to bring herself back to some semblance of calm so that she could actually look at her son without breaking down entirely.

"Tamsyn" | "Blue"

Tamsyn turned back to him with such a start that it shocked Artorias, almost not fully registering the big fraud of a smile on her face between that and her glassy eyes that betrayed her lie. Then, all at once, Tam's facade buckled under itself, and his strong, loving mother dropped the phony smile and slumped against the parapet surrounding the tower's edge. He could see his mother's smaller, sleeker form quivering with the effort of each sob that rocked her. Artorias didn't wait to move closer to his weeping mother, brows knitted tightly together in concern and his breath held in his chest. What was going on? Was the weight and grief of their situation just getting to her? He could understand that, the tension had become almost unbearable with Resin's suffering. He had to remind himself that, although she was his mother, she was also Tamsyn's mate. They shared a connection far more intimate. It couldn't be any easier for her than it was for him or his siblings.

Artorias moved up closer to Tamsyn and rubbed his side against hers in a comforting nuzzle to announce his presence beside her. He leaned his muzzle down to his smaller mother's face, ginger licks swiping away the tears on her cheeks, being extremely careful around her scarring wounds on the right side of her face. He looked at her with such heart wrenching sorrow and empathy. This was what Sirius had been talking about when he said the hardest thing to do was watch other wolves fight their battles with things he couldn't attack. He wanted to fight his mother's sorrow, to tear it to shreds and obliterate it so she could smile more genuinely again. Art just wanted her to be happy again.

"It's gonna be okay, Mama," he spoke softly, moving to date a foreleg across his mother's heaving shoulders to bring her into a loving embrace against his side. He knew it wouldn't be okay. He knew what the outcome of their situation would be. Whether it came in a day, a week, a month, a year... it would only turn out one way. But he could be strong for her, help keep her standing tall and push through the pain. Tamsyn was never alone as long as Artorias and the rest of their family was around. "Did something happen...?" he asked, still trying to figure out what had broken his mother's final resolve. She had been so stressed and angry when she came home yesterday, and although there was still some tension between him and her, it didn't diminish his care or concern for his mother.


"Artorias" | Thoughts | "Corbin"

One big happy family

Artorias has two ravens named Corbin and Eira and a fox named Argent. Assume they are within calling distance at all times.
As his mate, Briar may enter Artorias' threads unless marked Private.
____________________

Tamsyn’s ears pinned against her skull when Artorias approached her, brushing so gently against her side, carefully licking away the tears from her face. He was too good for this cruel world. He was so much more than she could ever have ever hoped for her son to be. She wanted to be the one to be able to support him and protect him - him and all of his siblings. More and more she was beginning to feel like she couldn’t. She had given every last ounce of herself already and there was nothing left. Every time anything happened that trudged up old trauma or hurt it broke her. There was no time to heal because she never stopped hurting.

She scoffed when he told her that it was going to be okay, knowing that it was a lie. A sweet lie, but a lie none of the less. How could anything be okay when her mate was fracturing apart at the seams and she had strained the only other friendship she had in this world? She let him put his foreleg around her shoulders and pull her away from the brick that was holding her upright, instead bringing her to lean into his side. When had he gotten so big? Where did her little fuzz balls go? She remembered how terrified she had been when Resin helped her realize that she was pregnant and now she would do anything to go back to that moment. That fear felt like nothing compared to this feeling of her heart being ripped away from her chest.

”Did something happen...?” She couldn’t help but give a quiet, broken laugh at her son’s question, blinking her eyes open and looking down toward the stone under her paws while she leaned her head against him. It felt like it would be easier to say what hadn’t happened at this point. But how much should - or could - she tell Artorias? How poorly would be look at her if she told him the truth? Where did she even begin? By now her sobbing had calmed noticeably, tapering off into the occasional shuttering sigh and sniffle. As much as she hated that he was here, his steadying presence did help. He was more of a strong pillar than she could ever be. "I... I made a mistake,” she told him softly with a heavy sigh. Meeting his eyes felt impossible. The shame was too much.

Gods, how did she even begin to explain? "Do you... Do you remember when I told you about what having a crush is like? And how you’ll know when you found the one?" Surely he would, but she hoped that would at least give him enough context to begin to understand. "I found that twice... I obviously found that in Resin, but... but also in Sirius." She couldn’t look at him, she didn’t want to know what his expression was. "I never would have pursued anything with him. He was married long before I met him. But the feelings were still there - I just hid them and never told a soul."

“But... Yesterday... I went to talk to Sirius after they finished patching him up after your fight. We were both so exhausted that we ended up falling asleep next to each other. He had a nightmare - he didn’t hurt me, but I guess just in his panic and worry that he had and... I don’t know... maybe relief that he hadn’t... He kissed me and...” Her ears fell back again and she looked off over the edge of the tower, her stomach churning and squeezing with guilt. “It brought back all those old memories and feelings. I thought...” Gods how could she have been so stupid? “I told him. I told him that I had always loved him.” She was furious with herself for thinking that maybe, just maybe, he could have been feeling the same things, that maybe he could see past Zee for just a moment...

She gave a hard shake of her head, turning her gaze back toward the stone in front of their paws. “Of course, he didn’t agree. Told me that he couldn’t.” It had always been Zee. Fierce, platonic love. “But by that point I just... I just felt so, so hurt and guilty. I felt like I had to tell Resin. Even if I hadn’t initiated it, I still felt so, so guilty. So I went to tell her just a little bit ago...” Her breathing hitched as she thought about it. That awful, heart wrenching, raspy laugh. They couldn’t even wait until we were dead. “She’s... She’s slipping more. Wasn’t herself. She... Oh Resin...” Her words devolved into hurt wines, her eyes squeezing shut again. She’d do anything to have her Resin back. Anything in the entire world.

"Tamsyn" | "Blue"

Artorias was more than a bit perturbed by Tamsyn's strange reactions to his words, his comforts, hell even his presence. His mother kept shifting her weight, keeping her head low and eyes averted from his. In fact, other than that first glance she had cast him over her shoulder, she hadn't looked at him at all. It was as if she was ashamed of something, or guilty of something, and couldn't look him in the eye. But that was absurd. What would his mother have to be guilty or ashamed over? She had done nothing wrong as far as he could tell. So what could have happened to get her in such a state? It was beginning to worry the lad more and more, despite Tamsyn's sobs gradually starting to settle down again into shuddering sighs and congested sniffles.

Finally, Tamsyn explained that she had made a mistake. Artorias' brows creased with further befuddlement. She had made a mistake? What kind of mistake would do this to her? He continued to peer down at her with soft amber eyes, hoping she would eventually look up at him and explain. She never did. Instead, Tam asked if he remembered her explanation of what having a crush was like. Okay, that really didn't clarify anything, but yes, he did. His nose crinkled up at the thought, but pushed aside his adolescent repulsion for the sentiments to hear her out. "I do," he replied. Tamsyn then explained that she had found that feeling not once, but twice, in his mother Resin—and also in Sirius. The world seemed to come to a grinding halt like a record scratch. Wait... what?! His mom was crushing on Sirius? Artorias hoped that his mother would explain more, because his confusion wasn't getting any better, it was getting worse.

She elucidated the situation: she had started having feelings for Sirius long ago, but he was married to Zee. She never would have pursued anything with him. She just hid her feelings from him. Artorias' eyes darted back and forth, not really focusing on any one particular thing while his brain worked to try to make sense of these loose connections. It was possible to be crushing on more than one wolf at once?! He had thought one crush would be bad, but two...?!

The story continued. She had spent the day with Sirius after he had been patched up following the slaughter—he couldn't even call it a fight—to make sure he was okay. Art nodded; he had known that when he saw her when he visited the Warlord. She told him how she had spent the night there with him I the hospital bed. His nods slowed; ooookaaay, a little weird, but not that weird. Other wolves slept next to each other all the time. Sirius had a nightmare, he panicked and thought he hurt Tamsyn—and then he kissed her. Record scratch again. Artorias' body tensed up, going rigid while his brain scrambled to make sense of the words he'd just heard. Sirius... Kissed... My mom... Sirius kissed my mom... The normal aversion to anything romantic came back, but along with it came a twinge of upset and confusion. How could Sirius kiss his mom? She was mated to Resin! That wasn't right... right? Crushes didn't give you free rein to start kissing other wolves, right? That didn't make sense, otherwise what was the point of getting mated with and marrying other wolves?

His jaw locked up, tense with the conflicting emotions of confusion and upset, but he didn't act or say anything just yet. He had a feeling he didn't have the full story yet. Sure enough, Tamsyn admitted to telling Sirius that she loved him, even after all this time. Sirius had rejected her, and Tamsyn had felt so guilty that she told Resin. That sent an icicle straight through his heart; his mother had gone to see Resin and he still hadn't yet. Why was everyone else disobeying her requests and visiting when he wasn't? Fuck it, he'd go see her too! But that could come later. Right now, he focused all of his attention on his mother, watching while she still kept her gaze away from him out of humiliation. Resin was slipping more and more each day, that wasn't a surprise, but Art couldn't tell what Tam was more upset by: his dying mother, or her unrequited love with Sirius.

Artorias wasn't sure what to say first. He wanted to comfort his distraught mother, but he also still wanted to confront her for treating herself like something disposable and not caring for her own safety and health by pulling stunts like what she had with Sirius. And then there was that whole matter with Sirius to discuss too, because none of that made sense to him! He opted to go for the far kinder route first, and the boy tugged his smaller mother into another embrace, nuzzling the side of her head and cheek with his muzzle.

"I know, Mama, I want her back too..." he spoke, voice soft, doing his best not to let it crack and not let the sorrow seep out of his heart. "We have to stay strong together for her though. She gave us all she could to keep going, with or without her, and that's what we need to do right now. Weather the storm, just hold on until we're on the other side..." It wasn't the encouragement he wanted to give. He wanted to assure his heartbroken mother that they would find a cure, that Resin would be saved and come back to them good as new, but the boy knew how much of a pipe dream that was by now. Now came the less kind path. "Why did you let Sirius kiss you...?" his soft voice hardened for just a fraction of a second, some of that uncertainty manifesting itself as a guarded tone. "You and Mom are mates. He should know better. But... you didn't stop him...? You told him you loved him...?" It was all very confusing. There was a brief pause, then the harder hitting question that had been his first while listening to her story. "Do you love him more than Mom...?"


"Artorias" | Thoughts | "Corbin"

One big happy family

Artorias has two ravens named Corbin and Eira and a fox named Argent. Assume they are within calling distance at all times.
As his mate, Briar may enter Artorias' threads unless marked Private.
____________________

Hearing Artorias tell her how they had to continue to be strong and hold true till they were on the other side only made her feel tired. Maybe she'd feel different about it in a day or two once the sting of seeing Resin begin to fracture in front of her began to fade, but right now, in this moment, the thought of trying to hold it together for even a minute longer was exhausting. She understood what he was trying to do though so she wouldn't hold it against him and she continued to be thankful that her son had grown into such a strong young man, but she couldn't bring herself to do more than give him a small nod as he spoke and pulled her into another embrace.

Then came the part of her story that she didn't want to have to explain. She wished that she hadn't told him about Sirius, but it was one of those things that she just had to get out of her mind, out into the universe so it could begin to dissipate and hopefully release her from its clutches. She needed to talk it out with someone and her very limited list of friends and family only gave her so many options. Artorias just happened to fall into her lap at the moment when she was at her weakest so she had allowed herself to over share with the poor boy. His hardened tone and accusing questions were absolutely justified and she just allowed it to fuel her guilt, reminding her why a life with Sirius could and should never happen, forcing her wayward heart to match up with her brain.

His question of if she loved Sirius more than Resin hit her hard, squeezing at her chest painfully. She decided to start there, knowing that was the worst of the bunch "No... No, I don't love him more than Resin," she told him, becoming more sure of the words once she said them out loud, finally allowing herself to look up at his confused, pained face. Resin had locked herself away in a dungeon as punishment when she attacked her. Tamsyn would punish herself for this betrayal by forcing herself to face the hurt in her family's faces as they discovered what she had done. "It's just... different. They both mean a lot to me, but your Mom and I have shared so much together and she will always have the biggest, most important part of my heart." She knew it would all be so hard for him to understand and she hardly understood it herself so it felt like blind leading the blind.

"I know it doesn't make sense... But Sirius didn't do it consciously. The same way he hadn't meant to hurt Briar and you hadn't meant to hurt Sirius as badly as you did. Wolves to a lot of crazy things when they're under a lot of stress or emotion. He did know better and right after it happened he immediately apologized." Did that make it any better? She wasn't sure. "I... I kissed him back for similar reasons. It's so hard to explain, but..." A shaky sigh passed her lips and she glanced away from him again, guilt and hurt written across her face. "Knowing that I'm going to lose Resin... It just makes this huge hole in my heart. After spending every day of my life with her for so long I'm just..." Just what? Lonely? Lonely didn't really begin to describe how she was feeling. "I was too desperate to feel something besides heartbreak that all of my common sense just went out the window and... All those feelings from a long, long time ago popped back up again. Once you feel like that towards someone... It never really goes away. It just gets buried."

It was a terrible excuse, but it was the best one she had. "It's not okay to do what I did... I'm not saying that it is," she emphasized, lifting her eyes to look at him. The last thing she wanted was for his future relationships to be strained because he looked back on this moment and thought that it was fine to kiss anyone. Her situation was strange and strained and painful and that was hard to get across in just words. "Even if Resin is lost to me now she is still my mate for at least a little while longer... I... I shouldn't have let my pain and heartache get the best of me... It was a mistake and I'm sorry..."

"Tamsyn" | "Blue"

All of this situation was so confusion to the young boy, so he was grateful when his mother began to clarify some of the questions that had brought storm clouds to darken his eyes. He searched her pain-filled eyes when she finally looked up at him, seeking some sort of answers to the inner turmoil he felt at the thought of his mother cheating with their close family friend. The most important was that she confirmed that no, she did not love Sirius more than Resin. He didn't understand what she meant by it being different, but so long as their family wasn't at risk of being torn asunder, he supposed it really didn't matter that much right now. Artorias listened quietly while Tamsyn tried to defend Sirius' actions, comparing them to Sirius not meaning to hurt Briar or how he hadn't meant to hurt Sirius. Except... hadn't he meant to hurt Sirius? At the time, he had been so angry and so out of control to his rage, but he had wanted to kill the brute that had threatened his mother and best friend. But once he calmed down, no, he didn't want to kill Sirius. Well, maybe he would if the Warlord tried to break apart his family with more infidelity.

Wolves do crazy things when they're under a lot of stress or emotions. Artorias thought about the words he had said to Resin, the way he's snapped at Rudy... He could understand that. Emotions seemed to be running rampant right now and everyone was losing control one way or another. It was as if they were all trapped in a hurricane and they were waiting out the storm to see clear skies again. When she looked away and tried to explain away why she had kissed Sirius back, Artorias also turned his head away, staring over the parapets to the distant forests and mountains, looking at them but not seeing them as he was lost in thought. "If it's not okay to do that, then why did you?" he asked, pressing the issue, his voice softened by uncertainty and an emotion that hung on the fringes of doubt. "I don't understand how you do something like that if it's not okay. How do you put yourself in that position? How do you just... kiss someone you're not supposed to?"

Artorias let the question hang in the air for a few heavy moments. He was trying really, really hard to not accuse his mother of something terrible, but at the same time, hadn't she done something terrible? Hadn't she disregarded all of them when she put herself in that situation? He didn't know how relationships were supposed to work, neither of his parents had taken the time to teach their kids about that, but if it was so wrong then why did she do it so easily and readily? Because Resin was dying? Do excuses make it excusable? He didn't understand, and Tamsyn wasn't making much sense with her hypocritical responses. What was she trying to tell him, "do as I say, not as I do"? "She's your mate 'for a little while'...? So what, once she's dead you'll go right back to him like nothing happened now that you're... what, you're 'free to do so'...?" Artorias' question came out with a little bit of an edge to his tone when he considered Tamsyn turning to fling herself into Sirius' arms the moment Resin was gone. It would make too much sense, wouldn't it? He was widowed, she would be too. They'd be such a match made in heaven. What would that mean for their families? The Carpathius' and Fatalis' would be step siblings? For some reason, that didn't sit right in his gut when he thought about Briar...

"What did Mom say...?" he eventually asked, wondering what Resin's response would have been to the news of the scandal. "She's the one you'll hurt the most from this." Artorias felt so conflicted by Tamsyn's apology. He didn't want to see his mother lonely or in anguish or suffering, but at the same time could he turn a blind eye to her running the risk of ruining their family? Whose side was he supposed to be on? What was right and what was wrong? Nothing made sense and all the lines were so blurred. He didn't accept her apology right away, nor did he say anything just yet, letting his mother answer him first.


"Artorias" | Thoughts | "Corbin"

One big happy family

Artorias has two ravens named Corbin and Eira and a fox named Argent. Assume they are within calling distance at all times.
As his mate, Briar may enter Artorias' threads unless marked Private.
____________________

She sighed softly when he pressed her about why she had kissed Sirius, why she had done it if it wasn't the right thing to do. It was so incredibly difficult to explain and she knew she was contradicting herself when she said these things. She also knew he would probably never understand, or at least not right now, so all she could do was try and be honest with him and maybe try to teach him that not everything was black and white in the process. Sometimes life was many shades of gray and her life certainly had lived in that space a lot lately.

"I wouldn't have kissed him if he hadn't kissed me first," she told him honestly, her gaze returning to his face again whether he was looking at her or not. She didn't want to defend herself. She wanted to let him be angry with her, blame her, make her feel every ounce of the guilt she deserved. But, at the same time, if she somehow managed to drive a larger wedge between herself and her son and lost another of the very few wolves she held dear she wasn't sure what she would do. Her children were one of the very few things that kept her somewhat in one piece. She couldn't lose her little blueberry. "And it never would have happened on its own. It was only because he was so caught up in his confusion from his nightmare and it happened to catch me off guard with my emotions worn so thin with everything that has been going on... I know it won't make sense, I'm sorry, I... I don't know how to explain how all of this has felt." Her ears fell back against her head, but she didn't let her gaze drop this time, no matter how much she wanted to. She hoped he never had to experience this kind of pain and she hoped that he would never fully understand how it felt to be so desperate for any kind of emotion that wasn't pain that he'd be willing to go to these kinds of lengths to find relief.

When he questioned her about going right back to Sirius after Resin died, her brow creased with hurt at the accusation, her ears pinned against her skull. "No. No, I... I set hard boundaries with him afterward. It's not going to happen again," she told him with a frown. She didn't tell him how she had mostly done it for her own self preservation, how she knew that Sirius would always chose Zee, how she knew she would never measure up to what Zee was in his mind. Yes, she had loved him once and somewhere in her heart those emotions still thrived, but... She knew it could never be. She wouldn't risk the friendship they had and she wouldn't risk getting herself hurt, no matter how much her heart disagreed. The kiss had been a moment of weakness... she wouldn't allow herself to fall into it again.

"What did mom say...?" A pained look crossed her face and she looked down away from Artorias again. That was what hurt her most. Falling for Sirius' kiss, realizing what she had done, knowing that he could never love her - all of that had hurt. It had hurt more than she could ever describe. But facing Resin, seeing her mind breaking apart in front of her, hearing that hoarse laugh... that had hurt far worse. That had pierced right though what ever piece of herself had still remained whole through this mess and had sent her running up to the tower for some kind of escape. "She... I got two different answers... from two different Resins..." she told him softly. "At first she just... she just laughed this awful, awful laugh and said... 'They couldn’t even wait until we were dead.' Then she growled and seemed to come to and... and then she said that she was as good as gone, to find comfort where I could, that I had her blessing. After that she just said that I should go and that she was slipping again and... and that's when I ran up here."

"Tamsyn" | "Blue"

Artorias didn't want to be angry with his mom. He didn't want to feel any of this negativity, this pain, this confusion, this helplessness that life had thrown at him all at once. In the span of a couple short weeks, he had seen his mother viciously maim his other mom, watched her metal statue degrade as she locked herself away, helped Tamsyn overcome the initial trauma, learned that his mother was going to perish, fought with his brother who was now missing and nowhere to be found, saw his injured mother run off with someone else and come back more grievously injured, learned that Briar had been attacked and almost murdered, nearly killed their close friend, and now this... It was all too much for the young boy to process and handle. He was trying so hard to be strong for everyone, to be that island in the turbulent sea for them, but every day was a test of his mettle and his stamina. He was exhausted, worn down, drained of everything he could give. This... This was just the straw that broke his back.

He finally allowed his gaze to turn back and find his mother's looking up at him. His face was forced into neutral, but his eyes betrayed all of the emotions roiling inside his heart. Tamsyn tried to explain the situation more to him, how she never would have initiated anything first, how she had been so emotionally worn down that she just gave in at a moment of weakness to feel anything other than pain and loss. He watched her struggle for words to try and convey how she felt, and ultimately failing. Artorias' ears drooped on top of his head. He didn't want to see his mother like this. He didn't want her to be sad and hurt. He wanted to see her happy, to see her smile and feel joy and peace, just like he remembered when he thought of her smiling face when she'd caught him riding a tortoise or sitting at the head table like he was a little alpha. It crushed him to see how beaten down she had become, and he just wanted to stand between her and all the hurt and take it away so she could at least smile again.

Tamsyn told him of Resin's split reactions to her confession, and how that had shown how fractured his sick mother had become. Artorias bit his lip to try and keep his emotions in line; now was not the time to lose control again. He had to stay in control for Tam, for his family, for the Hallows. "I just want you to be happy again, Mama..." he spoke in such a soft voice it was barely above a whisper, his gaze now dropping from hers to their paws. He felt terrible for being so hostile and accusatory towards her, but this conversation had to happen. "I just... I wish you didn't have to keep putting yourself in these situations to feel something..." Her running off across two continents while injured, pushing herself to her body's breaking points for Sirius' stupid fucking demands, running herself so ragged to the point that she was a ghost of her former self, losing control and giving in to those emotions with Sirius... It was like Tamsyn was on a destructive bender to kill herself, like she was no longer that radiant and strong wolf that had brought them into this world and raised them with all the grace and love of a saint.

"I wish you saw yourself the way we see you..." said Artorias, still not able to meet Tamsyn's mint-green eyes. "We all still need you, Mama, no matter how big we get... It's why it hurts to see you treat yourself like you're disposable when you're the most important wolf in our lives—in my life... You're our mom, and I don't wanna lose you too..." Tears began to well up in the corners of those fiery eyes. Artorias turned his head away even more, hoping that she wouldn't notice while he tried to hold himself together. But the next question weighing on his heart broke the dam regardless. "You're not gonna leave us behind, right...?" He choked on the words in his mouth. "If he told you he loved you... asked you to go back with him, back to the Armada... you wouldn't leave us... right...?"


"Artorias" | Thoughts | "Corbin"

One big happy family

Artorias has two ravens named Corbin and Eira and a fox named Argent. Assume they are within calling distance at all times.
As his mate, Briar may enter Artorias' threads unless marked Private.
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Seeing his pained gaze drop away from hers, hearing him tell her how he just wanted her to be happy, that hit her hard. This whole time she had tried her best to remove herself from her children when she couldn't keep it together so that they wouldn't need to worry about her, but it seemed like Artorias specifically had seen much more of how broken she really was than she had ever wanted him to. And then he told her how he wished she didn't have to do these things to feel something and that hit her hardest of all. There was a common thread to all of the things she had thrown herself into since Resin's attack that she hadn't let herself consider, but her son had noticed. She knew she had slipped back into the dark place she had been so long ago when she was going through the abuse her father put her through, but she hadn't realized just how true that was or the fact that it had possibly gotten worse than it had been since then. She wanted the pain to stop and she hadn't paused long enough to consider the fact that by throwing herself into all of these situations she was pushing herself to the very point that she was trying to keep Sirius from reaching.

She tried to bite back her own inner thoughts as they tried to refuse each thing that Artorias told her. She didn't feel like they needed her. She didn't feel like she should be the most important thing in their lives. She didn't see herself as anything - much less someone they should cling to. Despite how small and insignificant she felt, Artorias seemed insistent that she was more than that and she wanted to believe he was right. More tears pooled in her eyes as emotion choked her, catching a small glimpse of the shining tears in Artorias' eyes before he managed to look away from her. If she hadn't already been punched in the gut with overwhelming emotion before, his last questions for her were the final blow. It broke her to know he even had a reason to consider these things and made her feel like she had utterly failed him as his mother.

She quietly lifted a paw to his cheek, gently turning his head toward her before resting her other paw on his opposite cheek to hold him there, making him look her in the eye. "I'm never going to leave you. I don't want to miss a minute of your life for the rest of my days. You and your siblings are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I wouldn't trade any of you for the world." Even with tears still in her eyes, she gave him a sad smile and dropped her paws from his cheeks so that she could wrap her forelegs around him, pulling him into an embrace. Once upon a time she would have tucked his head unto her neck and held him like that, but he was far too big for her to do that now. "When did you get so tall?!" she questioned with a laugh that was choked by tears, leaning her head into his shoulder instead. "My blueberry all grown up... Where did all the time go?" She didn't really expect an answer to any of her questions, she just couldn't believe that they were nearly a year old already. It felt like their childhoods had just slipped right past her and she would do anything to rewind time so she could see them all as little fuzz balls again.

She was quiet for a while as she held him tightly, refusing to let her boy go. "I'm not going to leave you," she told him again, her mind working through things as she looked out over the landscape in front of them. "Not for Sirius, not for anyone..." Something else he had said came back to her, about her being "free to" go back to Sirius after Resin passes and while she certainly didn't want to do that and she wasn't sure when she'd be ready to love anyone else again, all of this had taught her that she didn't do well with being alone. She craved that companionship, that attention and affection. "Artorias... One day, I might meet someone else that I want to love. It won't be Sirius - I know we're not right for each other. We are close friends, but we'd just end up hurting each other if we were anything more. But... I just need you to know that if or when I do try to find another partner it's not because I'm trying to leave you or your siblings. I'm not trying to replace Resin, I'm just..." She squeezed him in her arms, hoping he might be able to understand even a little bit of what she was telling him. "I'm just lonely. And I want to find someone that you'll approve of, someone we can add to our family."

"Tamsyn" | "Blue"

The soft touch of Tamsyn's paw against his cheek brought Artorias out of his gloomy sulking with a rapid blink of fire eyes, taken by surprise but offering zero resistance when his mother urged him to turn his head to look at her. She held his face gently between her paws, the resolution in her mint green gaze enough to catch her son's attention while he stared back, unable and unwilling to try and turn his focus away from her. Her words were firm, but softened with a mother's love and full of pure doting affection for her children. It was enough to break through the barriers he had tried to put up to keep himself strong and melted his worrying heart. It was exactly what he needed to hear. Taking solace in the knowledge that, no matter what happened to their family, Tamsyn would always be there for them. Just hearing her say that with tears in her eyes and a smile on her face proved to Artorias that her words were adamant.

A smile mirroring hers stretched across his face, and Art gave himself willingly to his mother's comforting embrace, wrapping his own forelegs around her back while she clung to him. It was still so weird to think how only a few short months ago, he would have fit nicely up against her chest and between her legs. Now he had almost a foot on her in height, and she was able to tuck her head underneath his chin. Her rhetorical question regarding that exact height difference drew an emotionally drained laugh from Artorias as well, his teeth flashing in a more easy smile. It felt so good to laugh again—but it felt even better to hear Tamsyn laughing with him. Even if it was for only a moment, he felt like he had his mother back to normal. "Wait, I can fix that!" he teased back, ducking down low enough to be able to tuck his head just beneath Tamsyn's now, peering up at her with a playful grin, his tail wagging like he was still a puppy, and to an extent within his heart he still was. He just wanted to make her happy and smile and laugh again, just so he'd know she was going to be okay. "See? Not so tall now! And I'm definitely not all grown up yet, Mama. I've still got so much to learn from you and Sirius and Ulric."

He stayed in his mother's warm, secure embrace for a long while, simply content to enjoy the quiet affection they were sharing. He held her just as tightly in his arms, afraid that if he let her go, the heaviness of their situation would come back down on her and take away her happiness. At least this way, he could shield her from the sorrow and pain for a little while. Artorias closed his eyes slowly, relaxing into Tamsyn's arms while she continued to reassure him that she would never leave him, not for Sirius or for any other wolf. It pained him a little to hear that; he knew how much she loved her time with the Armada and how close she was to Sirius (now more so than ever), and he didn't want to see her suffer just for them. That wouldn't be fair for her to sacrifice her happiness for their family's stability. Then, as if she were reading his mind, Tamsyn began to explain how, one day, she may meet a wolf she wanted to be in love with. Again, she reassured him that it wouldn't be Sirius, but explained why she would need that, and that her intentions were not to replace Resin but to have someone so she wouldn't be lonely anymore.

Artorias tensed a little while he listened to his mother speak. The thought of her with anyone other than Mom Resin just felt weird and wrong. His whole life he'd seen them together and in love, and now he was facing a reality where Resin wouldn't exist anymore, and some other stranger would be with Tamsyn the way she had been. But the more he thought about it—thought about it and didn't picture it—the more his body began to unwind as resigned realization came over him. He wanted his mother to be happy after Resin was gone, and that would mean she needed someone to keep her from being lonely, to love her the way Resin had loved her. The concept of love and romance still turned his stomach and baffled him, but if it was important to her, then that was all that mattered. Artorias squeezed his mother gently back and withdrew his head from beneath hers to look into her eyes again. There was still guarded protectiveness in those fire-blazoned irises, but it had been tempered down by understanding.

"I understand, Mama. It's important to you and it's what you need to be happy, so I understand," he replied with a slow nod of his head. "I don't want you to be lonely. You deserve to be happy—never sad or hurting. So I promise I won't make a fuss over it." His eyes lit up with that protective gleam again, and a dry smirk appeared on his lips. "But you only deserve the best, so I'm not gonna be okay with just any wolf dating my mom. It's gotta be a reeeeeal special wolf, someone worthy of you and being with you. Someone who won't hurt you ever and who really makes you happy every day." His smirk turned into a wicked, teasing grin. "Plus thanks to Sirius, I know how to use edged blades now, so you'll know you I don't approve of if I start getting stabby." It was obviously a joke poking at how he'd stabbed Sirius for hurting her, but there was also a little bit of truth to his jest. Not any wolf would be good enough for Tamsyn in his eyes. He would be very selective with who he welcomed into their family and who his mother took as their step-father.


"Artorias" | Thoughts | "Corbin"

One big happy family

Artorias has two ravens named Corbin and Eira and a fox named Argent. Assume they are within calling distance at all times.
As his mate, Briar may enter Artorias' threads unless marked Private.
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She gave Artorias a curious glance when he insisted that he could fix the problem of him being so tall and then suddenly he was ducking down, tucking his head under hers. Her expression softened as a big smile pulled across her face for the first time in what felt like forever, laughing and wrapping her arms around him tightly as she nuzzled the top of his head. "My sweet boy..." she said softly, squeezing him tight. He never ceased to amaze her with his thoughtfulness and sweetness as much as he did his strength and bravery. "We're going to teach you every last thing you want to know and maybe even some things you didn't know you needed to know too. I promise." Even if she wasn't sure how her and Sirius's friendship would work moving forward, but she was more than willing to make anything work for her boy. Sirius was an amazing source of experience and knowledge and was someone she'd trust with her own life. She wanted Artorias to soak up every bit of knowledge Sirius could give him. Same with Ulric. She had come to respect the man so much in their time since he came to live with them and she was glad that Artorias was going to get to work alongside the dependable, good hearted man. She wasn't sure what else she could teach him that she hadn't already shared, but she was still honored to be in his life and maybe that was enough.

Her gaze found his as he lifted his head after she explained the need that the would want to fill at some point in her life and was relieved when he said that he understood. The protective gleam in his eye amused her and made her dread the day she ever brought someone home to him in equal measure - even more so when he went on about how particular he was going to be about who she was with and how he would get "stabby" with anyone he didn't approve of. She sighed, laughing at her ridiculous son with a shake of her head. "What am I going to do with you, you silly boy." Grinning, she bumped her nose against his, her tail brushing against the stone under them. He was completely turned around her mood and brought her even just a moment of joy that seemed so incredibly difficult to find these days and there was no way she could repay him for that. "Thank you, Artorias. I never want you to lose this... this sweet side of you. You're so kind and I love that about you." A smirk pulled at her lips and mischief gleamed in her eyes as she leaned forward to leave a small kiss on his cheek. "I bet Briar loves that about you too," she teased before she pulled away with a bright giggle, running away from him and hurrying down the stairs to the tower before he could retaliate. For at least a little bit things felt normal again and it was wonderful.

"Tamsyn" | "Blue"

Seeing his mother's smile, hearing her laugh, it had made acting silly all the more worth it. He would have done anything to bring her just an ounce of the joy she had given them every day she was their mother because she deserved it. Artorias was thrilled to hear his mother state that she, Sirius, and Ulric would teach him everything he needed to know about what it meant to be a good leader and a good wolf. Picking up the pieces where Resin had left off with him. His greatest fear when she began to slip away from them hadn't been that he was losing his mother, but that he was losing his mentor, his role model, his guiding light before he could finish learning what she had to teach him. Brining dishonor to her family name... the thought was unbearable. Everything he did, he did for the protection and wellbeing of his loved ones, his family, his pack. He had seen Resin be the bulwark to keep them safe from all the dangers of the world, and perhaps one day he would also be the shield that guards their realm. Maybe...

His playful threat to stab any of Tamsyn's boyfriends had its intended effect, and he couldn't help but snicker when she rolled her eyes and proclaimed to not know what to do with him. Batting his eyelashes over big amber eyes, he replied in a sickeningly sweet, innocent voice, "Love me forever and ever and let me stab the unworthy wolves?" He grinned back and was eager to bump his nose back against her, seeing the familiar spark of life that had always been in her mint eyes returning to her. Pride swelled the boy's heart; even if just temporarily, he had brought his mother back. Once this was all said and done, he made a vow to work hard to make sure things stayed that way. Tamsyn thanked him, and he smiled bashfully, ears flicking back while she complimented his sweetness and kindness. That he had learned from her, and he hoped she knew that. Resin had taught him to be firm, to make tough decisions and take hard action, but Tamsyn had shown him how to love and how to live to be happy. Both lessons from his two dichotomous parents had been crucial to his development.

Her kiss to his cheek made him chuckle again, smiling through the sheepishness—only to blink in surprise when Tamsyn commented about Briar loving his sweetness too. His mouth dropped open in shock and he immediately went to refute that, but his mother was already running away with a lively giggle, disappearing down the trapdoor back into the tower. His smile widened, and Artorias sprung to his paws and raced after her. "Hey! It's not like that! Moooom! It's not like that!" he called after her, all but shouting, "It's not a crush!"


"Artorias" | Thoughts | "Corbin"

One big happy family

Artorias has two ravens named Corbin and Eira and a fox named Argent. Assume they are within calling distance at all times.
As his mate, Briar may enter Artorias' threads unless marked Private.
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