He had stuck to his decision, but it didn't sit well in his gut. Two were alive, she swore. He hadn't gone to confirm with Gwynevere. He didn't want to have that conversation with the young healer. Two were alive, so she claimed. But he had still insisted that she be gone by morning - though less harshly and with more amendments than his first demands. A deep, burning hatred, an anger he wasn't used to feeling, a frustration that ran all the way though his core, they all drug him down under their weight as he moved through the castle. He lingered in the main corridor by the main entrance, moving outside for a bit and looking up at the sky. He wanted to scream, he wanted to go tear apart more training dummies, he wanted to cry. Every time he looked at Aranea he could only feel hatred, but the children... the children that could still be growing, alive... That was enough to add a heavy dose of guilt to the swirling storm of emotion raging through him.

He needed another opinion, whether it was chastising him for what he had done or reaffirming that what he had done was right, he didn't really care. He just needed something to give some perspective. He struggled with who he could go to for a long moment, hesitating where some of the corridors met, but ultimately his paws carried him to Eska's room. He didn't want to admit that Aranea could be carrying his children to the woman that he was so infatuated with, but if there was a chance, no matter how slim it was, that he might have a child or two appear then he would want to tell her ahead of time either way. The thought of Aranea's presence possibly ruining his building relationship with Eska made his blood boil, but he tried to let it cool and simmer by the time he got to Eska's door.

It was very late and the thought did cross his mind that he should wait till morning to keep from waking her, but he also knew that if he didn't get this off his chest he'd never sleep and then he'd just be adding exhaustion to the long list of things tearing him apart. He knocked his paw on her door, calling quietly, "Eska? Can I talk to you?"

Ulric Adravendi

"Eska"

The days had been flying by quickly. Eska had been doing her part for The Hallows. Running patrols, hunting, keeping the Aegis from running himself ragged. She and Ulric had spent a lovely night together on the plains. Nothing too intense, but she'd let her interest in him be known and he'd done the same with her. They were both adults and so there was no need for games. If something substantial bloomed between them, so be it. If it didn't, then she would be content being friends. Well... she'd make herself be content. Eska didn't want to admit it just yet, but she was terribly smitten with the giant, speckled man.

After a long and dusty day of running the boundaries, the brindled woman had bathed in a nearby stream, using a bit of hyacinth scented soap that she'd been given by one of the castle ladies. Her coat was still damp when she came upstairs to her room, but it was clean. Eska pushed open the double windows and sprawled out upon the wide windowsill. A gentle breeze ruffled her drying coat and, as night took hold, she began to doze off a bit.

A knock at the door brought her golden eyes open once more and she looked over her shoulder as Ulric's voice called out for her. "Yes," she cleared her throat. "Yes, I'm here." Curling her body, Eska dropped from the windowsill and moved towards the door, pushing it open to look at the man she'd just been thinking of.

Ulric lingered at the door, his ears perking when he heard her voice call back to him. He heard a bit of movement from the other side of the door so he waited till she opened it for him. He tried to keep some of the strain and conflict off of his face for her, but he wasn't entirely sure if he was successful. "I'm sorry to bother you..." he said quietly, not waiting to disturb anyone that might be sleeping in the rooms near hers. "I just... I didn't know who else to talk to and I really need another opinion. May I come in?" He waited for her to agree and allow him to walk past her, pulling the door closed behind him. He walked further into the room before he settled on his haunches, his ears flicking uncertainly. He didn't want to have to admit his failures to Eska, but he supposed she'd find out sooner or later and he'd rather it come form him.

"A couple of months after my mate disappeared I forced myself to stop searching for her," he explained, figuring he might as well start from the beginning. "I felt like I wasn't giving my children the attention they needed and that's also when Resin asked me if I would take over the pack from her so I had to really start focusing and preparing for that." If only he had known just how soon he'd have to act on that promise. "I started talking to one of the healers that used to live here. Aranea. I knew she had children that lived in a different pack with their father, but she never made it seem like her and this other man were together so I kept talking to her and... and I gave in. I started sleeping with her." He sighed heavily, his ears pinning against his head as he glanced away from her, his own shame and self loathing rising to the surface. He'd never admit that she had played a large role in seducing him. He should have been stronger, had more restraint.

"The father came to visit with her children during the spring. Seeing them together, seeing how hurt and awkward her children were around their mother that they never saw, even just seeing them from a distance... It made me feel like I was coming between them. I was giving her too much reason to stay here instead of visiting them. The father gave her an ultimatum that if she wanted to be in their lives then she needed to move to their pack in the summer. I forced her to take it. I told her to leave." He looked down at the floor between them. Now they reached the point where he had truly messed up. Anything else could probably be explained away, but this was truly a moment of weakness that he regretted. "The night she was supposed to leave she came to my room. At that point I hadn't slept well in weeks because I had just taken over the pack and Resin was sick and my son was worrying me more and more and... She wanted one more time and I gave it to her. And she left."

His jaw tensed and he looked out the open window, swallowing hard as he thought about how he had found Aranea on the edge of the lake. "I found her today," he admitted, his voice a hard whisper. "She... She's pregnant. Or was at least. I don't know. She tried... She tried to kill them and herself. Tried to overdose on some drug. She was delirious when I found her and there was just so much blood..." His eyes squeezed closed for a moment, pulling in a shaky breath. "I didn't know what to do. I brought her back here because I didn't know what was going on or what she had done. Gwynevere treated her, got her stable. The truth came out of what she had been trying to do... Those pups..." He sighed again and forced his gaze back to hers. "I told her to leave, that I didn't want her here. She said that two of them are still alive, that Gwynevere can confirm it. I... I still told her that she needs to leave. That I need her out of the castle. I did tell about some dens that are in the near by gardens that she should stay in and that I'd send Gwynevere to help with the birth when it was time, offered to have meals sent to her, but just... Just thinking about her being here made my blood boil. I couldn't do it."

He looked down again, shame written clearly across his face. Even though this was a woman that he felt had used him, was entirely delusional, and had killed these children that he was fairly certain were his... He had still sent a sick, pregnant woman with suicidal tendencies out of the castle on her own. He couldn't make it sit right with himself even though he had thought it was the right thing to do. "Do you think I did the right thing?" he asked softly after a moment. "Should I go try to bring her back?"

Ulric Adravendi

"Eska"

Ulric invited himself in and she could tell that there was something wrong by the twisted expression on his face. He looked terribly stressed out. Once he'd shut the door behind him and settled himself, Eska seated herself as well. Not terribly close, but close enough that she could see his expression in the light from the window. Close enough to reach out and touch if she needed to.

Dark ears swiveled towards him, catching his voice as he filled her in on the events of the past. His mate. His children. Another woman. Her children. His order for her to leave. Her return. The situation that he had found her in. Eska's eyes, usually warm and inviting, hardened. This deplorable woman had tried to murder her children. She may have even succeeded. There was no real telling until the day they were due to be born. How did he even know that these children were his? She was obviously a loose woman with loose morals. There was no certainty that they were his.

Finally, Ulric informed her that he'd ordered the woman to leave, but he seemed conflicted by his decision. He'd offered her the use of dens on Hallows lands and would send the packs healer out to tend to her. Free meals. Free room and board. Free protection. All rewards for being a child murdering adulteress.

There was a war within Eska. Her initial reaction was to choose coldness. Violence. The woman didn't deserve to live for what she'd done to both her children and to Ulric. If the remaining children lived, there was no telling what the poison would do to them. Would it stunt their growth? Would they come out deformed? Would their minds be weak?

Ulric was a different kind of wolf than she was, however. He leaned towards kindness while she leaned towards hard justice. He would feel compassion towards the woman after his temper cooled. Even if she advised him not to, no doubt he would want to keep the potential mother of his children close. Eska had to find a balance between her feelings and those of Ulric since he'd genuinely asked her opinion.

The brindled fae took a deep breath, exhaling low and slow. She raised her eyes to meet Ulric's silver orbs, so full of pain and anguish. "Do you believe that they're truly your children?" At his nod, she continued. "There's no way of knowing what the poison has done to the remaining children. No telling if they'll even be born alive." She continued to stare straight into his eyes. "If you ask it of me, I can go and erase the entire problem right now. A woman who murders children doesn't deserve to live."

Reaching out, she placed a paw upon one of his much larger paws and sighed. "But you are a good man and you feel deeply. If keeping this woman close will ease your conscience, if caring for her until she bears the children that could be yours will allow you to sleep at night, then do so." Eska personally wouldn't like having the murderess within the walls of the Hallows, but it wasn't her pack and it wasn't her decision. "Whatever decision you make, I'll stand beside you and help you as much as I'm able."

There was a pause while Eska seemed to consider the situation he was in. There was no easy answer and he knew that. No matter what he chose to do it was going to hurt. He watched her face and waited to see what she would recommend. He trusted her judgement. She was an intelligent woman and in their time together he had already begun to rely on her more and more to bounce ideas off of and help him work through his muddled thoughts. When she let out a long, measured sigh he braced himself for the possibility that she might turn the blame on him because in his mind that was what he deserved. It's what his inner thoughts always told him. She questioned if the children were his and uncertainty crossed his face, but he still nodded all the same. If he was being honest he couldn't be sure what Aranea had done before or after she left The Hallows, but he was at least moderately certain she hadn't been with anyone else before they were together that last night so there was a very strong possibility that these were his children.

Hearing her talk about how the poison might have affected the remaining children wrenched at his heart and pain crossed his expression, but he managed to keep his gaze on hers. It was something he didn't want to consider, but he knew he had to think of that possibility. That the two remaining pups could be dead by the time they made it to their birth or perhaps worse. It had been easier to write it all off when he believed that they were all dead and now that there was a possibility, now that Aranea had planted that seed of hope... She didn't blame him in the end and in fact did just the opposite. She put so much blame on Aranea that she suggested that she could go eliminate the problem at the source, saying how Aranea didn't deserve to live. It was a possibility that he had been too soft, too kind, to really consider, though it did cross his mind for a brief moment in those initial waves of rage. The fact that Eska was willing to do that for him was touching in its own grim way, though he didn't know if he could really put that duty on her shoulders - no matter how willing she seemed to do it.

He glanced down at her paw as she rested it on top of his, his ears turned toward her to listen as she spoke of him and how he felt and easing his conscience. As she spoke of how she would stand beside him either way his expression softened, his larger paw that was resting under hers turning over to gently squeeze her paw. He let out a slow breath through his nose, finally bringing his tired gaze up to hers. "Sometimes I wish I didn't feel so deeply. It feels like more of a burden than a help," he told her softly, his ears falling back against his head. His entire life, he had always felt so deeply and passionately about everything he did. He went in to things with his heart first and logic second. That's how he had gotten himself in this situation in the first place. He had allowed his aching, broken heart to make his decisions for him instead of listening to the logic behind not getting involved with a woman who clearly couldn't be trusted.

"Aranea has made her bed, it's not that I care about what happens to her in the end, but... But if those pups are mine, if they live..." He winced, his expression pained at the idea of seeing them die. Very little affected him more than pups, especially his own. He sighed, giving her an apologetic look as he squeezed her paw again. "Eska, I'm sorry... I... You don't deserve to be pulled into this. I hope this doesn't ruin things between us." He sighed and let her paw slip from his, his gaze shifting away from hers. "I understand if you don't want to pursue anything with me after all of this mess." He knew that there was nothing appealing about stepping into a relationship with him when he had four children that were still coping with their mother abandoning them and now to bring potentially two more children into his already messed up, struggling family... A thought dawned on him and his eyes squeezed shut, hurt crossing his expression. "Gods, I'm going to have to tell my kids... My son hated me after he caught me with Aranea the first time and now this..."

Ulric Adravendi

"Eska"

Ulric mulled over her words and in the end, focused on the fact that the children could be born alive and they could be his. Eska knew that he would choose that path and wasn't surprised at all when he didn't even acknowledge her offer to take the woman out. Poisoned as she been, it would be like crushing the throat of a baby bird, she imagined. A simple feat. Eska didn't have the moral hang ups that other wolves had. The woman had unjustly taken life, so it was fair that she pay for those lives with her own. The brindled woman was comfortable with doing the tasks that others found distasteful or unsavory. But if Ulric wished for her to live... So be it.

The man then apologized, a weary look on his face. When he pulled away, Eska felt the absence. His words struck her hard and she almost winced. "Do you think so little of me to think that an accident before we even met would turn me away from you?" Stepping up close to the giant man, a silver dipped paws gently cupped his cheek. "All that I know of you is what you've shown me. That's all I need to know." Her golden eyes met his silver orbs and she maintained that hold on him. "Ulric, you are a good man. Everyone makes mistakes, but I know in my gut that you are more than worthy of my time and efforts. I would never hold your past against you."

As the troubled brute remembered that he would have to tell his older children about the potentially new children, she could feel the panic rise within him. "We can tall them together if you'd like. I'd love to meet them if you think it's appropriate." To help ease the brutes fears, Eskas raised her lips to his, a soft kiss bestowed before she spoke softly. "You aren't alone. Not in anything." The silver spattered woman's gaze searched his, a little bit of vulnerability showing in their depths. "Not unless you want to be."

He looked at her with confusion when she asked him if he thought so little of her. He shook his head, telling her, "No... No, not at all." If anything he thought so little of himself that he didn't feel that he didn't deserve her. He didn't deserve this understanding and loyalty after everything he had done. Somehow she didn't seem to see it that way and that was something he just couldn't comprehend. She made it sound so simple. He had made a mistake before they met and that had no bearing on what they could be now. Was she not worried about the pups that might be in his life from this if they survived? Did that not deter her from wanting to be with him? He felt like damaged goods, like he could never be worth the affections of this beautiful, intelligent woman.

Yet that didn't seem to stop her from moving closer and resting her paw on his cheek, making his expression soften as he leaned his head into her touch. His chest squeezed at her kind words, his sad, tired silver eyes holding true to her gaze while he wrestled with his own self doubts and worries that he could never amount to being what she deserved. He wished he could see himself through her eyes. He wished he could have even a fraction of the ability to see things though this more logical lens the way she did so he could see things objectively instead of with his own tangled emotions.

Ulric lifted one of his paws to rest it over hers on his cheek, savoring her touch for a few more moments, some of the sorrow and doubt slowly fading from his expression the longer he took in her certain golden gaze. "I want to be worthy of this faith you have in me... For the rest of my days I only want to work toward being the man you deserve," he said softly, squeezing her paw gently before lifting it away from his cheek to bring it to his lips, kissing her paw tenderly. At every turn she amazed him and surprised him. She had done more for him in such a short amount of time, more than most wolves had ever done. Even with Azariah it felt like he was constantly looking after her, constantly guarding her, constantly giving his all for her and their children. He didn't feel like he had to do that for Eska. She stood on her own paws, was strong and independent in her own right, but was still so thoughtful and wise. He had never known a woman like her.

He certainly hadn't expected her to do more than perhaps give him a bit of sympathy at the realization that he would have to break the news to his children. The fact that she even offered to be with him with he told them at all was above and beyond what he ever expected from her and it warmed his heart to know that she wanted to meet them. His children meant the world to him and had a permanent place in his heart, but Eska was slowly building a home there as well. Ulric returned the soft kiss she gave him, the small affection helping center him and bring his attention back to her once more.

"You aren't alone. Not in anything." Emotion began to strangle him at that, feeling as if Eska could see into his soul. Since he was a pup, ever since his father was killed, he had always felt alone in some form or fashion. It was where most of his doubt and fears stemmed from. The feeling that the ones he loved could constantly slip away, that he would suddenly be left alone again, that there was something wrong with him or what he was doing to cause it. His eyes never left hers, even as tears began to pool in his silver gaze. He shook his head slightly at her statement about the possibility of him wanting to be alone. No, that was the very last thing he wanted.

He had done his very best to keep some sort of boundary while they got to know each other and continued to take things slow - as he had requested - but in that moment with his emotions running so high he wanted to disregard at least some of those boundaries for just a moment. Words failed him. He couldn't possibly express how thankful he was that she was here and that she had somehow managed to see something in him that was worthy of her time and attention. Unless she stopped him, he would reach one large foreleg around her back, pulling her tight against him while his other oversized forepaw gently cupped her cheek, holding her face carefully as if she was the most precious, wonderful jewel imaginable.

Silver eyes met gold with an adoration that no words could ever express before he brought his lips to hers, squeezing her a little tighter to him as he kissed her deeply and passionately, his eyes disappearing behind his eyelids. A quiet rumble in his chest spoke to his desire that he had been trying to keep hidden away. Now was certainly not the right time to fully delve into that desire, but he allowed himself a taste to enjoy this woman that he was quickly growing far more attached to than he ever would have imagined. It went far beyond just a physical attraction. He appreciated her inside and out.

He eventually let their kiss break after savoring the feeling of his lips on hers and the taste of her tongue on his for several savoring moments, but he didn't pull away completely. He continued to hold her, gently nuzzling his cheek against hers. "A thank you isn't enough to express how grateful I am to have you in my life, but it's all I have right now so... thank you."

Ulric Adravendi

"Eska"

The moment that she touched him, the expression on Ulric's face changed. He stilled. He calmed. He leaned into her touch. The man's words brought a soft chuckle from the brindled fae and she tilted her head slightly, giving it a light shake. "You are worthy." Her paw gently stroked his cheek. "You are." His words had sounded very much like a commitment. He wanted to be the man that she deserved. Eska had promised him that they would take things as slowly as he needed, but she couldn't say that this step upset her.

In the time that they'd known one another, she'd developed a strong bond with the man. He balanced her, tamping down her naturally harsh nature. Ulric made her happy. It was almost impossible to keep from smiling in his presence. As he kissed her paw tenderly, that familiar smile pulled at her maw. She just couldn't help herself. Ulric pulled her in with his magnetic personality. She didn't need him in the way that some women needed a man. Eska could protect herself. She could feed herself. She didn't need him. Gods though... did she ever want him.

The soft kiss that they shared was quickly overshadowed by another. Assuring him that he wasn't alone seemed to strike a chord in the man. Tears filled his brilliant silver eyes and Eska felt her throat tighten. For him to feel so deeply because of some simple words enlightened her as to what sort of trials he'd lived through. The protective nature of the woman made her want to hold him close. To keep him safe. To protect him like he protected those around him. He deserved that.

Ulric curled his foreleg behind her, pulling her in and she allowed him to do so. He adjusted, cupping her cheek in his paw just as she'd done to him prior. Eska's golden eyes stared unabashedly into his. Ulric kissed her. Not a brushing of lips, but a full, deep kiss. Their tongues danced and as both of their eyes closed, they gave in. A soft groan pulled from Eska's throat and it was echoed by a rumbling in Ulric's chest. They were on the same wavelength. Almost made for one another, it seemed at times.

Eventually, the kiss ended. They stayed close and as he nuzzled into her, she nuzzled right back. At some point, one foreleg had wrapped around him as well. Her claws gently stroked through the thicker fur of his ruff. Ulric's soft words met blackened ears and Eska's heart warmed within her. The woman buried her face in his neck, holding the earthen man close. Her own voice was soft when she spoke. "I need to thank you as well," she began, giving him a light squeeze. "Without you, I'd be drifting. I lost my way. I had nothing. You gave me purpose. So thank you, Ulric." Pulling back, she placed a gentle kiss upon one russet cheek. Her gaze searched his and Eska came to the realization then and there that she was falling in love with him.

Ulric gently squeezed Eska in his embrace as she held onto him as well, the feeling of her claws pulling through his fur sending sparks across his skin. Her head tucking into his neck pulled a smile across his face and his own paw traced along her lower back, his claws lightly trailing across her skin. His ears perked to catch her soft words, listening to her sincere thank you that warmed his heart and added to that lump of emotion lodged in his throat. He held her tight against him, tipping his muzzle down to he could tenderly nuzzle the top of her head and leave gentle kisses around her ears. Gods, he wanted her. Not just in the lust, desire driven way he was used to experiencing, but in a deep need that ached far down into his soul. She supported him like no one else had been able to and he got so much joy just from putting a smile on her face or making her feel like she belonged. He knew she didn't need him, but that only drew him to her more. He had never found a woman that could freely take care of herself, but still wanted to be with him. That was a distinguishing factor that made all the difference in his mind.

Every fiber of his being was craving her and was begging for him to kiss her again, to pull her over to the bed, to find the relief for these desires that he had been pushing down and burying deep since they met. His paws traced along her back as he continued to hold her smaller, voluptuous frame against his own and for a moment he seriously considered it, but he knew that she deserved better than this. She didn't deserve to have him when he was like this - frayed beyond measure and seeking out her affections as a release and a comfort. She deserved to have him when he could give himself fully to her without the distractions and stresses of the outside world. He felt her shift and then felt her kiss on his cheek, his silver gaze finding the striking yellow gaze that constantly stole his breath away. Another smile pulled at his lips as their gazes searched one another, his heart skipping a beat in his chest.

He was falling for her. He knew it without a shadow of a doubt. Not in the wild rush of emotions he had felt with Azariah or the desperate, floundering ache he had begun to feel for Aranea. This felt real and it felt right. There was no frantic need to keep her close out of fear that she might disappear. For once in his life he actually felt certain that he could trust that she would stay and that he could believe her word when she told him that he didn't have to be alone in anything. He brought his muzzle back to hers, eyes drifting closed as their lips met again, letting him indulge just a bit more as he spoke the love that was building in his heart through his tender, passionate affection. It flared to life that fire and that desire for her in his gut again, but it didn't feel like it would burn him alive like it had in the past. He felt more certain of their future in that moment and that was enough to help ensure himself that he would get to fully enjoy their time together soon enough.

He slipped away from their kiss again after a few moments, his eyes finding hers with a warm, loving gaze. "Would you mind if I stayed here tonight?" he asked softly, scratching lightly along her back. "I have a hard time sleeping when I'm by myself and I would kill for a good night's sleep." And leaving you right now sounds impossible. There was so much more that he wanted to do and he wanted to say, but he wouldn't let himself. Not yet. But... Soon.

Ulric Adravendi