She hadn’t seen him since she’d been told about Zee and Azure’s deaths. The news had come as an incredible surprise, but she tried to be there for him as best she could. Their relationship was strained, to no fault of Sirius’s own. She was the transgressor and maybe that was why it was so incredibly difficult for her to face him now. How much different would everything be if she hadn’t kissed him on that day? It was but a frivolous moment now, the cascading effects were long and endless, she thought about them far too often and led her mind descend into depths of depression.

Deathbelle paid special mind to her children, they were all she had and deserved every bit of her attention and effort she hadn’t given the older ones. She devoted herself to the two young wolves, and tried not to think about the missing third. She also blocked out how much she had missed of her grand puppies. She hadn’t set foot in Ashen for a long time, and missed all of Venom milestones after taking the throne. Deathbelle’s punishment perhaps.

Being here now and watching the goings on made her yearn for the days of old, when all had been right in her world. She knew there was another wolf wishing for days past as well. Sirius didn’t take much convincing, and Belle led him away from the festivities so they could have more privacy in the conversation. It had been far too long. Boht were battered and broken now, the once mighty Klein was feeling her decline.

”What are my grandchildren like, Sirius?” She asked him softly as they walked, the festival now long out of earshot. Her chest tightened as she spoke the question. Of all of her regrets this might have been one of the most serious.

Once upon a time, Sirius would have been all over an event like this. He would have nudged his children into competing, and observed their process through it. Now, he glided through the events like a ghost, barely noting the fights that took place and who fought in them.

Deathbelle caught his attention, and invited him along for a stroll. He fell into step beside his once-Empress, the Princess he had sworn to devote his life to. His thoughts and emotions were muted beneath the pain, until he could not distinguish between the jumbled, errand feelings.

They walked in silence for a time, before Deathbelle broke it with a quiet word. Sirius startled, surprised at the question, before understanding filled him. This was his fault, he had stood by Venom when she had assumed control. Deathbelle had needed a break, but she had not needed to be removed from the Empire all together. “They are good. Trying hard to please their parents, and live up to their birthright. I… I saw Kitsune not far from here, would you like me to call for her? I’ll keep anyone from disturbing you two if you would like to get to know her.” He offered her a fleeting smile.

"Speech""Speech"

Life was so much different now, the sharp turns and twists had changed her, changed him. This wasn’t where she had seen her life going at one time. Maybe she once dreamed of being an Empress, with her best friend by her side. Then he’d died and everything changed. She found someone worthy, but he was never Sirius. When he died Deathbelle had for a moment wondered if Sirius would come in like the black knight he was to sweep her off her feet and into a fairy tale. But he had found love in another, one who deserved him more than Deathbelle.

”They will, Venom chose their sire well. They have that tenacious Klein blood deep down.” She tried to have heart, but dissatisfied was an understatement to how she felt with the result of her life. Maybe it would be better to end everything and finally reunite with Archon once more. She tried not to give much credit to the thought, but it sounded so much more appealing than continuing the struggle. Especially when she had her greatest disappointment standing before her. She had spoiled her own happiness long ago.

”No, Venom would not deny me if I asked.” She hoped. ”I’ve brought you out here.” She wasn’t quite so sure why now, he only made her heart ache worse. Maybe she was just trying to reach out, to determine that yes there was a hope for the future, that maybe she wasn’t quite done yet. Right now she wasn’t sure if her plan was backfiring. ”How are you holding up?” She offered him a sympathetic expression, she knew too well the pain he was enduring. She knew it better than anyone.

Their pace had slowed as they began to speak, but that didn’t matter. They weren’t going anywhere, just wandering aimlessly beneath the early summer sky. Deathbelles voice sounded strange - was it just how little he had heard it these days, or was there more to it? The loss of what she had missed in Venom's litter, perhaps. Of Archon and Magnus and those that had been then gone in her life. Sirius sighed softly, looking upwards to the sky, and wondering, wondering. He would have given anything to keep them both from experiencing loss. To hold tight to Zee, to Malalia, to anyone they chose and theirs. Life escaped him despite himself.

How was he holding up? He had given up on his bid to reunite with Zee, had made promises that his conscience forced him to keep. Was tied down and held here against his will by those that he would have done the same to. He sighed again, glancing across at his Empress, at his Phoenix. His Lost Princess of another lifetime. “I’m not, but don’t tell anyone.” He gave her the ghost of a smile. “And you?”

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Her pace was slow, and she was struck by how long it had been since they had taken a walk together. From almost a daily occurrence to not once in the last year, Deathbelle felt all too strongly the loss of Sirius. She had suffered so much, but maybe the loss of his had torn her the worst. She didn’t feel the deep unending hole in her chest when she was around him anymore, maybe her mind and heart had finally moved on after so long being apart. Maybe she had finally become her own being just in time to feel like the world had come to its end. She convinced herself there was something to live for however flimsy her reasoning might be.

She had the errant thought that Sirius likely felt just like she did, like the world was too cruel to go on. Like what had been taken was just too much to live without. How many times had the thought crossed her mind just before she caught sight of one of her youngest children? Did they even need her? Recluse helped to raise them as much as she had, they would make it in the world without her.

Deathbelle mentally shook the thoughts from herself. She couldn’t think of ending her life with Sirius right beside her. He was mostly honest when he finally spoke again, a predictable answer with what he recently suffered, but he did look better than even she expected. ”Your secrets have always been safe with me.” She reminded him softly, not near the humorous tone he had taken but she was trying. ”Not as well as you,” she went on to answer him in turn. Maybe it was his massive support system, but Deathbelle could count on one paw how many wolves she could trust now and even less that deserved to hear the sorrow that plagued her. Her children didn’t need to be bothered by how heavy her heart had become. ”It’s so hard Sirius.” Could he guess the thoughts that swirled in her mind? Did she want to add more strife to his own struggles? ”Do you ever wonder what was the point of it all?”

What he had done since Zee had died must have kept itself from his face. He thought of how he had attacked Briar, goaded Art into trying to kill him. Of how he had hurt Tamsyn when he refused to leave the place his love had died. All the ways he had shirked his responsibilities as Alpha. All the ways he had failed, failed Deathbelle, failed Zee, and failed his pack.

But he looked at Deathbelle as she admitted to how badly she was doing. He had stopped walking at this point, still and quiet as he looked into the face of the wolf that had once been his entire world. Do you ever wonder what was the point of it all?
Didn’t he indeed.

“There is no sense in a world that would let you love and then take it all from you. No reason, no logic. There is only struggle, and what makes it worth the fight. A friend of mine pointed out to me recently that the last litter of Zee is my responsibility, that they need me. That it is my duty to do what I can for them, despite what I feel. That they are the last of her ” He shrugged, brutal honesty and pain on his face. “Is it enough? Somedays, yes. Others, no.”

"Speech""Speech"

She had been left too many times, far too many times to be able to feel anything anymore. There was a deep emptiness beneath that she couldn’t escape from. They always left her, all of them. The man who stood before her, the one she married, the one she loved, and the men who sired her children. She was so alone in the world. Sirius spoke softly, his words were soft but they revealed the emotions deeper down. The shared sorrow that hung between them. Similar loss of one that was loved. Violet eyes lifted carefully as Deathbelle watched Sirius’s features, the pain in his voice mirrored within his expression. Honestly Deathbelle wished she could strip her children of their father’s name. He didn’t deserve to be remembered within them.

Deathbelle lowered her gaze to Seer’s paws as she reclined back onto her haunches. She didn’t feel ashamed of her thoughts, sometimes she felt herself craving the easy way out, and part of her said he did too. Some days she was living for her young children, some days she could barely live at all. ”The days it's not,” she said softly, fear hinting in her voice. She still felt a fear of death, despite it all the very last moment frightened her. She shook her head, unable to finish her words. Some days it wasn’t worth living at all.

He wasn’t so lost in his own world and hurts that he couldn’t see that Deathbelle was suffering as well. He could see in those soft lavender eyes that she struggled with the hand life had given her. There had been a time when she had everything - prestige, power, adoration. It was a long, long height to fall from.

the days its not was all that Deathbelle said, but it was enough. She was more then just asking how he managed to go on, she was showing him that she did not herself feel the struggle was worth it - not all the time, not some days. Hearing it made him want to grab her, shake her, and drag her back to the Armada. He could not lose any more. He could not lose her

He closed his eyes and remembered when he had been different. Young, small, and not able to defend himself against those bigger than himself. Of hearing that his parents were dead, and he was to be tossed from the building he called home. Instead of landing on the streets, he was swept up into the personal slaves of the Emperor's family. He was given to Deathbelle, and she had given him a chance to grieve. Since that time, that friendship that had bloomed and grown and torn and scraped away at them. It had been stretched and worn thin, and they looked at eachother like strangers. There was so much between them, so much love and loss and grief, that it was sometimes hard to know how it felt with Deathbelle. “It sounds like you need a friend. What I would give for a friend.” He whispered softly. “But theres so much there now, isn’t there? So much has happened, so much we’ve been through. It all feels so… awkward and uncertain. You deserve a fresh start, little Princess. Perhaps we could start over, turn a new leaf?” he suggested softly.

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