The Hand You've Been Dealt
Azzurra
07-02-2021, 07:46 PM
Balthier's once tired body from the stir in the den was wide awake now. It had been that way since he noticed his father had left the den, and now the thoughts that ran through his head had finally made his mind and emotions dead. He couldn't imagine what was happening to him, to his siblings. He would have never thought Allegro would leave them. And it had him wondering exactly how he missed the warning signs up to this moment. He wanted nothing more than to make his father proud, at least in him. Training in hunting like his father, learning to protect his family, trying to help Allegro in anyway he could knowing that their life wasn't completely calm and happy even when his father made it seem that way. And now he was feeling like everything he did wasn't good enough. Why else would Allegro also abandon them?
He returned to the expanded den that his father and he had dug out and made the extra rooms for each one of the kids. Balthier gently peeked into Psalm and Solo's dens, making sure they were both still tucked away and hopefully sleeping, the news he would share with them come morning so they could get some good sleep now. But he wandered into Azzurra's room, feeling the closest to her and feeling like she was the only one he could really unload his emotions on. He had kept his harsh feelings aside like Allegro had, anything that he didn't really agree with or that upset him he kept quiet about. This would really be no different though.
"Azzie..." His breath left quietly like that was all he would say, like there was nothing to be said. He moved in closer to her, coming around her back side to curl around her and cradle her. The emotions he was still somehow holding stayed hidden inside but could be felt in the way he clung to her and pushed into her. If he had any sort of normal life this would probably be where he cried his sorrows away, but he had physically become accustomed to shutting feelings out. "Dad... Left. He- he's not coming back."
"Balthier"
He returned to the expanded den that his father and he had dug out and made the extra rooms for each one of the kids. Balthier gently peeked into Psalm and Solo's dens, making sure they were both still tucked away and hopefully sleeping, the news he would share with them come morning so they could get some good sleep now. But he wandered into Azzurra's room, feeling the closest to her and feeling like she was the only one he could really unload his emotions on. He had kept his harsh feelings aside like Allegro had, anything that he didn't really agree with or that upset him he kept quiet about. This would really be no different though.
"Azzie..." His breath left quietly like that was all he would say, like there was nothing to be said. He moved in closer to her, coming around her back side to curl around her and cradle her. The emotions he was still somehow holding stayed hidden inside but could be felt in the way he clung to her and pushed into her. If he had any sort of normal life this would probably be where he cried his sorrows away, but he had physically become accustomed to shutting feelings out. "Dad... Left. He- he's not coming back."
07-03-2021, 11:56 PM
Azzurra hovered somewhere between sleep and being awake, often finding it hard to sleep at night on the days where she had one of her bad days and ended up staying in the den for most of the day. This day had been a particularly hard one, keeping her contained to her bed through the entire day, hardly able to even stand so she could go eat with her family. It felt entirely random which days were good ones and which ones weren't and that was maybe the most frustrating and annoying thing of all. Some nights she would go to sleep so excited to wake up the next day and go exploring out of the den with Balthier or even just to go down to the stream again and by the time she woke up the next day her condition completely flipped around. Her bad days were few and far between these days, but they still happened and she hated it.
She felt better now, but now everyone else was asleep so she made herself stay in bed and tried to sleep just so she wouldn't bother anyone else and disturb their sleep in the process. She thought she heard a noise of some kind on the other side of the fur that hung over the doorway to her room at some point in the night, but she didn't get up to investigate. She nearly forgot all about it until Balthier slipped into her room later on, saying her name and making her blink open her blue gaze. She looked up at him drowsily with a bit of confusion. She was always happy to have her brother come visit, but he wouldn't just come in the middle of the night like this usually. He'd either start out the night with her or come in the morning instead. She was quiet as he came over to curl around her like he usually did, settling into his chest as she looked up at him with a bit of worry. She couldn't decipher what his expression meant, but she didn't like it.
Then he told her. Their father was gone. Left. He left them. At first she looked at him in disbelief, scoffing softly as she pulled away a bit with a frown. "That's not a funny joke, Balthier," she insisted, with a shake of her head. "Dad wouldn't do that! No way! He..." She looked at him again, seeing the complete seriousness in his expression and her words died on her lips. She kept waiting for him to tell her that she was right, that it was a mean prank, but he didn't. The fact that his words were truth slowly sank in and her mismatched ears fell back against her head as pain and sorrow began to sink into her chest. "He... He really left?" she whispered, her voice trembling and faint.
Tears filled her eyes and she crumbled into his chest, burying herself into his fur as if that could hide her from it all and she could pretend that none of this was happening. Her mother not showing up had been easier. She hardly remembered what Aranea was like and she had disappointed them again and again so when she hadn't shown up and when their father told them that she was never going to that had been easier to accept. But this... Their father had been with them from the very first day and almost all of her memories from the days when she had been sick were entirely of her father or Balthier. She had noticed that her father had been more distant lately after he came back from looking for their mother, but... She didn't think he'd do this. She broke down, sobbing into her brother's chest, gripping onto him tight and desperately trying to understand why any of this kept happening to them.
07-13-2021, 06:21 PM
He nearly lost it himself as his sister broke in his arms, but somehow he was still able to hold it together. Allegro was his idol, he wanted nothing more than to be just like his father and did absolutely everything he could to make his father proud and happy to have him as a son. And he may have felt like this hurt him more than Azzurra to some extent, though Azzurra had her own very personal memories with their father too. Balthier felt completely cheated at this point. Their mother had abandoned them much earlier than had actually happened, and now Allegro did. It wasn't right, even if Allegro believed they were old enough to take care of themselves or that Balthier was raised enough to be the man of the household.
"He said..." It was hard for him to speak, his voice much more traumatized than his actions, "He just said he couldn't do it anymore..." He didn't really know what that meant. Because from his eyes, they had always been a kind and obedient family together. He didn't know the harsh feelings Allegro felt towards Azzurra and relating her more to Aranea than the rest of them. But just like Azzurra, and probably his other two siblings, he was completely blind sided by this. And deep down where he couldn't touch, he didn't want this kind of responsibility.
"I'm sorry, I-" He inhaled quickly but deeply, "Couldn't stop him." He put his forehead to hers, closing his eyes like it was a bad dream, like it would all go away or he would wake up and it would be tomorrow and none of this would have happened. "Azzie..." His breath trembled as it left him, though no tears were falling and he wasn't collapsing in to her. Though maybe he didn't need to for her to understand how he was feeling. It seemed she was having near the same thoughts. Their muzzles were touching side by side, and his own lips lingered just before hers as he felt some kind of strange tension between them. Like closing the distance would relieve him. But there was a part of him that told him it was wrong to do that or to feel that way. And he only just lingered there, fighting back the urge to fall into her as he held her close.
"Balthier"
"He said..." It was hard for him to speak, his voice much more traumatized than his actions, "He just said he couldn't do it anymore..." He didn't really know what that meant. Because from his eyes, they had always been a kind and obedient family together. He didn't know the harsh feelings Allegro felt towards Azzurra and relating her more to Aranea than the rest of them. But just like Azzurra, and probably his other two siblings, he was completely blind sided by this. And deep down where he couldn't touch, he didn't want this kind of responsibility.
"I'm sorry, I-" He inhaled quickly but deeply, "Couldn't stop him." He put his forehead to hers, closing his eyes like it was a bad dream, like it would all go away or he would wake up and it would be tomorrow and none of this would have happened. "Azzie..." His breath trembled as it left him, though no tears were falling and he wasn't collapsing in to her. Though maybe he didn't need to for her to understand how he was feeling. It seemed she was having near the same thoughts. Their muzzles were touching side by side, and his own lips lingered just before hers as he felt some kind of strange tension between them. Like closing the distance would relieve him. But there was a part of him that told him it was wrong to do that or to feel that way. And he only just lingered there, fighting back the urge to fall into her as he held her close.
07-14-2021, 02:08 PM
The words her brother repeated back from their father didn't make any sense in her mind, but him leaving also didn't make any sense so she supposed it was just completely confusing and heartbreaking all around. There wasn't much in her life that was safe or familiar. All she had ever really known was this den, her father, and her siblings. Anything else was new and unknown. She knew losing their father was a drastic change for all of them, but with such a massive piece of the limited scope of her life gone... The information was both hard to accept and somehow so painful that it was numbing at the same time. She held onto Balthier, feeling as if he was the last piece of familiarity she had left now that both of their parents were gone. She had always felt close to him, but now even more so as they shared in this heartache and loss as their world was pulled out from under them.
Her crying became hiccuping breaths as his forehead rested on hers, trying to keep some kind of composure like he was, but struggling to even manage that. "It's n-not your fault..." she whispered as he apologized, her mind coming back around to the fact that her brother was the one that had discovered that their father had left or perhaps even seen him leaving. And now here he was, having to support her as he always did, being the most wonderful brother that she ever could have asked for. Guilt mixed with her sorrow, realizing that there was no one else for Balthier to fall back on. He had always been the strong one, the responsible one, the one she looked up to the most. Her forelegs slipped up around his neck as her name faintly left his lips, breaking what little pieces of her heart were left as she closed her eyes as well, holding him and trying her best to comfort him in return. She didn't want him to feel like he was alone in this, she wanted to support him and make him feel better too, no matter how unusual that felt for her after being the helpless one for most of her life.
Her mind reeled with the information she was given, with the overwhelming emotions that kept her teetering on the edge between breaking down again and being okay, and desperately trying to find some way to lift her brother up and prove to him that she could comfort him just as he had done for her so many times before. Her muzzle brushed his as their foreheads leaned into one another, making her heart skip a beat and catching her off guard. They had snuggled and laid close like this so many times before, but somehow this felt different. She didn't know what this feeling was as she brushed the side of her muzzle against his again and felt that same skip in her chest, but it wasn't pain and it wasn't heart break so she gravitated toward it naturally, grasping at anything that felt like it might bring her some kind of happiness.
She shifted her head slightly so she could nuzzle her cheek into his, her dainty paws holding on to the thicker, black fur at the back of his neck, feeling this odd tension only grow the more she indulged in it. "Balthier..." she breathed as her muzzle brushed his again, butterflies fluttering in her stomach. It didn't occur to her that what she was doing wasn't they should do. She loved her brother and if these little affections could distract them both for even a little while then she couldn't find the harm in that. She didn't know what a normal family looked like or how other siblings interacted. She hadn't been out among the pack or known anyone outside of her siblings. Balthier was hurting and this was how she was trying to help him feel better. She finally tipped her muzzle till her lips lightly brushed his, leaving the softest hint of an experimental kiss in her wake, making her breath catch.
07-17-2021, 06:55 PM
He couldn't help but feel breathless in this proximity to Azzurra, with the way he was feeling. He nearly gasped for air when she brushed her muzzle against his, but he wasn't easily falling into the temptation he was experiencing. He didn't really know how other families were either, of course he knew more than Azzurra though. And what was happening inside of him was just some sort of judgement he was born with. Being here like this with his sister, wanting to indulge in her, it didn't feel right to him.
But there was also something telling him that if he didn't, that wasn't right either. He loved his sister, more than anyone else. And even his actions told him how badly he wanted to push forward into the unknown, because he had never done anything like this with anyone. He took a deep breath as she spoke his name, his eyes were closed while he was still stuck in the devastation that their father left them in. And anymore breaks between them felt like time ran fast until she moved forward and gave him what he wanted.
He hadn't responded at first, staying still a few seconds without showing any signs of good or bad. Maybe it was just because he had never kissed someone before. If he thought about it, there was no one he would have wanted to share his first kiss with. And instead, Azzie took that place in his mind. And she made him feel like it was meant to be this way. Balthier suffocated the bad feelings of deception as he moved forward himself, his own inexperience showing while he just laid his lips onto hers, not know where to go after. She had taken the first step and there was no doubt in his mind that she wouldn't accept him returning the affection.
"Balthier"
But there was also something telling him that if he didn't, that wasn't right either. He loved his sister, more than anyone else. And even his actions told him how badly he wanted to push forward into the unknown, because he had never done anything like this with anyone. He took a deep breath as she spoke his name, his eyes were closed while he was still stuck in the devastation that their father left them in. And anymore breaks between them felt like time ran fast until she moved forward and gave him what he wanted.
He hadn't responded at first, staying still a few seconds without showing any signs of good or bad. Maybe it was just because he had never kissed someone before. If he thought about it, there was no one he would have wanted to share his first kiss with. And instead, Azzie took that place in his mind. And she made him feel like it was meant to be this way. Balthier suffocated the bad feelings of deception as he moved forward himself, his own inexperience showing while he just laid his lips onto hers, not know where to go after. She had taken the first step and there was no doubt in his mind that she wouldn't accept him returning the affection.
07-20-2021, 07:20 PM
The hesitation and the pause from Balthier was enough to make her question herself, wondering if she had done something wrong, if he didn't feel this same feeling that was stealing her breath away and making her skin tingle. She hung there for that brief second, feeling like time was frozen until he finally brought his lips back to hers, making the slight tension that had tightened her thin shoulders fall away. She returned that kiss and gave him another, the first few experimental and awkward as they figured out together what this was and how it was supposed to go, but she didn't care. It still make her heart race and it felt so much better than dwelling on the indescribable pain the massive hole in their lives their father had caused. She felt like she could run from that pain and ignore that it even existed as long has Balthier kept making her feel like this.
She held on tighter to his neck as her lips parted from his again, feeling out of breath but for once it wasn't because of her frail body or because she over exerted herself. She couldn't describe this feeling - it was like excitement but better, like love but better. She wanted him, wanted to be closer, but she didn't know why or how. It was equally exhilarating and confusing, but she wanted more. Anything was better than thinking about their father leaving, their mother abandoning them, the distance she felt from her other siblings, the uphill battle she was constantly climbing with her health. She wanted to feel better and she wanted to forget and she wanted to make Balthier feel just as good.
"Stay with me tonight?" she breathed against his lips, her paws working through his scruff and claws lightly tracing over his skin. Even if she never found the answer to this building heat in her, she at least knew that she didn't want to be alone. The thought of letting Balthier go back to his own bed tore her apart almost as deeply as the news he brought with him. He felt like her sanctuary, the last piece of her life that felt stable and whole.
07-26-2021, 06:39 AM
He was still too young to feel any true desire under him, but being here with Azzie like this, taking her kisses and returning the affection, it did soothe him. She was the closest being to him. Just moments before she stole his lips he felt like she was the only thing he needed. He still felt like that now but the harsh, rejected, and unwanted feelings left behind by his father were completely drowned while all he had was Azzurra in these moments.
He was less breathless than she was when she parted, but he didn't feel any different than herself. Maybe it was just that strong, protective wall he had surrounding him and his siblings. But inside himself was the foreign melting, needing feeling inside under the exterior.
His own paws pulled her in tighter, even if that was nearly impossible. His head and neck embraced her own as he tried to comfort her and himself the best he could, "I will always be here Azzie." He would from now on stay here in her den along side her. Because he did need her as much as she needed him, and he wouldn't have wanted his life in the ruin it was any other way than it was right now.
"Balthier"
He was less breathless than she was when she parted, but he didn't feel any different than herself. Maybe it was just that strong, protective wall he had surrounding him and his siblings. But inside himself was the foreign melting, needing feeling inside under the exterior.
His own paws pulled her in tighter, even if that was nearly impossible. His head and neck embraced her own as he tried to comfort her and himself the best he could, "I will always be here Azzie." He would from now on stay here in her den along side her. Because he did need her as much as she needed him, and he wouldn't have wanted his life in the ruin it was any other way than it was right now.
07-28-2021, 09:24 PM
Balthier was her rock and her relief in this turbulent storm of their life. He always had been and that hadn't changed now. He held her tighter and when he embraced her she did the same, her head tucking into his neck and feeling even just a little bit of peace because she knew he was telling the truth. Perhaps their parents had let them down and abandoned them and perhaps her siblings hadn't been there for her as much as Balthier had, but he had always been there and having him here now helped her settle down while she snuggled into him with her body molded into his.
At least in this moment she couldn't imagine needing anything else. She could almost believe that everything would be okay as long as Balthier was here. She closed her eyes, pressed into him and hiding from the world in his dark coat. She was quiet for a while, that electric warmth that had filled her and crawled across her skin steadily settling out while she caught her breath and relaxed into him again. "I love you, Balthier," she said softly against his neck. Even though the statement wasn't new by any means coming from her lips, it somehow felt a little different now. It was just them in the world now. She had always loved her brother, but that rang even more true now that it felt as if he was the only one that she could depend on.
07-29-2021, 06:22 AM
He had nearly fallen asleep with her tucked into him, all of the problems washed away when they were like this. He had never experienced this kind of comfort before. Maybe he could feel now that he was the most important wolf in Azzurra's life, now that their father was gone. He had to take the responsibility of caring for her and his other two siblings now. It was too much to ask of him. Not that he was really considering that so early in the abandonment, and especially right now this second cuddling with Azzurra.
When she spoke out, he hadn't even opened his eyes, his neck squeezing around her head just a little tighter, "I love you too." They were easy words towards his sister, and he actually hadn't felt them any differently like she had. Not from her, not from him. He did love his sister, probably the most now in the whole world. She did mean everything to him and he wanted nothing more than to keep her safe and happy. It wouldn't stop tonight, it probably wouldn't stop ever.
-Exit Balthier-
"Balthier"
When she spoke out, he hadn't even opened his eyes, his neck squeezing around her head just a little tighter, "I love you too." They were easy words towards his sister, and he actually hadn't felt them any differently like she had. Not from her, not from him. He did love his sister, probably the most now in the whole world. She did mean everything to him and he wanted nothing more than to keep her safe and happy. It wouldn't stop tonight, it probably wouldn't stop ever.
-Exit Balthier-