Location: The Rio Grande

Duchess had already not been acting quite herself lately but it was even more now. Before she had some sort of difficulty with her emotions. None that she had spoken about to Indigo or the rest of the band. But over the last week or so she had been slacking physically which was so far out of character for her. She felt weak and sick sometimes, but she still kept to herself, even sometimes at night she abandoned her spot among Indigo and the others.

She hadn’t really known what was happening at first, and she may not have known at all if she wasn’t expecting it. And she was because she intentionally skipped out on the birth control Indigo prescribed her. After discovering Aslatiel, it had thrown her on a whole new perspective. And had turned her desperate and deceitful to be Indigo’s most prized possession. Maybe it was some sort of cry for help, or how she was delivering her emotions. But it didn’t help that she refused to share, or more accurately ignored how she was feeling.

It was night time again when she slipped away from the others, she had been keeping a close distance the last few nights so she wouldn’t disturb any of them when she escaped the group. She was sure Emersyn on her nightly patrols had noticed her, and certainly even Indigo too.

She often walked near the rivers to keep her occupied, but she had never made it this far before. The flow of the water surged in some areas, but was gentle enough in others if she wanted to cross. But she didn’t, instead approaching one of the gentler areas and laying down beside the bank. She relaxed as she listened to the repetitive rumbling flow, trying to subside the oddness she felt in her body.

"Duchess"

Duchess is an !M rated! character for themes of Depression. Please Discord me if you have concerns.

Indigo didn’t miss Duch’s absence even with all of his attention being given to Aslatiel as she took her time away from the Armada to relax and unwind. To recover. He was to her as much as was possible, all of his time not working was at her side, but something woke him up that night. Everything was quiet, everyone but likely Emersyn was asleep, and as he blinked open his eyes he watched Duchess slip away. He knew she was having a hard time, she had never accepted the truth about him. He saw many things he should have done differently, but hindsight was 20/20 and he had been intentionally blind.

This was all his fault, he had been selfish and now was dealing with the consequences. Duchess was suffering and it was his fault. He made sure Aslatiel was nestled in the bed and he lifted himself carefully and followed the mottled girl out of camp. Not only had she been off socially and physically he’d noted a change in her scent the last few days. It was subtle and he didn’t entirely recognize its familiarity.

He walked carefully behind Duchess and didn’t approach until she made herself comfortable on the band of the river. He approached from behind, coming to sit close by but he didn’t sit close enough to touch. "Are you alright?” He asked softly, not just meaning tonight, but with everything she had facing her.

"Speech"

Duchess had nearly been lost in the dark shadows of the fish below her, but when Indigo joined her she had instantly felt the tension of his presence. She didn't look at him at first, probably obvious that her gaze was avoiding him. But when he asked if she was alright, it hit rock bottom for her. She only glanced up at him with a wicked turn back to the water because she just couldn't hold it together anymore.

"I'm sorry," She spoke through sobs as she nearly buried her face into her legs because she didn't want him to see her like this. Maybe it was the growing hormones, or maybe she had just simply had enough. Maybe she was feeling guilty for what she had done. Because she was nearly convinced that Indigo didn't want her. And she was still here, by his side, ready to completely destroy herself to keep him.

"I don't know what's wrong with me-" It was still hard to make out words. She knew exactly that it was a lie, but she also couldn't help but see the truth in not knowing how she had come so low to do this. It was still her secret though, and she would be desperate to keep it from him.

"Duchess"

Duchess is an !M rated! character for themes of Depression. Please Discord me if you have concerns.

The moonlight filtered down onto her pelt and he could plainly see she was avoiding his gaze. His lips were a line across his muzzle as he struggled beneath. His mind racing at the different paths he could have taken to avoid the pain he felt emanating from her. SHe only glance up at him when he asked, but from that small expression he could see her suffering. Indigo couldn’t help himself and he shifted forward, laying behind her, still resistant to touching her but if she wanted his comfort all she needed to do was lean back. That and there was little chance of him seeing her face. She could hide her emotions all she wanted.

"You don’t have to be sorry, we’ll figure everything out.” He assured her quietly, resisting the urge to reach forward and nuzzle her cheek. She looked miserable and he could do nothing to relieve her. She didn’t know what was wrong, and he didn’t either. Not yet. He was inexperienced enough not to realize and maybe deep down he didn’t want to make the revelation. "I’m here. I’ll help.” He promised her. As much as he could he would help. "What are your symptoms? When we get back I can give you some herbs to help ease them.” He knew it was more than a stomach bug or a headache, but this was a start. Showing her she wasn’t alone.

"Speech"

She tried to calm down her breathing as he talked to her, reassuring her that he was here to help her. She gasped as she tried to catch the air and relax, but it wasn't easy. Indigo hadn't fallen into her like he could have, and she was honestly quite scared to touch him. The threat of the Armada girl looming over their shoulder, it made her uneasy.

She was able to finally look him in the eye, but what she had was beyond pleasant feelings. She was really terrified to discuss with him, tell him how she felt, and definitely that she would slip up on her secret. She looked down at his paws as she craved just to hold one, but she was trying to refrain from the desire. Because sneaking out of the camp at night wasn't the simplest of things, and she was having the sheer anxiety of being watched. And she knew she'd want more.

Tears still wet her cheeks and filled her eyes, but her voice was calm enough now to speak, "I- feel really weak. And nauseous." Her breath shook as she breathed in, "I just want to stay at camp all day." She didn't want to answer for him. And honestly, if he couldn't figure it out himself, she was considering leaving until after she had the pups growing inside her.

"Duchess"

Duchess is an !M rated! character for themes of Depression. Please Discord me if you have concerns.

They both knew Indigo would have wrapped her up in his arms and not let go had Aslatiel not been staying, but that was part of the problem wasn’t it. Aslatiel owned his heart, and Duchess wanted it for herself. He tried to ignore it, just act like the whole thing didn’t exist when he was apart from Asla, but now that he had both of them it was obvious who would always be the one he needed the most. She looked up at him and Indigo could feel the tension between them. Words unsaid and emotions suppressed. Still they were silent until Duch spoke about her upsets.

He could see the tears in her eyes, but she pressed on and spoke clearly. Indigo could hardly hear her past the first few words as everything clicked when she said nauseous. He froze there on the shore line, unable to move or breath as he processed what his brain was telling him, what Duchess was saying without saying. Had the herbs failed? Indigo wouldn’t believe that she had not taken them after they’d talked.

"Duchess…?” He whispered carefully, his heart barely beating and his lungs struggling for air. He wasn’t ready for this, the band wasn’t ready for this. They were heading into Winter, how were they supposed to raise pups on the road and in the snow? These panicked thoughts raced through his mind but the warmer ones, excitement, fulfillment, love.. Sank deeper and surrounded him. "”Duchess.” His voice was a bit more steady as he accepted his assumptions but the words didn’t fall from his lips. He was still holding out hope he was wrong.

"Speech"

She really couldn't help but feel hurt when he spoke her name. She had gone against him, but it was all apart of her plan, wasn't it? Indigo wouldn't have a choice with her, or that's what she thought at least. She couldn't have dreamed that he would dump her on the curb. Pushed her away, shunned her from the band, not with his children. And she felt established knowing that she had beat everyone else to it. She would be the first if not the only.

And she really honestly couldn't shake the guilt either.

Her paws finally reached out to his, placing in the empty spaces between his, "Please..." Her body pulled into him while she felt an invisible tension between them. She wanted to close the distance, she wanted him to hold her, but she wanted him to want her. She didn't want to ask for it or push into him. As much as she did crave the physical attention.

Whether he grabbed her or not her gaze was still down towards the ground as her crying nearly became uncontrollable again. "I need to hear you say it." she broke through hushed tones, because she didn't want to feel like he was avoiding it or avoiding her, "I need to know it's real."

"Duchess"

Duchess is an !M rated! character for themes of Depression. Please Discord me if you have concerns.

Indigo could scarcely breathe, Duchess was pregnant. There was no denying it now that he had realized. She wasn’t supposed to be though, he’d told her that he wasn’t ready. He wasn’t, he didn’t feel prepared mentally or emotionally at all. The shock was incredible. Silence fell between them, he wasn’t even certain of having Duch as the mother of his children. Not that he would ever think of offering retribution. He told her not to say sorry and he meant it, this was all just a big mistake that they were going to have to live with. After the shock he could really feel the excitement build. He wanted to be a father, but he didn’t feel ready.

Duchess begged him softly as she reached out towards him, shame and guilt written clearly on her features. His brows knit as he tried to dismiss the possibility this was intentional. Indigo had trusted her, they’d come to an agreement. How could she…? He felt repulsed but he didn’t move, still struggling to understand what was going on between them. He didn’t pull her close, but he put one massive black paw over top of hers. This was not how he wanted any of this to go.

She cried, almost uncontrollably, and he could feel all of her emotions at once. This was real, and she had gone against him willfully. She needed so much from him, and he could still feel the affection he had for her through the feeling of betrayal. Conflict filled him and Indigo averted his gaze as well. He didn’t shed a tear but his voice was quiet but stern. "You’re pregnant.” That fact he knew for absolute certain. "With my children.” He followed up, nailing the situation down for certain. His head swam and his heart beat slammed against his chest in protest. This was happening and it was real and he didn’t know what to do.

"Speech"

She only stared at his paw on hers while she contained herself again, waiting for the words to come out. She felt very nearly still as she held her breath, maybe she was expecting more joy from him, even if she already knew he wasn’t ready for this and didn’t really want it. Just as he was maybe catching on to the sabotage and probably feeling harsh emotions too, Duchess felt just as hurt. Maybe this didn’t work, maybe she should have never even thought about it or even pursued or met Indigo. But it was all feelings she would drown because she couldn’t see anything else for her life.

She stood up, her paw quickly pulling out from under him. She took another deep breath still while she kept her gaze down at his paw. And she finally moved to walk past him so she couldn’t look at him anymore, "What are we going to do?" Her tone was more questioning and sad but somehow had a hint of harshness in it. His sister was here, it was clear to her who mattered most. Maybe she should provoke the girl to lose Indigo’s pups, make it her fault. But she tried to drown those thoughts too because while she didn’t want to lose his pups, she had considered that doing that would get her nowhere too.

"Duchess"

Duchess is an !M rated! character for themes of Depression. Please Discord me if you have concerns.

Silence fell between them, both wolves completely still and only the subtle sounds of the lazing river beyond could be heard. Barely breathing both were lost in their own thoughts as tension built between them. Indigo didn’t know what else she wanted from him, she knew that this wasn’t what he wanted right now. He hadn’t even outright denied her, he had just wanted a little time.

Sapphire eyes watched the water as she stepped away, then spoke exactly what he didn’t know. What were they going to do? He sighed softly, to him there was no choice really, they were about to become parents together. Indigo never met a moment when he was truly afraid but he felt like he was facing that mountain now. He was terrified. "We raise them.” There was no hesitation in his voice, the path was clear but so difficult to follow.

Indigo couldn’t let his eyes fall to her as he lifted himself to his dark paws. His attention seemed to be on the river's fast moving water but it couldn’t have been farther away. "Duchess.” His voice still serious he regretted starting speaking before the words left his mouth. "Was this an accident?” That was when he returned his gaze to her, hoping to be able to keep his trust in her, but doubt clouded his mind.

"Speech"

She nearly wanted to step back away from him as he approached, it was really, completely unlike her. But she had really never felt so far away from Indigo until this moment. She felt she barely even knew him. But a large part of it was because of the way he was acting. Because of Aslatiel.

She already couldn't keep her eyes on him, but even more when he was finally able to look at her. And then he asked, what she was hoping to get away with. It was hard to lie about the direct question, it was nearly impossible. Because if she hadn't had done this on purpose, the lie wouldn't be tension in her voice. "Please- Don't." Her voice was more abrupt this time, her face laid with the drying tears that the previous moments had brought her. But her expression was looking more angry than upset. Maybe because he called her out, assumed that she had done it on purpose. He was right, but she didn't want it this way.

She backed away without looking at him before turning to leave. She had wondered if he would even try to stop her and question her more, she wondered really if he even cared. He said they would raise them, but his state of shock Duchess was seeing through. Everything she read from him was near an angry, upset, possibly disappointed range. Maybe she was over exaggerating it. Her own emotions tended to alter the way she saw other's interactions around her after all.

-Exit Duchess Unless Stopped-

"Duchess"

Duchess is an !M rated! character for themes of Depression. Please Discord me if you have concerns.

He didn’t get the answer he was praying for. She didn’t deny or own up to it but the way she looked at him and spoke Indigo knew the truth. This was no accident, no failure of his prescription to prevent conception. This was intentional on her part, despite everything he said. She knew his wishes and she had made a decision anyway. Indigo didn’t press her. He grit his teeth and averted his gaze as he struggled with the truth. She destroyed the trust he had in her.

Then she was gone. An angry note and then she turned back towards the camp and the falls. Indigo felt his whole world turn upside down. He didn’t follow her, he knew she needed her space as much as he did. He’d let Asla sleep for now and return to her in the morning. For now he needed time alone with his thoughts, it was hard to process everything Duchess said, and even harder to accept it all. He hung his head and then slowly followed her back, avoiding everyone as he made his way to the top of the falls.

"Speech"