Duchess had been avoiding Indigo since the reveal, since Aslatiel left. Sure she felt mostly to blame for all of it, but she wanted Indigo to come to her. She was stubborn, she wanted him to want her. It was a normal feeling to want to be desired by mostly him, but by others too. But waiting, wondering, it was killing her inside. She had stayed away from the rest of the band for the last few nights, staying up on an overhang ledge of the falls. It wasn't too late in the night, but it was dark when she had the urge to finally climb down and beg for Indigo. She moved through the others, hoping Indigo wasn't occupied with any one else, and she tried to wiggle in between his paws, wanting to be embraced by him. But he had to allow it first, and she was very insecure that he wouldn't. Walk "Talk"

Indigo hadn’t been actively doing much beyond running on autopilot the last few days. He couldn’t keep sulking, he knew that after the first terrible night. Patrolling, herb hunting, it all came second nature and as he shut down inside it was just about all he did beyond sleep. Which had been even worse recently. He’d wake up in the middle of the night too hot or too cold from the nightmare he’d started awake from. He never remembered but he was always too dsiturbed to get back to sleep very quickly.

The Fatalis man was attempting to doze back off after being startled awake. Head on his paws, laying on a thick bedroll. Rest was fleeting when his mind was racing, bouncing between his broken heart and the puppies on the way. He knew Duchess was close, but he hadn’t seen her since she avoided his question. He was nowhere near asleep when she tried to slip into his arms that night.

Like nothing happened she was trying to get back into his good graces, he was too tired and too hurt to do anything about it. She wiggled in against his chest, but he didn’t move to actively embrace her. He didn’t move to do anything at all. He should have pushed her away but he couldn’t put himself through the effort. Aslatiel’s words echoed in his head as the thought entered again. If Duchess hadn’t done this would Aslatiel still be here beside him, or was that simply the catalyst? He was more inclined ot believe the latter though he wanted to blame Duch. He wanted to put his own mistakes on her so he didn’t have to suffer through this ache of guilt and sorrow.

But he couldn’t. SO he remained motionless, trying to sleep, and try to occupy his thoughts with the future. They were going to be parents. The thought should have excited him, but Duchess had tainted the moment, she ruined the experience in taking their future into her own paws instead of coming to him like the partnership he felt was needed. Now their relationship would be strained at best, and that would be a shame to show their children.

Indigo Arcturus Fatalis

Indigo didn't wake, or at least he didn't look like it. But she was brought back to the many times she had come to him in the night, easily woke him up for their desires. She had a hard time believing he was still sleeping. She knew the days had been hard on him, maybe he was tired. But still... She wouldn't leave the space between them silent. Her claws gently dug into him, "Indigo?" She was more solid in only his name before the words she was about to break to. "Please... Please." Her face went to bury itself into him, because tears came easy to her and for this. Tears were not hard to come by for her in general. But this time, she couldn't push the guilt away to make herself feel better or feel right. "I'm sorry- I'm so, so sorry." She was quiet through her sobs, not wanting to wake or disturb anyone around them. It would have been embarrassing for them all to see her like this, she didn't need another thing to add to the list of disappointments. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen." It was a confession maybe, not that she was saying it straight. "I wish I could take it back... I wish..." She couldn't really say it, she wished they were gone. Maybe that Aslatiel would have went through with her plan. Killed the pups... killed her. Walk "Talk"

He didn’t move nor acknowledge her at all as she tried to slip into his embrace. Unlike every other time she touched him Indigo was not receptive. He didn’t want her affection right now, he wanted to be left to his sorrow, to the huge mountain that lay ahead of them. He worried about the future, with winter coming far too quickly how were they going to keep these puppies alive and safe? He had to focus on them or he would crumble. Aslatiel left him wounded and vulnerable in ways he had never imagined.

His name on her lips as she clung to him, she was trying desperately to garner his attention. Still he didn’t move or even try to hold her, but she nestled herself deeper and begged for his attention. Her words were soft against the thick fur of his mane as she stumbled over an apology. She cried into his fur and spoke softly of her regret and guilt, but words wouldn’t help anything now. He was to blame for everything that happened with Aslatiel, maybe knowing Duch was pregnant was the last straw but that was only part of why she had started to resent him.

Indigo tried not to think about her and everything she said to him, he wanted to forget how much she hated him. But he couldn’t. The one he loved and adored the most absolutely had the power to do just as she had. Aslatiel destroyed him. Literally all he had was surrounding him now. Duchess and their puppies, the precious members of the band, and the goats of the herd.

This was never her intention, he was sure she hadn’t ever meant for him to be hurt. Did she realize how selfish she was being? She continued, wishing she could take it back but further wishing for something worse. Duchess couldn’t even bring herself to say it but he heard Aslatiel’s voice once more. She’d kill Duchess and the tiny babies growing in her womb.

”Don’t.” The first word he’d said to her since her confession. ”Don’t you dare wish harm on a single strand of fur on their heads.” There was a soft growl in his voice, but he was quiet as she was so as not to disturb the sleeping forms around them. Didn’t she knew they were all he had? Aslatiel was gone, his heart was obliterated, they were the only future he had. He shifted then, finally moving so he could find her gaze in the dim moon light. Still refusing to actively embrace her despite her proximity. ”There’s a lot of wishes I would make.” He told her almost sternly, ”But that’s not reality. We’re going to have to step up. Both of us. For them.” He gave her another hard look, unable to soften as he searched her features.

He didn’t even know who he was looking at anymore. Duchess was sweet and kind, she was broken just like him, they shared a deep connection and yet she had done this to him. She broke his trust like Aslatiel broke his heart, and Indigo wasn’t certain how he would recover.

Indigo Arcturus Fatalis

She was met with the same kind of emotions that he had when they announced, no these were much more harsh. Aslatiel had broke him, more than she could know. Indigo had told her about how his heart only belonged to one person, one person that wasn't herself. Maybe she should have listened, maybe she should have made better decisions for herself. Otherwise she wouldn't have been here in the betrayal, and even feeling the way she did. Her breath shook as she inhaled, still trying to stay quiet among the others. Her condition wasn't much different than when Indigo found out about the babies, if anything she was more desperate for his attention. It had been none while Aslatiel was here, and he still hadn't given in to her up to now. His eyes on her hurt, and she was trying everything she knew to make it better. It was beyond repair though. "I'm scared-" she didn't bury her face, but had trouble looking back at him, her eyes nearly closed as they wandered down into a corner. Duchess cared more about Indigo than the pups, not that she would have treated them badly in any way. "I'm scared about us." She was, especially with the way he was treating her now. But that wasn't the only reason. She bit her lip as she thought, trying to hold back more uncontrollable sobs, certainly the stress couldn't have been good for her. "Would you- want her to kill me if I didn't have them?" She almost didn't want to know the answer, which was why she couldn't look at him. Because if he told her no, she wouldn't believe him. But even more if he told her no, and showed a sign of hesitation, it would kill her. "If I was dead would it make you not feel this way? Would it fix everything?" It wasn't easy to get out, but it was what was on her mind. Duchess may had opened up to Indigo before, but it was very little. So her speaking her thoughts so freely was harder than she handle. Walk "Talk"

Indigo was broken thoroughly, there was no return to normal because there was no return to Aslatiel. She was gone from his life, just like that. Tore his heart to shreds, lit them on fire, and buried the ashes. He hurt worse than he had in his entire life, and he cried until there were no more tears left. But the pain remained, the aching hole in his chest that wouldn’t be assuaged. It was deep and binding, and thinking about his own tiny puppies on the way were the only thoughts to soothe the immense pain.

Duchess spoke again, only barely able to hold his gaze and not for very long. She looked down and made her confession, scared, scared for the two of them. If it wasn’t obvious where she wanted to return to, her close proximity made that obvious. ”Duchess… You broke my trust.” That was her most grievous act in all of this, and for what? ”Things aren’t just going to go back to how they were.” That was the truth if he was still in pieces like he was or not. Aslatiel shattered him and beyond emotional support he hadn’t sought anything from the wolves of the Nomad band.

There was more, and Indy’s brows narrowed as she asked if he would feel better if she really were dead. ”No, not at all. Why would I want that? You being dead wouldn’t fix anything.” Except for maybe Aslatiel’s pleasure. She was the one who walked away, she was the one that hated him more than she could love him. She was the one who ripped open his chest.

Indigo stood suddenly, doing his best to untangle himself from Duchess before stalking away. He wanted to cry and scream and rage about the pain that laced through his veins, but none of that was worth the effort. The one he wanted to know it was miles and miles away. He didn’t know where he was going or what he was doing but he had to move, he had to do something beyond getting lost in his thoughts. He wouldn’t stop Duchess if she tried to follow him, but he couldn’t lay there and act like he was going to be able to sleep tonight.

Indigo Arcturus Fatalis

It did hurt her as he told her his trust was lost in her. She really, deep down couldn’t blame him. But she didn’t want him to feel that way. She didn’t want him to know at all about what wasn’t an accident, but it wasn’t even that hard to pull together the different pieces to see what she had done. And somehow she thought she could get away with it. Thinking that his mind may have already been made up, that they couldn't go back to the way the used to be, it was breaking her as much as he was broken. He had told her that her being dead wouldn't have fixed the problems. She didn't believe him. Her own judgement and thoughts clouded how she believed other's felt about her, regardless of what they said or really felt. And she was really hurting her own self esteem through her thoughts and feelings. It was to no fault of the others, especially in the band. Duchess didn't weigh him down when he went to get up, she floated off of him gently, there wasn't any harshness or aggression in the movement. She wanted to cling to him to though, and she felt like at least on her end that they couldn't be separated in this moment because of the way she leaned into him. She wanted his affection so badly, more than she had ever. She didn't want to believe he had been so shut down that affection of her wouldn't help, or that he didn't want the affection at all. She stood and took steps forward after him eagerly, "Please-" She cut off as her voice became a little loud and nearly shrieked, looking around hoping she hadn't disturbed any of the wolves around her. Her ears were laid back gently to her head while she felt that disappointment in herself and feeling guilty for making him this way. But she was needy too, her voice went towards a whisper when she spoke out next, "Please Indigo, I need you." Walk "Talk"