In his long years, he thought he had experienced most of what life had to offer him. He certainly hadn’t expected to be woken sometime in the night to a polite throat clearing. Shuffling out of his den so he would not wak Zee, he had looked expectantly at the Raven. The creature had then plunged into a very politely voiced message. The Warlord nodded along with the bird. “uh-huh, uh-huh. Wait, what was that last bit, she really called me a *********? Alright, impressive” He said blandly. "There was more, sir, but... I think you get the picture" “I…. well. I suppose I could eat you, or go apologize.” he paused to let those words sink in for a moment, and then “I have been selfishly caught up in my own world, its long past time I see if I can mitigate some of the damage, let her know i’ll be there as fast as four feet fly, won't you?” He said, before taking off in a steady lope in the direction of the Hallows. "Speech"

Most of her evening had been spent with Kane, the poor man trying to talk her off the ledge as she ranted and raved about Sirius and how desperately she wanted to tear into him, to get revenge on all the pain he had cause herself and others, for pushing off his problems onto someone else yet again. It had started with a snide comment over dinner about the Warlord after a day of spending time with Deathbelle, but after a copious amount of wine she was pretty much on the brink of storming off to the Armada then and there to give Sirius a piece of her mind, check on Zee, and maybe just take Zee back with her just to really drive in the point that Sirius didn't deserve any of them. To Kane's credit he did a wonderful job soothing her and reminding her that she had sworn to never see him again. She laid awake beside him after some angry sex and had ended up drunkenly walking down the hall to Gwynevere's room, quietly coaxing Eilwen from her perch so that she could have the pale raven deliver a message - a very heated, wordy message full of the worst expletives and threats she could think of. Being the dutiful raven she was she took off into the night and Tamsyn returned to bed with a satisfied grin, curling up into the chest of the man that actually deserved her and falling asleep.

She was pulled awake by some insistent tapping on her shoulder and she blinked open groggy mint eyes to look up at Eilwen. She couldn't really tell how much time had passed, a couple hours perhaps, but when she heard the raven telling her in a frantic whisper that the Warlord was on his way she was up immediately. She quietly slipped away so she wouldn't disturb Kane, but once she was out the door and it was closed behind her she started storming down the stairs and through the foyer. It was really only once she was on her paws that she could feel the lingering effects of the alcohol, her head starting to pound as she charged out toward the border and that only made her more angry. She reached the border that faced the path to Boreas and she sat back hard on her haunches, absolutely fuming as she waited for Sirius to show his face.

Tamsyn Carpathius

As he made his way down to The Hallows, he thought about Tamsyn. About how she had first joined the Armada, talked off the cliff by his very wife. Had sending a suicidal wolf to her arms been a good thing, because she would be empathic, or a bad thing, because it would stir up old hurts? He tried not to think too hard on Deathbelle, and the hurt he had caused her. He Sent her to the Hallows to give her a new lease on her life, But Tamsyn, his old friend, had sent him a scathing message. Tamsyn, who had known Zee and was likely beyond mad that he had hurt Zee again somehow. Zee, who had saved her from suicide. Zee, who had forced the Warlord to let her go, go to the Hallows and start her own family. Zee... who he most definitely should have told Tamsyn was alive by now... Should he tell her how his wife was struggling to reconnect in the Armada, barely eating? She needed an old friend to help her. He was sure of that, but his timing was always the worst thing in the world. No doubt, Tamsyn was about to tell him in no uncertain terms how badly he had hurt herself, Deathbelle, and Zee. All wolves he was supposed to care deeply for. It was a long enough walk for him to truly stew on all the ways the Warlord had hurt those he cared about. How… truly blinding and painful love was. How it seemed to warp and change those around him. He thought of Zee, curled up in her little crook, too afraid to give him her heart. Right now, I need my friend, not my husband… “Tamsyn.” He said as he found her drunken face at the border, at a loss at where to start. "Speech"

Tamsyn wasn't kept waiting long or at least not long enough for her anger to simmer before she saw Sirius' dark form emerge from the darkness, lit by the moonlight as he emerged from the trees and came to a stop in front of her at the edge of the plains. Her eyes narrowed at him as he said her name, her jaw clenching as she looked up at him. She was practically shaking with how angry she was at him even though she could hardly pick apart her emotions enough to figure out exactly what was causing it. She staggered to her paws, scowling up at him with furry and anger in her eyes. "Zee is alive!? You didn't think I'd want to know that?" she demanded first, not even acknowledging his greeting. "After... After I ran all over the fucking continent with you looking for her and after I drug those burned up bodies back to the Armada for you a-and after I picked your sorry ass up off the ground to make sure you made it back to your family? You couldn't even bother to... to even send one of your companions to tell me?" But that was really only the tip of the iceberg. That was a simple mistake compared to every thing else. The snowball began to roll down hill and it was quickly picking up speed.

"But you know what's worse?" she questioned, stopping him from responding if he even attempted to say anything at all. "You just can't keep yourself from breaking women that are already broken, can you?" Snarling, she lifted a paw and hit him in the chest as hard as she could which admittedly probably wasn't all that hard considering her balance was suspect at best, but it made her feel better at least. "You've hurt Zee more times I probably even know about, you strung me along and broke my heart, you shoved me away again and again while I was trying to help you, you lost your fucking mind and lashed out at me for... for what? Because you thought you could see Zee? Was my friendship not good enough for you? Is your family not good enough for you!?" She fell back onto her haunches as her world spun for a second, breaking hard at her rage and the way her drunkenness and the beginning of a hang over was effecting her.

"And now... Now you've gone and done it again to Deathbelle. To fucking Deathbelle!" She snarled up at him, wishing desperately that she was sober so she might actually stand a chance at ripping into him. Maybe she'd take those balls that had gotten him into so much trouble to tear apart those lips that had kissed her if she wasn't so drunk. "You have a lot of gall showing your face here after what you've done... Picking Zee, always picking Zee, shoving your problems on to everyone else so you can keep living your high and mighty life as the Warlord while the rest of us suffer around you." She scoffed and turned her head away from him, pulling herself back to her paws so she could turn to start walking back to the castle, abandoning him like he had abandoned them so many times before.

Tamsyn Carpathius

“Someone stole her and staged the death, but Tamsyn? They hurt her. She’s really fragile, she’s not gaining weight, she’s withdrawn. I don’t know how to help her. But you're right, I should have told you.” He agreed, calm to her angry storm. Knowing he deserved the angry words rolling off her lips. She raised a paw to hit him, and he did nothing to stop it. Tamsyn, who he had deliberately hurt, pushed away from him. She was his friend, and he owed her the world. Instead, he had lashed out at her. She deserved a little lashing herself. Her words continued on, telling him what he already knew, that he had hurt Zee so many times. I need my friend, not my husband… he lowered his head. Knowing the words wouldn’t hurt so much if they weren’t so true. “Your friendship should have been good enough, Tamsyn. What you went through to save me…” “Tamsyn!” he said as she started walking away. “I don’t deserve any of you, I know that! But doesn't she deserve you?” He said, not knowing if his relationship with Zee would ever be repaired, but knowing he owed her absolute celibacy until she decided. Deathbelle… appearing at his borders, begging for his love or her death.... Why, why? "Speech"

Tamsyn very nearly kept walking as Sirius called after her, his attempts to talk to her through her ranting barely heard and what she did hear only made her angrier. Nothing in anything he said was an apology. None of it felt like remorse for what he had done. He only tried to dig at her sympathy as he told her about the state Zee was in, how hurt she had been by her captors, trying to point her attention toward Zee instead of him. Always deflecting, always pointing toward someone and anything else so he wouldn't have to take the blame. Always picking Zee. She stopped herself a few feet away, looking at the ground in front of her with gritted teeth while she tried to decide if he was even worth a moment more of her time. Whatever feelings she might have had for him were burned away, scorched into nothing. She had thought that what he had said and done to her during the Ashen festival had been the last straw, but in reality seeing how he had pushed Deathbelle to the brink the same way he had done to her had solidified it.

She rounded on him, staring daggers at him with furious anger dripping from her words. "How much longer are you going to have me picking up your mess, Sirius?! I gave you everything. When there was nothing left for me to give I still found something to give to you and you just... just threw it away. And now you've done the same to Deathbelle! I can't stand here listening to you beg me to come take care of your wife for you when I'm already busy taking care of your broken mistress!" Tamsyn stopped with an angry huff, shaking her head as she tried to find some semblance of control and failed. She wanted to just send him away, but her worry wouldn't let her. Her damn soft heart couldn't just leave Zee alone knowing that she was in the paws of this dumb, stupid, idiot man that tore apart everything that was ever given to him.

"I'm going to come check on Zee in a few days, but not for you. For her. Only because she saved my life once upon a time and I owe her something for that," she finally added after a long moment of silence, giving a heavy sigh as she looked away from him again. "You're fucking right that your don't deserve any of us. And none of us deserve the heartache you've put us through. It's truly a wonder that Zee hasn't left or killed you yet and honestly I'd respect her more if she did."

Tamsyn Carpathius

“What was I supposed to do Tamsyn! She came back from the dead! ” he shot back, his own temper rising. He got it, he truly did. He had hurt them, but wolves didn’t just come back from the dead! He did not cheat on his Wife, that was not who he was. That was why had pushed Tamsyn away when she had helped him. Because that loss was too fresh, too new. Because Zee deserved better then for him to fall into the first pair of arms that held him. “Would you have had me stay with Deathbelle, and it be Zee who is broken and crying now? How am I supposed to fix this Tamsyn! How am I supposed to let everyone I love be happy. If there was a way, I would take it. I would take it, and give up the Armada, and what I built, if it left those I loved happy, dammit!!’ He snarled, ignoring the tears streaming down his face. He had intended to be cool and collected. To take her abuse, and see where he stood. But dammit it hurt. It so truly hurt. “I pushed you away because I was volatile and hurting those around me, because you found love and I knew I would taint it. if I hadn’t known i’d hurt you too, I never would have let you leave. All I’ve ever wanted was for those I loved to be happy, Tamsyn.” "Speech"

Tamsyn's gaze shifted back up to Sirius as he came back with more of his own anger, questioning how he was supposed to fix this when his wife had come back from the dead, saying how he'd give up everything he had if it meant everyone he loved would be happy. She scoffed at that, giving a shake of her head. "No you wouldn't. You never give anything up and you know it. That's how you get into these fucking messes to begin with because you can't just let someone go. You just take and take and hoard all of us to yourself, you possessive bastard." It was an ugly truth, but she was too far gone to care about hurting his feelings or tip toeing around things to keep from shaking something loose in his fragile mental state. She was tired of walking on eggshells and she needed him to know the damage he had done.

"All I want from you now is to take fucking ownership for what you've done, Sirius!" she demanded, stalking toward him again and staring up into his face as she shoved him in the chest again. "Not a single word you've spoken to me through this whole fucking mess has been an apology. There's barely even been a thank you after I'll I've done. You knew how fragile Deathbelle was and yet you still drug her down with you. Did you even apologize to her? Did you apologize to Briar after you attacked her? When I spoke to Aslatiel at the funeral she looked like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders... Have you apologized to her or thanked her for making sure you stayed afloat?"

She stared up at him accusingly with hard mint eyes. She wasn't the same fragile woman she had been when Zee pulled her back from the brink of throwing herself off a cliff. She had been tested again and again, thrown into the fire more times than she could count. She couldn't give him sympathy any more. "Stop making fucking excuses. Own up to your mistakes. Actually be there for your family instead of just pretending and just hoarding them all around you because you think you can keep them safe. Be. Better." A thought crossed her mind that perhaps made her the most angry of all and she nearly laughed at the audacity of it. "Wait... What have you even been teaching my son?" she added to her list of demands. "He's been gone nearly an entire season and if you couldn't even manage to get a simple message to me then how have you managed to teach him anything? What have you had him doing?"

Tamsyn Carpathius

He stared at Tamsyn, at the dark, familiar wolf before him. Wondering if what she said was true. Would he keep hold of everything so tight until he broke it? Stared at the anger in her burning mossy eyes. “I am so sorry Tamsyn. I am more sorry than I can ever say for pushing you away, for letting any part of me hurt you. And I am glad, glad that you found love somewhere else, found someone that will hold you tight and love you. You deserve it, and I am sorry.” He said, knowing those words would never be enough. As for Asla and Briar, of course he had… hadn’t he? “I want to be better, Tamsyn. I just wish I knew how.” he shook his head, frustrated at all the paths that had led him here. Frustrated at the fissures between himself and those he loved. “Your boy has proved an extensive understanding of patrols, broadened his fighting abilities - he bested me in a spar, in fact. He’s going to be one the greatest warriors in these lands, and he had your heart. I hope he takes the best of all of us, Tamsyn.” he said, letting her distract him if just for a moment of all the wrongs he had done. "Speech"

She let out a slow sigh through as he began to apologize, seemingly trying to repent for everything he had done over the last few seasons all at once. At this point they were just words that she felt like she had forced out of him but at least it was something. It felt like she had gone on for far too long getting nothing in return for this to make up for all she had given, but perhaps it was a start. She couldn't forgive him and she still wasn't happy, especially not after the fact that she had to drunkenly scream sense into his thick skull to get this far. She also didn't like that he didn't seem to have an answer to the accusations she had about the other women in his life, but she didn't press him on those. She was worn out from tearing into him this much. Every time they crossed paths it was always so draining.

Tamsyn wanted to reach up and shake him when he did all but throw up his hands and give up when he said how he didn't know how to be better. She sighed and sat back onto her haunches again, giving him a frustrated glance. Her anger had simmered some, but it was still very much present. At the very least she was able to sit and not yell quite so much. "It's not that difficult to just be supportive and not smothering to those around you. It's not that difficult to pay attention to the ones that actually matter. It's not difficult to just acknowledge when you're wrong and apologize for what you've done. But you get so caught up in yourself, so fixated on one thing, that its like... It feels like you tear apart everything else to feel like you're fixing one thing. You can't keep doing this. Soon enough you're going to be left with nothing in your attempts to have everything."

She was glad to hear that Artorias was doing well, that he was knowledgeable in all of these things, and a little proud smirk touched her lips when he admitted that he had bested Sirius in a spar. She couldn't disagree that Artorias was special and that she also hoped that he got the best of all of them, but what got to her was that he still hadn't said something that they had done that was any different from what he had already been doing here. "But what have you done with him?" she questioned, ever the protective mother demanding answers for her child. "I didn't want him to go. I asked him not to. So I would like to know what he has been doing with you for a season to justify why I've had to be without my son."

Tamsyn Carpathius

The Warlord grimaced, knowing she was right. “I’d say fixating is my number one issue...” he agreed. A trait that had perhaps a lot to do with the trouble he always seemed to find himself in. “But I do want to find a way to keep those I love happy. all of them.” he said softly. “As an alpha, it's my duty to find a way, even if I seem to so often find the wrong ones. I can’t and won’t just stop caring. But… yes. I hang on too tight.” he agreed. “I’m working on it.” Tamsyn wished to know more about Art, and he considered what the boy had been getting up to. “The programme had been intended as a way to form bonds with other young prospects in other packs, but that side of things fell through. So, instead I've been running patrols with him, practising his fighting. Taught him how to make a trade deal, and we’ve also been dealing with the sudden and disastrous loss of our winter supplies. So he’s been running inventory, and helping clean what we can after the flooding. That’s been a good lesson in logistics, and facing a disaster calmly. He’s also gotten very close to Briar. Err…” he glanced over at Tamsyn, and cleared his throat. “I hadn’t realised how close until I caught them together making like rabbits. Of which I’ve made it very clear they are not to continue in such acts until they are no longer yearlings…. No doubt you’ll wish to add your own two cents in regards to that when you see him.” "Speech"

She gave a little shake of her head as he talked about how he did indeed fixate on things, saying how he had to keep everyone happy as their alpha and he couldn't stop caring. "I don't want you to stop caring. I don't want you to stop trying to find happiness for your wolves. Just... Think more before you leap. Consider the happiness of everyone involved and balance things before you fixate on fixing one thing." The mess with Deathbelle was far beyond any sort of reasonable outcome at this point, but she could think of a dozen other times that just a little more thought and consideration would have done a world of good.

He finally did give her a few more details of how this training program had gone with the lack of other participants and dealing with the destruction of their winter supplies. She tried to take into account that apparently Zee had reappeared some time in the middle of this and she was sure the time with Deathbelle happened within the last season as well on top of what seemed like a pretty disastrous loss of supplies as she judged the things that he had been doing with Artorias. She supposed knowing how to make a trade was good, but that still wasn't something that she felt was special to training with Sirius. The only thing she took away from it was that Artorias had been put to work helping organize their supplies and he had gotten some fighting training.

She raised a brow when he mentioned him getting close with Briar and then stopped, seemingly remembering something and then continuing on about just how close their children had gotten. She blinked with surprise when he told her that he had caught them in the act and had apparently scolded them for it, telling them not to do such things until they were no longer yearlings and inviting her to do the same when she saw her son. A little smirk twitched at her lips and she did her very best to keep the laughter bubbling up in her chest at bay, but she ultimately failed. She snickered and giggled, the giggles growing into full on laughter as she imagined the look on Sirius' face when he walked in on Artorias and Briar, dissolving away some of her anger at the ridiculousness of it all.

As she got herself back under control she shook her head at him with a smirk. "Give them some slack, Sirius," she insisted. "They're young, they're just exploring things and trying things out... There's no harm in that. Besides... Wouldn't you rather they get that curiosity out of their systems now before Briar hits her first heat and ends up with pups before she ever learns the fun of these things?" She knew Sirius probably wouldn't agree with her on this, but she felt like she had the rational view of the two of them.

Tamsyn Carpathius

The Warlord's look of incredulity grew at Tamsyn words. Perhaps it was because she had the son in this situation, and not the female, but still. A developing body was not ready for sex, at least as far as he understood things. “Granted, i’m not a healer, but i’ve been told in the past that sex in a developing body is generally a mistake. Perhaps I’m wrong about such things, but I’m not willing to take that risk with my daughter. She will no doubt have many years to grow and explore… after her body has finished maturing.” he said softly. Tamsyn seemed.. Marginally less grumpy at him now, and he eased himself down slowly onto his rump. Even if he was talking about the rather uncomfortable discussion of his childs sex life. “Art will be returning to you soon, Winter doesn't feel far off” which was still bad news in regards to their supplies. “Briar will reach adulthood a few seasons after that…” he trailed off, looking down at an open paw. “She used to fit right here, in my paw pad.” he said softly, sadness filling his eyes again. “I imagine once she hits two, she will request permission to leave me and join the Hallows.” he closed his pawpad. “Our packs will be tied through them. If she decides to have children, I won't miss them for the world. It would be easier if you did not hate me, Tamsyn, I would like to be a good grandpa beside the grandmother you might one day be.” "Speech"

Tamsyn gave another little shake of her head and scoffed when he spoke about sex being bad for "developing bodies". "They're not children, Sirius. And you're right about one thing. You're not a healer. And you're also not a woman." She gave a small shrug, adding, "All I'm saying is that you shouldn't shame or punish them for just following their instincts and their hormones. They're smart kids, give them some credit. I think if they're old enough to be entrusted with pack duties and learning about the world and how to lead other wolves then they're also old enough to be fooling around a little bit." She chuckled softly, smirking at this man that always took everything in his life so seriously. Everything was hard shades of black and white with him. It always had been. "Obviously I'm not Briar's parent and I will have another conversation with Art when he gets home, but... Just don't be so strict on the girl. If you're even half as strict on her as you were on me as your General I can only imagine how she must be feeling."

As Sirius went on, talking about how winter was just around the corner and the path their children's futures would take in the coming seasons, he really began to emphasize how their lives were permanently intertwined because of their pups and the love they shared. It was a fact she had known and was simply trying to ignore the same way she had been ignoring the damage he had done with the way he handled things. "I can't promise not to hate you," she told him honestly, the amusement gone from her face. "The pain you've caused - not only to me, but to others I care about - runs too deep for me to just forgive you... especially right now." She sighed, her ears flicking uncertainly. "I can be civil for their sake, but that's all I can promise." If she didn't have such a deep desire to see Artorias happy she might have cut the Warlord off completely, but she knew that if she did anything to come between him and Briar she would never be able to live with herself. "I'm glad they're doing well together," she said softly, glancing away. "Artorias told me that Briar had broken up with him before he left here, but I haven't gotten to see him since then so I wasn't sure how they were getting on... It sounds like they've mended things at least. I was worried for them."

Tamsyn Carpathius