It Didn't Matter At All
Indigo
Scout
10-05-2021, 07:39 PM
There wasn't much change in Duchess, she still secluded herself from the others, she did what she could do for the band. But it was very little now a days. She knew she still had a few more weeks at least before the pups would be here, but she could feel herself slowing down and becoming weaker as the days went on. Her emotions didn't help, but she tried hard to push them aside for her duties and unravel once she was back in her den alone.
It was late in the night, and she did have trouble sleeping at least wholly through the night. She often stirred inside her den rolling around from side to side and that was no different tonight. But near midnight it seemed, she started to have an uncomfortable strain along her stomach. She didn't think anything of it at first, just thought it was a muscle pain. She stirred to get comfortable and when she was, she came to realize that it wasn't only a muscle pain. But a sharper, stronger pain came across her.
She didn't know what to do at first, suffering through the faux contraction. She didn't even think it could have been birth, whether it was now or a few weeks from now when she was expecting. After the feeling passed, she struggled to her feet, exiting the den and looked out to the others who were only a short distance away. She had thought about calling out to Indigo, or really any of the others but she didn't want to make a scene.
She started to make her way over when another strain hit her, bringing her to the ground as she nearly silently grunted through her gritted teeth, at this point tears were falling from the pain. She wasn't aware that she was already bleeding while she traveled over. She made it to the group, but sought Indigo out separately, her paw gently rubbing across his shoulder while she whispered through a near whine in her breath, "Indigo?" She could barely make words as she was starting to become scared of the reality, "I think something is wrong." She didn't realize it, but her body was shaking from the pain and the stress and the fear, but really all she could think of was how she touched Indigo again after what felt like forever to her. But it didn't fill her with joy, instead it gave her the opposite reaction, or one more typical for her. She wanted more, but not wanting to realize what was really happening, it would only make her want to be held far beyond what she was feeling right now in this moment.
"Duchess"
It was late in the night, and she did have trouble sleeping at least wholly through the night. She often stirred inside her den rolling around from side to side and that was no different tonight. But near midnight it seemed, she started to have an uncomfortable strain along her stomach. She didn't think anything of it at first, just thought it was a muscle pain. She stirred to get comfortable and when she was, she came to realize that it wasn't only a muscle pain. But a sharper, stronger pain came across her.
She didn't know what to do at first, suffering through the faux contraction. She didn't even think it could have been birth, whether it was now or a few weeks from now when she was expecting. After the feeling passed, she struggled to her feet, exiting the den and looked out to the others who were only a short distance away. She had thought about calling out to Indigo, or really any of the others but she didn't want to make a scene.
She started to make her way over when another strain hit her, bringing her to the ground as she nearly silently grunted through her gritted teeth, at this point tears were falling from the pain. She wasn't aware that she was already bleeding while she traveled over. She made it to the group, but sought Indigo out separately, her paw gently rubbing across his shoulder while she whispered through a near whine in her breath, "Indigo?" She could barely make words as she was starting to become scared of the reality, "I think something is wrong." She didn't realize it, but her body was shaking from the pain and the stress and the fear, but really all she could think of was how she touched Indigo again after what felt like forever to her. But it didn't fill her with joy, instead it gave her the opposite reaction, or one more typical for her. She wanted more, but not wanting to realize what was really happening, it would only make her want to be held far beyond what she was feeling right now in this moment.
Juggernaut10-12-2021, 12:10 PM
It was really any day now that Indigo would be making his step into fatherhood. He wouldn’t soon forget that it was his chosen timeframe but now that they were here he felt excitement bubbling in his chest. Like his heart was finally beating again. He was eager to meet these new little lives, Indy was convinced they were the blessing that would completely pull him free of the depressive swamp he waded into. He had a band and his children to look after, not just himself. He’d committed to giving more than what he received, he dearly loved every one of the wolves in his hodge podge family. Each in their own unique way made up the pieces of him. Even Duchess. She was the mother of his children, despite the distance she created between them, the trust she broke, and the deception she showed him, Duchess would always hold a special place in his heart.
He was sleeping better than he had since Aslatiel had broken his heart, having something to look forward to was good for him. There were no real solved problems, but his heart was doing it's hardest to begin to mend. There would forever be a scar, but he could see his return to normalcy. He was deep in a dreamless sleep when Duch’s paw against his shoulder roused him from sleep. Indigo blinked open his eyes and looked up to the girl as her voice reached his ears. The words didn’t register until the scent of blood hit his nose. It was not the pleasant warm scent of birth. This was different, and suddenly the massive man was fully awake.
Indigo rolled to his paws, trying to keep his mind clear as a thousand thoughts hit him all at once. While overwhelming emotions crashed against his soul he desperately tried to keep hope as his logic and knowledge all screamed the tragedy he was about to endure. A mask fell over his features, the healer side of him took over as the rest of him shut down. ”Here, lay down.” His voice was oddly hollow, but his motions were gentle and supportive as he offered Duchess his bed and helped her get comfortable.
Short Round had already begun to gather their supplies and Indigo had a selection of dried herbs to choose from to fight against what was inevitable. ”You’re bleeding,” though he was usually good at hiding his worry over patients the emotion filled his voice as he worked over Duchess. ”Did this just start?” Did he have time? Was he running a fool’s errand?
Indigo Arcturus Fatalis
He was sleeping better than he had since Aslatiel had broken his heart, having something to look forward to was good for him. There were no real solved problems, but his heart was doing it's hardest to begin to mend. There would forever be a scar, but he could see his return to normalcy. He was deep in a dreamless sleep when Duch’s paw against his shoulder roused him from sleep. Indigo blinked open his eyes and looked up to the girl as her voice reached his ears. The words didn’t register until the scent of blood hit his nose. It was not the pleasant warm scent of birth. This was different, and suddenly the massive man was fully awake.
Indigo rolled to his paws, trying to keep his mind clear as a thousand thoughts hit him all at once. While overwhelming emotions crashed against his soul he desperately tried to keep hope as his logic and knowledge all screamed the tragedy he was about to endure. A mask fell over his features, the healer side of him took over as the rest of him shut down. ”Here, lay down.” His voice was oddly hollow, but his motions were gentle and supportive as he offered Duchess his bed and helped her get comfortable.
Short Round had already begun to gather their supplies and Indigo had a selection of dried herbs to choose from to fight against what was inevitable. ”You’re bleeding,” though he was usually good at hiding his worry over patients the emotion filled his voice as he worked over Duchess. ”Did this just start?” Did he have time? Was he running a fool’s errand?
Warning: Indigo should be considered a Mature Character.
10-27-2021, 08:41 PM
She didn't shy from what he offered, though she still couldn't help but feel out of place here. They didn't move all that often, but often enough to where one place was never really home and she hadn't even attempted a visit to where Indigo had slept.
Her mind had tuned into the sounds of Short Round rustling in the supplies before Indigo had spoke again. She wasn't sure how long it had taken her to get here time wise, "I've had-" Her teeth grit as the rippling pain fell over her again, her body falling gently back on his bed until she could finally get out a breath after the peak of the pain, "Three contractions." She huffed out as the affliction simmered down. She too was much more calm than she should have been, maybe ignoring what was to come.
She struggled to look back at Indigo, though this time it wasn't because of her guilty or burdened feelings, it was because she had really come to realization that this wouldn't end up the way she imagined. Not the fact that she couldn't tie Indigo down with the pups as leverage, but losing the pups overall while even unborn they seemed to fill this most important spotlight in her personal life."Indigo," She choked, feeling all the fearful emotions begin to rise, "It's too soon." She started to cry as her gaze fell from Indigo, and her muzzle tucked into her paws feeling like there was no hope for them.
"Duchess"
Her mind had tuned into the sounds of Short Round rustling in the supplies before Indigo had spoke again. She wasn't sure how long it had taken her to get here time wise, "I've had-" Her teeth grit as the rippling pain fell over her again, her body falling gently back on his bed until she could finally get out a breath after the peak of the pain, "Three contractions." She huffed out as the affliction simmered down. She too was much more calm than she should have been, maybe ignoring what was to come.
She struggled to look back at Indigo, though this time it wasn't because of her guilty or burdened feelings, it was because she had really come to realization that this wouldn't end up the way she imagined. Not the fact that she couldn't tie Indigo down with the pups as leverage, but losing the pups overall while even unborn they seemed to fill this most important spotlight in her personal life."Indigo," She choked, feeling all the fearful emotions begin to rise, "It's too soon." She started to cry as her gaze fell from Indigo, and her muzzle tucked into her paws feeling like there was no hope for them.
11-01-2021, 05:14 PM
TW: child loss
Indigo didn’t know what to do with or around Duchess anymore, after everything he didn’t know where he should stand. He knew their relationship was broken, but he had every intention of pulling them back together for these little ones she carried. They were worth every sacrifice but… Even as Duchess cooperated with the healer in him and Indigo moved on instinct his heart was shattering. The realist that resided deep down was revealing itself despite Indy’s best effort. He didn’t want to see the truth.
Duch answered him softly while another contraction rocked her smaller frame. This was textbook labor. Indigo’s heart dropped further. Indy worked and avoided Duch’s gaze. Maybe if he didn’t look at her she wouldn’t see the truth and it wouldn’t be real. He could still save his children. With his name on her lips Indigo froze solid for a moment, his paws stopped and his vibrant blue eyes lifted to her pain filled features. Their eyes met for a brief moment as she spoke those terrible words.
Indigo went back to what he was doing as Duchess lowered her head back down. ”I know,” he said softly and with a finality that caused his voice to crack. As tears filled and spilled over Duch’s eyes Indigo struggled to keep his at bay. This wasn’t the time, there was still an incredibly small chance….
Indigo did what he could as Duchess struggled through the birth. She had to work harder than a live birth, none of the puppies within her were helping the process. All of their life already drained before Duch’s contractions started. Each tiny purple form was still as Indigo delivered his dead children, feeling himself break further with each one. Three perfect, tiny tiny, little babies. Not one with a heartbeat.
He helped Duchess as best he could, comforting her through the contractions and pain with his support and herbs, but emotionally he wasn’t present. He couldn’t accept what he saw and see to Duchess at the same time. He couldn’t acknowledge the stream of tears running down his cheeks as he lined his children up beside Duchess belly where they should have been nursing.
Indigo Arcturus Fatalis
Indigo didn’t know what to do with or around Duchess anymore, after everything he didn’t know where he should stand. He knew their relationship was broken, but he had every intention of pulling them back together for these little ones she carried. They were worth every sacrifice but… Even as Duchess cooperated with the healer in him and Indigo moved on instinct his heart was shattering. The realist that resided deep down was revealing itself despite Indy’s best effort. He didn’t want to see the truth.
Duch answered him softly while another contraction rocked her smaller frame. This was textbook labor. Indigo’s heart dropped further. Indy worked and avoided Duch’s gaze. Maybe if he didn’t look at her she wouldn’t see the truth and it wouldn’t be real. He could still save his children. With his name on her lips Indigo froze solid for a moment, his paws stopped and his vibrant blue eyes lifted to her pain filled features. Their eyes met for a brief moment as she spoke those terrible words.
Indigo went back to what he was doing as Duchess lowered her head back down. ”I know,” he said softly and with a finality that caused his voice to crack. As tears filled and spilled over Duch’s eyes Indigo struggled to keep his at bay. This wasn’t the time, there was still an incredibly small chance….
Indigo did what he could as Duchess struggled through the birth. She had to work harder than a live birth, none of the puppies within her were helping the process. All of their life already drained before Duch’s contractions started. Each tiny purple form was still as Indigo delivered his dead children, feeling himself break further with each one. Three perfect, tiny tiny, little babies. Not one with a heartbeat.
He helped Duchess as best he could, comforting her through the contractions and pain with his support and herbs, but emotionally he wasn’t present. He couldn’t accept what he saw and see to Duchess at the same time. He couldn’t acknowledge the stream of tears running down his cheeks as he lined his children up beside Duchess belly where they should have been nursing.
Warning: Indigo should be considered a Mature Character.
11-01-2021, 07:48 PM
Duchess could barely see that Indigo was struggling through her own realizations and sorrows but also with him working to do everything he could for the babies. It was extremely hard, harder than she could have ever imagined. Somehow she felt like Indigo could feel how she felt, emotionally. As the first pup had finally arrived and there wasn't a single sound, a single movement from the tiny little baby Indigo had placed by her stomach, she couldn't bring herself up to look at it. After all of the pain and struggle and knowing without having to look that this one hadn't made it, she immediately lost hope for the others. But she had already lost it well before Indigo started working with her.
Afterwards she had taken a few deep breaths from the near traumatic labor. Indigo had placed all three of the pups side by side along her stomach, and she finally put it in herself to pull herself up to look at them. Now that it was over. She was already a mess, but she had been able to get through the delivery by shutting out the thoughts of how she would be here empty and motherless. But now she had to open up her heart of the loss of her and Indigo's children. Of her children.
Her body gently curled around them, careful as if touching them could hurt them anymore. Her head gently laid around them too as she shut her eyes tight and hoped everything she was feeling would just wash away over her. Somehow she felt like it was her fault as impossible as that might have been. Maybe she wasn't active enough, maybe she worked too hard, something in her blamed herself not that she could open her mouth to say it. Her eyes struggled to stay open through burning tears as she finally looked up to Indigo, seeing his own dark, broken expressions. His loss was just as big as her own, and it was some sort of clarity to her seeing him this way. While still curled around the dead babies, her paw reached up to try and grab around his own leg, her eyes almost pleading with him to hold her, to hold them. It seemed only moments from now they wouldn't be here any more, buried under the darkened moon.
"Duchess"
Afterwards she had taken a few deep breaths from the near traumatic labor. Indigo had placed all three of the pups side by side along her stomach, and she finally put it in herself to pull herself up to look at them. Now that it was over. She was already a mess, but she had been able to get through the delivery by shutting out the thoughts of how she would be here empty and motherless. But now she had to open up her heart of the loss of her and Indigo's children. Of her children.
Her body gently curled around them, careful as if touching them could hurt them anymore. Her head gently laid around them too as she shut her eyes tight and hoped everything she was feeling would just wash away over her. Somehow she felt like it was her fault as impossible as that might have been. Maybe she wasn't active enough, maybe she worked too hard, something in her blamed herself not that she could open her mouth to say it. Her eyes struggled to stay open through burning tears as she finally looked up to Indigo, seeing his own dark, broken expressions. His loss was just as big as her own, and it was some sort of clarity to her seeing him this way. While still curled around the dead babies, her paw reached up to try and grab around his own leg, her eyes almost pleading with him to hold her, to hold them. It seemed only moments from now they wouldn't be here any more, buried under the darkened moon.
11-01-2021, 08:04 PM
(This post was last modified: 11-01-2021, 08:05 PM by Indigo. Edited 1 time in total.)
Reality finally took him as he watched Duch wrap herself around the litter of puppies they made together. The silence was deafening, there was no beautiful mewling to accompany the smell of birth and milk. There was no life to be celebrated, only heartache and despair lingered here. Like he was finally able to breathe, Indigo truly realized the gravity of what he was faced with when the mother of his lost children reached up to him with her paw and her gaze. Their moments with them would be few. Where Indigo had already seen himself raising them, watching them grow, seeing them to adulthood as they took his place. That they would outlive him.
Silent sobs wracked his body as Indigo did shift himself, curling his massive arms around Duch’s form and the still bodies of their children. All of her transgression was forgotten as Indigo mourned this shared loss. His heart was broken before, he wasn’t sure he had ever felt so desolate or so empty. Burying his features into her mottled fur Indigo wept.
Indigo Arcturus Fatalis
Silent sobs wracked his body as Indigo did shift himself, curling his massive arms around Duch’s form and the still bodies of their children. All of her transgression was forgotten as Indigo mourned this shared loss. His heart was broken before, he wasn’t sure he had ever felt so desolate or so empty. Burying his features into her mottled fur Indigo wept.
Warning: Indigo should be considered a Mature Character.
11-02-2021, 08:00 AM
Indigo gave into her so willingly, and while she couldn't really remember the last time she had been with anyone like this, that wasn't on her mind. Just the loss of their babies, the feeling of their cold bodies against her. As Indigo hid his face in her fur, she gently hugged around him too. It was the only way she knew how to comfort him, especially with everything that had transpired in the last season or so. In this moment she would be there for him like he was there for her, like they were for the babies they lost. She felt like she could melt under him, maybe forget the tragedy before them. Her head gently came back down to the children as she too continued to gently weep, and let Indigo have his own fresh grieving moments.
They could let everyone know in the morning what had happened, for now it was just them.
"Duchess"
They could let everyone know in the morning what had happened, for now it was just them.