Devastated. There wasn’t really any other word to describe Indigo now. He was wholly broken, and only his habitual nature left him continuing on. He patrolled religiously, hunted like he hadn’t ever done before, gathered herbs whenever he could. Indigo was doing anything but allowing himself to sit and grieve what he had lost. Part of him still denied it, and that part was festering a rotting, just like those tiny innocent bodies were beneath the ground. Indigo felt like he had died with them.

He barely spoke, his fur lost its luster, it was all Gypsy could do to keep him eating and reminding him to try and sleep. While he went through the motions he was anything but normal. He wasn’t all there in conversation, sometimes he forgot what he was doing. His illustrious gaze looked clouded, and he no longer held his head high on his shoulders. Indigo had become a shadow of the man he had been even half a year ago. Nothing had gone according to plan, everything had been taken from him, and Indigo crumpled under the weight of it all.

If he didn’t have the wolves of the band he would have perished. Indigo consumed a few herbs to help him sleep, and more specifically dreamlessly, after he’d worked all day. They never saw the sun anymore, so he had been getting even less sleep as he worked through the endless night. By now everyone else would have curled up for sleep. Gypsy by the goats, Duchess off on her own, Emersyn with Segin….

Indigo suddenly shifted his path. Instead of going to camp he made his way towards a stream. Somewhere he was alone, so he wouldn’t disturb anyone as the emotions caught up with him. He could only go so long before everything bubbled up and overflowed miserably. Indigo lowered his massive frame to the bank, the soft glow of crystals and mushrooms illuminating him as tears filled his eyes. He clenched his jaw as the pain crashed down on him like waves and the hopelessness overwhelmed him.

Indigo Arcturus Fatalis

For someone who's emotions were so greatly influenced by the emotions of others even he was having a hard time staying positive and uplifting with the constant, uncertain darkness lingering around them and the continuing sadness from the events that had unfolded. He kept mostly to Emersyn's side to assist her with the sudden responsibility of leading the band and just because she gave him a sense of normalcy and happiness that he needed. He saw Indigo moving through his days like a ghost of who he once was and he felt helpless and powerless to help him. He couldn't fix what had happened and he didn't know how many more reassurances he could give. They were just words and these days words didn't really feel like enough.

He was laying next to Emersyn, curled up beside her while sleep felt far away, listening to her quiet breathing as she drifted off. Usually he would see Indigo come back to settle in for the night even if he was sleeping by himself, but he never saw the large violet man appear and a slightly worried frown pulled at his lips. Duchess was usually in and out and Gypsy was always with her goats, but Indigo was usually at least somewhere close by. The fact that he wasn't made him concerned. He glanced toward Emersyn and carefully moved away from her side so he wouldn't wake her and got up so he could go looking for him, following his scent across the prairie to the stream.

Indigo wasn't all that hard to find, being as large as he was and all, and Segin quietly padded up beside him where he was laying on the bank of the stream. The emotions that he hadn't seen Indigo show in quite some time were written plainly on the gentle man's face in the moments before Indigo realized he was there and Segin's ears fell back against his head at the feeling of helplessness he felt from not being able to help or ease the pain that Indigo continued to live through. Quietly he settled in beside Indigo, wiggling his way under the larger man's heavy foreleg to force himself into his embrace, pressing into the thick mane around his neck that had lost some of its usual luster. He didn't know if there was anything he could say, so for now he just held on to Indigo and pressed into him, forcing him to accept the affection and attention that perhaps he didn't want to ask for.

Segin Epsilon

He knew they saw him and the dark cloud that he had become. All that mattered was waking up, doing the work the band needed done until he was so exhausted that he couldn’t think about the events that plagued him. Tonight though.. For some reason he had stopped early and instead of dropping into a shallow fitful sleep as usual he left himself here at the edge of the stream to linger in his thoughts. For a few days after the tragedy Indigo had cried, to the point he thought he wouldn’t be able to cry again. Yet here he was, the tears streaming down his cheeks. His chest a massive gaping hole.

Indigo didn’t know how to fix himself, if he did he would have done so by now. There was no repair, Indigo was broken and he saw no light at the end of his dark road. His dreams were dashed and destroyed, his life turned completely upside down. He felt like he had nothing.

Then Segin was there. Indigo lifted his head, dull blue eyes finding Segin’s dark mottled form as he pressed against him. He didn’t have to exert much effort to slip into Indy’s embrace. The sudden warmth, affection, and love, were everything that Indy needed as tears streamed down his features. He wanted to be alone, but his soul craved this company. Almost on instinct Indigo’s massive arms wrapped around Segin and pulled him closer. He was thankful that there were no words between them, he wasn’t certain he could speak even if Segin’’s sweet words met his ears.

There was no fix, but physical comfort managed to cover a bit of the ever present pain that filled Indigo and his life. He lost his love, he lost his children, but there were still wolves here that cared for him, and he felt deeply for in turn. Indy buried his features into Segin’s soft fur as he tried to control the tears that fell.

Indigo Arcturus Fatalis

Segin squeezed his eyes closed and hugged Indigo tighter when he felt Indigo's forelegs wrap around him much like the night that Segin stumbled into the cave where Indigo was taking shelter, except this time it wasn't him that needed the comfort. Segin felt the dampness from Indigo's tears as the larger man pressed into him and for a while Segin just held him as best as he could with the difference in their size and let him cry. He knew Indigo had cried many, many tears after what happened with Aslatiel and Duchess, but it didn't matter. As long as there was still more tears to cry he could cry them as much as he needed. After a while he tipped his head to leave gentle kisses along Indigo's ear and the top of his head, slowly working his way down Indigo's face and cheek as he pulled back just enough to be able to kiss the tear stains that covered the violet male's cheeks. "Oh Indigo..." he said softly with a sigh, giving him a sad smile as he gently kissed his lips. "What are we going to do with you, hm? How are we going to put all these pieces back together?" He groomed away the tears as they came, tenderly showering Indigo's face with affections until they finally passed.

He knew that something had to be done to break this self destructive cycle that Indigo had sunk into even though he didn't know exactly how to do that for him just yet. He hoped that his presence would at least help, but even that felt temporary. Even if he could help him feel better for now that wouldn't necessarily fix the problem. For now though it was all he could offer so he did his best to at least do that much. "We've missed you," he said softly as he placed another kiss on the end of Indigo's nose, silver eyes finding clouded blue. "I've missed you. I've missed spending time with you." He smiled again, placing another gentle kiss on Indigo's lips. "Take as much time as you need, but... Just know that we want our Indigo back. I still adore you no matter what."

Segin Epsilon

Indigo was obviously broken, he wasn’t the man he once was. All semblance of his once naive and happy nature was gone. Within the span of a season everything had changed. He was no longer a stranger to the true cold cruelty of the world and he couldn’t hardly handle the weight. All of the wolves surrounding him were stronger than he was, they had faced their challenges and grew from them, and now here he was, destroyed, and hardly able to muster an emotion that wasn’t emptiness.

Segin was a warmth he could hold onto. Gypsy was with him almost every moment of the day, but even she needed her breaks from him. If he hadn’t had her all this time… Indigo wondered what he would have done. Nothing good. Slowly Segin softed, carefully working kisses against his fur and gently kissing away the tears that never seemed to stop falling. Indigo felt that he was truly broken.

The mottled man spoke Indigo’s name, concern obvious in his voice as he held him and carefully kissed his lips. Indigo hated to think about what he was doing to the rest of the band, but he felt like he couldn’t help himself. It hurt so bad that joy couldn’t possibly still exist. What were they going to do with him? He did what he could but really he was more harm than good dragging them down with him.

He didn’t say anything, but slowly got ahold of himself as Segin showered him in undeserved love and affection. Eventually he sighed heavily and caught him breath. His chest was clenched but he could blink up into Segin’s beautiful silver eyes and feel at ease. The man he had come to love placed a sweet kiss on the end of his nose and reminded him how much he was missed, by the band but more importantly himself. Segin had missed their time together

Indigo was returned to the night they met, the cold storm raging outside as the two of them, complete strangers, found solace together. Indigo convinced Segin to go on, to remember life was worth living, but could he live by his own advice? Right now it didn’t feel like it. ”I don’t want to be like this.” He said softly as he leaned into Segin’s chest. ”But I just… I feel crippled. Even more so than when my belly was torn open. This inner wound is worse than anything I’ve ever suffered physically.” He admitted quietly. Even with all of the time gone by he didn’t feel close to healed or recovered at all. He was doing his bets just to stay afloat.

Indigo Arcturus Fatalis

He nuzzled into the top of Indigo's head as it settled on his chest and he wrapped his slim forelegs around Indigo's neck, holding him while he told him about how crippled he felt, how he didn't want to be like this, how this inner pain was so much worse than the physical pain. "I know," Segin replied quietly, giving Indigo's red marked ear a gentle kiss, running his paws through the thick fur of his mane. "You saw how I was when I first found you... and that was months after my brother was killed. Physical pain we can heal and apply herbs to and watch it mend. Emotional wounds... not so much." He sighed as he nuzzled the larger man again, unable to keep himself from loving on Indigo as if that might just make everything better.

"But... I was alone back then. You're not. You have me, Emersyn, Gypsy... even Duchess. I know we're not Aslatiel and I know we're not the children you lost, but... we love you. We want to see you smile again." He kissed the top of Indigo's head, one of his paws moving to brush the violet man's cheek while his kisses trailed down the top of Indigo's muzzle. "You're so lucky to have so many wolves that love you. Don't let this tragedy blind you from that. Before I found you I would have done anything for one single wolf who genuinely cared about me... but you gave me that. You gave me what I needed so let me help you." He hugged Indigo a little tighter, leaving another kiss on his nose. "Please let me help you... It hurts so much to see you like this."

Segin Epsilon

Segin nuzzled against him, cuddling him and nuzzling into his mane softly. Just holding him as he mourned, but he’d been grieving for so long already. The pain wasn’t going to lessen but life was going to continue on. Time marched onward, tasks needed to be done, his life wasn’t over. He felt like it though, he felt like his soul had been buried with those puppies. Segin spoke softly in return to Indigo’s words. Kissing him softly and running his paws through his mane as he comforted him.

Despite it all he leaned into Segin’s affection, craving his touch and the feeling of adoration. It was more than the gentle touch though, he had Gypsy who was sweet and kind and always next to him. Then there was Segin right now, telling him in his sweet ways that it was time to get over himself. That there were wolves that loved him and needed him. That were just as important, and more so, than the wolves he no longer had. Aslatiel left him, his children were dead, he wasn’t doing them any good like this nor the ones he still had.

The mottled man cradled him, held him tightly, and begged to allow him to help Indigo through this. ”Help me, Segin.” Indigo cried hopelessly. ”I don’t know how to fix myself. I can’t just stop hurting. I can’t forget what happened.” He lamented into Segin’s dark fur, holding him tightly as if his very life depended on being close to him.

Indigo Arcturus Fatalis