The Nomad Band had spent the last half season roaming the prairies just to the southwest of the valley Emersyn now stood at the edge of. Dual-chromatic eyes peered across the lush gulch now fully in bloom with buds and flowers galore as the sun had returned to the world, casting out the paranormal darkness that had swallowed it. This was Fern Gulley, the valley she'd heard from others was an abundance of herbs and plant life alike. It looked like they'd come at the perfect time too. With the plants in bloom and life returning to the world, the band would need to stockpile on their medicines and herbs, especially if they were going to be providing aid to those that had been affected by the strange illnesses going around. The packs she was sure were fine, but there were so many loners out roaming Boreas who weren't as fortunate. She planned to tend to anyone who needed it.

Beginning a slow saunter down into the valley, Emersyn lifted her snout skyward and gave a call for Segin and the rest of the band to join her. They would spend the remainder of spring here, cultivating and collecting herbs for their travels. Then they could all decide where they wanted to go from there. They were nomads, after all, and with the warmer, sunnier days of summer fast approaching, Boreas was about to become a lot more travel friendly.

"Emersyn"

Segin carefully picked from a fairly large boneset plant, picking off branches of the small, white flowers and collecting them into a pile at his feet. He was glad to be back in the gulley again and was hard at work at restocking and replenishing the herbs that they had used up during the winter. For the most part many of them had been in good health, but that didn't stop them from coming across wolves that needed help and that had been a pretty common occurrence through the seemingly never ending night they had just faced. Slowly things were beginning to go back to normal and they were getting glimpses of the sun again, something the plants most certainly needed. The herbs weren't as plentiful as they had been when they were last here, but there was certainly enough for him to collect a substantial amount of supplies while they were here. He also considered cultivating a few plants while they were here so that when they passed through again he could hopefully have more options to pick from.

He was just finishing up with the boneset when he heard Emersyn's howl, his dark ears perking at the sound. He quickly tucked the boneset into his bag before turning to trot off across the valley to find her. Her dusty purple form was easy to find among the lush greenery around them and he gave her a grin as he trotted over to her. He tipped his head up, giving her cheek an affectionate kiss before he settled in beside her, slipping the bag off of his neck and setting it on the ground beside him. It didn't really surprise him that he was the first to show up when she called, but he did hope at least Indigo might come as well. He was hopeful that the larger man would start integrating himself more after the chat they had, but he supposed only time would tell.

Segin Epsilon

Indigo was absolutely devastated for so long. He felt like his heart had been ripped out, wrapped in his soul, torn apart and then ignited to destroy any emotion that might be left. Indy was hollow, but most days that was better than feeling. The winter cold had frozen what was left of his heart, and Indigo felt like he had become stone by the time the sun returned and brought Spring back with it.

For a long time he wondered if it would be better that he died, but then Segin and Gypsy convinced him otherwise, reminding him that he was still needed. The greenery growing, the flowers that were blooming, the life that was returning to the world. All of it gently reminded Indigo who he really was. That he was far more than the shadow of a man he had become. That there was still life in the world, there were still lives in the world that needed him, not who he had become but who he was. Who he had always been.

For the first time in many seasons Indigo lifted himself to his full height at the sounds of Emersyn’s call. She had been the hardest on him, but she was the most realistic, and her stepping up to care for the band while he was… lesser.. Proved her loyalty and devotion less to him, but to the band as a whole. She could have left when her suggestion was not taken, she could have gone about her life, but she hadn’t. Emersyn stayed with them.

Indigo felt the sun on his back, smelled the floral scents in the air, he felt more alive than he had since Aslatiel scorned him. He could feel the hope rising in his chest, he could feel the life returning to his bones. A heavy sigh left him before he entered the clearing and made his way to Em and Segin’s side. A look of peace had replaced the look of horror that had seeped into his features. The spring season turned the page for the maned man, and he was finally shedding the guilt that had overwhelmed him.

"Speech"

The sound of heavy pass approaching through the lush grass made Emersyn’s ears swivel back, head turning to catch the sight of Indigo approaching her and Segin. She looked the giant violet brute over briefly; he had been improving in his emotional state since the end of the Long Night’s horrors, but he was still very much in a raw state, his armor stripped away to reveal the wounded and betrayed man beneath. It crushed her to see him this way… but Em still didn’t know how to feel about the wolf that had made her feel special, loved, bedded her, and then turned around and jeopardized all of their safety by knocking up another member of the band with his reckless sexual escapades. She didn’t expect the man to be celibate, but his judge of character was obviously lacking as was his ability to ensure his own family planning. Would he have been as reckless with her own sexual wellbeing? Did she have to worry about him trying to put puppies in her too? Was this how he imagined his “family”?

With a nod of her head, she dismissed Segin to begin scouting the area and find a suitable place for them to camp for the rest of the season. Once she was alone with Indy, Em released a heavy sigh. Never in all her life would she have expected to find herself in a position of leadership, and yet here she was, taking on the responsibility of keeping the band together. A thankless job from all but Segin. Emersyn turned aqua-cobalt eyes over to regard Indy with a rueful look. "You’re looking better. How are you feeling?" Amiable to start. All of Emersyn’s rage had burned out by now and all she was left with was a hollow feeling inside.

"Emersyn"

Indigo didn’t realize the extent to which Emersyn’s mind interpreted everything that happened. She was mostly right, he shouldn’t have trusted Duchess so readily, he should have followed up more stringently with treatment to assure she didn’t get pregnant. Maybe he shouldn’t have ever been with her to begin with, but hindsight was always 20/20. He could see so many more paths he could have taken, there were endless possibilities but they were all in the past. There was nothing he could do now.

Indigo could only move forward, not change the past. Other than little snuggled with Gypsy or Segin he hadn’t touched anyone since Aslatiel left him the night he learned Duchess was pregnant. After losing his puppies there had been no desire to be intimate, and it hadn’t returned. He was too broken and lost, even if his body was cooperative his mind couldn’t take it. Indigo couldn’t handle those emotions. This way he didn’t have to put his trust in anyone but himself.

As he approached Em sent Segin on his way, and Indigo was suddenly alone with Emersyn. She was the leader of their group, and she proved those that didn’t want to lead became the best leaders. She kept them together as best she could, but the fractures felt deep. He couldn’t tell if it was fatally so. "Not as good as I look.” And really he didn’t think he looked all that great after so much neglect. Sadness still filled him, but instead of overwhelming him Indigo was learning to control its effect on him. "How are you?” He offered almost nervously in return. Everything was broken now, especially the bond he’d fought so hard to make with her.

"Speech"

Indigo was nervous. Emersyn could feel it in his energy, see it in his expression and his body language. Their relationship had been strained and damaged, the entire band's relations were held on by tethers that felt like they were fraying. She was doing all she could to keep those strings from breaking irreparably, but sometimes it felt like an impossible task. Duchess had become more and more absent from the group, off doing whatever(and whoever) she wanted, returning only to refuel herself before she went out again. Em had pretty much written her off as a member of the band. The others... Indigo, Begin, Gypsy. They were her family. No matter how much she hurt or how much pain they were all in, she didn't want to let go of what they'd built without a fight. That's who she was—ever the fighter until the bitter end. Indy admitted that he didn't feel as good as he looked, and Em frowned to hear that. She didn't know if the Fatalis man would ever fully heal from his wounds, or if he'd ever be the same wolf that had saved her life over a year ago by that river. A selfish part of her wished he'd just let her die that day, just so that she wouldn't have known the happiness that followed only to feel like she was fighting to keep a hold of it.

"I'm sorry to hear that," she remarked, casting her gaze down and away from the dire wolf. There was a beat of awkward silence between them before Indigo asked how she was doing. "I'm getting better," Em replied, glancing back up to their former leader. "Sometimes I feel like I'm fighting the world, but it gets easier every day." Emersyn rose to her paws and shook out her dusty violet and ashen fur, starting a slow lope across the lush valley, pausing only long enough to cast a glance over her shoulder to Indy. "Take a walk with me?" It wasn't an order; it was a request, an open invitation he could decline if he wished. But Em was tired to feeling angry and hurt, and she thought maybe a walk and talk would be what the two of them needed. She just wanted things to go back to the way things were before the mess. Back when she still thought she might have actually mattered to someone.

"Emersyn"

He didn’t really know if they would repair the tears that were rendered in the fabric of their family. That’s what they had created together and that was what they stood to loose now on the precipice of disaster. They struggled and fought but would it be enough to come back together? Indigo didn’t know anymore. He knew he wanted his family around him, but with so much air left uncleared he didn’t know if they could. He looked up to Emersyn as she watched him, his answer not what she had desired to hear.

Indigo should have pulled himself up by his bootstraps by now, death happened as life did you moved on or you stayed behind to rot. And he had been rotting. He was supposed to be the band’s leader, and he was supposed to be a man. It was his job to keep him family safe and together and he had failed. Completely. He’d have to pay the full price for his negligence as everything he worked so hard for crumbled between his toes.

Em’s soft voice pulled him from the easily accessible self destructive thoughts that plagued him over the past few weeks. She answered him too after a beat. "And it’s my fault you’ve had to fight it.” He muttered softly, finding himself looking away as well. She said it was getting easier but if anything he was fighting harder today than the night everything broke.

For a moment it looked lie Emerson was going to leave him standing there, but she tossed her head over her shoulder and invited him along with her. The hint of a smile showed on his features as Indigo found his paws and paced after her slender frame. They were of the same mind despite everything. Indigo wanted those bright confident feelings back. He thought he could take on the world with just his own little family beside him. But he couldn’t and he didn’t. "The sun’s return has helped.” Indigo commented softly, not sure where to really take the conversation. He wasn’t sure how to move forward, he felt like he was in this broken state for so long that he wouldn’t ever be able to escape it.

"Speech"

Indigo hit her with more of his self-loathing, blaming himself for the burden she'd had to take on in the wake of their family's implosion. She shook her head tersely, eyes hardening for a moment. "No it's not. Not entirely." She wouldn't be stupid enough to say he had no fault in the disaster that had occurred, since that would have been a bold-faced lie. Making puppies required two parties, and both had been consenting at the time. But she didn't hold Indigo at fault for Duchess' misdeeds. It was likely Emersyn would never forgive Duchess for what she had done, and she certainly would never trust her again. She expected the little bitch to try and pull some stunt like she did again once she stopped self-destructing, but she wouldn't blame Indigo unless he became a voluntary participant again. Then she would blame the giant purple lump of idiot if he kept sticking his dick in the whore after she'd proven she couldn't be trusted and wasn't sorry for what she'd done.

When she began to walk off, part of her wondered if Indy would actually go with her. He seemed to uncertain and meek, so uncharacteristically him, there was a genuine fear that he might never recover to be the way he had been before. If that Indigo was dead and gone... Em didn't allow her mind to wander down that path. To her delight, Indigo gave a small smile and began to follow her, the two larger wolves starting a slow patrol around the lush valley. "It has," she agreed, glancing up to the clear blue skies dotted with only a couple fluffy white clouds. "The world needed it as much as we did." Em led Indy around the valley, enjoying the soft grass between her toes, and took a detour down toward the stream that ran through the valley, providing much of the natural irrigation to keep everything so vibrant and lush. She needed to talk to Indigo about the band—and by proxy, about them—and the future they had, if any.

Stopping beside the babbling creek, Emersyn sat back on her haunches and heaved a sigh. Gods, how did one even begin this conversation...? "Indigo..." Okay, that was as good a place as any to start. Keep going. "We need to talk. About the band, about the future, about what you want and where we stand." Some of these topics would not be pleasant and would be heavy, but they needed to be had. Emersyn couldn't keep the band in limbo forever. Something had to give. "I... want to apologize, first, for losing my temper with you back when... when everything with Duchess happened. I know you were a victim in it, but I just felt so hurt and betrayed when it felt like you chose Duchess and those puppies that shouldn't have happened over us. It felt like you were willing to sacrifice our wellbeing for theirs and... that stung. It made me feel disposable—like I did when I was a pit fighter." She hoped that she was getting her feelings across to him coherently. She wasn't exactly good at expressing emotion and this wasn't easy for her to be vulnerable and talk about, especially after feeling like she'd been betrayed or hurt.

Clearing her throat to bring her mind back out of those dark memories, Em continued. "I guess I just wanted you to know how it felt to me, because I need you to know where I'm coming from." The dusty violet fae lifted her eyes to seek out Indy's deep sapphire irises. "Duchess has hurt our family. She showed no remorse, and I fear she'll try to do it again to get what she wants. Out of respect for you and your decision, I didn't kick her out of our family. I let her stay, even when she keeps leaving us to go do gods knows what it is she does." Or who she does... Em thought to herself. "I don't know if she even wants to be a part of our family anymore or cares for any of us besides you. But what it boils down to, is that I can't trust her. I don't trust that she won't try some crazy stunt again with you to try and keep you for herself in some deluded way. I don't think she's mentally sound, and that makes her dangerous." Emersyn sighed for what felt like the millionth time and looked back down to the mellifluous waters at their paws. "I won't tell you to not do whatever you want to do with Duchess. You can make your own choices and it's not my place to ask anything like that of you. But I need you to know that if she keeps up the way she has been, if you continue to defend her reckless behavior and give in to her, you'll have to decide between her and me, because I won't stay to watch her destroy you."

"Emersyn"

Her serious gaze in answer to his guilt brought blue eyes to her sharp dual toned gaze. She arranged the blame differently than he would, but Indigo blamed himself. Duchess made her decisions but everything she did was a representation of him, their leader. He should have followed up, he should have been more responsible, he should have seen her actions coming, but he’d been blind to everything. He’d trusted her, he loved her in his own way, and she repaid them all with reckless behavior. He tried to forget about it as Emersyn led him out into the green grass under the warmth of the healing sun.

Indigo sighed softly as he tried to focus on the moment. Being in the present, letting himself stop obsessing over what happened in the past. Trying to rid himself of the worry that obscured his view of the future. They fell into an easy silence, Indigo stilled himself, he searched for that inner peace that abandoned him. They walked slowly, the grass caressing their legs as they waded up to a babbling brook. Silence held them for a few moments before Emersyn spoke again, her dual toned eyes lingering on the flowing water as Indigo’s attention was captured by her saying his name.

He couldn't say he’d ever smoothed his inner turmoil, but as close as he was Em swiftly unraveled the state. He furrowed his brow but he did not interrupt her. He took in steady breaths as Emersyn first offered her apology and the explanation behind her anger that day. He couldn’t argue her words, maybe it had seemed that way. He wouldn’t argue now, what was done was done. But he had to fight for their innocent little lives and she didn’t see that. He would have worked himself to the bone to care for his family and his pups. None of that mattered now.

Indigo felt his chest tighten as he thought about them. That was the hardest part. They weren’t born, they never took their first breaths, but Indigo had loved them. "You have nothing to apologize for.” He was the one who was sorry, he promised her a life away from the slave pits and he’d recreated it. He tried not to interrupt with the apologies that she deserved, he’d failed all of them. She didn’t need more of his self depreciation either, he’d shown far enough of that already.

She went on. Duchess came up right after, Emersyn explaining further her thought process as she told about her own descent into madness. Indigo couldn’t be there for her like she wanted him, he didn’t know and couldn’t keep track of where she was, nor could he stop her. Still, the behavior didn’t lend to Duch’s credibility. This was everything he was avoiding and everything he needed to face but it was so hard. He felt like his heart was being ripped apart again, but if he didn’t weather it now he might not ever recover. Their family might not recover. He had to put aside his insecurities, his sorrows, his weakness. For Emersyn, for Duchess, for Segin, for Gypsy.. For their family.

”Duchess needs help… That I’m not sure I can give her.” He looked away sadly. He’d thought in the beginning that he could, but then she’d gone against his wishes and… ”Not when I’ve been.. When I am so lost myself.” Indigo admitted to her quietly. ”Emersyn I’m supposed to be the leader, I’m supposed to know what to do. I’m supposed to lead us but… everything has fallen apart. I don’t know how to get back to the way things used to be.” That was what he most desired, he wanted their family back together.

"Speech"