It had felt like an eternity since Duchess lost the pups, but also sometimes it felt like yesterday. Duchess had felt physically recovered, but there were just those lonely nights that she laid up and thought about what could have been today. Young pups starting to travel on their own and meet others, maybe her and Indigo would be happier together. It was painful for her to think that way, not only to think of the loss of their relationship and the pups, but she had truly started to resent him in her own self blame. Duchess had become completely delusional for those around her, and it was why she spent so much time away from the band these days.

She had found comfort in other ways. Getting high or drunk, laying with men who showed even the smallest desire to do so. But she knew what she was missing as much as she ignored it. She had preferred to be alone more these days, and if the opportunity of lustful company came around she wouldn't reject the cravings for it, but she was never really seeking it out. She wasn't hiding what she was doing, but she was also away from the band enough to raise suspicions. She didn't know or care if anyone else seemed to notice or worry.

After spending a few nights outside of camp, that wasn't new before or after she had been temporarily blinded, she found herself in her own separate den being drowned by the yearning emotions of missing her dead babies and of course missing Indigo. She couldn't help those thoughts, as much as she just wanted to bury them all and honestly move on even from the band. Indigo could give her what she needed, but not fully. Only in moments. She traveled across camp, taking note of Emersyn patrolling their small area, and ducked in to Indigo's den. It had almost taken her breath away while the last time she walked into his den with her sight was when she birthed the children, even though they had moved since then. She hesitantly walked through the invisible barrier she hit, carefully reaching to lift her paw to brush across Indigo's shoulder. While attempting to sleep with Indigo was heavy on her mind, her advances were much more quiet than they had previously been.

"Duchess"

Duchess is an !M rated! character for themes of Depression. Please Discord me if you have concerns.

Instead of seeking those without like Duchess was doing Indigo had retreated inwardly to try and survive. He was broken, and he was trying so hard to put the pieces back together and reimagine his goals and dreams. It was so hard after everything he lost and all of his relationships were broken or in disrepair. He allowed all of this to happen and on top of mourning his loss he heaped the guilt on his shoulders as he waded through the devastation of his actions and his choices. He ruined his entire life. He destroyed his own dream. He hurt the wolves that he cared about the most. All of them.

He hadn’t been with anyone, preferring to grieve alone or with Gypsy close beside him. There wasn’t anything he wanted more than that world back, those moments when they were a happy family, a group of young souls off to change the world. All they’d done was expose his weakness. Indigo had taken note, as much as he could, of Duch’s continued absences. He hadn’t figured out how he felt about it other than sorrowful again that the band drifted so far apart. Because he hadn’t been the responsible leader he thought he was.

Guilt was beginning to eat out the pain and sorrow, giving was from helplessness to anger. Mostly at himself as he relived the most difficult days of his life over and over again in his mind. Every night before he fell asleep. Aslatiel’s furious features, the band and their disappointed looks as they were told of Duch’s pregnancy. Losing those precious little babies..

He tried to shake the image of their burial from his mind when Duchess crept into the dark den. He looked up to her as she lifted her paw to press against his shoulder. He flinched involuntarily at her touch. Blue eyes lifted to her mottled features, it hurt to see her now. He told her he had loved her… and it was no lie in his own way he really had. But then she’d betrayed him like that… The first time he felt anger at her was that moment and he swiftly uprooted it and threw it away. He couldn’t harbor ill will. He festered with sorrow anger and hate would turn him into something he didn’t ever want to embrace. ”Duchess.” He offered softly in greeting, but didn’t reach out to her.

Indigo Arcturus Fatalis

Warning: Indigo should be considered a Mature Character.

This was much different than the last time they fully faced each other and met. Duchess had been blind, and Indigo was in a sort of unrepairable condition. Duchess was in a much worst state then too, and she wondered just how Indigo had grown since that last time. It wasn't perfect and she wasn't even sure if it better. She didn't feel better herself, her usual tone edged on suicidal at worst and emotionless at best. But she wasn't lost in the fresh wound that the babies left her and Indigo. Yes, she related the both of them to the loss, not just herself.

Her chest almost ached as he flinched at her touch, and he had little of response to her coming. But she wasn't who she was just that short while ago, she wasn't going to break down and crumble beneath him. Only looking at him for a few seconds after he spoke, she laid down on her side beside him, her cheek resting on the ground as she looked forward into his face. She didn't say anything for a few moments, just looked into him even if he wasn't looking back at her. Her eyes scanned over his neck and chest, and it only made her crave him more. Maybe she thought if they were together again, she wouldn't feel the way she did or maybe she wouldn't be going out and looking to bed with nearly every man she met. She bit her lip as her eyes looked back at him, maybe she was laying here without word or action for too long before her paw rose again and went to pull at the front of his neck and shoulder, like she could pull herself into him.

"Duchess"

Duchess is an !M rated! character for themes of Depression. Please Discord me if you have concerns.

Not much had changed for Indigo at the point that Duchess crossed the threshold of his den. Every day was a struggle and he was fighting with everything there was left. Even that didn’t feel like would be enough, the damage was just too great. He found solace in those around him, but even that couldn’t outweigh the mass on his heart. Couldn’t make him forget the sorrow he felt.

Maybe now he could breathe a little easier, but nothing went how he intended or desired, and the future looked murky at best. What he knew was that he would find no good in relenting to Duch’s advances. The thought was a tiny one as she quietly lay beside him in the darkness, no more words exchanged between them. He allowed her to stay, really he rather her here he could keep an eye on her. He told Emersyn that Duch needed help, that he couldn’t provide what she needed, but he still felt himself trying. That did not include indulging in physical pleasures. That was what got them here and Indigo wouldn’t use it to try and get out.

He very nearly fell back asleep when she pulled herself closer. He felt her paws over his fur as Duchess pressed herself against him. Indigo sighed softly and shifted his head so he was holding it over her protectively, but he didn’t move his arms to hold her. He cared about her, he cared enough about her to say no now.

Indigo Arcturus Fatalis

Warning: Indigo should be considered a Mature Character.

It wasn't that she didn't notice Indigo's true disinterest, it was more than she didn't care. But being held in his embrace was once enough for her. It was the last time she spent a time like this with him when she was blind, and also before when she had lost the pups. Not anymore. She was a different woman now, and probably not for the better.

She inhaled sharply as she was chest to chest with Indigo, maybe feeling entirely different than he was. But really, she was hurting just as much as he was at least to the thought of their dead babies. She was just covering up the pain irresponsibly and it would one day catch up to ruin her completely. None of that, none of it was Indigo's fault.

She would have reached up to try and kiss him had she been in at a better angle. But instead her paws carefully pushed and pulled at his mane as he tucked himself over her. Her breath was nearly uneasy, she was holding back an urge to cry while she was here like this with him. But she was also fighting her desire, the only reasons she would come to his den. "Please, Indigo." She spoke out quietly, that hurt tone in her voice that was probably no stranger to either of them at this point. "I need you." He may not have known what she was asking, or it was so painfully obvious. She truly didn't care, and it seemed she didn't care about the way he felt either. She could go days, weeks, months not even looking in his direction. And here she was, acting like this was also what he desired and would help him. She didn't expect it to heal all wounds, but she wanted him to have that sense of relief like she had if only for a moment.

"Duchess"

Duchess is an !M rated! character for themes of Depression. Please Discord me if you have concerns.

He knew she needed help, Indigo knew she was just as broken inside. He knew there was a part of her that had never truly been healed when Draco hurt her. Indy tried to help her, but he should have been smart enough or observant enough to know he was only making things worse, he had always just been helping her down the wrong road. Now he was living with that mistake as he tried to restructure their relationship around anything but sex. As he held her lightly he knew, just by the way she clung to him, that was not what Duchess could see or want.

She pulled at him. Her dainty paws grabbed at his mane as she pressed herself into him and spoke with a needy whisper. Before he would have fallen into temptation easily, she was so soft, sweet, and sad. It would be easy to indulge and forget about everything resting on his shoulders. Forget about the horrible past they shared, try and remember those few moments of bliss they had shared at one time.

”I’m here Duchess.” He reminded her carefully, knowing exactly what she meant and not knowing how to tell her it wasn’t for the best. ”I’ll hold you, cry with you, talk to you… but we can’t…” Indigo trailed off. He couldn’t repeat his mistakes. He couldn’t go through that again, Indigo knew he wasn’t strong enough.

Indigo Arcturus Fatalis

Warning: Indigo should be considered a Mature Character.

As much as Duchess had betrayed Indigo, and the others of the band, she would have never done that again. But these things had repercussions and needed time to mend and make up for her own mistakes and wrong doings. She didn't expect Indigo to forgive her in fact she didn't expect it ever. Indigo had grown through the days where they felt young and in love, if the growth was only realizing how much he couldn't help Duchess. She had ignored her own long term desires and dreams as well, and it had brought them here together now.

She heard Indigo, she understood but... That was not what she wanted. Her jaw tightened as she bit back feelings of a subtle rejection and frustration. She had after all been under multiple men over the last couple seasons and she was not prepared for Indigo's smarter decisions. She waited for some time, just laying there in his grasp. She shifted again after a few moments pleading quietly yet again, "Indigo, please. I need you after." It was maybe some sort of confession, but it may have sounded like she had completely ignored what he had just told her only moments ago. Yes she heard him, but she wanted to push her limits to get what she wanted. Duchess pushed her delicate parts into his as if the motion would make Indigo want her or crave the release himself, but she couldn't get what she wanted unless he wanted it too.

"Duchess"

Duchess is an !M rated! character for themes of Depression. Please Discord me if you have concerns.

Indigo deep down knew that Duchess wouldn’t have caused the pain she did on him and the rest of the band if she could help it. But he had been too trusting before, and he wouldn't let himself become a victim again. He felt deeply for her, he couldn’t just let go of the relationship they built, but it was no longer where it once was. He couldn’t just lay with her again. She quieted after her rebuked her as softly as he could. Indigo held her a little tighter as an apology, but after it felt like she had settled in against him she spoke again.

She repeated herself, and so she wasn’t misunderstood she curled herself against him, pressing her body against him to get what she wanted. Was he just blind to this desperation before? Indigo shifted slightly, he could feel the temptation but the sane part of him knew better. ”Duchess…” He said again, pulling away so he could find her sorrowed gaze. ”I can’t.” He leaned into her muzzle as he silently pleaded with her. ”I want to help you so badly, but I can’t when I would only hurt myself.”


Indigo Arcturus Fatalis

Warning: Indigo should be considered a Mature Character.

Had she been less adamant about what she wanted from Indigo, she would have been more outwardly understanding. It didn't process into her mind just what he wanted for her, he wanted her better and healed in the right ways, not burying herself in pointless relations, or even drowning out the hurt and loss by laying with him. Indigo was showing wiser, and Duchess didn't want to hear it.

When he rejected her again, even while he still moved in to comfort her, she struggled out of his grasp. Standing up on the den floor she shook quickly before shouting out at him, "Fine!" Her voice was filled with hurt and frustration, certainly out of turn given Indgio's more calm and understanding behavior. "I don't need your help!" She fought tears as she shouted out at him, but turned away before he could really have a good look at her face and went to leave the den. She was hurt that he didn't want to, but she was also hurt by the reminder of the betrayal and the loss.

"Duchess"

Duchess is an !M rated! character for themes of Depression. Please Discord me if you have concerns.

Indy spoke softly to her, explaining himself gently as he tried desperately to turn her attentions around. To soothe her without descending back into self destructive tendencies. As he looked into her eyes though, Duchess rejected it all. She didn’t want help she wanted relief and Indigo couldn’t give that to her. He wanted her to build herself back up, and this wasn’t the way. To his sorrow Duchess pulled herself away from him.

She turned. From soft, sweet, and needy, to coarse and upset. He could hear the strain and hurt in her voice as she pulled herself away from violently. She didn’t need him. Indigo reached out for her as she turned to flee but she was already gone. Indigo had already lost her a long time ago, now they both knew it. Indigo wanted to help her, he wanted to heal the broken girl he’d met, But Duchess wouldn’t let him. He’d failed the first time and he wouldn’t be given a second chance.

Indigo watched her go as tears filled his eyes. It wasn’t so long ago that they had been so happy together. Now all that was left between them was pain and heartbreak. Indigo mourned for who she could have been, instead of the broken creature that left him there. The massive maned brute put his head back on his paws and sighed heavily as he blinked back his emotions and tried not to let himself get swept away again.


Indigo Arcturus Fatalis

Warning: Indigo should be considered a Mature Character.