After asking if Kotori would come speak with her, Ikigai made her way outside of the great hall and out into the sunny courtyard. There was still a great deal of daylight left after the wedding ceremony and the Auster summer was rather warm. If not for the gentle breeze, it would have been practically stifling. Thankfully there were many shaded places to rest on the castle grounds. Ikigai moved to the left of the doorway and out onto a grassy spot just off of the cobblestones. A large tree offered much needed shade and the slender fae curled up in the cool grass.

There was much to tell her friend and not all of it was good. Well... most of it wasn't what one would call good, but surely he could understand. Either way, she felt it necessary to tell him of her future. He'd become the closest wolf to her outside of family and he deserved to know. So she waited for him, lowering her chin to rest upon one bent foreleg. Once he was finished with his pleasantries inside, he would find her. She knew it.

"Ikigai"

Kotori had taken hardly any time to follow Ikigai.  He had taken a glance back in the room for a moment, making sure nothing else needed his attention.  As far as he could tell everyone was behaving themselves for the moment. That last check done he made his way to where Ikigai rested under a tree that offered some nice shade.    Kotori stepped near to where she had curled up and took where his back legs were slid off to one side, neck angling down to not have it high above her.  

Kotori gave the young lady a lick on her cheek, “I’m glad you showed up.  It’s been a while since we’ve seen each other.  How have you been?  You look good.”   The words were offered with gentle affection. Kotori couldn’t say he thought about Ikigai all the time, he had plenty of things in life that took his attention, and yet even while he didn’t see her daily he did still think of her.  Certainly at a wedding where one’s mind turned to a future and wondered who to share it with Iki was the only wolf that came to Kotori’s mind of who he wouldn’t mind sharing his life with.  

Kotori set high standards that had to be met and no one else had done that so far.  Still, these were things to consider for a future and not a decision that had to be made now.  There was plenty of time to decide when he wanted to make a final decision on a mate.

"Kotori Fatalis"

Kotori wasted no time in joining her beneath the widely spread shade tree. The larger wolf lay close and leaned in to kiss her cheek. Heat flared through the pale princess's cheeks and her heart fluttered a bit, that fluttering increasing as he complimented her appearance. Every bit the princess, the young woman smiled and nodded. "Thank you. You look handsome as well." She had always liked the look of the earthen, horned boy. Now that he was less boy and more man, his bigger frame filling out, she had definitely noticed. Being beside him, she felt even more dainty and delicate than usual. Perhaps this was a result of her impending womanhood and the hormones surging within her, but she truly noticed.

That was why this was going to be so difficult.

He'd asked how she'd been and Ikigai took a deep breath, giving her crown a slight shake. "A lot has happened," the young lady spoke in clear, soft tones. Iki curled her body so that they were both on their sides, facing one another like two halves of a whole. One dark gloved paw settled over one of his large, earthen paws and she brought her snake-slit gaze up to meet his turquoise eyes. "I'm going to be leaving Ashen," she admitted softly, red rimmed eyes dropping as she spoke. "I'm part of an alliance agreement between the Empire and Elysium. I'm to be married." She'd been the one to help broker the deal, but now that she said it aloud to someone that she cared for, it didn't seem as positive a thing as it once had.

"Ikigai"

Had it really been about an entire season since he’d met her?  She wasn’t a child anymore, neither was he.  His way of looking at a lot of life had changed.  Once he had been more interested in what happened in any given day or at least a week where as now he was thinking of a farther ahead of future. Lately when he had thought of his future Ikigai always ended up in it.

Kotori wanted power and he wanted a mate.  He needed someone who’s blood was as pure and noble as his own.  He also needed someone with a personality he could enjoy being around and who was strong.  When he first met Ikigai she had seemed weak to him but he had learned of her inner strength quickly enough and her intelligence.  

As she lay there across from him Kotori could see the woman the child had turned into.  He also saw that deep breath and her first words suggested unpleasantness was coming.  Well, he’d helped her out with other problems so if she needed his aid again he could give it.  The thought lasted only a moment before Iki quickly got to the point.

Ikigai belonged in his future.  Ikigai was leaving Ashen and so leaving him.  How had this happened so fast!?  Was it really fast?  For all Kotori put her into his future he hadn’t tried to seek her out as often as perhaps he should have if wanting to keep her.  Certainly, he hadn’t bothered to tell her of his interests. It had been one of those things Kotori had imagined could be put off with his first interest had been gaining a proper rank in the pack.  She’d be around when the time was right to want a mate.  Lesson learned about never putting off things that were important.

Kotori wasn’t a child anymore so he couldn’t defiantly rush to put himself before an alliance between packs.  At the same time he was selfish and unhappy with the arrangement. “I guess saying I don’t want you to go won’t change anything.”  He already knew the answer but an ache in him had to voice the words anyhow.  “The wolf you are marrying, is he of their family line then?  Do you like him?”  Did she even know him?   Was there any way to stop this?  The urge to tell her to drop it all and screw the alliance was still in his selfish heart.


Kotori Fatalis

 

Iki wasn't sure how Kotori would take the news. She didn't exactly expect him to be upset about it, but she didn't expect him to be happy about it either. They hadn't spent a great deal of time together, but they time that they had spent had all been fantastic. They melded together very well. She was the dainty, intelligent princess and he had been her strong, strapping warrior prince. Opposites of one another and thus, they attracted, balancing one another out. More than once the pallid fae had felt some sort of attraction to the horned brute beside her, but she never knew whether or not it was reciprocated.

After she delivered the news, Ikigai waited for Kotori's response. She didn't have to wait long and he voiced his displeasure right out of the gate. Iki's lids lowered, shielding her eyes and she shook her head in the negative. No, it wouldn't make a difference if he asked her not to go. The deal had been struck. There was no going back on it now. The union between herself and her future husband would solidify a lifelong bond between Ashen and Elysium. To Ikigai, it was worth the sacrifice.

Kotori spoke again, this time asking about the wolf that she was supposed to marry. Ikigai kept her eyes lowered, staring at their paws rather than at the spotted man beside her. "He is of Mendacium blood, yes." The young woman then spoke through a sigh, her words breathy. "I don't know if I like him, but it doesn't matter. It's my duty as a princess of Ashen to do what I can to increase the power of the Empire. We have ties to the Armada, to Fenmyre, Habari, The Hallows... Now we have ties to Elysium as well." The black and white fae spoke again, but her words felt hollow, even to her. "I am honored to be able to do this for the Empire." Or at least she had been until she'd delivered the news to Kotori.

"The Armada is moving," she'd heard the news from her mother, "We won't be far apart. We can visit one another." Despite being married and having the expectations to produce heirs for her future husband, that didn't mean that she couldn't have friends. Not having Kotori in her life in some capacity would make things a little less bright for the young woman. "If... if that's something you would want," she spoke hesitantly. Perhaps he wouldn't want anything to do with her now that she was going to be part of Elysium instead of Ashen.

"Ikigai"

Kotori was watching Ikigai closely, soaking her in even as his own thoughts rolled around in uncertainty mixed with frustration.  It wasn’t fair!  He couldn’t vent at Iki though, she seemed so fragile at the moment, her eyes on her paws instead of him and the softness of her voice.

Well, at least the wolf who was stealing his princess was of solid blood but he was still stealing a part of Kotori’s planned future whether or not he knew it.  She made it obvious she was throwing away her freedom, at least as far as Kotori read it, when she spoke of it not mattering whether she loved the other wolf or not.  Putting the empire before herself?  Kotori was more than proud enough to label himself a prince and want the respect due him.  He was willing to take on responsibilities that seemed due of a prince but being forced to marry?  Was that really a requirement she felt had to be taken due to her status?  That was a tall price to pay.  The selfish notion of it being even a higher price when it affected him!

“I was going to tell you,” when she mentioned the Armada moving, just in case she had wondered if he hadn’t planned to tell her.  “Iki,” Kotori took his own deep breath, having to share this only now after hearing she planned to leave him, “Ikigai, I had you planned into my future.  I wanted to take you as my mate.  You and I, we are both royal blood, you are the only wolf I’ve found I’d want to spend a life with.  We’d make kids of both Fatalis and Ashen blood that would grow up to carry on a future in our names.  You were supposed to stay with me.”

She didn’t love this other wolf.  What if he just died?  Even as he thought it Kotori realized he couldn’t just go killing inconvenient wolves, at least not ones who were also in a strong pack.  Not with one Ashen intended to be allied with.  With Ikigai’s strong beliefs in this marriage being right it wouldn’t be what she wanted either.  Well, what the hell about what he wanted?

At her hesitation in questioning if Kotori would even want to see her again he leaned in his head to lick her muzzle, then right under the ear. “I don’t like this,” admitted with some frustration, “but of course, I’d still want to see you.  To me, you are still MY princess.” Maybe he’d get lucky and the bastard would die from something else.

"Kotori Fatalis"

Kotori claimed that he was going to tell her about the move but that part didn't bother her. She was sure that he would have told her about it eventually, but even then, he didn't owe anything to her. They were just friends. Then... he dropped a bombshell on the young woman's mind. Kotori's next words brought Ikigai's mercuric gaze rocketing up to meet his own, her snake-slit eyes going wide. She could hardly believe what he was saying.

The man continued speaking, sharing his intended hopes for the future and with each word, Ikigai's stomach clenched more and more. She felt sick. Imagining a future with Kotori was much easier than imagining a future with a wolf that she didn't even know. She could see herself beside Kotori, happy, respected, cared for. Loved... Ikigai didn't realize it, but her eyes were slowly filling with tears as she searched the man's face. Why hadn't he told her sooner? Why hadn't he given her any indication that this was what he wanted? Things could have been so different for both of them. They would have been happy.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Her voice was soft, barely above a whisper. Yes, she was proud to do what she could to improve Ashen's standing, but she could have solidified the bond between Ashen and the Armada with a blood tie. It was too late for all of that now. The deal was struck. It couldn't be undone.

Kotori didn't like the situation and why should he? Whatever plans he'd had were now thrown out the window. Nothing that he wanted would come to pass. He then called her his princess and a small sound of pain pulled from Ikigai as the tears in her eyes began to slide down snow white cheeks. One paw raised to cup his cheek with her dexterous digits and she turned his head before bringing her lips to his, kissing the man before sliding her cheek along his so that it rested against his shoulder. Ikigai held onto him as she cried, lamenting a future that she didn't know she had wanted.

"Ikigai"

The look of surprise on her face proved what a fool he had been in not telling her.  How would she have known his plans after all?  It made sense and perfect logic he should have told her earlier.  Hindsight often saw things clearer but the image wasn’t always pleasant.  It was his turn to glance down at their paws as she asked why he hadn’t told her.  There was an excellent reason; he hadn’t thought it through.  “I was a fool,” proud or not normally in this he’d screwed up so badly and it was evident in the edge of anger put at himself. With a resigned sigh, his eyes tilted back up to look into her own snake-like eyes, “I just imagined there was still time.  I wanted to move up in rank first.  I wanted to be more than just some warrior or lieutenant when I told you.  Everything was supposed to be perfect.  It was only more recently I started thinking of it that way also.  I’ve been looking at my future more often lately.”  The future that would now never come to be.  

She was his proud princess, both soft and yet so strong.  She had been his friend for a year or so now and at some point it had changed in his mind.  Still, it wasn’t until her paw cupped his jaw, turned his head, and kissed him how fully he saw how time had passed.  They were both older now and could have been so much more.  His perfect picture for a moment seemed even more perfect.  The kiss could have been held longer but she slid her head away and surprised Kotori with tears.

Kotori shifted his body to press up alongside her, wrapping his own leg around her shoulders, but doing it slowly enough to try and make sure her head still had a place to rest as she cried.  “I’m sorry,” he whispered gently, “I was such an idiot.  Iki, I’m sorry.  I wronged you in not thinking through it better.  We can see each other, of course.  Even if its as friends.”  It was hard to not show distaste for the word ‘friend’ though, it wasn’t friend, it would always be more than that.  “If the day comes to pass you are free again then come to me, all right?”  Things do happen.


Kotori Fatalis

 

Kotori gave his reasoning and it made sense. He wanted to better himself so that he had more to offer when he came to ask for her paw. She couldn't blame him for it but it had all come too late. Their life together would have been great. It would have been easy. She trusted Kotori. If she thought about it deeply enough, she would say that she loved him. He'd saved her life. He'd put her safety before his own. It just wasn't fair.

After she kissed him and began crying into his spotted coat, Kotori moved to wrap a paw around her comfortingly. He spoke again and she shook her head gently. "It's not your fault," she assured him in soft, wavering tones. The snowy fae was trying to hold it together. She didn't want to make a scene. They were out in the open where others could see. Both of them had their reputations to uphold.

Ikigai drew out of his embrace, pushing her paws into the ground to sit up. One paw lifted and she wiped tears from red-rimmed eyes. "It's not your fault," she told him again, forcing a smile. "I don't blame you. It's just... a horrible twist of fate." Ikigai barely knew Poe. She didn't know what kind of man he was. She didn't know if he was violent, if he would hurt her, if he would care for her at all. She did know that Kotori would have been none of those things and it hurt her heart to think about it.

Kotori assured her that they could still see one another as friends and the young woman nodded. "Yes we can." The man told her to come to him if things fell through with her future husband. Iki released a sound that was a laugh mixed with a sob and she brought one delicate paw up to cover her mouth, trying to hide the emotion. "I don't know what could happen. And if anything did, I'm sure you'll have found someone else by then." The sad fae shook her crown, bringing mournful eyes to meet his blue orbs. "It might be easier if you just forgot about me, Kotori."

"Ikigai"

Ikigai saying it wasn’t his fault was kind but if Kotori had said something this might not have happened so he certainly held some blame at least.  Kotori removed his leg as she pulled away, as she sat up he got back on his feet.  Well, time to let it go.  He imagined his little perfect set up again of their den together with their kids and then he imagined it dumped in a fire.  There.  Starting at nothing again.

“I never considered you being given away to someone you didn’t know,” a soft huff, “well, it's over.” The word expressed that cut off from what was to now.  Kotori still had a grand future to set up but was unaware of what that grand future would be now.  Who would it be with?  Ikigai had da solid point.  Was he planning to just wait for her with a ‘what if’ something happened to him?

“You are right,” Kotori reluctantly drew out.  “I probably will have to find someone else.  I desire heirs in my future.” His relaxed gaze put more focus directly at her face, “but Iki, I might find another wolf but remember, you were always my first choice.  I wanted you first.  If you ever need me then come to me.  You will always have my strength if you need it.”  He didn’t like giving in and saying he could so easily go to someone else but as he’d been realizing in this conversation neither one of them were kids.  Adults had decisions to make and the choices might not be ideal.  

“When do you leave?” Might as well get some of the facts aside from dealing with the hard truth.  

"Kotori Fatalis"

Kotori's curt, "well it's over," made Ikigai visibly wince, obsidian lips pulling back to flash the edge of teeth momentarily. It almost felt as though she was being accused of something. This wasn't her fault. She didn't know that he'd had plans or even that he had feelings towards her. There was nothing that could be done about it now, so in a sense it was over, but the words still hurt. Not as much as his next comment though.

Imagining Kotori with someone else hurt. It roused a bit of jealousy in the normally calm fae. She didn't like the idea even though she'd never considered them as a mated pair before. Iki found that she couldn't look Kotori in the eye. There were so many emotions flitting through her that the snowy fae could barely breathe. Only Kotori's insistence that he would always be there for her kept her from fleeing his presence. She was his first choice.

Then he asked when she had to leave and Ikigai's eyes were wide as though in shock when she looked at him again. "Today. I go back to Elysium with the alphas when they leave." The girl had begun to shake from the sheer amount of emotion thrumming through her. Though they were in the midst of warm, summer months, her teeth began to chatter as she shivered with pent up feelings. "I... need to go," she spoke in
wavering tones. "I'm sorry." Turning, the girl fled in a manner not befitting a princess in the slightest. Tears were biting at her eyes again. She just needed to be alone.

"Ikigai"

Kotori was agitated but it was focused on himself.  As he watched his Ikigai wince it seemed apparent she hadn’t taken it that way.  Wasn’t a clean break best?  No long drawn out suffering over what couldn’t be had.  Kotori had no real experience trying to comfort another, at least only a time or two during the long night and that had been different.  That had been in fear for her life this was an emotional pain with nothing to fight.  How do you help when there are no good options?  

Today.  She was leaving today and that would be the end of it.  No, he would see her occasionally when they met up as friends.  It was something but, it wasn’t what Kotori wanted.  It was so frustrating he wasn’t even able to put up a fight for what he wanted.  If you want a thing you take it or work towards taking it.  

Kotori’s heart dropped at seeing his princess trembling.  Not his princess, someone else's.  He could just bite this other wolf right now, probably a good thing he wasn’t here.  No one would be happy if he did that for the damned alliance but it would feel so good.  It felt like the older he got the more determined Kotori was to try and shape his own life versus doing what others would want of him.  Apparently, there were still limits.  

Kotori opened his mouth with plans to try and calm her when she suddenly said she was sorry and turned to flee.  “Iki,” the snappier voice went to softer words meant towards her, “If anything happens, come back to me.  Please.” What if he did have another mate by then?  Maybe he wouldn’t have found one good enough but was there any reason he couldn’t have two?  Would his fine Ikigai except not being the only one?  Would the other one be better than Ikigai or could he toss another one and replace them with her again just like that should she reappear?  Kotori didn’t know what the hell he’d do but he wanted her back.  

As she ran off Kotori felt very much alone with an emptiness swelling in him.  A broken bauble of glass that was his dream fell and shattered.  For a while, he didn’t move but sat there and looked in the direction she had run.  Could he say he loved her or just the dream of a future with her?  If he didn’t love her would he have come to love her with time?  Probably.  Yes.  Would anyone else ever be the same?  His fragile yet full of spirit princess would never be replaced and there was nothing he could even do to help her deal with this.  If he could have Kotori had screwed it up.

After several minutes he got up feeling as though it had been much longer.  He should go back in to the festivities but had no heart for looking a proper guest.  Where to go then?  The beach where the wedding had been was a nice location.  Kotori didn’t go back to the exact wedding site but found another spot farther off where he could sit and watch the tide, waiting for it to sweep away this hurt.

"Kotori Fatalis"