The life following Fenmyre had been a harsh one, but it seemed that would never end in the life of Balthier. Maybe he had been the whole core of everything falling apart. Maybe not the only pup in his litter but for some reasoning he felt his mother's abandonment was on him. His father's abandonment was on him. Losing Azzurra was on him. As much as he held it in, never told his sister how much everything had been weighing on him, he'd never admit that defeat. Drinking his nights away and on the occasion he had a day off from patrols he'd be out on the shores on the raft drinking those away too. Abaven was gone, Fenmyre was gone, his entire existence was just crumbling to pieces around him. There was almost nothing holding him onto sanity.

He kept his alcohol abuse to a minimum in his room. It wasn't anyone else's problem, he wasn't going to drag anyone in. He didn't really think he had a problem to be honest, but he knew it would be a bad impression if Artorias, or anyone else in the castle, saw the extent. He was quiet. Laying on his bed and drinking the sorrows away. Or more like bringing them up. Alcohol was a funny thing.

"Azzurra & Balthier"

When he walked away from Abaven he certainly never thought he would step foot in Boreas again, but that had become abundantly true after the tragic events that resulted in his death. Beyond the one encounter with his son within the land of the dead, he had been in some sort of timeless state up until he suddenly found himself at a table surrounded by other wolves, ushered to a feast. He didn't understand where he was or what he was participating in, but with nothing to loose he ate and drank his fill, tasting and enjoying the food for the first time in what he assumed was a very long time. When the meal was over he half expected the ever present fog to roll back in, but it didn't. He looked around as everything else faded away and he suddenly realized he was back in Boreas, walking the lands that he had once lived in and known so well.

He drifted for a bit, first going to where Abaven had once stood and found a pack he didn't recognize in its place. It was there that he realized that even though he was walking past other wolves that were going about their lives, they couldn't see or hear him. He was here, but not really. He was tired, whatever was tethering him here was weak, but yet he still stood, feeling the passing of time again. He didn't know how long this would last or how far he would be able to go, but if he was only going to be here for a limited time then his only interest was in trying to find his children. Something drew him to Auster, wondering if perhaps in the disbanding of Abaven they might gravitate toward their mother's former home. He made his way to the castle that he had stayed in once, drifting through this world silently and unseen until he eventually found Balthier's scent. Following it he stopped at a door and listened before eventually stepping through it.

Allegro found himself standing across the room from his son, a concerned expression pulling across his face as he saw the state Balthier was in. Alone, surrounded by bottles, the smell of alcohol heavy in the room. "Balthier..." he said softly to no one, knowing he wouldn't be heard. For a few moments he stood there at a loss, looking around for anything that might reassure him that this was simply a one off, a bad night that he happened to find his son in. What also concerned him was the fact that there was no sign or hint of Azzurra's scent anywhere. His son and daughter had always been inseparable and the only reason he had felt like he could leave in the first place was the thought that Balthier would make sure she was cared for. His stomach twisted with worry, wondering to himself what had come of his chronically ill daughter. His ears folded back with frustration and he padded toward one of the empty bottles that was on the floor. He focused on it hard, his first attempts to touch it failing, but with a grunt of effort he finally was able to hit the bottle hard with his paw, throwing it across the room and causing it to go toppling end over end a couple of times over the floor. It eventually hit the wall, part of it breaking off before landing back on the floor again with a shattering clink.

Walk | "Talk" | think

Everything had been washed away, every night, it was like everything was forgotten. That’s what he would tell himself. There was a short period of time where the alcohol overwhelmed him, made him think of everything wrong in his life and everything he had done wrong. It was the only time he could be true to himself. But once he got past that and blacked out, everything was forgotten. All the thoughts, all the worries, everything was gone. And he’d drag himself up the next morning to do everything he had to do to stay alive in a sense. If he didn’t have the walls of the castle, he may have honestly been dead by now. Not because of his mental health even though that was completely destroyed, but because of this carelessness that he lived his life. Something he hid so well outside the walls of this room.

Lost in those thoughts, nearly drunk enough to pass out on his bed was when the bottle flew across the room and shattered on the other side. He didn’t move for a moment. He stared down at the broken bottle maybe as if it was about to jump back up again. His expression showed little reaction honestly, but he wasn’t exactly sure what he had just witnessed or if it had really happened. He looked back down at his half empty bottle, a grunt of an exhale across his lips before he rose up off of his bed and stepped over the shattered glass to the windows of his room. He was probably too far gone in this moment to care of his father’s unknown presence, but honestly what could he say to him if he were actually here? He was completely broken.

"Azzurra & Balthier"

Being here in this room and yet also not here at the same time was infuriating. He couldn't ask his son what had happened, he couldn't check on him or see what had led him here, he couldn't find out where his other children were or how they were doing. He was stuck simply seeing Balthier hurting himself with what seemed like an over abundance of alcohol and there was little he could do. He didn't really know what he hoped to accomplish when he threw the bottle, but he just had this desperate need to make his presence known and maybe have some kind of impact to shake Balthier out of whatever this state was. It didn't seem like the bottle hitting the wall and breaking was enough to do that though since he watched Balthier look at the now broken glass, get up, and walk over it to go over to the near by window. He watched Balthier with disbelief, frowning with a frustrated huff.

"Damn it, Balthier..." he grumbled to himself, his ears flicking with worry. He didn't know how much time he had left or what else he could do while he was here, but if he had thrown something once maybe he could do it again. Walking over to another empty wine he had an easier time this time getting his paw to connect with the surface of it and this time he scooped up the bottle to fling it across the room. The bottle hit the wall next to the window that Balthier was look it out of and Allegro watched it crack and shatter as it fell to the floor. "Come on, Balthier, figure it out. Pull yourself together," he muttered even though he knew he wouldn't be heard. Part of him knew he was fighting a loosing battle, but for as long as he was here he had to try.

Walk | "Talk" | think

He looked out the window towards the shimmering shores where the raft was docked, his head resting on the side of the stone window as he felt almost lost in this view that was really just completely blank inside his mind. It was like everything in his head was just gone but he was filled with nothing but loss and regret. He couldn't connect the two. Not now, and not when he was sober either.

He did jump as the second bottle crashed right next to his head and shattered on the floor beside him, his gaze flicking quickly to the disturbance. Even in the state he was in it was unsettling. He side stepped in a stumble towards the corner of the room that was right next to the window, and it took him another moment to react at all. Was this a sign to him? For him? He couldn't know it was his father on the other side. The thought hadn't even crossed his mind. But the message, even if not one Allegro was trying to get across, it settled in there with him. He wouldn't put down the drink. He couldn't live without it, or that's how he felt. His life was barely worth living without Azzurra even though he was the main cause of everything that happened between them. At this point, he didn't know how to live any other way than drowning it out every night like this. Eventually he lifted his own wine bottle, all in one quick motion and slammed it down onto the ground with the other. He hummed in a growl and grunt as the glass pierced through his paw underneath, and without another moment inside his room he made unsteady steps towards the door outside. He would spend his night out on the beach with his raft.

"Azzurra & Balthier"

Already he knew what he was doing was a futile effort, but he likely underestimated just how far gone Balthier really was or just how hopeless his attempts were. He did at least get some kind of reaction from his son this time, watching him jump a bit as the bottle shattered near his head, but it didn't seem to make him really rethink what he was doing in the way Allegro had hoped. Instead he just smashed the bottle he was actively using, making even more broken glass and hurting himself on it in the process. "Balthier..." he said softly, his mismatched ears flicking back as he watched his now adult son stumble toward the door and out into the hall. With a sigh Allegro trailed behind him, following his drunken decent from the castle and out into the cool night air until he reached the shoreline of the beach just outside of the pack's borders. He sat back on his haunches and watched Balthier for a bit longer, feeling this tether to this world begin to fade and weaken even more as he watched hopelessly at his son's current state. He had carried so much hope for his son and he couldn't help but blame himself for how things came to pass. Would things have turned out differently if he had stayed? Or would the resentment he had begun to build toward his broken, fractured family only made things worse? Allegro sighed, looking down toward his paws and the shimmering sands beneath them.

Walk | "Talk" | think