the courage to let go

Róta was in a dark place when the green flames licked the horizon, she lifted her heavy head with a scowl. A party, and she hadn’t been invited? Typical. When her brother and sister had fucked off to where ever it was they went she had been left holding the leftovers of their little band, and it was obvious that they didn’t want her, they hadn’t come along to follow her and so she had let them scatter to wherever the winds might choose to take them. It wasn’t her goal to lead anyone, she merely craved the security of a group so when she made her mischief there would be others to have her back, and look how far that had gotten her. Weird weather and strange statues aside, she had managed to steer clear of the worst of it. When the weather started to turn, she just moved on. But even she knew, she couldn’t keep chasing summer forever.

With a heave and ho, she lifted herself up, ignoring the hanger pangs in her stomach as she made towards the green glow on the horizon. As she considered it, a twin flame began to ignite in her own emerald orbs. She had been loafing around feeling sorry for herself for quite long enough. She had a proud heritage to uphold with or without her family around her, and while she had no hope in leaving herself any sort of lasting blood legacy (the only two children that would ever be born to her already offered up to gods she hardly believed in), perhaps she could live on in the stories of others, if she ever dared to do anything worth telling tales of.

Drawing closer, it seemed to be a more sombre affair than she had thought at a distance. Others had broken off in pairs or on their own and spoke in low murmurs and whispers (or so it seemed to her ears, maybe it was something in the air, whatever had made the fire glow green?) She flinched and bared her teeth for just a moment as one of the familiars reached out to touch her shoulder, her growl as much at herself as anyone else. At least she had the decency to make her face appear apologetic. The critter ushered her towards the fire, and the fur along her hackles stood to attention. What the fuck was she being roped into here? She leaned her weight back and gave the companion a warning glare, she could manage in her own and wasn’t too keen on the thought that a sea of cats might try to feed her to the glowing, green flames. She could manage just fine on her own, thanks.

Besides, for an unnaturally Autumnal night it didn’t hold a candle to the cold of the distant north and she didn’t feel the need to draw so close to the flames. She settled herself and allowed the flames to lull her into an almost light trance. It was the closest she had come to feeling at peace in months.

She considered the children she had lost to a hunting accident, that she allowed Idunn` to offer their last breaths to gods she didn’t even really believe in, and the bitter breaking of the knowledge that they would be all her body could bare. She thought on her flight from their homeland and how, although San had left on principal, she had only chosen to follow for the promise of adventure, and to escape the tragedy she was leaving in her wake… and yet, she’d hardly made a move to make the most of it. Róta was still caught up in the remnant threads and ties that she had been trying to escape all along. Would she ever really have a chance to be true to herself if she held on to them? And what would she owe to Vidarr if he ever dared to show his face again? Wasn’t she his sister too? Surely her motives had always been the more pure.

Pure. “Heh,” It was the closest she had come to a laugh in a long time, and now that it had started, she struggled to contain herself. Her lips peeled back from her teeth as she tried to contain her chuckles and chortles. Róta had been called, and considered herself many things in her life, but pure had never been one of them. Her resolution was set. If she ran into her siblings again, she was going to kick their asses. She would never be overlooked as a member of their family unit again, and if she didn’t happen to find them? Well, then she was going to get onto making herself worth remembering to every wolf she met. If she was going to have a legacy, it wasn’t going to crawl from her loins, and there was nothing anyone could do to change it. It was time to get on with living.

“Speech”