Avantika was feeling hopeful today. She'd woken up to the sunrise streaming gently through her window, and she'd gone on a quick, peaceful morning patrol that left her comfortably warm all over. She could do anything she wanted with the day, she realized. So it was time, wasn't it? Now that she was feeling okay, it was time to seek out a very particular wolf. She had been thinking about this for a while.

Seeing Laeta with Audra had nudged a stone in the path of this plan, but she knew she had to ignore that. She'd been... something with Audra too, once. She'd been nice or she'd seemed it, and just vulnerable enough that Avantika just had to protect her. She couldn't blame Laeta for falling for her act too. And if this worked, if Avantika was able to finally be normal, that would be worth it. That would be worth everything. Avantika had set her mind on her own betterment with the same relentlessness that she chased all of her goals; Art would want her to do this. He would be happy with her. He wouldn't need to ever take care of her again like he had too many times before. Her aegis's approval was worth any embarrassment.

So she would find Laeta and talk to her. It wouldn't be too hard, right?

"Speech"

Art & Code © Skelle 2023
"Speech!"
It was fortunate for dear Avantika that Laeta’s schedule was empty. The woman hadn’t had too many sessions as of late; perhaps it was the change of seasons, maybe the sunny days they’d had in succession, or maybe it was just the peaceful atmosphere that settled over the reaches of Hearthstone and its domain. It seemed many wolves were in good spirits, and as Laeta gingerly padded towards her bedroom - where one would seek her out for more privacy to talk - she felt like someone special was going to visit her. She asked Mel to sweep her floor a bit, and she tidied up the place, mustering her strength to ensure everything was in decent order. It was a modest room, but cozy enough for one to feel safe in. It was all she wanted anyways; she hoped anyone who sought her advice would be comfortable enough to open up to her. All on their own terms, all in private.

The monochromatic wolf reached over to make a cushioned nest of sorts on a small loveseat she’d aquired - once a discarded piece of furniture was now a useful accomodation for those she spoke with. It was while she was gently draping s throw blanket over the seat that a familiar figure padded towards her open doorway. She’d recognize that umber mask anywhere - it was Tika!

"Tika, how wonderful to see you again!" Laeta said, turning her attention to the warrior who’d appeared. The girl’s struggles and fears had been explained to her (in confidence) by the Aegis himself, concerned for her anxiety and possible trauma she’d endured after a particularly terrifying raid on the Hallows a few seasons ago. While she had no intention of disclosing the conversation to the younger woman, she kept her face light, ruby eyes shining ajd a gentle smile upon her lips. She was strong, courageous, even; and it appeared she was doing well. But appearances didn’t reveal what lay below the surface, which is exactly why Laeta was entrusted with her rank.

"Would you like to have a seat? Anything to eat or drink, dear?" She inquired, gently gesturing for Tika to have a seat on the small couch. Mel shuffled over and offered his own polite bow in greeting, standing st the ready should the girl wish to have anything. The door had been closed shut, signifying that anything said in the room was in utter confidence.

Avantika smiled as she walked through the doorway towards a welcoming Laeta. It had been a while since they'd last spoken personally. She certainly looked better now, getting an actually healthy amount of sleep and with her fur clear and groomed. She had a new, fancy rank now, and a dash of confidence -- at least on the surface. She sat where she was indicated to. "Wonderful to see you again as well. And no, thank you," she replied to the offer of food and drink. Her nerves would prevent her from eating anything anyway.

"You can't tell anyone anything that's said in here, right?" She didn't exactly know why she was asking. Laeta could easily lie, or say yes but then change her mind about certain things, or tell only Art -- which wouldn't be awful but she really didn't want to put more on his shoulders or let him see the meaner parts of her that she was still strongly considering not telling Laeta about no matter what -- You have to talk about it to grow from it. (But she couldn't imagine anyone knowing and still loving her, not here, not in this place of pure warmth and light. She was supposed to be better than that.) She took a deep breath, beginning regardless of Laeta's answer, "Um, with all of the weddings and children around here lately, I guess I was just thinking about how... I thought I could have that, you know? And it's sad, I guess, that she left. But even though she clearly never cared about me as much as I thought she did, I still can't stop feeling angry about it. Whenever I see her I just want to go in the opposite direction." Or hurt her. But again, not saying that.

She sighed. "But I want someone, you know? Not her, of course, but... I just want to be happy, Laeta. I want to feel safe. And I'm definitely doing better now, but I still don't -- I'm still always thinking about everything that could go wrong, every escape route, every danger I have to protect everyone from. But I think -- maybe this isn't the only way things can be for me." She chose this. This was better -- better than naivete, better than being caught unawares by trouble she never saw coming. Maybe it was unfair, that she always had to be the suspicious one, but it was better than anyone else having to be taught the horrible lessons she had learned. What was the alternative? Should the kids have to feel even a fraction of this fear? No, of course not. She would rather die than ever make the most vulnerable of her family fear for their lives like she did.

"Does that make sense?"

"Speech"

Art & Code © Skelle 2023

"Speech!"
Avantika seemed a great deal better than she was before; confidence exuding in her features, eyes bright, and even a smile upon her lips as she padded through the doorway. The door that was shut was well-insulated, heavy; barely a word spoken in the room could be heard outside, no matter how quiet it was. Most of the third floor residents didn’t stay up here during the day time, either out on patrols or sparring. Lae kept her services here, moreso for privacy as well as taking care for her flare-ups of arthritis.

The young woman turned down a request for food and drink, and Laeta nodded in acknowledgement, watching her sit down. She did the same on her own seat, joints clicking and snapping as she sat back on her haunches. It was then that Tika inquired if anything she said would be kept within the room. Lae explained without skipping a beat, in a warm and reassuring tone, "Of course not, Tika. I am bound to confidentiality. Nothing you say leaves this room; it is my duty as a Specialist to ensure that each and every wolf I speak to has the utmost privacy to share whatever is on their mind."

It was then the young woman proceeded to speak. She mentioned children, weddings, a future she felt she couldn’t quite get because the one she loved before her had broken her heart. Left her hurt. Lae had no intentioj of asking her who this oman she referred to was; as a therapist, she maintained professionalism - that meant not egging anyone for names of other wolves that weren’t mentiojed by name. She was focused on Avantika’s business as what bothered her and what she struggled with, not on who might’ve taken away her confidence. She wanted a special someone, someone else who’d cherish her. To be safe and be loved. Laeta listened wholeheartedly, her ruby gaze unwavering and her smile soft and comforting. She let the Commander speak as much as she needed to, and then heard, "Does that make sense?"

Her mind’s cogs turned. The machine in her soul worked to find the words she needed, and after a few moments of soothing silence, Laeta nodded. "It makes perfect sense, my dear." She paused, her smile unwavering as she added, "I’m sorry the woman you mentioned hurt you so. You did not deserve that. You deserve the safety you seek, the solace you wish for, and all the happiness you desire." Another pause. Peaceful, but open. "It is by no means an easy road you have traveled, Tika. You have endured much more than you needed to, and I know your fears have made it much more difficult to look forward when there’s so much trying to hold you back. But you can have what you want most, Tika - you can still have that wedding, those children. It’s like you said - she hurt you, and it’s painful to have to bear those memories seeing her around. But you will encounter that one person who makes your heart spark again, who makes your soul feel whole. That might not be today, or tomorrow, or next week..but there is still much ahead of you. Life is full of uncertainties, you understand that well - anxiety tends to makes us feel like that uncertainty will always lead to the worst scenario. But perhaps that can change..one day at a time. Take a day to meet someone new, get to know them a bit. Take a break here and there from your duties to let someone do the protecting, just for a bit, while you try slmething new, explore a new land..the possibilities are endless, it’s up to you what you might wish to do. It would be easy for me to say that you should just move on and find someone else — but you and I both understand that that is not a feasible or reasonable expectation in life. Nor should you be expected to just move on right away from those who hurt you so. You have so much courage, dear Tika, and much strength too - I see that in your eyes clear as day." She smiles, hoping her words bring some comfort, some merit. "Life ebbs and flows, like a rolling stream. There will be times where you will struggle to find what makes you happy, wishing you were safe and that you could keep others safe, too, as you mentioned. But as rivers can calm into babbling brooks and the hot sun fades into a cool night, there can always be that shift where you can see how far you’ve come, and what still lies ahead in your journey. I hope that makes sense, as well. Even if you do not believe so in the moment, I am proud of you. You’re courageous, thoughtful and kind. These are attributes that can certainly appeal to many a wolf, perhaps one that can help you heal what the other woman left behind." She finishes, gently leaning down to lap at a bit of tea Mel set out for her earlier on. Her neck trembles slightly as she bends over to take a sip, rising up again to face Avantika and see what she thought about her words.