Ophie wasn't that good of a tracker, or good at anything other than crying and eating, really. But she was trying and that had to count for something, right? She sniffed and snuffed, nose to the ground as she wondered, unsure if she was even going the right way. It was all well and good till she got a snout full of sand, sending her coughing and spluttering as she reared her head, her eyes watering as the sand burned on its way down. Uck! She stopped just shy of the pack borders, from what she'd gathered it sort of smelled like Kaija around here, but she wasn't about to just stomp her way across like she owned the place. She wouldn't even do that with the Armada these days, and it had been her home once, a place she might be welcomed back to. Though she wasn't exactly sure on that.  

She paused, brows furrowing as she thought about what she wanted to do next. Bork? Ask if Kaija did indeed live here, if she was home? Ophie felt all sorts of nervous, her heart thudding in her chest though that could also be because she was hella unfit and she'd been plodding around a bit.

Kaija had spent a long, long time thinking about Ophie. Probably far too long, if she was being honest with herself. She'd never met anyone who made her feel so... she didn't even know the word for it. Nasty? Love-sick? No one had ever really seen her the way Ophie did, no one had ever just clicked for her the way her oldest and once-closest friend had. And more than anything else, no one had ever made her care quite so much, not to the point of wandering all over the world looking for her, certainly not to the point of trespassing on a pack like the Armada in an attempt to find her.

She'd all but pleaded with her to leave her pack, to go explore and see the world with her - because she loved her, more than she'd loved anyone. But Ophie had left and so finally Kaija had too, finding her home here. Settling in was a slow process for the woman who'd been a rogue for as long as she could remember, and suddenly coming across her friend's scent - wafting across the island, no doubt helped along by the ocean breeze - would immediately put a halt in some of the progress she'd been making. She hadn't been thinking about Ophie as much lately, but then all at once she consumed her thoughts, and Kaija felt her heart beginning to beat hard in her chest.

Was it relief she felt, at knowing she was alive and well? Annoyance that she'd thought she could return, without even saying goodbye in the first place? Maybe a little anger, indignation, at being forgotten and left behind? Mixed in was a fair bit of happiness she couldn't begin to deny, but its strength was dulled by the other emotions that suddenly clouded her mind.

She made her way toward the scent, slowly at first but then picking up her pace as she got closer. Again her pace slowed when her paws hit sand, and she squinted against the sun that reflected off the water, zeroing in on Ophie. She looked exactly like Kaija remembered, uninjured and largely unchanged except maybe for the natural changes that came with not seeing someone for so long. She paused for a long moment, stony-faced as she considered it. She was half-tempted to pretend she didn't know who Ophie was, to ask why she was very nearly intruding on Raider lands, but she couldn't bring herself to be so rude. "Ophie," she started, nose wrinkling slightly. "What are you doing here?" Her tone sounded hollow, like she wasn't quite sure how she felt and even more so had no idea how to express it.

Ophie wasn't sure how to react to what she perceived as anger, resentment maybe? She fumbled at the sight of Kaija's wrinkled nose, a look she'd seen more often than her wilty self-esteem could take. She hadn't had a plan in mind or anything, was no smooth operator that could just swan up and resume the banter like before, but in her mind she figured it would have started a little better than this. A smile and maybe a hello? Oh jeeze she wasn't very good at this, months of pig therapy hadn't really helped with the whole wolf socialisation thing. Pigs were chill and laid back, wolves were complicated and her feelings towards her best friend were muddled like...mud?

"Oh hmm. Um." She was off to a pathetic start, even for Ophie standards. "Well you see- the thing is...It has been a while and I thought, it'd be cool to see you again. Cause you know we're friends and everything and- wow you sure do look kinda mad. I hope uh...that's not cause of me or anything, but like if it is I'm totally really sorry and- I'm just gonna shut up and let you talk. Hi."

The amalgamation of emotions she was experiencing was confusing and overwhelming. If she was being honest, it made her want to stick her head in the sand, to ignore it entirely - but how could she walk away from Ophie, after all this time? For once she was at a loss for words, at a loss for how to feel and how to react, and she got no satisfaction at all from the uncomfortable way Ophie fumbled when she spoke.

"You've been gone for so long," she started, trying to recall how long it'd been but failing miserably. It'd been awhile, that was all that mattered. Kaija listened to what she had to say and mulled over it for a long time. "It would've been cool if you had told me you were going away. You know I trespassed into the Armada, looking for you? Your dad could've killed me," she started, her voice raising slightly in octave. She hasn't been considering that at first, not when she's been blind with worry for her friend, but she certainly had after.

"I thought maybe, I don't know, that they had hurt you or something. After all the stuff you told me about feeling like you had to stay there, about how they wanted you to be something you weren't."Was she saying all this properly? She wasn't sure, but it was how she felt, and the words came out all jumbled and confused. "Where did you go?" she wasn't outright angry, but the first ripple of frustration has started to ripple through her, causing waves as it ebbed out. If anything, she felt she deserved an answer for that.

There was a truth as to why Ophie had left, but it felt like an excuse. Heavy and sticky in her grasp, like tar that sunk into her bones and ruined everything she touched. Stained it black. With grief like that staying didn't even feel like an option, it felt unkind to drag others down with her because even though she knew Kaija would have done anything to support her through it, it wouldn't have felt fair or right. She couldn't hand off how she'd felt to anyone, an amalgamation of everything she was and wasn't - what she could have been if she was just better and good.

"When Mum died there was- a meaness in me. Felt like you could've cut me open and it would have spilled out like my organs. I've never hated so much and it was all I could think about, and it terrified me. I wasn't good to myself and I didn't want anyone either." She'd wanted to die a few times before, putting to bluntly left a bitter taste on her tongue, but that's how it had been. A wolf was supposed to fight tooth and claw to live, and she just didn't want to.

"I just sort of wandered till this group of hogs found me, they were really nice and- I mean they gave me food but they talked to me too."

Kaija wasn't sure what she wanted to hear, or if there were even answers that would make her feel any better about Ophie having left. Maybe a certain answer might sting less than others, but what one? Maybe if she'd left against her will, if something had happened to her... but the thought of hoping that something bad had happened to Ophie to explain her sudden disappearance made her feel just as terrible. She didn't wish bad upon her, never had and never could, no matter how bad she was feeling.

Ophie started talking then and Kaija was torn. When they were together, neither of them tended to really talk about the big, heavy things. It'd always felt like an option, but it felt like more value was gained from... just enjoying their time together. Being together always felt good, made Kaija feel like they were temporarily transported somewhere better, even if it didn't last all that long. A little slice of happy for them both.

Kaija furrowed her brows as her friend explained how she'd felt. What could she say to help? To relate? Even amongst the feelings of betrayal and frustration she wanted Ophie to know that she understood. "I know how you felt. You saw me, right after my mom died, remember?" That was when she'd begged Ophie to go see the world with her, to leave it all behind and go really live, a life of adventure and freedom. When the same thing had happened to Ophie though, she'd just left, hadn't even bothered to find Kaija - it made her realize then just how lopsided their feelings really must be, at least that was how it felt to her.

"I was mad too. I wanted everyone to suffer like I was," except you, she thought sullenly to herself. Ophelia had been her only beacon of hope and light in all the ooze-stained darkness. The reason she'd kept on going, despite it all. While the reason Ophie had kept going was... some pigs? Her nose wrinkled even more, her brows furrowing so tightly it nearly hurt.

Losing Ophie, even if it hadn't been to death (even if it had felt like it), had felt just the way Ophie described in regards to losing her mom. Like for awhile, all that was left was rage and spite, like it'd slowly chipped away at the good parts of her until she barely recognized what was left. Only recently had she tried to overcome those feelings, to go back to who she'd once been.

"You know I never stopped thinking about you, right? All this time you've been gone? I thought something happened to you, and I got so angry," Kaija started, feeling it all spill out, a dam suddenly burst. Angry tears pricked at her eyes, though she refused to let them fall. "I felt - feel - so fucking stupid for thinking about you so much. For wasting my time looking for you, when you were hanging out somewhere with pigs. You never knew how much I loved you, did you? I didn't think I had to say it. If I'd told you, would you have even tried telling me you were leaving?" Didn't think she had to spell out how she'd do anything for Ophie, more than anyone else in this world, how she'd risk life and limb to come looking for her. Kaija wasn't sure if telling her would've made any difference, but if it might've, at least she could redirect some of the blame inward. Maybe it'd sting less that way.

She bit her tongue, trying to steady herself. Her intent wasn't to hurt Ophie, even if part of her wanted to make the other woman aware of just how slighted Kaija felt. "I'm glad you feel better now, though. I hope you do, at least." She didn't even mean it in a sarcastic way, wasn't trying to be shitty, but she wasn't sure if her words could even come across as genuine right now.

It was a lot to take in, so much all at once, she just stood there in silence. Running away had always been the easier, selfish option, and she'd known that all along. There was no excuse for it really-acting as though her absence wouldn't be noticed like that. Hoping the world would just let her fade away, be forgotten like a joke that just didn't land right. Kaija had always been there for her, as much as she could anyway, and Ophie had in essence spat in her face, left her worrying and alone when-it wasn't the right thing to do. Or the kind thing. Ophie had always struggled with a lot of things. With feeling enough, the weight of her name and the meaning of it, too heavy that it was just easier to eat her worries away. And once she'd started she couldn't stop; found herself spiralling with no end in sight. And in the few moments she could finally draw in fresh air Kaija had always been there, even when they'd gone to climb the Maw together she'd waited and been patient. Hadn't made a big deal of how slow she'd been, or said anything about the embarrassing state a slight incline had reduced her to. If that wasn't love then what was it? And yet Ophie hadn't known, because she hadn't wanted to assume at the risk of being wrong or mistaking kindness for something it just wasn't. "Kaija I'm.. I'm really sorry. I didn't know and I-" Her eyes stung, the teal extra watery. "Can we sit a little? Please. Don't make me go." She was near pleading, desperation tinting her tone as her paws shifted the weight back and forth, a nervous bounce with energy she didn't know what to do with.

Kaija's brow was furrowed tightly, even as she began to speak, spilling out all her feelings in a big nasty pile of what felt like garbage. Though she tended to just wear her emotions plainly for everyone to see, when it came to these more complicated things, it was much harder to figure out just what she wanted to say. Why hadn't being a good friend to Ophie, and loving her, been enough? Why did it all have to be more difficult than that?

She somehow found a way to keep the tears from really coming to fruition, though they burned hot in her lavender stare. Which had long since left her, instead drifting to survey somewhere in the distance, entirely unfocused. Kaija didn't want to succumb to being a crying, emotional mess. A few slow, deep breaths helped still her racing thoughts, at least temporarily as he tried to remain calm.

"Yeah, sure," she said finally, after not very long consideration at all. She'd never turned Ophie away, never even really acted like she ever wanted space from her when they were together, and she wasn't about to start now. She moved slowly to find somewhere that felt more like a stopping point to sit, trudging through sand and sparse vegetation as she found a shaded spot for them to sit together and talk.

And then she stopped and fell back onto her haunches, eyes fixed on her front paws as she tried not to steal a glance at Ophie. Being near her though with all these emotions felt hard though, and instinct was to move closer to her. After a moment she did just that, shuffling a little closer to her and letting a forepaw drift closer to Ophie's own.