Occasionally Riv would have nightmares. Things she would rather like to ignore, and on her first night in her new home, she was crying about the thoughts of her old family that had been torn apart again and again. Her father who nearly raped her, her son and daughter who lost their lives, her parents, mentor and more. Perhaps if she had done something better, than god would have saved them. Than again whenever she thought of this, she thought of it too ineptly. Yet, in her small makeshift den she woke up in a deep sweat. Panting she rose her body up and looked outside of the small den. She walked out before sitting on the top of a hill.
"Sometimes I think God torture's me because I've done something wrong." She said out loud. She lowered her head and wagged her black tail. There was no one around to talk about this, no friends anymore since her brother had ran off with her son. And Denki had left to, leaving her to come here on her own. She was sad, but happy at the same time to be starting a new.

ooc: Sorry its so crappy. /: Should get better.

?The world works in strange ways.? A soft voice would speak up, a grey shewolf walking up the small hill her newest member was sitting upon. She would flash a small friendly smile and dip her head to Riv in greeting, taking a seat beside her but leaving a foot or two of space between them. ?I take it you can't sleep either, eh?? She would ask, tail curling around her body and laying over her paws. She shivered lightly against the cool wind, still trying to get used to the changing temperatures of Autumn. "normal. i talk. i think. you talk." Awesome table by Lu <3

Rivaxorus' dark brown ears flicked as she heard the girl approach. It was Loccian, the first wolf she had met from Seracia at the borders. So did she have nightmares too? That would be rude to ask even if she did think that anyway. She was indeed right that the world worked in strange ways though. The girls black tail flicked against the top of the grass as her red eyes looked at the moonlight. Some things in this world were way too much taken for granted though, that one was a given.
She gave a small friendly laugh as she lowered her head to the girl who was of higher power. Although she still wasn't used to that, just like when she had first met Maverick. While yes he was the king, and she'd follow his orders, they were all wolves here part of a pack in which they should trust each other after all. Her head tilted a bit as she caught up with her own breath. "Yes, old demons tend to keep their grip on me every now and then. But, no one likes nightmares after all." The woman commented with a bit of melancholy. It didn't mean much, but just speaking with another wolf was a change of pace after Denki her foster father left. These old demons may never leave her alone but it was up to herself and mind to chase them off.
"I don't often get to sleep a lot anyway. I've gotten used to only getting a few hours of sleep then going on with the day." Her body ached with the effort she had made to come out her to Seracia from her home desert. Hajime and Allen had vanished from sight after they got here, right after Tanner had been killed. And as if Riv didn't feel enough about the world pushing against her, she had lost another newborn child to the protectiveness of her family. Even more so all the love that had existed wouldn't ever go away.

It was nice to be out here, during the night to think about things that had either happened earlier in the day, the last few days or just things form the past, even if they hurt. Most of the time Loccian would avoid doing this, but every now and then it would help. She would sometimes even talk to Octavian and Reficul near the fields, tell them of things going on in her life, how Seracia was doing, not wanting them to feel forgotten even though they weren't alive to feel pain or relief. If some thought it was strange, the grey woman wouldn't care, it was her way to cope with their absence, her way to feel like she still had them. She would turn her grey gaze towards the other woman, head tilting the slightest, ears perking up to listen to her voice. Old demons had a grip on her every now and then, and nobody liked nightmares. Loccian would nod to this, taking a deep breath as she pulled her gaze away to look up at the moon. Even if she wasn't looking at the newest addition to Seracia, Loccian was still listening. The woman explained that she doesn't get a lot of sleep anyway, that she has gotten used to getting a few hours of sleep before going on with the day. The Ambassador definitely knew that feeling. ?Nightmares have plagued me for a long time now, so I am also used to only getting a bit of sleep. I think... I have had only a dream or two since I was a child that I can remember.? She would speak softly, a small sigh slipping from her lips as she lowered her head to look at the Kingdom before her. It wasn't long after learning to walk and talk that her father gave her up to Carrion, that the torture began. All she knew was that from that point on she could no longer have good dreams, and before that she had possibly one. Since being in Seracia she had one or two good dreams, but she couldn't even remember if she had them for sure, or what even happened n them. What had happened to miss Rivaxorus to give her nightmares, to cause demons to keep their hold on her? It would be rude to ask, so she remained silent, just sitting there and letting things happen. For some reason she felt at ease around the woman, that she would be a potentially good friend, able to share things. Of course Loccian wouldn't get her hopes up, it was just a feeling. "normal. i talk. i think. you talk." Awesome table by Lu <3

Riv couldn't remember a time when she had good dreams, not even as a pup. It was either strange dreams, no dreams, or nightmares. Since her world began to fall apart as soon as she reached eight months. It was a cursed thought she tried to push it away. There was family, friends she wanted to live for, and one day to reunite with her brother and her son. It was the least she could do to see if Hajime was doing well in his life. For his father at least. Though Loccian said that nightmares haunted her too? The large girl tilted her head with a flick of her darker brown ears. "I haven't met anyone who have had quiet like the nightmares I have had. Most of them are re-occuring memories. Have you ever cried so much, that you thought it might just pull you to your breaking point?" She looked towards the sky, and the stars. "And in the end you realize, it won't ever be enough to bring them back. No matter how unfair it is." Her heart ached just thinking about it.
Rivaxorus shook her head and gave a small laugh. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to make it so depressing." She noted with a flick of her black tail. Her paws dug into the ground as she let out a silent sigh. What would her sister think of her now, or her last two mates. Would they like the new wolf she had become. What if they had the ability to grow up, like her adopted son who died. Or the small newborn daughter who was killed along side her father. Rivaxorus wondered about these things far too much for her own good.

Loccian would listen in silence at Riv spoke, explaining how she hasn't found anyone who had nightmares likes hers, re-occuring memories. Of course others wouldn't, everyone was different from the smallest to biggest things, no two people who have the same nightmares. The woman would go on to ask if she ever cried so much that it might pull you to your breaking point, oh yes, she definitely has. That wasn't it, the crying was never enough to bring somebody back in the end, no matter how unfair it was. A brow would raise as Riv shook her head and laugh, apologizing for making it depressing. Loccian just shook her head with a small smile. ?When speaking of such things, they will become depressing no matter what. You are fine.? Her voice was soothing, almost motherly even though she was never one herself and her ow wasn't around when she was a child. "Locking it up doesn't really help, but talking about it doesn't really do anything either..." She would say with a sigh, the tip of her tail slowly rising and falling against the ground. "If you don't mind me asking, what is it that plagues your dreams?" The grey woman knew that this could possibly trigger some ill feelings, but perhaps it would help calm the dark woman, the two could help each other. "normal. i talk. i think. you talk." Awesome table by Lu <3

Many things plagued her mind. There wasn't one wolf she could forget, or another she could save. With all the slaughter and the pain. It was oddly surprising how optimistic the girl was from time to time. Perhaps it was just her own way of coping with things. Even if no one had nightmares as she had, she felt as if the whole world was against her. Specially since after her rapist and newborn child were killed. "Lots I'd have to say. I've seen more death in my family than a young pup could learn about the world in their first year of life." Her ear flicked red eyes glinting as she looked over at Loccian. "Both my mates died, before I knew it I was alone. I was a mother three times, and two of them are dead Hajime being my only surviving son decided to run off somewhere with my brother. Not to mention losing my little sister to my father who tried to kill me." Riv held her breath for a few moments. Trying to keep herself from crying. It was hard, the emotions that swelled up were always hard. And she wasn't even sure if Loccian really wanted to listen to this.
"There was a lot of death in my past, but after my foster father killed my newborn daughter and my rapist, he told me to go to some foreign land and try to start new. So I ended up here. And at the end up my rope I'm hoping I can do the world some good to prevent anyone from feeling the way I had." She sighed. Tears falling down from her face. Though it wasn't heavy sobbing, and it was rather better feeling than she had earlier. Her black tail flicked back and forth. She rolled her shoulders back to try and relax herself. Sniffing from her short crying spell. One knew of her past, that was a good start wasn't it?

Loccian would listen to the woman, not turning away now as she began to speak. So, she had experienced many deaths. What a shame, the only time one should have seen death was if it was from old age. Her gaze would soften as Riv looked to her, giving a small nod of her head to continue. The woman went to talk about how two mates of hers had died, was a mother three times, two of them dead and her only one being a boy named Hajime who ran off with her brother, lost a sister to a father who tried to kill her. The grey woman would lay a paw gently atop Riv's, giving a small nod. It was indeed a lot of suffering, Loccian's came nowhere close. She could imagine the pain she must have felt, the horror to have all this happen. She would hope that this woman could finally find peace here in Alacritia, in the Kingdom of Seracia. Riv would continue, saying how there was a lot of death in her past and that after her foster father killed her newborn daughter and rapist, he told her to flee and start new which was what brought her here. She wanted to prevent others from feeling what she had endured. By now the woman had tears running down her cheeks, though it brought back bad memories, Loccian hoped it would help the woman, and perhaps she could be there for her to help her with the new life she has started. She leaned over and gently ran her tongue over a cheek, taking away a few tears. "I am sorry for what has happened to you Miss Riv, nobody should have to experience such pain." She would begin, trying to smile at the woman, trying to show she did care. "I will help you in these news lands, though my pain is nowhere near to yours, I too want to prevent such things from happening to those around me." "normal. i talk. i think. you talk." Awesome table by Lu <3

There was a small thorn picked out of my heart as the woman consoled me. I couldn't help but to be happy, she surprised me to say the least. Feeling her tongue against my cheek, I let out a small girlish chuckle. It just came out without me knowing and before I knew it my tail was flopping against the dirt. I didn't know weather I was happy, or that I was just too tired to care for the moment. Once I realized it, my ears lowered and I cleared my throat. I sniffed and used my free paw to wipe my nose, before raising it again to look at Loccian. I couldn't thank someone like her enough, ever. I knew I could offer myself, my soul, my protection. The best I could, but that was just it. There was no other way or power for me to do anything. I hated it, but I didn't entirely need it anyway. "Seracia is my home, and I wouldn't leave it behind for anything." That could have been a lie, but that was what I knew at this moment and time. When it came to feelings, they came and passed by. When it came to me, I had the habit of falling over my paws in the wrong places. Or breaking things, either way, I knew that venting was enough for now. I took in a deep breath and let it out. Feelings coming to pass as I flicked my tail back and forth. That was the end of it wasn't it? Well for now at least. "I try not to bring it up too much. There are still good things about the world despite all the hurt. Love comes and goes, but still I'm here. Waiting for something to happen." I shrugged my shoulders, lifting them into my center. Laughing, and it was the truth at that. I'd always be the one standing still, and I was alright with that. Even if the world froze over, I would end up being the one staying behind. God had a funny way of working things after all. Speech,

Within seconds it seemed like the atmosphere had changed, the woman going from sad and crying to happy with a tail flopping, even giving out a small chuckle. It was good to see, knowing Loccian was able to help somebody with their pain. But as soon as it appeared the woman settled down, ears lowering and clearing her throat before wiping her nose and looking to Loccian. She called Seracia her home, and wouldn't leave it for anything. She gave a small nod of her head, smiling. Yes, Seracia was their home, a lovely one. Riv spoke up, explaining that she didn't want to brig it up too much since there were still good things I the world, she was still here, waiting for something to happen. In that moment Loccian would just stare at the other woman, looking past her in thought. She sometimes didn't understand why some things happened, why she couldn't force herself to do something. The feeling in her heart, like she wasn't meant to search, she needed to wait for the big thing coming. "Wise words Miss, I feel as though I am waiting for something also." And with that she would uncurl h tail and push herself up with a smirk, giving a small shake before slowly making her way down the small hill. "Care for a walk?" "normal. i talk. i think. you talk." Awesome table by Lu <3

I pulled myself up and gave a nod to the woman. I don't know weather Kurai would mind though. He would probably just keep himself inside the den until I came back for him. A walk would not only let me clear my mind, but it meant more time to bond with Loccian. It seemed for the most part that, we were in the same boat. Surely I knew most didn't have a past like I did, everyone was different, but it didn't mean I couldn't compare it towards my own to help them out. Maybe one thing or another was different, but we were all the same. "Sure a walk would be nice." I said standing and flicking my tail. Whichever way the wind blew, I'd follow it, and sometimes go against it. It was a fact that I liked being here, but I also knew everything could always change. I waited red eyes sparkling, for Loccian to lead the way. We could talk more, we could get to know each other. Maybe that was the best part really. I liked getting to know people, or rather other wolves. Speech,

ooc: ugh, so crappy. I'm sorry!

A walk, it would be nice to have with another. It had been awhile since Loccian actually stopped an socialized with one of her pack-mates, she spent most of her time holed up in her den or roaming the Kingdom alone. It was nice in a way. "How do you feel of the new lands Miss?" It would be a nice start to calming the mood from their little talk just moments ago, perhaps it would help the woman shift her mind to something that didn't cause pain. Her pace was a slow steady one, tail gently waving behind her, head turning to look over at the shewolf. "normal. i talk. i think. you talk." Awesome table by Lu <3

My strides matched up easily with Loccian, while my training was a bit rusty on my muscles, walking was easy. I enjoyed being here, it was an adventure, and one that tread lightly on my heart. After all of that explaining, I couldn't help but to want to forget the darker parts I'd never share, not even if I was on my death bed. If somehow some magic force came out, darker than evil, came to convince me I was a bringer of death. I would refuse to relive the bloody days that led to the distrust of my family, who had already forgiven me in that sense of reality and so on. "They are far different from the desert, but they are nice, and I feel myself getting used to them already." I stated with a happy chirp. There were other things to speak about, and I wouldn't let the truths slip out so easily if they hurt that much. It just went to prove how painful one thing could be compared to another. It kind of made me laugh. Speech,