Post-Hermes death!

Grief.



While no emotions could truly describe what the sable queen felt, grief came the closest to it. Her heart felt like it was on fire, while her lungs felt as though she was drowning. The thoughts swarming her mind only revolved around him. She had been absent from the lives of everyone around her since that day, convinced that her presence would only serve to poison their minds and further their own feelings of loss and pain.



At first when the sickness had come, it had taken to all of Virgil's children but their future queen, Gaia. Natalya had wondered whether it was a punishment from the gods meant for their empress, but then her own son became plagued by it as well. What had Hermes done to deserve such a fate? Was it through some fault of hers or Helios's? Or was in a simple coincidence? Perhaps the entire epidemic was random and their gods had nothing to do with it, Natalya couldn't be sure.



The Centurion found herself obsessing over her questions and constantly asking herself why he had to die, but the answers never came. If they existed, no one was interested in giving them. Natalya would be consumed by the loss of her child without reasons why for as long as she lived. Sitting alone in the dusk with unshed tears, she tipped her head back and released a sorrowful howl, letting her pain pour from her maw one note at a time.






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Natalya had wanted her space since they had lost their son, and Helios had been inclined to give it to her; despite feeling like he needed her more than ever before. Everyone grieved in different ways and he would put her needs before his own, always. But he was slipping farther and farther down a slippery slope. He would never recover if he let himself fall all the way into the despair at the bottom; he wouldn?t let himself go over the edge?
As Natalya released her call he felt his heart drop. The raw pain in her voice? He had to find her, he had to, they couldn?t face this alone, not anymore. He would seek her out, drawn by the mourning call. As he drew towards her shadowy form he slowed. ?Nat?? He called softly.






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Her body moved on its own, driven by instinct and a desire to heal more than anything else. She slowly rose to her feet, and one deliberate step at a time made her way toward the source of the voice that had asked for her attention. She walked until she felt her face press into the fur of his shoulder. Her tears rolled free then, but she cried silently. It was the first time since Hermes's death that she'd allowed herself to show the pain that consumed her on the inside.



The lovers had been apart far too long. Natalya knew the moment that they touched that Helios had not come a moment too soon. They needed each other now more than ever to get by. In fact, what they needed was family, but with Apollo absent all they had was each other. Did their other son even know of his brother's passing? Natalya wondered, but did not let it distract her. It was time for her to learn to live with her suffering, and with Helios back by her side she hoped it would not take long.






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He did not move, did not shift a single inch as his wife approached watching her as she shuffled towards him. As soon as they touched he felt himself go weak, head and tail dropping at the same time, a soft low whine escaping his lips. Immediately he hunched slightly, curving around Natalya just a bit. He could use his body as a barrier to protect her from all the dangers of the world, could shelter her from anything that might do her physical harm; but he could not stop the pain and the heart ache, no matter how hard he tried.
Helios licked weakly at her shoulder, keeping his nose pressed into her fur. Her crying might have been silent but he could feel her shaking against him. The man felt his heart drop, he wanted so much to be able to remove this pain, to help her. More than anything he wanted his sons back. He had often thought of Apollo these days, wondering if his only remaining child was dead somewhere as well, or if one day he might simply walk back into their lives.






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As Helios curled around her, Natalya continued to dwell on the idea of family. Hers was dwindling, with one son missing and the other... gone to the gods. Natalya knew what she wanted, what she needed, but was it too soon? Was it inappropriate for her to want to grow her family in the wake of her child's death? In her view, Hermes would have been thrilled at the prospect of more siblings. The jovial boy would probably encourage them to go ahead with it now, wanting them to move past his loss and build a future.



At least, that was what Natalya hoped he would say to her.



After a good, long cry, the sable woman finally pulled back from her husband and pointed her empty eyes in his direction. Helios, she whispered, I think... I think its time. I'm ready to rebuild our family, if you are, and I'm sure that... that he would want us to. The words were a struggle but she said them anyway, praying that he wouldn't push her away now.






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Every day he woke up with the knowledge that he had failed, that Hermes had died because somewhere along the way he hadn?t been enough. It tore him apart every moment he thought upon it. Their little family was being torn apart because he hadn?t been strong enough to hold them together, Apollo had wandered off Gods knew where and Hermes who had been just within reach had still managed to catch sickness without his knowledge? In light of all this he had retreated inwards some, unable to face his own failure.
Truth be told adding to their family was the last thing on his mind.
They remained in silence for some time, his wife shaking gently against him as she cried. He refused to cry, to show any form of weakness, not when his wife needed him, he could not fail again! She finally spoke, pulling away and fixing him with her blank stare. He nodded numbly at first, unable to fully wrap his mind around her suggestion. As the thought finally wormed its way into his mind he was plagued with doubt.
In the end he could not deny her, not right now. If she needed this as much as it seemed he would give her all she asked for. ?I- I want that too.? He struggled to say, tongue feeling heavy but putting some optimism in his voice.

-fade to black-






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(Fading now because lolaf did the derp)

If he had asked, Natalya would not have been able to deny her doubts no matter how hard she tried. Questions of whether or not they were ready and whether they were doing the right thing continued to push their way into her already busy mind. She simply ignored them and waited patiently through the silence for her husband's reply.



He did not disappoint her, though she heard some of the hesitation in his voice. If Helios had been adamantly against it, he would have been honest with her. That was one thing she had complete and utter faith in. She tipped her head and stretched to kiss him gently on the cheek, all the thanks she was capable of at the moment. It would now be up to the gods to determine if their choice was right, but Natalya had a hunch that they'd been punished enough lately.



-fade to black because Raii can't think of another non-awkward way to end this post-






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