He'd spent his time in Alacritis trying to be better than the albino bastard that had sired him. And he'd been doing just fine for a while. It was only after he'd lost the pack and became a father that everything had gone downhill. He didn't even know how things had gotten so bad. What had driven him away from his family? From the only people who truly loved him and believed in him? This wasn't the first time that this had happened. The first time it did it was because of illness. Illness had struck the cobalt titan and for fear of spreading the ailment to his family, the man had fled to find recovery on his own. At the time, it seemed like the only logical thing to do, but in hindsight it was by far the most idiotic of plans he'd ever had. Isolating himself had done nothing but bring grief to his family, especially to his wife, not to mention that his isolation almost led to his untimely death. It was only by strength of will that the sickness did not take him and he was able to return to him family, but this time he had no such excuse. In all honesty, he had no excuse this time around. What could he say? There was nothing that he could say that could excuse the abandonment of his family. The only family that he had...that is, if he still had a family anymore. It had been nearly an entire season since the cobalt knight had been in the lands of Alacritis; now he was back. Was he back for good? Or was he only here to add insult to injury once he decided to disappear, and for good this time? Perhaps it had been fear that had driven the man to leave his family. Fear that they were better off without him, because after all, what could a blind man who no longer could provide children do for his family? Nothing. If anything he was more of a burden than anything else. He couldn't hunt for himself, which meant that he'd had to have someone aid him, bring him food. His time away from Alacritis had been spent scavenging, fighting for scraps of food with smaller predators. How much more pathetic could he get? He had lost his honor as a warrior the moment he had turned away from his family and there was no way of getting it back. He wasn't fit to bear the title of warrior any longer; he was a disgrace. An embarrassment. A failure. He was a sad shell of who he was once a upon a time. He was simply a scarred wolf with no home and probably no family. Why had he come back to Alacritis then? Did he cling to the false hope that perhaps his family hadn't forgotten about him and would maybe take him back? / Wornout paws of ebony would pull the cobalt beast through the vaguely familiar soils of Alacritis. He had been gone for so long that he didn't even remember where anything was anymore. It was like he was transported back in time, back to when he had first arrived in alacritis to serve beneath Isardis, only this time he served no one and had no one. Or so he thought. Eyes of milky film would be cast downwards, as unseeing as the day that he had left, tattered ears lying flat against his skull, muzzle nearly brushing against the soil. Were anyone who had known him in his prime seen him now, they perhaps wouldn't recognize him. He didn't look like the Taurig that he was once was. He looked tired, broken, worn-out...it seemed like Isardis had won after all. A cool breeze would sweep over him, ruffling his cobalt fur, reminding him that he had been walking the entire day well into the night. His body was screaming for rest, but Taurig refused. He needed to find his family; his children, his wife, his siblings, his friends. Did they still remember him? Had the love they once held for him turned into hatred? Indifference? Were they still even in Alacritis? His gait was slow, lumbering, as if it hurt to take each new step. And it did. Physically and emotionally. His body was weary from the trek but his emotional weariness weighed heavier on him. Each step he took brought him deeper into alacritis, but each step he took brought back memories. Memories that sliced through him like talons, each hitting its mark, exact and precise, cutting deep to the core. Maija. Of all those he had left, Maija was the one that hurt him the most. His wife...his beautiful wife, the one who had been there with him through everything. The mother to his last litter of children, his queen. Surely she hated him now, loathed him. He knew how she had been before him and he didn't doubt for a moment that his absence had coaxed her back into her old ways. Had she turned away from everyone to take herself into isolation? Or had she found someone to fill the void he had left behind? The titan faltered, stumbling in his walk, nearly collapsing to the ground if not for the sheer will to remain standing. His chest felt tight at the thought of his wife having found another to walk at her side. His throat constricted, tears pricking his blind eyes. It was unrealistic of him to think that Maija would wait around forever for him. She couldn't and there was no way that he could ask that of her...and yet if she had found someone... Try as he might, he couldn't push the thought away. It clawed at him, its aim true. Why had he come back? Perhaps he should've just stayed away, let himself wither away into nothing until the life finally left his body and he became one with the earth again. His return surely wouldn't be welcome. But he was too far in now; it was too late to turn back. He would find his family, see how they were doing and from there he would decide would be done. Or rather, they would decide if they still wanted him or not. He could only hope that somewhere deep down they could find it in their hearts to forgive him, to remember all that he had done for them and see that this too, in a way, had been for them too. "Speech"

The golden girl was out gathering herbs, an activity she found much more exciting at night. Though particularly since she had discovered some plants only bloomed under the light of the moon, that they should hide their beauty away from the waking world almost felt cruel; that only those who went out at night would be the ones to ever seem them felt unfair. Her paws carried her away from the borders of Arcanum, away from her mother and the pups. Her golden form did little to hide her in the dark of night and yet for her size and her lack of training the girl feared little. Perhaps it was naivety but Freya had never been paranoid and she wasn?t about to start now.
The lake lapped gently against the shore and the sound helped with the peacefulness of the night. As the small golden girl moved towards the lake she didn?t notice the cobalt figure. She was just bending down to lap at the cool water when his scent reached her and Freya froze, her mind suddenly running a thousand miles an hour. ?Daddy?? The girl whispered, lifting her head, emeralds scanning furiously. Freya moved around the lake cautiously.
Her mother had been angry when he had left, both times and yet no matter what some part of Freya had been unable to hate him. He would always be her daddy, always be the giant teddy bear of a man that had let his kids crawl all over him. She could never hate him.
Her gaze landed upon a dark form and this time there was no mistaking. ?Daddy!? The yearling flung herself at the cobalt man, unaware of any physical injuries only knowing that she wanted nothing more than to embrace him, to make sure he was real.


""

Even if he did locate his family and friends, would they even want to see him? How would they react to his return? Would they greet him with open arms or chase him away? Would they welcome him back into their midst or exile him as a foreigner? More than anything he longed to be with his family again but his transgressions against them kept the fear of their rejection strong in his chest. After all he had done, how did he dare come crawling back? It seemed like his self-respect had been left behind with them. He had the pathetic hope that there would still be some lingering affection towards him, but with each step it was beginning to look more and more hopeless. He wanted to return to love but he was expecting hatred, loathing, disgust. If he was really being honest with himself, he wanted his family to hate him. He wanted them to reject him, to tell him that they never wanted anything to do with him anymore because he was no good to them. It would make it easier to justify his leaving, abate the pain just a little. It was what he deserved after all. He paid little mind to his surroundings. He was beyond the point of caring about his own well-being now. It was his lack of concern towards his own self that brought about the way he looked now. Bones were just beginning to peek through his cobalt coat, the obvious sign of malnutrition. Though his stature and build was something that he was never going to loose, the physique that he'd kept for so long was beginning to waste away. If anything, he looked worse now than he did after his mauling. More scars, both old and new, marred his entire body, covering nearly every inch of visible flesh. His outer appearance reflected his inner turmoil and he didn't care to try and hide it. There wasn't much that mattered to him anymore, including his own life. A rogue could probably appear from the shadows and charge him, most likely succeeding at taking his life. What did he have left to fight for? The false hope that his family was still going to take him back? He was probably better off dead anyways. There were times where he thought to hear the voices of his children, sometimes even his wife, but it was always just a figment of his desperate mind trying to convince him that there was still hope. Daddy! There was his mind again, trying to trick him with illusions. Taurig ignored the voice he knew so well to be Freya's, his youngest child, the only one of the litter that had come out to be nearly the exact replica of her mother. It wasn't until something large and warm came barreling into him that he realized it was a figment of his imagination. He hadn't been expecting the collision, his usually sturdy limbs collapsing beneath him as he tumbled to the ground with his daughter tangled up with him. He barely even felt the fall, his senses having snapped into focus. F-f-freya? His voice was hoarse, a harsh rumble as his barely used vocal chords hummed together to form the sound of his daughter's name? Was it really his daughter who was greeting him? Could it be that his hope hadn't been falsely held for so long? "Speech"

That the man collapsed under her meager weight should had tipped Freya off that something was not quite right with her father, but the golden child was still much too excited to notice. Neither did she seem to see the sorry state he was in; too busy was she covering every square inch she could reach in licks. He croaked her name, stumbling upon the first letter and ending it in a question, only then did she stop her frantic kissing. "Hi daddy." She said giggling, almost shyly. "I missed you." She pushed her face into the man?s fur, breathing in his familiar scent.
The girl let a soft whine escape her lips and she pushed further into his form, emeralds closing as the reality of what was happening crashed over her. Her father was back, and her mother had just delivered a second litter of pups. Her siblings were off who knows where and despite finally having her father back in her grasp her family never felt more torn apart.



""

It was as if he had never left. Freya was just as loving and affectionate as he remembered. His darling tender hearted girl. Would the rest of his children be as accepting of his return as his golden girl? He didn't think they would be. But right now he couldn't concern himself with how the rest of his children would react; they weren't here right now. The golden pup, who felt a lot bigger than he remembered, showered the scarred beast with kisses. His daughter's affections were foreign to him, a luxury he had thought lost to him. But he welcomed them nonetheless, tattered ears coming to attention as his daughter expressed her missing of him. It had been quite some time since a smile had found its way across his jowls, and even now in the presence of his loving daughter, the titan couldn't bring himself to form one. I've missed you too my little sun. He rumbled hoarsely, tucking his chin against his daughter's frame, relishing in the feeling of her warm body against his. Was this as close to Maija as he could get? He surely hoped not. Questions about his wife touched the tip of his tongue but he bit them back, not wanting to ruin the moment. He just wanted to savor the feeling of love that his little Freya never failed to give him. He wanted to enjoy it for as long as he could because as soon as he let go, everything would come crashing down. At least while he held his daughter, he could pretend that everything was right in the world and that he was a man who deserved nothing short of death as punishment for all the wrongs he'd committed. "Speech"