Already she felt lighter. Valeriya had been... difficult, of course, but in all honesty Raisa had expected nothing else. Regardless of all middle ground it was a step in the right direction and the ex-Queen refused to loose her momentum. There was still work to be done. Word and rumor had led her to this border, to this place her friend now called her own... Could Raisa still call the dark warrior a friend? She had thought of Katja as such, but after leaving her children and her legacy on the woman's shoulders in a blind panic, well... What should she really expect? She let out a shuddering breath, and tipped her head up as if to howl... But the sound would not emerge. As she attempted to strain her vocals, to send her call forth across the rolling landscape, her throat constricted. She brought her muzzle back to the ground, coughing and miserable. Great, she thought, mental tone acidic. She knew Koros eyed her with pity but she would not acknowledge it, or him. She would not suffer this... monstrous inability for much longer. Somehow, some way it would be snuffed out and destroyed... Her steward let out his own warbling call. It was high pitched, more like the scream of a banshee than a summons worthy of a Queen or alpha or whatever title Katja now bore, but the ashen fae was grateful none the less. "Speech"

A strange, hackles-raising shriek echoed across the Dancefloor where Katja patrolled. The viking paused a moment, masked face turned impassively toward the sound as it wound down. A superstitious chill crawled up her spine, and as the sound faded she turned to lose steadily toward the unfamiliar noise. It may be a portent of danger, but she would not avoid it. Better to know than run from it. The pair of figures that came into view suddenly became clear, and Katja nearly stumbled as she missed a step when they became suddenly clear. It was impossible. Raisa. She stopped a short distance away, ears pinned in uncharacteristic uncertainty, to regard the Xanilov silently. Silver eyes roved the familiar form, seeing the scars that spoke of hardship and suffering and she felt sick. Not only had she failed to protect Raisa herself, but... Raisa had given her the charge of protecting her children and her pack, and she had failed in the first when she lost the pups to Virgil and with Sindri and Sigmarr going missing, and she had failed Raisa. Face impassive, preparing herself for the inevitable fangs and having no intention of stopping or retaliating against the entirely justified attack, she stepped forward. "Raisa," the name rolled from her tongue on a plea. Do not be a trick of Loki, be truly here. even with the certain pain it was better to know Raisa was alive. "

It would appear that luck was on her side. As the once-Queen stood waiting, sheathed in cold air and all the scents of a packland she did not know, she wondered if Katja would come at all. Perhaps a subordinate would, one who was less fond of visitors... But instead, the dark woman appeared. Distance marred her form, but in time it became as clear as the uncertainty written upon her companion's face. Fear flared in her gut, and a pained twinge would flicker across her features. The fire of righteous anger extinguished in a blink, and once more she was a small, sad creature. Was Katja disappointed, as Valeriya had been? Was she resentful of the ashen fae's absence? Raisa had fled the land with barely a word in farewell, had abandoned all she built and thrust it on Katja's shoulders. She drew in a deep, shuddering breath. There were not many words she could speak with confidence, and it would seem that even those she had were in limited supply. "I-I'm... Sorry." Her tone, ragged and fractured, held a degree of wonder. Katja... A proud warrior, a noble woman, and a natural leader. Made of steel where Raisa had been reduced to rust. It was a powerful thing, standing in her presence, and it would seem she had lost none of the empowering charisma that had so attracted the ex-Queen in the first place. Steady as always. She bowed her head, admitting her shame and wrong-doing. "Please... f-for-" Gods, this one was difficult, "-Or.. give me." Humiliation blanketed the woman like a coat of thorns. It dug at her, caused her skin to flush and her coat to heat and bake her in her shame. To stand before her friend, a woman of indomitable strength, so broken and useless. It was not an easy thing to bear. Koros, taking pity on his master, stepped forward. He blinked moisture from his eyes the moment it appeared, hoping it would go unnoticed. "Hello again, Lady Katja. You look well." He stood on awkward courtesy, trying to buy himself some time. He opened and closed his mouth several times, licked his lips, scoured his mind for the words that would explain... At last he began. With a deep bow, he said, "We beg your forgiveness, my lady. We have burdened you unduly, unfairly. A despicable thing. We have come to you, prostrate and begging your vengeance for our cruelty and failure." A heavy sentence, but no less true. Raisa had gone to great lengths to convey her exact feelings on the matter, through many stumbles and fragmented words. He knew how her pride must sting to show such frailty in Katja's presence, and his heart would clench for his master's state. "Talk" "You" Think

She didn't know what to do - she was held paralyzed, immobilized, the seconds melting into eternity as Raisa's gaze met hers. Raisa's voice, broken and harsh, crashed like ice over her and shock stiffened her body. Raisa... was apologizing to her? No... no, it was Katja who had failed to protect her, had lost her children, had antagonized and begun a blood feud with her lover, had stolen away her adopted children, had failed her. Again and again, she had failed this woman, yet Raisa apologized to her. Raisa's little fox companion was speaking, his words at first just washing over her unheeded until he spoke of her vengeance and she turned on him with eyes blazing and fangs bared in a snarl. "NO." The single word was bitten out in tones steely and furious. "Beobachten sie ihre zunge! Raisa Xanilov begs forgiveness of no one." As she turned her head back to Raisa the expression slipped away to contemplative. Silent. Watchful. In a swift motion she closed the distance between them and lowered herself to the ground and tilted her head and neck to the side, exposing her throat to the Xanilov. "It is I who failed. You trusted... I did not keep my oaths to you." Her voice was even and matter of fact, but her chest ached with the agony. The pride that would have led her to die before lowering herself before another was silent beneath the weight of her own failures. If anyone deserved to spill her blood it was Raisa. Her words were softly accepting as she spoke - "I will not stop you, my queen." "

It was with a heavy head that Raisa waited for the woman's judgement. A reaction, anything that would remove this oppressive weight that had troubled her for so long. This woman who had done so much for her, for her family. She had been faithful to Raisa in ways the once-Queen would have never fathomed. She had taken her dedication, her oath to remain faithful, farther than Raisa could have imagined. At last she burst forwards, tone as harsh and grating, and Raisa feared all was as she suspected. I'm sorry, she thought in the smooth languid voice that had once been her own. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Onwards, Katja would speak, at first in a language she did not understand, and then, "Raisa Xanilov begs forgiveness of no one." It... It did not make sense. Her bi-colored gaze would raise hesitantly, hoping to find an explanation in Katja's eyes. Instead the dark warrior would approach, bearing a strange emotion in the lines of her face, the light of her eyes. Raisa was too stunned to flinch. "It is I who failed," Katja claimed. Raisa tried to speak but the words would not come, so she resorted to furiously shaking her head back and forth. Why couldn't Katja simply understand? Tears began to well in her eyes. She tried to speak again, and again and again but she could not. Oh, she was useless! And then, to see Katja lower herself... "No!" Raisa cried out, at a volume she could not recall possessing since her fall from grace, and with an urgency she was having trouble comprehending. It was just... just wrong. At her weakest moment Katja was her superior, a hundred times over and she was utterly failing to comprehend that! "No, no, no!" Her volume grew, her clarity, her speed. In the heat of her anger her body began to work in ways all but forgotten to the haggard once-royal. She moved to place a paw under the woman's chin, attempting to draw her upwards. "Your oath was fulfilled in the purity of your intent, and one thousand times over you are forgiven!" Forgiven for slights Raisa could not even fathom, but those which seemed to plague the dark alphess all the same. Her anger was upon her like a storm, hot and indignant. She was too wrapped up in the emotion to realize that she had spoken her first full sentence in many long months. Koros looked at his master with slack-jawed abandon, while she stood fuming, waiting for Katja to pick herself up and kick Raisa's ass like she was supposed to. "Talk" "You" Think

Her head dropped back against the ground, mercury eyes hidden behind closed eyes as she waited for Raisa to do as she should, to end Katja for her oath-breaking. She would not go down in battle - she did not deserve such an end for what she'd done to Raisa. For no one else would she, could she, sacrifice her chance at Valhalla. Forgive me, Auora she sent to her sister. We will not be meeting again after all... Yet another promise broken. Another oath she would fail to fulfill. NO. Ears flicked back at the vehemence of Raisa's shout, eyes cracking open cautiously to focus on her. Gold-flecked silver met molten and ice gaze and held, and a white paw pressed insistently against her chin, urging her to her feet and she rose slowly. Raisa's words shivered oddly in her ears. "Purity of intent?" she rasped. How could Raisa believe that? How? A snarl contorted her face suddenly. "Purity of intent! I lost your children! All of them! Sigmarr and Sindri are still gone! Because of me, Raisa! Me. My failures!" There was a gravelly edge to her voice, a shard of pain in her chest as the words cut off sharply. Sigmarr was gone because she'd allowed him to leave... she'd encouraged him to and he'd never come back. Her protege. A shivery breath jerked in and out before she could continue, her language fragmented as it had not been in some time. "Kill me you will yet. You will... hate me, you will. Sie werden mich t?ten, wenn man alles, was ich getan haben, wissen. Terrible things... more I will do. Why - why do you hesitate?" ""

Katja was less then receptive to Raisa's insistence. For a long moment that only served to aggravate her more. Gods damn it all! she cursed to herself, thoughts dripping with acid and malice. Why did no one understand! But then... she heard the pain. She felt it somewhere inside and saw it displayed with neon vibrancy in her companion's features. Katja's oath had bound her body and soul to Raisa's cause and in her eyes that failure was something so tremendously tragic. How could the once-Queen stand there in anger as the warrior before her crumbled... As her friend... Raisa sucked in a breath and stepped forward, closing the space between Katja and locking her bi-colored eyes with Katja's own steely orbs. "And if you die," she began with a calm serenity so far removed from her previous speech it was startling. Perhaps it even spoke of insanity. "Who will stand beside me to bring them home?" Breath hot and pluming in the autumn air, a year ago Raisa would have been welcoming the neighboring regents into her lands for a Harvest celebration... "I still need you," she rasped out. It was the truth. Both in body and in spirit. Where Raisa was riddled with weakness Katja was strong. Where Raisa's moral code was little more than smoke in the breeze Katja was ironclad in her dedication. It was painfully admirable, and if Katja were to to abandon her... The thought sent a shudder racing through her core. It would be the final straw that fracture her already tenuous recovery. "My children were not lost, they were stolen. You fought for them, risked your life and blood... Nothing more than I could have done. And if you leave me all hope is lost. They are lost." I need you Katja, she thought with blinding intensity. She had not realized the potency of her inability, until she stood in the presence of this holy creature once more. I need you... "Speech"

Raisa's calm words struck her like ice in her very veins, staggered her, and Katja could not draw breath. It shook her more than Raisa's rage, a faint tremble showing at her ears and tail as she stood frozen. "Raisa..." Her cracked whisper fell between them, nearly silent, as the weight of the unspoken accusation settled upon her. Trying to regain her honor she would destroy it beyond repair. If she died she abandoned Raisa. I need you. The words, though quietly spoken, broke her even as they mended her. Eyes slid shut on a breath finally indrawn. "I can never make up for what I have done to you," she grated stubbornly. "I am not like you. There is not good in me." She swallowed hard. She was an oathbreaker. She was a failure. Those she cared most about were a danger, were in danger and the Xanilov would go as Auora had gone. But gods help her she could not deny Raisa any more than she had been able to her sister. "What would you have me do, Raisa?" Her voice, always so even and so coolly distant, trembled and broke. Nothing else mattered right now, not Yfir or Olympus or Ebony or Finnvi, or even the fox who still watched in silence. At this moment, there was only Raisa. ""

Raisa could see a startled reverberation work it's way through Katja's slender frame. Have I done it? she wondered idly. It was not the scenario she had come to this land expecting, but the outcome of it all... No, she would not jump to conclusion. Every atom of her being was alight with terrible intensity, coiled like a live wire and waiting... "I can never make up for what I have done to you," she would claim. "I am not like you. There is not good in me." The ashen fae withheld a sneer, a lip curl, a snarl. How could Katja possibly claim... Did she never make sense?! Raisa shook her head slowly, then with growing intensity, trying to shake the vile lie from her ears less it poison her. It was nothing she wished to deal with, nothing she would suffer. But... she would not argue. They had to move forward, had to progress. Raisa let out a long sigh and slowly pressed her muzzle forward, seeking the side of Katja's neck for a gentle embrace. Foolish woman... Koros watched the entirety of the interaction with awe and fear. What had possessed Raisa that she would act in anger, in fear, in contemplation, caring, sadness... Such turmoil could not be healthy, despite her apparent lapse in muted state. The small fox could not make sense of it, but he dared not interrupt. What did Raisa want from Katja? ...A loaded question, there was no way around it. Raisa wanted her pack, her family, of which Katja was certainly a member in whatever sense she wished. Mentor for the children, valued companion, friend... But Raisa could not be selfish in this matter. Katja had other responsibilities now, a pack and a life that she had created. Surely she had toiled, had bled for it. "I would have a friend," Raisa said, "And a confidant. A companion that is in no way oath bound to my presence but a true friend. I could never ask you to place my own reparations over the life you've built here, Katja. But perhaps... If I might stay a while?" The tenor of uncertainty was blatant, rampant, and even still she expected Katja to refuse her. Why should Raisa linger, except to remind the woman constantly of her once-burdens, the failures Katja had constructed for herself? Perhaps she should have said nothing at all... "Talk" "You" Think

Raisa shook her head, every inch as stubborn as Katja, and sighed before reaching for Katja. The viking was surprised to find herself embraced so, and stood in stiff shock for a moment. Raisa's warmth and scent surrounded her, and Katja suddenly relaxed against her, pressing into the ashen fur, wrapping her own muzzle over the former Queen's shoulders to cling fiercely to her. "I am, and always will be, your friend," she spoke, low voice jagged with feeling. No, she would never be able to deny her. But she was shaken, disconcerted and unbalanced by the depth of the emotions that swirled and rippled in her soul - she'd always been intensely loyal to those closest to her but this was an intensity she'd only felt for one person in her life. She shuddered against Raisa in a reaction that may have been fear, before sending the gods a silent, heartfelt plea. She could not fail Raisa again, even if the woman had released her from all oaths to her. A friend. "You will always be welcome with me, Raisa. But..." she pulled away to gaze very seriously into the Xanilov's eyes. Her friend. She didn't have friends. Allies, family, or enemies, yes, but now... A friend. She didn't know how to be a friend. "I will not mislead you. You must know that I won Yfir by challenging the Olympus family. Virgil's children... your adopted children..." she added that with a reluctance that grated - damn little Valkyrie for getting that stuck in her mind - before continuing. The agony of emotion was settling beneath a thin layer of steel, forced into quiescence for the moment within the viking's hard fought control. Raisa needed to know everything. "I claimed them for Yfir. They reside with Valeriya in Ebony but they are Yfir's. Virgil has sworn to see me dead for it." There was a grim sort of satisfaction seething beneath her last words, echoed in the sheen of her slanted eyes, that she did not bother to hide, that she had stung the Olympian so far she would do such. There was guilt there, too, that tenacious itch, but she did not look away. She was not a good person, could never be such by the standards of this land, had no wish to be and Raisa deserved to know that. Raisa deserved to know how Katja had failed her. She would know why she should not have refused to kill the viking.? ""

So the fierce fae had a gentle side, did she? Raisa felt some of her own jagged edges soften as she stood there enveloped in the warmth of another. It had been so long... But she stepped back. Business, she reminded herself gently. Settle this, and then you'll have all the time in the world for her. They had catching up to do of course, so much that needed to be said. The ashen femme still felt out of the loop after almost a full season's worth of conscious thought. Time had moved so quickly that Raisa sometimes wondered if it was not just a dream, one where she would leap from place to place in the blink of a thought. She let out a deep breath, forcing Katja's scent from her nostrils less it move her to distraction. Stop it, she berated herself. Raisa choked her warmer feelings with great effort, but Katja seemed to have no trouble at all falling back into a nervous cast. Raisa would raise a gentle brow and wait as the woman wavered. At last, it would pour forth, and to begin with Raisa had nothing to alarm over. She had heard long ago that Olympus now belonged to Katja, and for all the conflict it had stirred within her own mind and heart, she was in a strange way pleased that the dark warrior was making a name for herself. She deserved the reputation, the esteem. But... "They reside with Valeriya in Ebony but they are Yfir's." Wait, what? Her brows drew downwards and her mouth opened ever so slightly, shock paralyzing her. The other children had been in Ebony... Raisa turned a glare to the dirt below her and held it there. She had smelled nothing, Valeriya hadn't said a damn word about it. Anger boiled in her stomach, that the knowledge had been kept from her but it was for a certain auburn fae due east. That Katja had claimed them was... hard to understand. Why had she done it? What would Raisa have done... But mostly why in all the hells hadn't Valeriya mentioned it?! It could have been an opportunity to apologize to them... Pain lanced through her heart, hot and stunning. Another flaw she would have to contend with eventually. She looked up, meeting Katja's gaze once more and wondering what she had made of the palette of emotions she'd displayed. "Why did you do it?" Raisa asked, voice surprisingly gentle, if stern. Revenge was no proper cause to steal children away from one's family, but if Katja thought she would kill her for it... Gods above, Raisa was no monster! "Talk" "You" Think

Anger flashed over the other female's face, and Katja accepted it as only her due - all unknowing that Raisa was actually angry at Valeriya - but kept her expression controlled. Raisa had made it clear that she didn't want Katja's obsequiousness and Katja was more than happy to retreat from the confusing morass of emotion for the moment. After an eternity Raisa returned her gaze to the viking and asked a very simple, very pointed question, though her voice was surprisingly gentle as she did. Why did she do it? Her muzzle rose slightly, her stance stiff and nearly militaristic - she would not show shame in this now, though vaguely formed hurt swirled beneath the surface in her certain knowledge that Raisa would not understand, would see what she'd done as... unworthy. "Pride," she hissed out. "I have no better reason to give you but the truth. It was injured pride and vengeance for what she'd done to myself and your children." She did not try to justify it, to explain about Kassander and Svet, to explain that she had not intended any harm to the Olympus children or that she'd intended to provide them training. They were excuses, little more than that. Raisa wasn't asking about her later justifications, she was asking why and Katja wouldn't lie to her - it was pride at the core of it. OOC: Crap post is crap but I wanted to continue it. Walk "Talk"

Katja bore her moment of indecision stoically, stiff and taciturn as if she expected the worst. Knowing her, she probably did. Her explanation left Raisa a bit wanting, but she did her best to understand despite this. Pride... Pride when the well-being of children was on the line... Raisa would not have acted this way, but it bore saying that Katja wasn't Raisa. Raisa was soft-hearted, when all was said and done. How was she to decide who was right in something like this? Two women so important to her, both thinking they are fighting for her children. Her fire and ice eyes squeezed shut, and her head began to ache. What was the world coming to...



Sucking in a slow, deep breath, Raisa squared her frame. She stood tall and a strong light came into her eyes. "The past is in the past," she intoned. "Neither you nor Virgil acted with honor, even if you thought your intentions to be for the betterment of the children. In all of this, it's they who suffered." She looked away and sighed. So much suffering in her circle. Perhaps she truly was cursed. "Now the time has come to set it right. I'll deal with Valeriya's negligence another time. First, I need to find Sigmarr and Sindri and bring them home. I'll start there." She allowed herself a long blink before turning to Koros. She found him looking at her with wide eyes, as if he'd seen a ghost. She narrowed her gaze, overcome with suspicion. "What on earth are you staring at?"



His mouth opened and closed several times, a bit like a fish out of water. She had to let go a frustrated sigh before he would force himself to speak. "F-forgive me, my lady. But do you realize you have been speaking this whole time?" Raisa nearly told him to stop with his jokes, to take this seriously, but the words froze in her throat. She'd been... what? Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped. In fact, her surprised was so great that quite ironically she could say nothing at all. Koros saw her trying to find the words to express her wonderment and his ears flattened. "Oh dear. Perhaps I shouldn't have said anything..." Raisa leveled him with a burning glare.

code by sam & image by lu