Walk | Talk | Think

Her body moved presumably of its own volition, carrying her as it tended to away from her den and her newest son toward the mimosa tree that grew above the fjord. It always managed to draw her toward it when things grew quiet and the numbness settled in, the spirit of her husband and the last location that they had shared the same space. A piece of herself had been lost that day too, and as if trying to find it and collect it Tahlia continued to seek out the place over and over again. Even when she had no energy to help herself, to watch her son grow, she still managed to find the energy to travel there. 

But this time felt different. Her legs, once lean and strong and quick, were weak and sluggish, her paws dragging over and through the snow and leaving behind a messy trench from her passing. A figure that had at one point been full and curvy was thin and frail, her appetite gone for so long that her stomach no longer complained to her about being empty. It was like somehow all of her had come to realize what was happening and accepted it, no longer fighting and trying to force her will to do something it no longer felt compelled to do. All except make the trek to her husband's tree. 

It was not a short journey but whether by sheer force of will or a strong habit that could not be deviated from for anything the black and russet wolf arrived. Pale, wintry clouds still covered the sky and blocked the sun from view, but day was still upon her, still so much time before night would fall. But a beautiful sunset was far from her mind and far from her reality. She paused once as she reached the tree and, as if momentarily coming out of her haze, let her golden, seeing and unseeing eyes travel from its tallest branches and toward its trunk, resting upon the nearly indiscernible bump in the snow that spoke of where her husband's vacated body had been buried. 

With the haze descending once again, Tahlia moved. Like she had done many times before, she walked with her new sluggish gait to the base of the tree, the spot as she recalled where her husband had spent the last moments of his life. With stumbling movements, she lowered herself down beside its trunk, her bony shoulder pressing against its bark and her necked stretched so that her chin rested on the snow. Both cloudy and clear eyes closed with a sigh as her body relaxed there in its customary place, feeling a strange moment of peace. He was not here but it was almost like she could feel him still lingering. It was where she reconnected with his memory easiest, and this time it felt stronger than ever. 

As often was the case, she felt no inclination to move, no desire to even cry or speak aloud to Bane's memory. She was only quiet in her reverie, slowly becoming lost in thoughts of days past, memories of when her family had been together and whole. It felt like such a long time ago, so far back that the images became more blurred with each recollection. But she wished more than anything for her husband, to see him, smell him, feel him beside her, to listen to his voice as he spoke her name. I miss you. I need you. The weakness of her failing body coupled with her worsening depression often resulted in bouts of unnecessary sleep, but this was no normal sleep that calmly, silently, settled its soothing touch over her weary body. In sleep she could alter her reality. In sleep there could be no sadness if she wished. In sleep she could revisit her husband. 

There was no fear as she slipped into her final slumber, no sense that her time had reached its end prematurely. She did not know that her body had been slowly shutting itself down or that it could finally function no longer, no consciousness of it as, after she drifted off, it did end up falling absolutely still there beside the tree, lifeless and empty. All she knew was that sleep called, and in her dreams everything was right with the world. 

-Exit Tahlia to Somnium-
 

Nako tried his best at being the new head of the family as the eldest son but it just felt off. Bane his father, was gone, and with it his mother's will to live. In it's place an almost frightening lack of care for the newborn Espirit and inattention to anything other than journeying to the mimosa tree to be with her husband. A frail and alarmingly thin she-wolf was in her place now, his two brothers minding her alongside their sisters. Tahlia needed... he honestly didn't know anymore. The adult wolf had been hit especially hard by the fact that he was the one to mind Bane in his elderly state and didn't notice anything wrong the day before he died. But then almost a month after his fathers death Espirit came into the world and his attention was diverted to trying to get Tahlia to eat if anything to just produce milk. A few carcasses were scattered around the fjord but Nako felt it unnecessary to rip off a hunk of meat, casting a glance up the hill to where Tahlia's den was.

Silhouetted against the pale clouds of winter the wolf saw a figure just crest the ridge out of sight. Dull russet and black of Tahlia's pelt. With a sigh Nako would decide that he would go get her, and at the very least force her to eat again now that she was by a kill with meat on it's bones. Travel up the hillside was difficult from the consistently deep levels of snow so it took some time. The bare mimosa tree was sighted, the wolf quickly trudging through the trench Tahlia had made. He saw her next to where his father was buried as he crested the ridge, a whine of sadness surfacing from his throat. Tahlia lay there, as still as good be. And as he drew closer, eyes searching her bony figure he realized that she had indeed moved on. Though not in body but in spirit. Having departed this world to find happiness with her lover.

"Mom." Nako sat back with a sniff as his throat tightened. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry mom. I wish I could say goodbye and that you'd hear me. I'm sorry I couldn't help you." The overall coolness of his mother as he nosed her cheek. The way her thin sides remained still. Two graves in two months. Nako a physical and emotional wreck as his paws scooped away the cold dirt at the base of the tree. She was laid as close as he dared to dig next to where Bane rested, putting his shoulder into the top of the dirt pile methodically until it she was covered and the surface evened out. Tahlia was buried next to the one she loved and lost. But now they could see each other again. At that thought Nako would feel a bit better, mind turning to little Espirit all alone in the den and mused if the babe would like to try some meat for the first time. Maybe surrogate him off to Destruction.

Walk | Talk | Think
 
Ever since Espirit had come into the world, Anais had felt her concern for her mother shift to the poor neglected babe. Hard as it was to admit to herself or to her siblings, the girl could see Tahlia had no interest in the child. Whether Espirit stayed within her den or was taken away, whether he cried to fed, to be loved, or was quiet either with contentedness or resignation, she did not seem to take  notice. To Anais it was like she lived apart from them within some hazy world all her own that was too far away for any of them to reach her, and not for lack of trying. And poor Espirit, she hated to think that he might believe their mother, who had always been so attentive to her earlier litters, might possibly care less for him, but more importantly she knew he needed someone to care for him as Tahlia should have. And with Tahlia showing less concern for anything by the day, Anais let her attention refocus on her baby brother. 

She tried to make up for whatever deficiencies were present in his life by stepping up and acting as a motherly figure. Lebrah was good practice, but he proved to be nothing like the freshly weaned pup that she had taken to caring for. It was a learning process for all involved, and she hoped she was doing at least a halfway decent job of it. She wished more with each day that Destruction might still have been around to speak with, to gauge from her what she was doing right, what she needed to improve upon. It was awkward and tiring and full of uncertainties, and without knowing how well she was doing it was stressful on top of it, but she continued to do it. Her lean legs brought her, as always, through the woods and towards her mother's den, intending to peek in and see whether her mother might be curious to sit with her and watch their sons play, but scents beyond the den's entrance warned her before she got too close that it was going to be empty. And she knew without needing to second guess it just where that den's occupant had gotten herself. 

With only a sigh, Anais altered course, drifting away from the den and further up the rise toward the tree her father was buried under. She found the tracks in the snow easily, noticed the second set that was her brother's, and followed with quiet and slow obedience, intending to help her sibling cajole their mother back into her den where she could be warm and safe. It was such a familiar routine for her that she thought nothing about it, and continued not to even as she reached the peak of the rise and found her brother there beside the tree, beside their mother. 

Only something was wrong. He was digging. She feared for half a second that he might have been possessed by some wild idea to uncover their father, that maybe even Tahlia might have put him up to it in her desperation to see her husband again, but in the next moment she realized the placement was off. Bane was not where Nako was digging, his grave was beside the spot the feathered wolf was digging at. A second...? It took only one look over toward her mother's still, thin, weak figure to understand. Her vision blurred upon a blink, the emotions striking her even more strongly this time around. Gone. They were both gone now. It was hardly imaginable that she could lose the both of them so quickly, that she and her siblings would never see them again in this lifetime. Though Nako possessed the strength to move, to act, Anais, in that moment, could not. While he worked, she cried quietly to herself as she sat within the snow and closed her eyes against the realities she could not change. 

She listened to the sounds of her brother as he moved snow, dirt, and eventually settled their mother's body into place before reversing the process. Only when she was sure her mother was buried, that it was all done, did she open her eyes and look toward Nako. Getting her paws beneath her, she walked toward him and pressed her face against his shoulder, sharing a moment of communal loss with him to comfort as well as be comforted in return. It was not fair, their losses, but it was what they had been dealt, as just as Nako had managed to keep moving she knew the same was going to be expected of her too. She took the needed moment to simply be with her grief before she tried to speak, her voice still compromised and breaking through her pain. "We need to tell the others," she stated needlessly, just needing something to say in order to get herself back to thinking again. It had been on her mind for a while, but now it seemed there was no more delay in the matter. "I'll move Espirit to my den with me and Lebrah." He would do well there, she hoped, under her watchful eye and with Lebrah's enthusiasm to remind them both what happy was. 

Satisfied with the decisions that had been made and with the important things tended to, Anais nuzzled Nako before drawing away from him and beginning to walk with him down the slope toward the fjord and their dens so that the unfortunate news could be delivered to the rest of their family. 

-Exit Anais and Nako and end thread-