LAUFEY vs VEREUX for RANK
ROUND ONE
LAUFEY:
8/10 for clarity:
- ”Laufey jutted the front of his shoulder further forward in the hopes of…” it may seem obvious in context but you never said which shoulder you are actually using to strike with -2
10/10 for powerplaying.
9/10 for defenses.
- ten defenses listed
- ”As his shoulder jutted forward, Laufey’s left forepaw rose” weight was not rebalanced -1
10/10 for attack.
- +3 shoulder attack (+1 severity for attempt to dislocate)
- +2 chest slam
- +2 paw slam (+1 for attempted severity)
- +3 bite (+1 grip attempt)
10 for injuries.
LAUFEY’S round one total: 47/50
VEREUX:
0/10 for clarity:
- ”Vereux pivoted on his limbs to his left” Which limbs? Hind? Front? This makes a big difference in a movement like this -1
- ”as Laufey hit his left shoulder near his jawline” near his jawline… where? Front? Back? Left side? Right? -1
- ”immense pain started up with the hit” but what damage was taken? Pain is relative, be more clear about the damage itself. -1
- ”Laufey’s chest came into contact with the rest of his body as the rest of the attack followed through” Where on Vereux did the attack make contact? What damage was done? -1
- ”luckily the male scooted his paw back previously” when did he do that? It was never stated. -1
- hit the right side of his shoulder sending pain shooting through his body” again, state the damage! -1
- ”attempting to wiggle his body backwards from Laufey’s jaws” … I’m not sure exactly what movement is being made here. Is he attempting to pull away? Walk backwards? -1
- ”aiming his jaws to hit the exposed left side of Laufey’s neck” where on his neck? -1
-
- ”Vereux used his body weight to attempt to slam his right shoulder into the front of Laufey’s throat” Where on the throat? This is a very large area. Be more specific. -1
- ”his left paw raised and aimed to kick” which left paw? Though it seems obvious in context, he has two left paws and it must be stated which one. -1
7/10 for powerplaying.
- ”aiming his jaws to hit the exposed left side of Laufey’s neck” you are assuming that Laufey’s neck is in fact exposed and that Laufey is not protecting it -1
- ”aimed to kick Laufey’s right forelimb in an attempt to kick the male off balance and make him tumble forward” these are extremely unrealistic expectations considering the size difference between the two characters and how weak a wolf’s forelegs are -2
9/10 for defenses.
- one point for each defence counted +10
- ”raising his body upward in that manner” failed to adjust balance leaving him vulnerable -1
3/10 for attack.
- +1 bite to neck (clarity/PP issues)
- +2 shoulder to throat (clarity issues
- +0 kick to foreleg (pp issues, ineffectual attack)
10/10 for injuries.
VEREUX’S round one total: 29/50
ROUND TWO
LAUFEY:
10/10 for clarity:
10/10 for powerplaying.
9/10 for defenses.
7/10 for attack.
- +2 right shoulder to left side of neck
- +2 left shoulder to center of throat
- +3 bite to neck (+1 for grip attempt)
5/10 for injuries.
- -1 mild bruises to left shoulder
- -2 moderate puncture wounds to left shoulder
- -1 modest bruise to lower left side of neck
- -1 modest bruise to left foreleg
LAUFEY’S round two total: 41/50
VEREUX:
6/10 for clarity:
- ”large right shoulder came to hit his snout” where on his snout? -1
- ”which was the same amount of pain as before” there is no damage stated here -1
- ”would grab only skin and scar tissue with fur” but what damage was done? There is still damage when a bite lands on skin and scar tissue -1
- Where on Laufey’s leg is he aiming his bite? -1
6/10 for powerplaying.
- there is way too much movement between Laufey’s chest strike and his shoulder strike, since they would have happened at the same time. Vereux would not have had time to move like that. -2
- ”and attempting to pull back vigorously” you are making an assumption here that his bite landed -1
- blocking a chest slam with your muzzle is not very realistic; vereux should not have been able to take a chest slam to his muzzle and keep it from hitting his neck. Wolf necks are not that strong, nor flexible to take a direct hit like that to the muzzle at that angle and the damage would have likely been more than just bruising -1
9/10 for defenses.
2/10 for attack.
- +2 bite to left front leg
3/10 for injuries.
- -3 shoulder to snout (no damage stated, severe bruising to muzzle and strained neck given by judge)
- -2 severe bruising to right side of muzzle
- -1 cut lip (added by judge because damage was not realistic)
- -1 minor puncture wounds (damage not stated, judge defined)
VEREUX’S round two total: 26/50
Totals:
LAUFEY: 88/100
VEREUX: 55/100
And the winner is...
LAUFEY! VEREUX must give up by either submitting, fleeing, or passing out.
Damage:
LAUFEY:
- I’m going to be bad and not bother because it’s been like a year IC...
VEREUX:
Notes:
Tips for writing and some suggestions. (no points are deducted here):
For LAZULI:
There wasn’t really anything to add that wasn’t already in the notes.
For RIV:
You need to work on clarity the most out of everything. Details, details, details! You need to specify where all the attacks are aimed, where you took damage, and how much damage. “The bite resulted in severe puncture wounds” is much more clear than “he was in severe pain” because pain is very, very subjective. Maybe Vereux doesn’t handle pain very well and they’re just minor bruises, or maybe he has ridiculous pain tolerance and there’s a gaping wound - you need to specify the actual damage. Also watch the efficiency of your attacks! Pay attention to the size differences and consider carefully whether an attack would actually do anything to a larger opponent - and catty remarks about whether the other player allowed the attack to land the way you’d wanted it to are not appreciated so be sure you aren’t adding any ooc commentary into the narrative. On a separate note, please make sure to proofread your fight posts before posting them. We don’t mark down your score for grammar, etc, but it can make it extremely hard to read when the post uses words incorrectly and there are sentence fragments everywhere - it is very confusing to follow as a judge and as a fellow fighter.
For both: everything else should be outlined in the judging itself. Sorry it took so long to post it.
- By Tealah
