- 2 “straight shot towards the smaller female” How much distance is between them? How much time does Esti have to react?
- 2 “Would align up the center of her chest” And what? Are you slamming? Chest bumping? What?
- 2 “Esti would jump to her right” How? Did you fix your stance afterwards?
- 2 “Amachi’s bite would miss, landing somewhere off to Esti’s right” Where exactly, we need to know where.
- 2 Not stating damage.
- 2 “Esti’s left shoulder” It’s actually her right
- 1 “Jaws would snap shut” you have to make it clear who you are referring too. Since they are both females you should use names as much as possible.
- 3 severe bruising to chest
-2 slight/moderate lacerations to right of neck
- 1 scratches to foreleg
Total: 4
Total for Round Two: 34/50
ESTI
CLARITY
- 2 “causing bruising on her shoulder” How much?
- 2 “As she attempted to push forward” Is this an attack in itself. Are you using your chest? What are you trying to make connection with on Amachi?
- 2 “She would keep her head straight and aim to grip and twist” My first read this was still the bear hug. I had no idea this was the jaws until several reads later. You need to be clear on this
Total: 4
POWERPLAY
- 2 grip and twist. This is a nested attack. You assume you have the grip in order to twist, which is a powerplay.
- 1 slight scratches to forelegs
- 2 moderate lacerations to right shoulder
Total: 7
Total for Round Two: 34 / 50
Totals:
AMACHI
34 + 40 = 74 / 100
ESTI
34 + 37 =71 / 100
And the winner is...
AMACHI
ESTI must give up by submitting, fleeing or passing out.
Damage:
AMACHI
Severe bruising to chest – 2 ooc weeks to fully heal
Slight/Moderate lacerations to right forelegs – 1 to 2 ooc weeks
Moderate lacerations along right of neck – 2 ooc weeks.
ESTI
Moderate bruising to right shoulder – 1 OOC week
Slight scratching to foreleg – 4 ooc days
Moderate lacerations to right shoulder – 2 ooc weeks
Notes:
Tips for writing and some suggestions. (no points are deducted here):
RIVS
Be wary of space between you and your opponent. Make it very very clear who you are referring too in your posts. More clear, concise detail would be awesome as well. Watch your defenses. They are EASY points.
IKO
You over explain things to the point of severe confusion. One sentence to explain something very clearly is better than 3. You lost a lot on clarity. Watch distance and explaining damage and what your attacks actually are.
BOTH
Guuuuuys. Wolf’s claws aren’t that sharp. They can’t really cut through a wolf’s skin. Be wary of realism with this. Your claws are not going to cause a lot of damage to your opponent. It may be a good distractant, but for experience fighters, a scratch to the leg is going to do nearly zilch. Don’t rely on it.
