- 3 “and the young man would push his body towards” As a counter this NEEDS to be clearer. I have no idea what’s happening. Bruising, what? Jaws? Wasn’t it a shoulder slam?
Total: 7
POWERPLAY
- 2 not stating damage / ignoring attacks. What happened to the shoulder hit? Did it miss? Did it hit somewhere else? Did it go off to Jupiter?
- 1 “Fate looked to rebalance himself” How? Go into detail. Be clear. What are you doing with your paws. Show don’t tell says the English teacher.
- 2 “tried to throw his weight” Exactly how? Are you shoving forward without moving? Or trying to spring forward?
- 2 “Shifted more to his side” Which side? Left right?
- 1 “Feli’s paw hit his upper right shoulder” I don’t understand how this is possible to be entirely honest
- 1 What happened to your previous bite exactly? Where did it go? Did it join the shoulder thrust to Jupiter? It just…vanished, no mention at all.
- 2 severe bruising to shoulder
- 2 Moderate punctures to neck
Total: 6
Total for Round Two: 31 / 50
FELI
CLARITY
-All clear!
Total: 10
POWERPLAY
- 2 “Félicien’s forepaw would hit Fate’s right fore chest before the shoulder, “ Fate said it hit his shoulder, you moved it to the chest.
- 2 “Tightening his grip on his cousin’s scruff” You must attempt this. You CANNOT just tighten your grip without attempting.
FATE must give up by submitting, fleeing or passing out.
Damage:
FATE
Severe bruising to right shoulder – 1.5 ooc weeks
Moderate punctures to scruff – 2 OOC weeks to fully heal
FELI
Moderate lacerations to shoulder – 2 OOC weeks
Moderate bruise to chest - 1 OOC weeks
Moderate lacerations to left foreleg – 2 OOC weeks
Notes:
Tips for writing and some suggestions. (no points are deducted here):
BOTH
Watch the defenses!! Wolves claws are not that sharp, you cannot cut through flesh that easily. They also aren’t that powerful, they can’t punch the way a human can so just hitting your paw against someone’s chest is not going to cause severe bruising.
TOOTH
Watch defenses. It’s best if they are BEFORE your attacks so you don’t give your opponent a window to your vitals. Also follow through with your attacks. If you have a grip you must say what you do with it. Be clear where you’re going and realistic with your damage and movements.
KENO
You have to make your counters very clear as they are naturally very confusing. Also watch for any PP, attempt your movements and keep an eye on where your opponent says your attack landed because…that’s where it landed, there’s really no changing it.
