- 2 “stalk forward and too the left” Who’s left? What’s the distance between them? Be clear so your opponent has time to react
- 2 “before lunging for his target” Where? How are you lunging?? Be clear
Total: 6
POWERPLAY
- 2 “Before lunging for his target” You must attempt these movements!
Total: 8
DEFENSES
+ 1 (stance) + 1 (tail) + 1 (ears) + 1 (knees)
Total: 4
ATTACK
+ 3 bite to neck
Total: 3
INJURIES
- Round 1!
Total: 10
Total for Round One: 31 / 50
AVALON
CLARITY
- 2 “teeth sunk into the fatty rolls on the side of her neck” Which side??
Total: 8
POWERPLAY
- 2 assumed success. You bear hugged then, assuming the attack landed, attempt to wrestle to the ground. This is a power play. If it were worded differently it might not be, but you should seek the hold and, IF it lands, then attempt the wrestle.
- 2 “hind legs were set for balance” How? Explain.
- 2 “So she couldn’t force him to the ground” How does lifting on hind legs possibly keep him from being wrestles to the ground by something larger than him?
Total: 6
POWERPLAY
- 2 “would push himself forward and up” Must attempt these movements
- 1 Forced is not an attempt word.
+ 2 pumble and scratches to ribcage
+ 3 grip attempt to right foreleg
Total: 5
INJURIES
- 1 mild lacerations to scruff
Total: 9
Total for Round Two: 29 / 50
AVALON
CLARITY
- 2 “She wouldn’t be quick enough” So did she follow through? Pull back? Not complete this movement?
Total: 8
POWERPLAY
- 2 “Her head would snake forward” with the forementioned move, you don’t give your opponent enough time to respond to your jaws. 1 movement/attack per bodypart.
- 2 “if he refused, then…” Nested attack.
- 1 mild lacerations to scruff
- 1 mild welts to underbelly
Total: 8
Total for Round Two: 36 / 50
ROUND THREE
RAVINE
CLARITY
- 2 “He would quickly back up to free his muzzle from her” How is this removing from her? It can’t be that easy and it’s borderline powerplay to just say she let go. You have to work for this freedom, shake your head or something.
- 2 “feel her teeth cut through the skin” How badly? Severe? Moderate? Did she puncture the nerves? Is it hard to breathe? By not outlining damage you give her or me the freedom too. Be specific!
Total: 6
POWERPLAY
- 0
Total: 10
DEFENSES
+ 1 (ears) + 1 (shoulders)
Total: 2
ATTACK
+ 2 headbutt to face!!
Total: 2
INJURIES
- 2 moderate lacerations to muzzle
Total: 8
Total for Round Three: 28 / 50
AVALON
CLARITY
- 2 “she would drop her own weight” How? Did she let go of him to fall? Is she pushing her weight down? How, exactly.
RAVINE must give up by submitting, fleeing or passing out.
Damage:
AVALON
Mild lacerations to side of neck – 1 OOC week
Milk laceration to scruff – 1 OOC week
Mild welts to belly – 4 OOC days
Light bruise to chest – 4 OOC days
RAVINE
Mild Lacerations to scruff – 1 OOC week
Moderate lacerations to muzzle – 1 to 2 OOC weeks
Notes:
Tips for writing and some suggestions. (no points are deducted here):
SECRET
Rememer your defenses! You lost a lot of points. Also you must attempt every movement/attacks and be clear where you are! Please read my notes above.
DRAGON
Be clear on your attacks! Don’t nest “if, then”. Also watch for assumed success. Be clear, and read my comments as well.
