- 2 “aiming to ram his body” what part? Could be his butt for all I know.
- 2 “Seek the femme’s throat” Be specific? What type of grip are you hoping for? Where are your teeth? Where exactly are you biting?
+ 2 body slam
+ 3 throat attempt
+ 1 severity
+ 1 paw stomp
Total: 7
INJURIES
- First Round!
Total: 10
Total for Round One: 43 / 50
CALYPSEI
CLARITY
- 1 “redistributing where she placed her weight and how she threw it around respectfully.” How exactly?
- 2 “hit her shoulder” Which?
- 2 “attempt to angle his maw upward so she’d try and get a nice grip on his neck” Is she? I can’t tell exactly, is she actually going for a throat attempt? Or is this a set up for next round?
- 1 what is the severity of the wound to her shoulder?
- 2 “he would feel slight pain as he begun to rise his right forleg upon his right left forepaw” …huh?
- 2 “shift his head so his neck muscles were more rigid” How exactly? Be specific with your movements.
- 1 did you receive any damage at all from the shoulder thrust? Some nose damage, hyper extension? Your teeth hurt? Anything?
Total: 5
POWERPLAY
- 2 ignored throat attempt. What happened to it exactly?
- 2 “tighten his grip” you must attempt these things! Even if it’s clenching your jaw, if it effects your opponent at all you must attempt.
- 1 mild bruising to toes
- 2 jaw over extension
- 3 grip to throat
Total: 4
Total for Round Two: 28 / 50
CALYPSEI
CLARITY
- 2 “her shoulder would was now..” is it severe? Moderate? I got the dimensions but an inch wound on one body part could be FAR more severe on another.
- 2 “turned her head” which way? How? Does she still have her grip? If she does this should be attempted as it has to do with him as well.
- 1 how is ears perked possibly a defence? He’s right there, it is quite possible for him to reach and snatch one of those right off her head.
- 2 “around his right leg to try and use it to help” How? Is she pulling? Playing patty cake?
Total: 3
POWERPLAY
- 2 “Instead she turned her head” from what I can tell you still have the throat grip. This must be attempted.
CALYPSEI must give up by submitting, fleeing or passing out. NAOISE may find another fight to participate in.
Damage:
NAOISE
Moderate lacerations to throat – 2 OOC weeks to fully heal. Seek a healer.
Minor bruising to toes – 4 OOC days. Tender to walk on.
Slight jaw overextension – 1 OOC weeks
CALYPSEI
Severe shoulder lacerations – 3 OOC weeks, will require a healer or severe scarring.
Notes:
Tips for writing and some suggestions. (no points are deducted here):
KENO
You lost quite a bit on clarity. Try and be as clear as possible what direction you’re going, where you’re turning, how you’re doing something. Also attempt grips and clenches, even if you already have the bite. Clarity is everything in spar posts so be absolutely positive we know what’s going on.
TOOTHLESS
You also lost a lot on clarity. Make absolutely sure you state exactly what you’re doing, exactly where you’re going and how. Make sure to outline wound severity as well. Dimensions are fine but, as I said, an inch could mean a lot or a little depending on where you’re being bitten. Also, make sure it’s absolutely clear what your attacks are, where you’re bitting and how. You were also lacking in defenses as well. This is a lot of easy points, and there’s really no reason not to get a 10 in every round. Everything is in my notes, really.
