Star Light, Star Bright
There was so much to think about now that her worries were out in the open. The silence that hung between them was almost tangible, perhaps she had said too much that he didn't understand, but she had explained in simplest form. Her own mind jumbled, and she hated that fact. She supposed it was due to her near sleepless nights, knowing that he was here and alive, but not with Her, sleeping in her den as mates should be...she felt lonely despite having found her mate. Why did life constantly throw her curve balls like this? She was tired of it...it left a bitter taste in her mouth.
His question caused her to raise her head, looking at him with sadness and confusion almost overwhelming her gaze. She thought hard about it, but it didn't take long. "Sonticus is my family. I have no intention of leaving without good reason." It was true, since she found the pack, she had found happiness. A purpose here. Arian needed her, the pack needed her. She couldn't leave...not as long as her insecurities drowned her. She wasn't sure what to make of all this, and as she listened to little Riv, her attention did not sway from what he said. Well, he was certainly smart...and observed a lot. More then she gave them credit for, but after this, all of that would change. She was glad to have smart nieces and nephews, their insight about the world would get them far.
In a way the boy was right. She loved Newol, of that she was sure. She had to find him, and that would be no trouble. He always hung around the territory that Surreal currently resided in, and her tail twitched at the thought. She knew they were close, but how close? Surreal did have a mate, yet Newol talked about her like she was a god or something. Did loyalty to her surpass loyalty to his mate? It made her wonder. "As far as I know, they're siblings or...something like that. But still..." She didn't know Surreal that well, if at all. But again, both she and Newol had been away from each other for far too long...was it possible he was taking her for granted? Should she have waited to get to know him better? His thoughts, his dreams before rushing into something and giving in to her heart too quickly? She didn't know.
She had a lot to think about after this night. Of that she was sure. She looked down at the child when he pressed against her chest, her foreleg lifting to settle upon his shoulders like a hug, fighting back the emotions and tears that threatened to take her. She took a deep and shaky breath to settle herself as he smiled then, nodding to say she wouldn't be going anywhere and that he was right. She had to hope for the best no matter what. But when he said that her mate could suck a stick, she gave a stern look, eyes replaced by a gentle humor. "That's not nice, Riv. But...I see where you're coming from. I must do what I need to, and if it fails...then I guess my heart led me the wrong way. Although I hope that's not the case. He makes me happy, just..." She trailed off for a moment. Just what? Was she afraid he would abandon her if he thought she was trying to control him? Of course. She didn't wish to control him, she wanted to support him and in turn wanted his support too. But what would that mean? She couldn't give up her life here for something that wasn't set in stone...she wouldn't. Sonticus was her home no matter what. It would be where her children would grow, and nobody would take them from her. |
